Chapter 25 Payton
PAYTON
Why did I smell motor oil and copper?
I tried to open my eyes, but they were stuck shut.
Pain lanced across the back of my neck and down my shoulders.
I took a slow, careful breath and assessed my body in the darkness. Aches and pains littered my limbs, but they all seemed functional.
I rolled my ankles, then my wrists. Functional.
I checked my major joints next.
My neck was the worst of them, and moving my head too far to one side caused pain to bloom across my temples.
A cold draft raced over my cheeks, and a warm vibration beneath my spine contrasted the sensation.
I slowed my racing heart and tried to focus. What happened? Where was I?
Sounds clarified, and I realized I was in a vehicle.
The sounds I heard was an engine thrumming and tires rolling across pavement.
Panic flared hot and bright.
Had I been kidnapped again? Was that why my head hurt?
I raised my hand. No restraints. That was good, right?
A clicking sound speared my tender ears, and the low hum of a staticky radio station filled the silence.
I forced my eyes open.
My body was stretched out across the backseat of a car.
Windows at my head and feet showed sunlight, and thick evergreen trees that were covered in snow.
The car’s interior gave off a subtle leather aroma when I pushed my hand into the seat and lifted my torso.
The lining across the roof had fallen off at some point and been tacked into place with tiny staples.
What surprised me the most was how clean everything looked.
No garbage littered the floorboard.
No dirt showed on the seat, except what had fallen off my boots.
My head had been cushioned on a thick winter coat that smelled like mint.
My stomach gave an unsteady lurch when I pushed all the way upright.
I caught a man’s gaze in the rearview mirror.
His lips were pressed in a thin, flat line.
I recognized him.
The thought clarified several of my questions at once.
Tucker Cameron, Reed’s father, drove us along a winding road.
He broke eye contact and stared ahead, both hands fisted tightly around the wheel.
Where were Mav, Reed, and Tarron?
I opened my mouth to ask, and it came back to me in a flash of pain that cleaved my body down the middle.
My heart stopped, the pain so devastating I lost the will for it to resume.
“Where do you think you’re taking me?” The question came out harsh and accusing. “You should have left me there.” Left me to die with them.
I’d never been cavalier with my life, but going on without them was an impossible task.
Tucker’s grip on the wheel tightened, the twisting motion causing the leather wheel cover to creak.
The grim lines of his face came into full view when I scooted to the middle of the seat and leaned forward.
Grief deepened every line and caused his face to morph into something so desperate that it almost eclipsed my pain.
His silent grief leaked out when he answered me in a flat monotone. “They told me to get you to safety.” He took a breath. “That’s what I’m going to do.”
An argument built up in me. I held it back. No matter how much grief I harbored, I hated to add to his while he fulfilled his son’s last wish.
Nausea clenched my stomach into knots.
I rested my elbows on the edges of the two front seats and stared into the distance, hoping that watching the horizon might help me ask the question scraping me raw.
I knew the answer, but I had to hear it. I had to hear the words spoken out loud. “What happened to them?”
Tucker’s throat bobbed several times, the sound of his ragged breaths harsh and unforgiving. “No one near the cabin would have survived that blast.” He released one hand from the wheel and pawed his face.
Red rimmed his eyes and he scrubbed at them with the back of his hand.
I barely recognized the words. I’d expected them, needed to hear them, but now that they were out in the world, I wished I’d waited to ask.
“They’re gone. All gone.” He punched the dash. “My son is dead.”
Because of me.
I wrapped both arms over my stomach and rocked.
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
It was supposed to be soothing.
It did nothing except make the nausea worse.
Great, wracking sobs shook my entire body. I covered my face with my hands and let the tears carry me away.
Nothing could ease the pain their deaths brought.
A crushing sense of loss took me.
I tried to breathe, but the air stuck in my throat, coming out in a harsh exhale that ended in a gasping sob.
Tears and snot mingled, and I didn’t care. Nothing mattered anymore.
Tucker pressed a handkerchief into my lap and patted my knee. “You’ll be home soon. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s my fault.” I tried to look at him, to convey my sorrow. “I’m sorry, Tucker. He died because of me.”
