Chapter 4 - Allison
“Perfect timing, Mrs. Crowder. We just got these pups back from their walks and they’re ready for their photo ops.” Paige gives me a friendly smile.
“It’s actually Campbell now.” I correct, politely.
“Congratulations.” She gives me a smile back that makes me stutter.
“E-excuse me?”
“Sorry. Are you not happy about it?” Her brow creases with worry. “I watched my parents go through a terrible divorce as a kid. It was hard but seeing how much happier my mom was made it worth it. You have a similar… glow.”
“Thanks... I think.” I crack a smile at the absurdity. “We have the players lined up and Emalyns doing the final touches for their outfits now. I believe she has her assistant photographer, Blake, helping today. It should move along rather quickly.”
We stand around and chat while Emalyn is fixing hair and directing Blake how she wants props turned and moved. I find out Paige is just a volunteer for the shelter and helping coordinate events like this heals her soul. Her words. She invites me to attend a class at her Pilates studio.
“It doesn’t matter how much time has passed, after having a baby, I will always say yes to a Pilates class. Which studio do you teach at?”
“I actually own Twist and Tone; it’s like five minutes from here.”
“No way! The one with the smoothie bar?” I nearly jumped up and down with enthusiasm. “I go there every Tuesday and Thursday! How have I never seen you there?!”
“I volunteer with animals on those days.” She grins, sharing in my excitement. We yap back and forth like old friends from there. At one point she’s smacking my arm as we giggle like schoolgirls. Until I catch Emalyn's eyebrows bouncing up and down at me from across the room.
She’s oiling up the men for the photos. Fitz just looks down at her with a flirty smile. She gives him a wink and immediately puts her professional mask back on.
Liam knows just as well as me and everyone else that Em and Ronan have been dancing around each other forever. She’s got it as bad for him as he does her, though she’d never admit it.
Ronan doesn’t know that though. That’s why he’s currently glaring daggers at Liam. Blake hesitantly grabs the bottle of oil, like he’s unsure if he is supposed to do the same as Em. Ronan snatches it from the lanky assistant and turns his glare on him instead.
I giggle until I see her move onto the next player in line.
Tate.
Ugh, why does this man have to not only be so fine but also do it right in front of my face? The audacity—he walks in like that, and my body wakes up in ways I haven’t felt in years.
Tate is in full costume for December. A Santa hat, snug fit Santa pants with his suspenders hanging and boots on his feet. The golden retriever pup lays lazily by his feet, gnawing on a toy.
A pang of something green and ugly hits me in the chest when he turns that smile on Em. She says something, and he just shakes his head. She says something else that makes him nod. I’m scowling at the back of her beautiful head before I catch myself.
He’s not mine.
He glances over the top of her head. I quickly glance away and pretend to be busy with Jordan’s pup.
“She’s a cutie. Maybe Alexis and I should get one to grow up with Rosie…” I don’t listen to the rest of what he says. He can gush about his girlfriend and three-month-old daughter for ages.
A few of the men on the team including Ryan are playing on the ground with their pups and getting content to promote the shelter on their individual social media.
I sneak a peek back at the defenseman. My cheeks burn when I realize he’s already looking at me. His smirk turns mischievous. My heart takes a tumble then starts beating on rapid fire. Still, his gaze holds me captive.
He locks eyes with me, tilts the bottle, and lets the oil streak down his chest. I inhale sharply when heat coils low in my belly.
I don’t look away.
I can’t.
Not when his other hand starts to rub the oil into his skin in circles across his chest. He lets his fingers drag lazily up and down his prominent abdominal muscles. He flexes and makes them ripple in a way that makes the room around me fade away.
I bite my lip as they toy with the waistband of his pants.
“For fucks sake, Bridges.” Ronan snaps from in front of his March props. He gingerly feeds the speckled dachshund another treat. “Cut it out before she faints and this whole event crashes into the ground.”
I blink rapidly, trying to catch the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.
“I didn’t know Emalyn had a boyfriend.” Tate squints past him. Ronan's head whips around so fast it makes my neck hurt.
“Oh, fuck off.” Ronan tuts when he sees Coach discussing the event with her as she cleans the oil from her hands with a rag. He has Ronan figured out. Hockey and Emalyn.
My boss, Andrew, standing near the entrance catches my eye. His eyes flick between Tate, then Ronan and back to me. Like he’s trying to solve a puzzle. Then he turns and leaves without a word.
What was he even doing down here at my event?
“Why are you holding the dog like that?”
“Like what?” Ronan side eyes Tate like he’s the crazy one. The weenie dog is cradled in his muscular arm like a baby. His little paws fold while Ronan feeds him treats one at a time with his other hand. I give her a little belly rub as he holds her. “Have you never had a dog?”
“Obviously I’ve had dogs. I grew up on a ranch. They slept on the porch and went swimming with us in the lake. I never held it like it was a baby.”
“Oh, I'm sorry poor Poppy isn’t farm dog material.” Ronan looks genuinely offended as he cradles the dog protectively away from Tate. He pets her head. “Don’t listen to that mean cowboy. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I would never make you sleep outside.”
To my surprise, Emalyn joins Ronan in showing the weenie dog affection and scowling at Tate. “What’d the little puppy wuppy ever do to you?”
Tate looks nothing short of bewildered. Paige meets my eyes with her own wide ones and rolls her lips.
