Chapter 16
CHAPTER
SIXTEEN
Elliott
Baylor runs from the truck to the house after I pick her up from school. She searches all the common rooms, and when there’s no sign of Emelia, she looks disappointed and retreats to play in her room.
I choose to ignore the pang of disappointment in my own chest that she’s not here. Emelia’s car is in the driveway, so I expected her to be here, but maybe she went on a walk or something.
Walking into the kitchen, I set the bag of food I picked up for tonight’s dinner on the counter by the sink. That’s when I hear her voice through the half-open kitchen window.
“I understand, sir, but the community needs some parameters in place, some reassurance that our goal is not to buy up properties around the lake—” She’s quiet, clearly listening to whatever the person on the other end of the line is saying. “I’m not sure that’s the best course of action.”
Silence again. I feel like an asshole for eavesdropping, but this is the future of my community, and any insight I can get into her plans is worth it.
“Yes, of course. I’ll see what I can do. I spoke to the town council members last week, but they’re going to take input from the citizens. What the townspeople think matters to them.”
She listens to the person on the other line again.
“I’d like to put those protections into place. I think it will go a long way toward getting everyone on board. At least consider it.”
She’s quiet again, for longer this time. Her boss, I’m assuming, isn’t agreeing.
“Yes, sir. I’ll have my next report for you next week. Have a good weekend.” She must hang up because I hear her blow out a breath, then she grumbles something I can’t make out.
That was not what I expected. Not at all. It almost sounded as though she was on my side. That she genuinely wants what’s best for Echo Lake.
Is it possible Emelia isn’t the underhanded, corporate mercenary I thought she was? Was I wrong about her?
It’s an uncomfortable truth that settles like a splinter in my chest. Because all those reasons I had to keep her at arm’s length despite my attraction now feel null and void, except for one—she’s leaving.
For the first time, it feels as if maybe I’m actually seeing her for who she is, and now it feels dangerous.
I hear the chair on the deck scrape back, and I blink, coming back to myself. I quickly pull some groceries from the bag on the counter, and by the time she walks into the kitchen through the sliding door, I’m already washing the potatoes in the sink.
“Hey, I’m just getting started on dinner. You in?”
“If that’s okay with you.”
I clear my throat. “Of course. I’d never hear the end of it from Baylor if I said anything otherwise.” I keep my voice light and casual, even if my mind is playing its own war.
She offers me a small smile. “I’m going to go say hello to her. I assume she’s in her room?”
I nod and turn my attention back to the sink, listening to her footsteps growing farther and farther away.
Once I hear her go into Baylor’s room, I can breathe again.
After I’ve gotten Baylor to sleep, I throw on a hoodie, grab a beer, and head out onto the dock to relax. There aren’t many nights left before it will be too cold to do this, so I like to enjoy them while I can.
It seems Emelia had the same idea because she’s snuggled up in one of the Adirondack chairs with a blanket and a glass of wine. A couple of weeks ago, I probably would have turned around the moment I saw her, but now the urge to retreat doesn’t come.
“Hey, mind if I join you?”
She must’ve heard me coming because she doesn’t startle at my voice. “’Course not.”
I could sit in one of the loungers on the other side of the deck. Instead, I sit in the Adirondack chair beside her.
Neither of us says anything at first. Emelia’s chin tilts up, face turned toward the stars, taking in the dark blanket of sparkles covering the sky, while I take in the curve of her neck and imagine pressing my lips there.
None of these are good signs.
I consider bringing up her conversation with what must have been her boss earlier but think better of it.
In the end, Emelia is the first to speak. “Baylor is really great, Elliott. She’s quite something.” She rolls her head and meets my gaze in the dark.
“She is, though I’m not sure how much credit I can take. I think she’s just built that way.” I take a pull from my beer.
Emelia shrugs. “I think you’re selling yourself short. I come from a big family with a lot of kids, and they don’t come out of the womb like her.”
We laugh quietly, and it grows quiet again for just long enough to feel a little awkward.
“Can I ask you something?” she asks. “And if you don’t want to talk about it, just say so, and I’ll drop the subject.”
My stomach twists because I think I might know where this conversation is headed. “Sure.”
“Where is her mother? I’m not trying to be nosy or anything.
I just got to thinking…now that I see Baylor more often because I’m living in the house, what happens if she mentions her in front of me?
I don’t know the situation—other than it seems like she doesn’t play an active role in her life—and I don’t want to say something wrong. ”
I scoff. “She doesn’t play any role in her life.” It’s impossible to keep the bitterness out of my voice.
“Can I ask what happened?” Emelia sips her wine, looking out at the lake.
I rub my palm on my jaw. “She left six months after Baylor was born.”
“Were you…in a relationship with her? Or was it…”
I arch an eyebrow. “A one-night stand?”
She nods.
“No, we were together. She’d moved here from Philly. Claimed she wanted to escape the grind of the city and wanted a fresh start and a slower pace. We were together for about a year when she got pregnant.”
“It wasn’t planned?” Emelia’s eyes catch the light in the moonlight, but I don’t get lost in them. Probably, she assumes I was an asshole to Kate like I’ve been to her.
“No.” I shake my head. “We were both shocked when she ended up pregnant because we’d been careful.” I run my hands through my hair. “I blame myself for her leaving.”
