Avalon
After easing Clarke into a seated position on the toilet, I turned on the bath water, letting it run over my wrists as it rose in temperature.
Behind me, I could hear her mumbling words to herself, just low enough to be out of earshot.
When I turned around, she was slowly rocking herself back and forth, running her hands up and down her legs; the dazed expression still covered her eyes, although she was slowly pulling herself from it.
Long, slow blinks, repetitive movements, and deep inhales of breath. I waited as she tried regulating herself and gathering her emotions until I was unable to continue watching her try and fail to calm herself.
“Let me,” I whispered, gently prying her fingers away from the buttons on her shirt. Her hands still shook, much less with anger than the fact that she was freezing. “I can do this, let me help.”
Without protest, Clarke lowered her hands and allowed me to unbutton and slip her arms free from her wet clothes. Before long she was standing naked, but this wasn’t the time to stand and stare at her.
Once the bathtub had filled with hot water, I poured some of the bath salts into it, figuring the lavender and herbal scents would soothe her enough so she could sleep.
With gentle hands and voice, I guided her into the water; she sank quickly to the bottom, her eyes almost immediately closing at the sudden warmth.
“God, this feels so nice,” Clarke breathed out, letting the water rise up to her chin. Her golden hair, now fully curled, floated around her like rays of the sun; the darkened lashes kissed the tops of her cheeks, and slowly but surely, the rosiness in her face returned.
I allowed myself to admire her natural beauty for just a moment before clearing my throat. Clarke opened her eyes and sat up, raising her knees to cover her chest.
“I’m going to give you a moment and find you some dry clothes,” I told her, quickly standing to my feet and reaching for the door.
“Join me.”
I froze, my hand inches above the handle. Join her? In the bathtub? The idea was tempting; the two of us alone with nothing but water between our bare skin.
But Melody was downstairs—
“Please,” her voice was much lower, softer. “I’d feel better with you here.”
There really was no other option or choice when she spoke like that. I’d do just about anything for her at this moment.
“Yeah, okay,” I nodded, combing my hands through my hair. “Okay, let me just go find some clothes and I’ll come right back.”
“Promise?” She asked.
“Pinky,” I answered.
Mrs. King kept spare clothes in the guest bedroom on the third floor, which was more of an attic than anything else, two pairs of cotton pajamas and several daisy print socks. Colton led me up the stairs and waited for me in the hall while I found bath towels and more salts.
The room he led me to was quaint with its usual King charm, although this one seemed to be a little more lived in than I had expected. The white linen sheets looked rumpled and slept in, the desk had crumpled sheets of paper strewn about, and a pair of slippers sat underneath the bed.
“Clarke likes to sleep here some days,” Colton said from his spot in the doorframe. “The ones when our mother is too exhausted to look after Melody.”
I ran my fingers over the soft pillows and imagined Clarke spending hours laying awake, just in case her sister needed her. How many times had she slept in this room only to be woken up to the sound of thrashing and screaming?
She had sacrificed so much of herself for her family, always taking the backseat in her own life. It didn’t seem fair or right in my mind, but it wasn’t as if I could tell her outright. It wouldn’t be my place, not now.
“Does she do it often? Sleep in here, I mean.” I moved from the bed and to the dresser where the pajamas were. Colton shrugged; he had taken off his hat so his brown curls sat on the top of his head in an unruly mess.
His hair wasn’t as curly as Clarke’s but it held a nice wave, as opposed to Melody’s bone straight hair. It was a similar color to his youngest sister, leaving Clarke and their father the only blondes of the family.
“More often than not,” was his simple reply. I nodded and reached for the clothes and bath salts; we walked down the hall and down the stairs in silence, but his hand on my shoulder stopped me before I reached the bottom step.
“I’m going to ask you something,” he began. “And I want you to answer as truthfully as you can.” Colton’s mouth was a thin line under his mustache and his brows covered much of his eyes.
I swallowed, feeling my stomach tighten and curl into a ball. “Okay.”
“What did you mean when you said Clarke needed to…release her anger?”
“Colton—“
“Just…answer, Avalon; she’s my sister and I’ve never seen her like that before.” He ran a hand over his face with a deep sigh. “She’s never been an affectionate or touchy person—there’s always a certain level of trust she needs to build with that person, but with you…”
I chewed on my lower lip, unsure how to tell Colton about this. He was right, Clarke was his sister but if she needed trust in order to allow this part of herself to be seen, him not knowing must mean he hadn’t earned that yet.
It felt deceitful to tell him; I had just gained Clarke’s trust myself and I was in no hurry to lose it.
“I’m sorry, Colton, but that’s something she’ll have to tell you herself.
” I hoped the sincerity in my voice would make him drop the topic and just wait until she found a way to tell him or just understand that maybe it would never be his place or right to know.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated before continuing down the stairs and into the bathroom.
He had to understand why I couldn’t tell him, even if he was her older brother or not. Clarke and I were finally heading in a positive direction despite the current circumstances; I wasn’t about to let anything jeopardize the progress we were making.
Pulling my phone from my back pocket, I quickly swiped to Jonas’ contact and hit call. I wasn’t at all surprised when he picked up on the second ring, despite the two hours difference between us.
“Avalon, what the hell?” His voice sounded sleepy like he had just been woken up. “Do you know what time it—“
“I need you to find the best oncologist in the state and put them on a plane, I don’t care how much it costs.” I interrupted, my eyes glancing to Melody’s door; she had stopped crying but every once in a while I heard her sniffle or moan in pain.
“Okay, first—what the fuck is going on?” Now he sounded more awake and alert. “Aren’t oncologists…cancer doctors? You don’t—“
“It’s not for me, I just need one here as soon as possible.” I tapped my foot anxiously. “It’s for Clarke’s kid sister; Jonas, it’s really bad out here and- and I feel helpless, like I’m just an added weight. I need to do something.”
I heard the sound of clicking keyboard keys and Jonas hummed in confirmation.
“Avalon, deep breaths; I will find the best oncologist in the whole goddamn country and fly them out, okay? I take it Clarke isn’t handling this well, she’ll need someone there for her—even if she doesn’t want to admit it. ”
God, I had so much to update him on but now was the least opportune moment; so instead, I thanked him and ended the call before finding my way back to the bathroom. Back to Clarke.