“He died taking care of someone he loved. There is no greater honor for men like my Reed. He’d do it all again if it meant you made it out.” He concentrated on the road. Silent tears slipped down his cheeks. He stopped trying to scrub them away and let them fall.
We mourned together, our shared grief so profound we created our own world of pain.
Tucker turned the wheel and drove into what looked to be an abandoned parking lot.
A single light shone from behind a low brick building painted as gray as the world around us.
Tucker headed toward it. He’d stopped crying and dried his face on his sleeve, giving me a watery smile as we rounded the corner of the building and Dad’s plane came into view.
Dad stepped out of the building. Hands in his suit pockets, his hair perfectly groomed, he looked like he was headed to a board meeting.
Tucker stopped the car and stepped out. “Afternoon, Mr. Rivers.”
Dad’s expression tightened. “Who are you?”
“I’m Reed’s father.” He took a few steps forward, hands up in a way that made Dad’s tense posture relax. “I would have called to update you on the change in plans, but we hit an unexpected hurdle.”
“Dad.” I climbed out of the car and rushed forward.
My legs were stiff from being in the car so long with them bent at odd angles.
Every thudding step sent pain spiking into my head.
It radiated into my eyes and my limbs trembled. Shock.
I’d never experienced it, but I’d read up on it before leaving for Alaska.
Dad rushed forward, catching me when I tripped over my own feet. “What happened?”
“Too much.” I held on to him like my life depended on it. “Tucker saved my life. They all did.”
Dad patted my back and stuck out his hand toward Tucker.
“Thank you. I wasn’t sure what I was facing when you pulled up. Thought maybe those men had kidnapped her again.”
“Not under my watch.” Tucker sounded so much like Reed that my bones turned soft.
I tried to stand up straight, but my knees buckled. “You hired the best men for the job. I’m sorry to have to tell you that all three men perished while performing their duty to protect your daughter.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I liked them.” That was high praise coming from the man who disliked everyone except me.
Dad swept me into his arms, the look on his face so tender it took me back to my childhood. “You’re okay now. You’re safe.”
Safe. What did that even mean when I’d lost everything?
“Do you need us to take you somewhere?” Dad turned his attention back to Tucker.
Tucker shook his head and shoved his hands into his pockets. “No, sir. I appreciate the offer, but there’s some things I need to take care of here.”
Like going back for Reed’s body. I struggled in Dad’s arms, and he lowered my feet to the frozen asphalt. “Tucker?”
He shifted to look at me. “I’ll take care of everything, Payton.”
“Will you…will you let me know…” I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t ask him to tell me where they were buried.
“Of course.” Tucker held out his arms, and I hugged him, putting all my sorrow into the embrace. “Take care of yourself, kiddo.” He gripped my shoulders and ducked to stare into my eyes. “You do that for him. For all of them.”
“Okay.” I promised because he needed to hear it. I gave him one last hug and walked backward toward Dad.
Tucker turned away.
His shoulders bunched toward his ears, and his head fell forward.
A single cloud of air burst from his lips.
I fisted my hand and raised it to my mouth, biting hard into the knuckle to keep from screaming. My teeth broke the skin, and even then, I didn’t stop.
Dad took my hand and led me up the steps and into the plane.
He talked to me, but I heard nothing.
Once he realized I wasn’t going to respond, he settled me in one of the leather chairs and retreated to the cockpit. Minutes later, he snapped my seatbelt in place and took the chair across from me.
I stared out the window.
Trees blurred past as the plane moved into position.
Seconds turned into minutes and then into hours.
We flew high into the clouds, and it was so beautiful. Too beautiful. How did the whole world not mourn the way I did? How dare the clouds be so beautiful and perfect?
“Everything will be all right.” Dad took my hand and held it between his.
I’d kept my fists clenched the entire flight. Blood dotted my knuckles where I’d bit them.
Worry creased a double line across his forehead. “I’m sorry, Payton.”
“Me too, Dad. Me too.”
“I’m here when you want to talk.” He handed me a glass of water as we began our descent. “About everything. From how you talked with Tucker, I’m in the dark about some things. I’d like to understand what happened.”
How did I even tell him that I’d fallen in love with the three men who’d rescued me?
How would I ever be okay again when I’d loved and lost them within the space of a few weeks?