Layla – Present
Jacob parks on the curb outside Dad’s house. I feel a tug in my chest at the thought of not spending the night next to him. His hands been holding mine for most of the car ride, and he brings it to his mouth, kissing it before he kills the engine.
“Ready?”
“No.” I groan.
He grins at me, leaving a quick kiss on my cheek before opening his door. I look over my shoulder and watch him lift out my suitcase, setting it gently on the sidewalk.
He tugs the case along, his hand entwined with mine. He keeps pulling me in, kissing me, and I giggle on the way to the front door.
“I’m going to miss you tonight,” he says. “I got used to your snoring.”
I put my hand to his chest and nudge him. “I do not snore.”
He raises his eyebrow, arm low on my waist, gripping my hip. “No, you’re right, it’s more of a soft purr.” He laughs as he leans down, pressing his lips to mine.
The door swings open.
I push away from Jacob.
Dads arms are crossed, his head bowed down, brows furrowed. He moves aside, and my stomach drops.
“Gloria?”
She clutches the strap of her handbag on her shoulder.
“Over my son already, are you?” she snaps, pushing past both Dad and me on her way out.
I stand frozen. The air feels like it’s been punched from my lungs.
The way she looked at me. The way she shook her head as she passed.
It breathes life back into every fear I’ve had about Jacob, about letting myself feel something again.
“Gloria! Gloria, wait, please.” I run after her. Jacob follows, and I’m not sure how I feel about that.
She stops in front of Jacob’s truck.
“Please, let me explain.”
“The nerve you had to lecture me at Ben’s funeral!” She spits. She looks over my shoulder, straight at Jacob. “I came here to put things right between us, because that’s what my son would have wanted. And this is what I see when I do.”
Jacob moves in beside me.
“You can go to hell, Layla!” She sneers.
“Why don’t you stop yelling and let her talk?” Jacob says, and I wish he hadn’t.
The accusation in Gloria’s eyes, directed at both of us, makes me want to claw my own heart out.
“I don’t need her to talk. I’ve seen enough.” She glares at me. “You can send the money for my trip into my account.” Gloria strides across the road, gets into her car, and drives off, still shaking her head.
Jacob tries pulling me into his chest.
I push him away.
“Please don’t.”
“Layla—”
He doesn’t understand.
He reaches for me again.
“I can’t. I’m sorry, Jacob. I can’t do this.”
I’m biting my lip to stop the tears.
“This was a mistake. I’m sorry.”
I can’t believe I let myself think this was okay, that falling in love with someone else wouldn’t hurt Ben’s memory. I don’t care for Gloria, but I care that she left here thinking I didn’t love Ben. Because that’s not true.
I loved Ben with everything I had.
I still do.
I always will.
“So that’s it?”
He sounds angry, and I can’t deal with his emotions right now.
“I’m sorry.”
I’m crying as I’m step away from him.
“She wants you to leave, Jacob.”
Dad puts his arm around my shoulders.
I don’t want his comfort, but I know it’ll make Jacob leave.
And he does.
And he takes what’s left of my heart with him.
I walk upstairs into my room and stop the second I see a brown cardboard box open at the foot of the bed. The contents spilled out.
My journals.
I hear hurried footsteps coming up the stairs behind me.
“Dad?”
He leans his weight against the door frame. He isn’t speaking.
“Please tell me you didn’t read them.”
My eyes close. Tears fall.
“I didn’t have a choice.”
I run my fingers through my hair.
“You didn’t have a choice?” My voice breaks. “How dare you. You had no right!”
“I’m your father. Of course I have a right to know what’s going on in your life.
You wouldn’t talk to me. You wouldn’t tell me anything.
You’ve been here almost a year, and you’ve barely said a word.
You don’t get that option, Lays. You can’t come home after all these years and not explain yourself. ”
He runs his hand down his face and looks at me.
“Dammit, Layla. You’ve kept so much from me.”
“I wanted to keep it from you. That was my choice, not yours.” I blow out a frustrated breath. “Do something you’re good at and leave me alone.”
Why can’t he disappear when I need him to most?
He slams his fist against the door.
“You think I put you on that plane and never thought of you again? You think I wanted to send my only daughter away? I didn’t have a choice, Layla!”
“Choice?” My voice rises. “Have you even stopped to ask yourself why you did it? Because it sure as hell wasn’t for my benefit. I mean, look at me.”
Tears are falling fast.
“Everything I’ve ever done has been for you.”
“Stop lying to me!” I yell.
“You only care about your own reputation. If you cared about me, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, because you would have been there.
You would have listened instead of invading my privacy.
You would have believed me. You would have fought for me.
You wouldn’t have sent me away to live with a woman I barely knew.
You would have protected me. Instead, all you’ve ever done is hurt me. ”
“That’s not fair, Layla. I do care. You’re my daughter. of course I care, I love you.”
“Then where the hell were you?”
I’m screaming now. I’m crying so hard, and he’s looking at me with so much pity it makes me sick.
“Where were you when my heart was breaking? When I buried my husband? When I begged you to believe me that night? When you let Rhett hurt Jacob? Where were you then? Where were you when it mattered Dad?”
“I can’t change the past. But I am sorry for what you’ve gone through, losing your husband, Layla. When your mom left–”
“Don’t.”
I hold out a hand to stop him.
“Don’t even pretend to know how I feel about Ben’s death.
What you and mom had was not the same. You didn’t love her the way I loved Ben.
She didn’t love you the way Ben loved me.
She chose to leave. Ben didn’t. You have no idea how to love anyone.
So don’t stand there and try to sympathize with me. Because you can’t.”
He swallows hard. “You’re wrong, Lays. I love you. And I love Rhett.”
He presses his lips together, tilts his head like he’s weighing the weight of our words, and then he leaves.
I wait until I hear his feet hit the last step, and then I break.
I gather all my journals and shove them back into the box.
He’s read everything.
I’ve never felt so violated.
He knows everything.
All of it. Wide open. Raw. Unedited.
My life.
A life he gave up the right to be a part of the day he forced me to leave.
I crawl into bed and cry.
The sun moves around the room. I stay still.
I let the pain break me.
The look on Gloria’s face. Hurting Ben. Hurting Jacob.
“Jacob.”
I whisper his name.
And I cry harder.
I cry until there’s nothing left.
I thought I could do this.
I thought I could live.
But I can’t fight anymore.