Epilogue Payton
The Christmas tree shone bright against the soft beige walls, the luminescent bulbs twinkling in a steady cascade that drew my eyes to the shatterproof ornaments we’d spent an entire day placing on the tree.
To my shock, all three of my burly ex-soldiers had a sentimental side.
When I’d mentioned ornaments for the tree, they’d ducked their heads, shuffled their feet, and admitted they had a few they’d collected since they were kids.
I’d fallen even harder in love with them when they pulled out wooden boxes full of handmade ornaments from their childhoods.
The mix of old and new on the tree limbs brought a rush of nostalgia and dreams for our futures.
I skimmed my fingers over the branches and tapped one of the silver bells from Reed’s stash of ornaments.
His creativity had made a huge appearance six months ago when we decided to redo the entire apartment before our daughter’s arrival.
Mav liked a simplistic style, and Reed liked a bit more flamboyance.
Tarron was in between, with an eye for functional but pleasing lines and colors.
What had been a stark and militaristic apartment turned into a home full of life and color.
Dad rocked Hannah in the crook of his arm and kissed her chubby cheek.
My baby girl squealed and giggled, twisting away from him and making grabby hands at the tree.
Dad chuckled. “No, ma’am. You’re not allowed to eat any more tree limbs.” He shimmied side to side in the universal baby-rocking motion that soothed and comforted. “You are the sweetest little thing, aside from your mama, of course.”
“It’s okay, Dad. You’re right. She’s the sweetest.” I lifted the glass of water Reed pressed into my hand and took a long drink.
Giving birth to Hannah was one of the single most amazing experiences of my life. “This last year has been incredible. The nurses told me what to expect. I came home prepared for late nights and crying, but Hannah has been amazing.”
She’d started sleeping through the night at four months, and even before then, we’d rotated through the night shifts so that no one grew too exhausted.
Reed, Tarron, and Mav doted on Hannah. And me.
Their love had not shrunk since having Hannah.
If anything, they loved me more than ever.
We couldn’t get enough of each other, often falling into bed together as soon as Hannah drifted off to sleep.
Just last night, we’d tried a new position that made me sweat just thinking about how hard they’d made me come.
We were insatiable in the bedroom and so full of love through every moment of the day.
Hannah grunted and waved her clenched fists in the air.
The cute Christmas blanket tucked around her face crumpled when she sucked on her fist.
Dad tucked her deeper into the crook of his arm. “Can I feed her?”
“Sure.” I motioned toward the kitchen. “There are bottles in there. You’ll just need to heat it up a bit in the warmer.”
Even though I was breastfeeding, I’d been pumping too, so Mav, Tarron, and Reed could feed her as well.
Mav handed Dad a drink. “You want me to take her?”
“Over my dead body. It’s been years since I got to do this.” Dad snorted when Mav’s eyes shot wide and he clasped a hand over his heart like he’d been mortally wounded. “Yeah, having a kid has been good for you.” He inclined his head toward me. “And you’ve all been wonderful for my Payton.”
“It’s all her.” Reed draped an arm behind my back and set his hand on my hip. “She’s taught us how to linger in the moment. Before, we didn’t think we had a future. We had to fight for every memory, for every day.”
“A few trips to the beach, the mountains, and the pyramids, and now you actually have plans for family vacations until Hannah graduates.”
I patted Reed’s chest and took another drink of my water.
I’d had to increase my daily intake as I nursed Hannah, and now I’d become so accustomed to walking around with a glass at all times that I barely noticed.
Mav raised his glass in a toast. “To the future.”
“The future.” I tapped my glass against his. “To years of Christmases together.” To family and maybe more children. To life and love and excitement.
There was always excitement with my three men.
“To Christmas,” Dad added his glass to the mix before heading to the kitchen to grab Hannah’s bottle. “How did your last mission go?”
“Perfect.” Mav burst into details about the recon mission he’d performed for a local agency.
They’d needed information, and Mav and Reed had taken off to Manhattan for a week.
They’d come home exhausted and thrilled with how the job ended.
I knew the day would come when they’d have to take on another dangerous mission.
I didn’t let myself think about it too much.
Saving people was part of their DNA.
Asking them to give it up would be like them telling me I could never travel again.
We learned how to make it work.
“Speaking of presents,” Tarron interrupted the flow of conversation.
Reed sputtered with laughter. “Man, no one was talking about presents.”
“I know.” Tarron bent and opened the child-proof drawer on the new side table I’d ordered a few months ago.
The piece was sturdy enough to survive Hannah’s toddler years and gave us a place to store a few things.
Tarron withdrew an envelope and held it out to me. “Merry Christmas.”
“I thought we were doing our presents tomorrow.” I had a few under the tree for each of them, but the main one was hidden upstairs under our bed.
