Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
“Bumblebee banana boats.” I blow a raspberry and laugh at my own joke. I don’t know how we started on this game of words that don’t work together except for their alliteration, but it’s something Allie and I always end up playing after a few drinks.
“By black bubbles!” Allie cries out and joins me laughing as she snuggles into a pillow.
We left the club and came back to Jack’s penthouse suite at the bougie hotel where talent and VIPs were put up for the award show.
Allie is curled up on the couch and I don’t think that girl is moving until the sun comes up.
The other people in our group filtered out in the last hour, but I’m more focused on one of my favorite treats that was sitting on the dining room table prior to our arrival.
I open another pink Starburst—my favorite flavor and the only color in the large bowl sitting in the center of the table—and play with the wrapper after popping it in my mouth.
“I thought you didn’t really eat sweets or junk food?
” I ask a very relaxed Jack who is sitting next to me at the dining room table.
“I don’t, but I figured you would want some munchies after performing and then a few cocktails.” Jack waves his hand like he didn’t just rock my world again. He knows my favorite candy and snacks? Since when? “?Tenía razón?” Was I right?
I smile as I respond in Spanish, “Sí, tenías razón.” Yes, you were right.
Having a brother that is over ten years older than me and an actual genius made it challenging at times for us to connect.
When I was four or five, I asked him to teach me Spanish after learning how to count to ten while watching a Sesame Street episode.
Learning different languages is a hobby of my brother’s and it’s something that brought us together, it became our thing.
Our mother always laughs and thinks we’re silly, and Rick hates it because he doesn’t understand the language, which makes me love the entire thing a little bit more.
“Come here, I want to show you something.” Jack nods to the balcony and I follow him before gasping at the amazing view of the city’s skyline.
“Whoa, this is amazing, Jack!” I shiver slightly as a few snowflakes fall, making it feel even more like a scene from a movie.
“It’s the best view in the city. Oh, shit, you’re freezing.
” Jack wraps his arm around me and pulls me to him.
I slide my hand on his chest and look into his steel-blue eyes.
I’ve never been this close to him, not like this, and I wish I was completely sober so I didn’t miss a thing, but then I wouldn’t have the liquid courage to do what I do next.
I surge up on my tiptoes and kiss the man that has been the star of my fantasies and dreams for fifteen years. Jack’s lips don’t move, and I am instantly mortified that I’ve ruined everything. I pull back as the blush floods my face. “I’m so sorry, Jack, I misread the—”
Jack has one hand around me, holding me close to him, and his other hand snakes up along my jaw as he pulls me back to meet him in a kiss that is straight out of one of my favorite romance novels.
This isn’t just a kiss—this is absolutely everything. I know he had a few drinks, but he isn’t that drunk, and also, I can deal with that tomorrow. Right now, I am going to let Jack Callahan kiss the ever-loving daylights out of me.
His lips are gentle but commanding as he brushes my lips with his tongue.
I open for him as he deepens the kiss, and my hands surge into his hair and hold on for dear life.
The falling snow only makes it feel even more like we are in our own bubble.
His hand around my waist pulls me closer to him so I’m flush against his entire body.
There are no expectations.
There are no friendships with my brother to worry about.
There are no demands of our careers.
It is just the two of us, and I want this moment to last forever.
He slows the kiss and softly nips at my lower lip, leaning his forehead against mine. “Shit. Tinsley, I’m—”
I shake my head. “Don’t. Please don’t ruin this moment.”
His eyes shutter briefly. “Okay, I just wanted to make sure I didn’t take that too far.”
I shake my head again, pleading with the universe and all the angels that he doesn’t already regret kissing me. “Not possible, Jack.”
His eyebrows shoot up at that as he leans back to look at my entire face. “Really?”
I nod and then my body betrays me and shivers from the cold, breaking the moment.
“I think we should continue this conversation maybe in the morning light, so we can be sure there isn’t any alcohol influencing the things either of us say.
Is that okay?” It doesn’t feel like a brush off, so I nod.
“Let’s get some sleep.” He takes my hand and my jaw drops. “Just sleep, Tinsley, I promise.”
What feels like moments later, I am living the dream. I’m wearing one of his shirts and snuggled into Jack’s bare chest. He kissed my forehead before falling asleep, but I can’t sleep. This man is everything and he is perfect.
And … I’m just me.
Jack hasn’t done anything to make me think he would agree, but all of Rick’s constant insults rear their ugly head, and the anxiety from earlier comes back tenfold.
What if my darkness has a negative impact on his life?
I can’t have Jack find out how weak I am, or even worse—what if he agreed with what Rick says about me?
I don’t think he would, but I also can’t survive finding out and taking that risk.
I allow myself to lie in his arms for a few more minutes. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so incredibly safe and treasured. As I take one final deep inhale of his scent, I know I will hold onto this memory for the rest of my life.
And I know I’ll live with wondering what could have been if only I were brave enough to show him all of me instead of being the coward that snuck out of his arms and tiptoed away, even if I wished with every single part of me that I could stay wrapped in his arms forever.
I grab a notebook from the desk before writing him a quick note that I leave on the front entry table so he won’t miss it.
I wake Allie and we tiptoe out of the suite, walking away from the only man I have ever wanted because I know that I wouldn’t survive his rejection.
The fantasy of him has to be enough when the reality of his rejection has the potential to utterly break me.
It’s almost five in the morning when we get to our rooms so we don’t bother with going to sleep; instead, Allie reads the situation like she always does and we pack, checking out of the hotel before six thirty in the morning and on our way to JFK to catch our rescheduled flights back to Orlando.
And away from the safety of Jack’s arms.