Chapter 26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
DECLAN
I’m going to be sick.
The kids fell asleep about half an hour ago, and I’ve been dragging my feet to get to bed. If I don’t tell her now and she finds out I waited more than a day to tell her, I’ll only make things worse.
I pause at the bottom of the steps. The kitchen has been scrubbed clean, the dusting done, and the dishes put away. There isn’t anything else for me to do to put this off.
I’m avoiding the look in her eyes.
I’m avoiding the tears I know will come.
The fight she’s going to give me.
I’m avoiding heartbreak for both of us. Because that’s what it’ll be.
I’m going to ask her to come with me, but I already know her answer.
But I have to ask. I’d never forgive myself if I didn't.
I take the steps slowly.
You love her.
She loves you.
You’ll make it work.
She values communication, and that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m not keeping things from her, so it will all work out.
“Finally,” her voice coos as I step into the room.
Ruby is lying on the bed in nothing but one of my shirts. She’s on her side, with the hem lifted just enough to show that she isn’t wearing anything underneath.
I swallow the dry lump in my throat.
“Come over here so I can tell you something.” Her smile is like a punch to the gut.
Whatever she’s going to tell me, I need to be sure I go first.
“So, I talked to Max about what you asked—”
“I need to move back to Chicago,” I say quietly, cutting her off.
That wasn’t how I planned for it to come out, but stalling didn’t feel right either.
“What?” Her voice is even quieter.
She pulls my shirt down over her body and slowly stands in front of me.
“My biggest client is … it’s complicated, and I’ve been working my ass off to close this deal. It’s become one big mess, and both of those things require me to be in Chicago full-time right now.”
She doesn't say anything, so I go on.
“I need to finish this deal. I have to.”
“Why?”
“Because I do.”
“I need to know why, Declan. You have to explain to me, or I can’t—”
“Because it’s why Susie’s mom left,” I cut her off.
“She left because I put more work into my company than I did for her, and she didn’t like that.
She left Susie because of me, Ruby, and if we don't close this deal, then Susie will have lost her mom for nothing. I don’t know if I can move on from the past if I don’t. ”
I drop to sit on the bed. I’ve never said that aloud before. “Part of me thought if I never told anyone, it wasn’t true. But it is.”
Ruby quickly comes to sit next to me, and she hugs me tight.
My heart sinks. This company has cost me so much already, and it’s about to cost me even more.
Ruby hand glides up and down my spine.
“I want you to stay here,” she admits. “Because I’m selfish and I don’t want to go a day without you.”
“I know. I want to stay, too. Maybe I will—”
“But you have to go, Declan.”
“What?” The tears in her eyes break me even more.
“You have to finish what you started. Not for Susie or me or anyone else—you have to do it for you. You’ll either regret it or always wonder, and I won’t be the reason for that.”
“Then come with me,” I say, cupping her face in my hands. “You and Max.”
“I can’t.” She breaks into a sob. “If I’m going to move on from the past, too, I can’t repeat it.”
I hold her through the tears. One slips from my eyes, but I swipe it before she can see it.
“I’m not leaving you forever. We can make this work until I figure things out.”
“No.”
My entire body rears back as if she slapped me.
“What?”
“I won’t do long distance.”
I shake my head. “Why not? This isn’t forever, I just need to go back and get a plan in place.”
She holds her head high and takes a deep breath.
“So when will you be back? And then when will your job take you away from me again? How many times will it happen?”
She’s right to ask me this.
“I don’t know.”
“And that’s why I won’t do it. It will only increase how much it hurts when we finally realize that one of us has to give up how far we’ve come. I won’t do that to myself or you, and I absolutely will not do that to Max or Susie.”
Shit.
“Ruby.” I reach for her, but she steps back. “I lo—”
“Don’t.” She sniffles. “Please don’t say it right now.”
I let my hand fall between us.
She’s right.
“When do you leave?” she asks.
“In two days.”
She wipes her tears away and nods.
“I think you should sleep in your own room tonight.”
“Ruby.”
“I’m sorry” is the last thing she says before she walks out of the room.
I knew this conversation wasn’t going to go well, but I didn't think it would crush me or be the end of us.
I blow out a breath.
How are we going to tell the kids?
Fuck.
There is no we.
Not anymore.