Chapter 5
Chapter five
Helen
My shift ended hours ago, yet here I sit watching Teddy breathe. The monitor hums beside me, its steady sound the only reassurance I have that he’s still with me. Still alive.
I had only stepped away once, in the beginning, to make a phone call I dreaded. The one to his sister, my friend Gwen. She’s an ER doctor, like me, so as the phone rang I sent up a prayer that I wasn’t waking her after a long shift in the hospital.
She’d answered on the third ring, sounding harried. She’s been stretched thin recently, something I’ve noticed during our near-weekly phone calls. I met her less than a year ago at a medical conference we both attended, but somehow Gwen’s become my best friend.
That’s not saying much, though.
I don’t have many friends. Never have.
“Hey,” she’d said, then cracked a yawn so big I heard it over the thousands of miles that separated us, with her in New York and me in Los Angeles. “How’s it going?”
I’d evaded that question with one of my own. “How’s Carter doing?”
Gwen’s sweet four-month-old baby has been sickly, plagued with terrible ear and throat infections.
Add in his infant reflux, and the poor thing has a hard time putting on weight.
In these situations, being a doctor is more of a burden than a blessing.
It means there’s no blissful ignorance. Gwen the mother and Gwen the doctor both know that if Carter doesn’t turn things around soon, he’ll end up with a tube down his nose and into his stomach to force feed him.
“Not great,” Gwen had admitted. “Another double ear infection. They’re finally listening to me and putting in ear tubes tomorrow. He’s young to get them, but I’m so tired of the constant antibiotics.”
“It’s good they’re doing something.” Gwen had been advocating for her son to get that treatment for a while now. “How about you?” I had asked, buying myself time to build the courage to tell her why I’ve called her in the first place. “Are you getting any sleep?”
“Caleb’s been great, thank goodness. He gets up with Carter more than I do, even gives him his two a.m. feeding.
” Her voice softened, rich with affection, and for a second I wondered what that would be like.
To have someone to love. Someone who shows up for you in the middle of the night without being asked, simply because they want to be there, to support you.
“I don’t know what I’d do without him,” Gwen had said. Even with all her stress, I could hear the smile in her voice. “He’s such a wonderful father.”
Anxiety had stirred in my stomach. I hated to add to her troubles. “I’m glad you have Caleb. Is he there now?” I asked cautiously. I didn’t want Gwen to be alone with the bombshell I was about to drop.
A less-astute person would have missed the warning in my question, but not Gwen. She’s used to bad news more than most people, having lost her father to colon cancer when he was only forty-five.
“Caleb’s in the next room trying to get Carter to eat his breakfast. Why?”
“I don’t want to freak you out, but I’m not just calling to say hi,” I’d said, wanting to ease into this conversation.
“Okay?” She dragged out the word.
“Teddy’s here at my hospital.”
“Like…he’s visiting you?”
Gwen’s question made my cheeks warm. I’m not sure if she knows about what happened between Teddy and me on her wedding night.
I’ve almost confessed multiple times but never found the right way to say, “I had a one-night stand with your baby brother and then he never talked to me again.” Partly I don’t want to tattle-tell on Teddy.
Partly, I don’t want to admit to Gwen how I still think about that night way too often.
It’s too awkward, too embarrassing, to discuss.
Even if she did know, what would she think? I’m thirty-two. Teddy’s twenty-six. Would she assume I took advantage of him? The idea is laughable since Teddy’s far more experienced than I am. A fact he proved—repeatedly—that night.
“No.” I’d swallowed down my nerves. As an ER doctor, I’m used to having difficult conversations with patients and their families, but this time was different, more personal. “He was brought in by ambulance. He’d been surfing at night and almost drowned.”
The words came out fast, but Gwen was faster.
“Is he alive? Because if so, I’m going to kill him!” For a moment, I almost felt sorry for Teddy. He’s earned the tongue lashing his sister will give him, but still, I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of it.
“Why would he do something so stupid? Was he drunk?” In a more strained whisper, Gwen had asked, “Was he high? Is he using drugs, Helen?” Her voice had strangled on those last words.
“We got the tox screen back. He’d been drinking, and there was THC in his system, but that was it. No opioids. Nothing harder.”
“So he drank and smoked pot.” I could practically hear her shaking her head through the phone line. “Yep. He’s officially a dead man. What’s his condition now?”
“In the ICU, but it’s just a precaution since he was hypothermic. He should get moved to the regular medical floor tomorrow. He’s got a bunch of fractured ribs. I’m with him now.”
“Did his lung collapse? Pneumothorax, from the ribs?”
“No.” I moved my eyes over Teddy’s still form on the bed. IVs connected to saline and narcotic painkillers ran into his tattooed arms. “He’s breathing fine. Totally stable.” I bite the inside of my lip, worried about the next. “His biggest injury is his leg. He totally blew out his knee.”
“How bad?” asked Gwen, her voice tight.
“Pretty bad,” I’d answered, “Proximal tibia fracture, ligament tears. He shattered his patella. Ortho doesn’t think it’ll need surgery but he’s going to be in one of those long leg casts. You know, the kind that go from thigh to foot. He’ll be in it until at least Christmas.”
“No,” Gwen had breathed. “We’re all supposed to go to Mom’s in Japan.”
I looked at him again. His lashes didn’t even flutter. “I’m sorry, Gwen. I don’t think Teddy’s going to make it this year.”
There was a beat of silence, then I could practically hear her rallying. “Okay. I’ll get on the next flight—”
“You can’t,” I’d said gently. “Carter’s ear tubes. Tomorrow morning, remember?”
“Shoot! I forgot. I’ll come the day after then. My partners will have to figure out how to cover me. They owe me. I’ve taken more shifts than anyone else in the past month.”