We’d consolidated bedrooms, creating one big enough for all four of us and converting the other to Hannah’s room.
The slinky lingerie wasn’t needed, but I had a few ideas for tomorrow night that sent my pulse skittering beneath my skin.
Tarron took in my flushed cheeks and a wicked grin flashed. “We’ll get to that.” He extended the envelope. “This is from us.”
I tore into the thick paper and extracted a single sheet of stationery. I read it quickly, then looked up in confusion. “A cruise to Alaska?”
“You said you wanted to go back with us, but in a different way.” Mav rolled his shoulders.
I’d learned that meant he wasn’t sure what to do, or if he’d done something wrong.
I leaped toward him, dragging Reed and Tarron in at the same time for a giant hug. “You’re all amazing. This is perfect.”
Tucker clapped from the kitchen. “Food’s ready.”
“Be right there, Dad.” Reed kissed my cheek, looked up, and wiggled his eyebrows. “Mistletoe, Payton. You know what that means.”
I didn’t have to answer.
Instead, I kissed him, telling him with my lips all the things that I had no words to express.
When I ended the kiss, he smiled goofily and brushed his nose alongside mine.
“More of that later.” He guided me over to Tarron and went to talk to Tucker.
The poor man had been beside himself when Reed called after they’d reached safety.
Their reunion the day after they rescued me the second time had been so full of tears and emotions that we’d all been emotionally devastated by the time they worked through it all.
Seeing them together reminded me of the good that I’d experienced while in Alaska.
I wanted that again.
Alaska was an incredible place, and I hated to give Jack power over where I chose to visit. I’d been in counseling for almost a year, and my therapist had helped me work through the worst of my anxiety.
I held the letter explaining our cruise to my chest. “This really is perfect.”
“We thought so.” Tarron hooked his arms around my waist and rocked us side to side in time with the Christmas music Reed was playing through the Bluetooth speaker in front of the television. “We love you, and we’ll do anything for you.”
“I feel the same way.” I kissed him, too.
Everyone here knew and accepted our relationship.
We had nothing to hide and nothing to fear.
Tarron’s arms were warm and comfortable.
He held me gently, like I was precious.
The low hum of conversation moved around us.
I let it shift and change, content to stay in Tarron’s arms and kiss him until I was forced to stop and take a breath.
He brought me in close to his chest and whispered in my ear. “I love you more than life, Payton.”
I clung to him, understanding his meaning even if the way he said it brought up the reminder that I’d almost lost them. “I’d rather go skinny dipping in Alaska than lose you.”
He kissed me again. “The future is a gorgeous thing, all because of you.” He took a step back and angled his head toward Mav.
I understood the unspoken meaning.
The trip had been Mav’s idea.
He didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.
Too bad. I leaped into his arms, forcing him to catch me.
He took a step backward, moving us into a shadowed corner out of sight of the family and friends who’d joined us for our first Christmas dinner.
“Thank you.” I played with the strands of hair at his temples. “You’ve always been there for me, listening to me and understanding that I can’t let what happened control where I go next.”
His gray eyes turned stormy. “If I could take it all away, I would. I’d strip you of those memories so you never had to face a second of fear.”
“I don’t need the memories to go away. I have more good memories in Alaska than I have bad ones. I met you, Reed, and Tarron there. It will always be special to me.” I pressed against him. “All I need is my family.”
“We’re here.” The dark torment in his eyes eased. “We’re always here for you.” He kissed me, taking charge of the moment in his usual way.
I loved them so much.
I’d tried to tell them, tried to show them.
I would have worried they didn’t understand, but they loved me just as much.
And we all loved our daughter.
Hannah finished her bottle, and Dad propped her on his shoulder, patting and rubbing her back until she burped.
We made our way to the kitchen and joined the rest of our guests.
Lisa sat beside Tucker, who entertained her with stories of things he’d seen during his younger years in Alaska.
Lisa listened, nodding and asking questions that had Tucker leaning in close to explain in greater detail.
Reed, Mav, and Tarron sat beside me, the four of us taking up one side of the table.
A year ago, I’d been trapped in a cabin with them.
This year, we were surrounded by people who loved us, and we had each other.
We had the love and family we’d always wanted.
When people talked about falling in love, they mentioned being head over heels.
I’d never really thought about it before, but it made sense as I looked at Tarron, then Mav, and finally Reed.
My vision narrowed, my heart raced, and my skin flushed.
They made me feel like I was floating, like I might never touch down on solid ground again.
No matter where life led us next, it would be full of excitement.
Adventure.
I loved every moment of our lives. I was in no hurry to speed things up.
Love existed in the tiny moments as well as the big ones.