Emelia’s head tilts back as if I’ve surprised her. “How would you be to blame?”
“Once I knew we were going to have a baby, and even after Baylor was born, I became a little obsessed with the idea of providing for my family. I’d just bought the camp, and I was working hard to make it what it is, taking odd jobs to help pad our budget.
Sometimes I think I was so busy working to build a future for us that I didn’t take the time to notice that Kate wasn’t happy.
If I had, if I’d done something different, maybe I could have prevented her from wanting to leave. ”
Emelia’s lips twist, but she doesn’t say anything. I can tell she wants to, though.
“What?”
“Nothing.” She takes a large sip of her wine.
I lift my chin at her. “Say what you’re thinking.”
“I just think if a mother decides to leave her child behind, there’s something much bigger going on beyond her not being happy in the relationship. She could have just decided not to be with you anymore, but instead she abandoned her child.”
“Sometimes I worry that’s my fault too.”
“How so?” Concern shows in her eyes.
“When Kate found out she was pregnant, she didn’t want to have the baby at first. But I insisted she take some time to think about it before she terminated the pregnancy.
Painted this picture of the life we could have together as a family.
I don’t regret it—I never could. I wouldn’t give Baylor up for the world.
But sometimes I wonder if I’m the reason she went through with it, because she knew that for me, it wasn’t the end of the world.
It was just the start of a whole new world.
And if she just did it to make me happy. ”
“Elliott, maybe that factored into her decision, but I’m sure if she had the baby, it’s because she wanted to, at least on some level. It doesn’t sound like you coerced her, threatened her, or pressured her, right?” I shake my head, and she says, “Then you need to stop blaming yourself.”
“Looking back, I think she liked the idea of it more than anything. The reality left a lot to be desired for her.”
“Maybe so, but she wouldn’t be the first mother to find that parenting wasn’t what she expected. That doesn’t mean you abandon your child. That was her decision. And if she hasn’t returned or reached out in the years since, I’d say she must think she made the right one.”
“Maybe.” My chest tightens, the familiar ache settling there whenever the subject of Kate comes up.
Not because I’m still in love with her. That feeling died a bloody death the moment she abandoned our daughter.
But for Baylor, having to live with the fact that her mother chose not to be a part of her life.
She may not fully comprehend it now, but someday she will.
“Did she at least tell you she was leaving, or did she leave you a Dear John letter?”
“She told me. Sat me down one day and said she couldn’t do it anymore.
She wasn’t made to be a mother, and she wasn’t built to live in a small town.
Said she missed the city and the pace of her life there.
I was so angry with her. I’ve never felt that type of deep anger before in my life, which is saying something, but when she told me she was leaving us, I just…
couldn’t believe how selfish she was being.
I kept it in, though. I tried to fix it for my daughter.
I told Kate we could go to counseling together if it was about our relationship, told her I’d take over more of the duties with Baylor to give her some more downtime.
Hell, I even offered to move with her to Philly so we could be a family. She wasn’t interested in any of it.”
I was practically begging Kate not to go by the time she walked out the door, something that still stings my pride today. All she did was look back at me and tell me she was leaving anyway.
Everyone always leaves. You’d think I’d have figured that out by then.
“Maybe it’s better not to have your mom in your life if all she would do is resent you anyway. Baylor is lucky to have you, even if you’re the only parent she has. Anyone can see that.”
I bring my beer to my lips and say around it, “I try, I do. But I can’t be everything to her. That’s becoming more apparent the older she gets.”
Emelia tilts her head and looks at me thoughtfully. “I’m sure at some point someone special will come into your life. Maybe they’ll fill that role for Baylor.”
“Not likely.” I don’t expand on my thoughts. On the fact that I’ve vowed never to let someone into Baylor’s life who might decide to leave.
I know firsthand what that feels like, many times over. Baylor will already have enough to deal with, growing up knowing her mom left her. I won’t add another person to the mix who could do the same.
Emelia frowns. “Elliott, you deserve to be happy, to share your life with someone.”
A grunt is my only response, then I take a pull from my beer before standing. “Thanks for the chat.”
She looks as though she wants to say something more, but doesn’t.
I feel restless, edgy. I’m not pissed off that Emelia brought the subject up.
She’s right to have asked, so she knows what to say in case Baylor brings up the subject with her.
But every time I reflect on Kate’s decision, I can’t help but feel this way.
It inevitably brings up a lot of shit from my past.
“You should join us for poker tomorrow night.” The words slip past my lips before I can really consider them, but I find I don’t regret them. Besides, she’ll be here tomorrow night when everyone comes over. It would be rude not to invite her.
“Poker?”
I nod. “There’s a weekly game my uncle has been running for decades. It’s usually at Roy’s, but when I plan to participate, we move it over here. It’s just easier with Baylor if I can put her down in her own bed.”
“Are you sure you don’t mind?”
Her words seem to hang between us, and I think we both know that what she’s really asking is more than just whether I mind if she joins us for poker tomorrow, as though we’re silently establishing a kind of truce between us.
“I’m sure, yeah.”
She gives me a soft smile, then a nod.
I turn and make my way back to the house, trying not to think about the fact that I haven’t opened up like that to anyone in years, and how I chose the one person I supposedly don’t like to do it with.