“Even if they take your shifts, I don’t see how you can make it. You can’t take Carter on an airplane. The pressure change would wreak havoc on his ears.”
“Then I’ll drive.”
I’d almost smiled. That’s Gwen, pure stubbornness wrapped in scrubs. I understood. Every instinct was telling her she needed to get to Teddy. To help him like she did when her dad died and her mom worked all the time to keep food on the table.
I softened my voice. “You know you can’t get away from work or from Carter for that long. It would take days to drive out here and back.”
A frustrated exhalation from her because Gwen’s smart.
She knew I was right. “I have to be there for him,” she’d said plaintively.
“Mom can’t come back from Japan. She’s still teaching.
Brandon’s got a big trial going on. I don’t trust any of Teddy’s so-called friends.
I bet they’re the ones that got him into this mess. ”
Her helplessness hit me hard.
I had stepped in without thinking. “I’ll do it.”
“What?”
“Me. I’ll take care of Teddy.” The words had solidified as I said them. “I’ll check on him at the hospital. I’m here anyway, working. I’ll drive him home when he gets discharged. I can pick up any prescriptions he needs filled.”
“I don’t know…,” Gwen had said. “That’s a lot to ask.”
“It’s okay,” I’d insisted. “I’ll keep you updated. I’ll send photos and text messages all the time. Promise.”
There was a long silence as Gwen thought. I’d stayed quiet, knowing there’s only one conclusion she could come to.
“If you’re sure? It would be hard to leave Carter and work right now, but if Teddy needs me I would do it. Just say the word.”
“I’ve got this. You can trust me.” A whisper of uncertainty in the back of my mind. I hadn’t been trustworthy with Teddy the last time I saw him. After all, I’m the one who kissed him first.
“I do trust you to take care of Teddy for me,” Gwen said. “Treat him like you’re his sister. Like he’s your own family.”
Like I’m his sister.
A flashback of Teddy naked in the moonlight, whispering filthy, dirty things into my ear. The way he tasted when I kissed him, the way he groaned when he came.
My stomach flipped, butterflies doing somersaults.
Sister?
Yeah, that might be a problem.
Now I sit next to Teddy’s bedside and stare at the monitors, counting each beep. The room smells like antiseptic and stale air. In the distance I hear the sounds of the hospital—phones ringing, voices talking, pages called overhead—but it’s all muffled by the thick closed door.
In here, it’s just me and him.
Why didn’t you call me, Teddy?
Were you ashamed of us? Of me?
I push that painful thought aside like I have many times over the past year and rise to my feet.
Restless, I prowl around the room. It’s identical to every other one on this floor.
White walls. Scuffed linoleum floor. A peek out the window shows the crowded parking lot two stories below.
Too bad Teddy isn’t on the fifth floor where there’s a glimpse of the ocean, a sliver of blue on the horizon.
Guess it doesn’t really matter. Teddy’s out, and I’ve seen every view this place has to offer.
I turn my attention to the man in the bed, cataloging the bruise on his cheek, the pale cast to his skin, and the tangle of his hair, stiff from dried salt water.
My gaze lingers on his arm muscles and the tattoos on his arms. There’s the atom tattoo on his left forearm, which he’d just gotten when I first met him, a tribute to his father, who was a nuclear physicist before he passed away.
There’s a new tattoo of stylized ocean waves splashed across his bicep, spreading over and below his elbow.
I want so badly to trace the swirling lines of ink but hold back, reminding myself of the tightrope I’m walking here. I’m his sister’s friend, and I’m his doctor. Sort of. If anyone checks the hospital policy manual and the unofficial friendship manual, I’m straddling all kinds of boundaries.
Still, what’s the harm in one little touch? Just for a second. No one has to know. My hand lifts toward Teddy, close enough to feel the heat radiating off his skin, so warm just like I remember…
Leslie, one of the ICU nurses, comes bursting in and I yank my hand away before it makes contact. My heart is pounding, and my cheeks burn with a guilty flush.
“Dr. Chu!” she says with a startled step backward. “I didn’t know you were here.”
I glance at the large clock on the wall and see it’s been five hours since my shift ended.
“Yeah, I’ll leave soon,” I tell her.
She looks at Teddy, her gaze lingering on him in a way I don’t appreciate. “You know him?”
“His sister is my friend.” Remembering the ‘no treating friends and family’ policy, I’m quick to add, “I don’t really know him, though. I’m just here as a favor to the family.”
“Oh, I see.” She looks him over again, and I watch as Leslie’s eye catches on the nipple ring. Teddy must have shifted. His hospital gown has ridden up to reveal a ridiculously chiseled chest and the small silver circle in his left nipple. Another new addition from the last time I saw him.
“Bit of a wild one, huh?” she asks with an appreciative gleam in her eyes.
I resist the urge to shove her out the door.
“Did you need something?” I snap before I can stop myself.
She straightens, finally dragging her gaze away from Teddy. “Going to get a quick set of vitals.” She picks up the medical chart from the foot of the bed.
My phone rings, and I hurry to silence it, noting that it’s from my dad. I don’t have to pick it up to know it’s about treatment updates. The way my mom hasn’t been sleeping. How her side effects are getting worse. I rub my fists into my eyes and promise myself to call him back on the drive home.
It only takes a few minutes for Leslie to write down the information on the monitor.
Pulse, respiration, blood pressure, pulse ox.
After a quick swipe of a thermometer over his forehead, she declares, “All done. Everything’s normal.
” With obvious regret, she says, “They’re planning to transfer him out of the ICU early in the morning. ”
“When does your shift end?” I ask with my sweetest smile.
“In an hour,” she answers. “When were you planning on leaving?”
“In an hour.”