“Aw, she’s just so pretty. I love the pattern on her coat.” Emalyn gushes over the puppy. “I wish I could get a puppy, but it doesn’t seem fair with all the traveling.”
“We could have split custody.” Ronan suggests with a shrug. As if he isn’t chomping at the bit to have any kind of tie to her.
“We travel at the same time though.” Emalyn shoots the idea down. “And I also shoot for magazines and stuff when I’m not here. I probably travel more than you do.”
“So, I’ll hire a full-time dog nanny.”
“Wait, is that a thing?”
I tune out of their ridiculous conversation as my phone rings. When I pull my phone out of my pocket, I'm already expecting the name displayed. TJ. I turn my back on the group and walk away from where the players are now posing for their shoots.
Holding the phone to my ear, I answer without bothering with the pleasantries.
“What do you want, TJ?” I hold in my sigh- barely. He feigns a cough.
He always does this.
Honestly, he’s no better at acting sick than Hudson is on test day. I can spot this little routine a mile away.
“I just wanted to check in and make sure you were able to get someone to fill my spot.” TJ keeps up the theatrics by making his voice sound strained and sickly. “I know no one else really wanted to participate in that thing.”
That thing being a project that reflects on my career, the team and the players. Not to mention the opportunity for those sweet animals to find a home and the shelter donations that would be flowing in. That wouldn’t matter to him.
He has no problem creating this facade and ruining everyone’s weekend plans and for what? So, he doesn’t have to pose for a few photos? It’s not like he isn’t doing it nearly every day for his own socials in the bathroom mirror.
“Yep, we actually had a few eager volunteers.” Just then Ryan and a few of the other guys not chosen to participate, cat call and cheer from the stands.
“Hell yes! Get it, Cowboy!”
I turn to see what the commotion is about. The guys are cheering Tate on as he waits in position with one Santa boot up on the stool, for Emalyn to get the shot. I shake my head in disbelief when he puts his hands behind his head and rolls his hips like he’s channelling his inner magic mike.
The stands go wild and some are recording on their phones.
That’ll be viral for sure.
He quickly gets back to the shoot with the pose Emalyn had him in, professionalism taking over. His eyes jump over to me. I swear I see an actual blush cross his cheeks when he realizes I was watching.
I fight back a smile.
“Allison? Did you hear me?” TJs voice is clearer now that he’s irritated.
“No, sorry, what?”
“I said I need you to take Hudson on my weekends for the next two weeks. There is just no way I could watch him while I feel this bad.” He explains.
I hear a giggle in the background.
“And next week? What’s the reason there?” I try to tamper down my impatience. I really do, but I feel the steam coming out of my ears. This could’ve been a text, but he wants to put on a show for whatever woman is in his bed currently.
“Well, I have plans. I’m going to catch a separate flight from the team plane and fly back Sunday night instead.”
“Okay. Why?” I intentionally put him on the spot.
“Oh, it’s just... something really important. Uh, sponsorship.” He says slowly. Obviously, he’s wanting someone on his end of the line to hear the double meaning. I don’t care to be a part of the foreplay.
“TJ.” It comes out as an exhausted sigh. “Why make up the excuses? If you’re not going to follow through on the plans you make with your son, why make them in the first place? It’s like you don’t even want to be his dad.”
“I mean… Shit, Allison.” I hear him tell the woman in his bed he’ll be right back, and the click of a door before his voice returns. “We were really young when we had him. We didn’t plan for it.”
His words cut me deep.
It was me that made the sacrifices though. I was the one who had to work to support us while he chased his college hockey career.
Sure, it paid off when he made it to the NHL, but I was alone in that marriage from the beginning.
My chest rises and falls heavily with each breath as his words throw a spark on the flame of rage I had kept buried.
“I just think I would have chosen differently if it had been my choice back then.”
“Neither of us chose to become parents in college, TJ. Are you kidding me? But I could never regret having Hudson.”
“Well… I do.”
What a douchebag. I can’t even fight the tears. They spill over and I curse myself for not wearing the waterproof mascara.
“Then let’s be done with it. You’re not making your child support and you’re not visiting. It’s hurting him more to know you and see you chose everything but him. He deserves more than that.”
“Of course, you’re going to make me the villain for telling you how I feel.”
“Because I just can’t believe it.” My breath comes out shaky.
“Look, just tell him I have work.” His voice is exasperated. “He wouldn’t hate me if you stopped poisoning him against me.”
“He doesn’t hate you. You just let him down at every turn and I won’t cover for you. I won’t foster any false hope.” I bite my lip to keep from crying. “You aren’t the one who has to watch him wait by the door for hours.”
He starts to say something else, but I pretend my boss is calling me and hang up.
I just start walking. I can’t stay here today after the bomb he just dropped on me.
I hadn’t realized he wished he’d never become a dad in the first place.
Why go through the pain of trying so hard for a second child, if you didn’t even want the first one?
My heels click at a brisk pace against the tile floor of the dimly lit hall. I let the heavy door slam shut behind me.
I wait until I'm in my car to let the sobs break free. I give myself five good minutes to let it all out. Hands gripping the steering wheel, forehead resting on my knuckles and mascara tears dripping onto my pantsuit.
I wipe my nose with a tissue and shoot off a text to explain my sudden absence. I’m still banking on the promotion.
Someone has to pay the bills and Hudson's hockey gear.
It’s just another reminder that I can’t depend on anyone else. And I hate that I ever let myself forget that.
I won’t let myself or Hudson be hurt like that again.