Chapter 9
NINE
ALLIE
TRUCE?
Did I imagine hauling ass down the aisles at the store in the back of a grocery cart would raise my spirits after flying off a cliff and the awful Ski resort experience?
No. Was Levi being about the best person I could hope for right now?
Appears so. Was laughing with him the thing I’d missed most? A concerned yes.
He stacked Christmas sprinkles, Hershey kisses, and frosting into the cart. Lastly we grabbed candy canes. No particular reason except it felt Christmasy.
I quickly scrolled through my phone which I hadn’t looked at in hours. Messages from Emily about wedding details I never wanted to know, and one from Lexi assuming I’d gone to bed early and wasn’t responding.
“Rachel sent money for me to get a little Christmas tree for the deck. She wants pictures with everyone by the outdoor fireplace. If we bought rope from the hardware aisle, do you think we could tie one from the holiday aisle to your SUV?”
“Oh, hell yes.” He pointed. “We can get decorations here too.”
I bit my lip at his smile which sent a little shock to my heart at 10:17 p.m. at cash register number thirteen.
* * *
Now that it was dark, the house looked even more beautiful as we pulled up on the circular drive. The bright moon above highlighted the thick Evergreen trees wrapped in snow and bright white twinkly lights that surrounded the house.
I put the groceries away while Levi got the tree into the tree stand before he put it on the deck.
“It’s late, but I think I’m going to decorate it. You can go to bed.”
The corner of his mouth turned up. “Are you kidding? Christmas is my favorite holiday. I’m staying. Besides, you’re too short to get lights or anything even close to the top.” He nodded. “Without me this thing will be all lopsided.”
“I’m not short. I’m just cuteness in a concentrated, easy-to-carry-around container.”
He let out a chuckle. “You know, they say short girls are mean because they’re closer to hell.”
“If you think I’m short, you should see my patience.”
He shrugged. “Okay, I’m picking up what you’re laying down, girl. Now brace yourself, Christmas music is coming.” He hit a button on his phone and Holly Jolly Christmas filled the space. “Can’t decorate without tunes, right?” He grabbed some lights.
“But Christmas songs can be a little crazy.” I bit the sides of my cheeks to try to not smile as he did a weird thrusty dance, but failed.
“Crazy? What the hell are you talking about, Langley?”
“It’s like the endless carousel of Christmas tunes is enough to make me want to set my hair on fire.”
“Well, you sound like a Holiday card written by Gordon Ramsay over there.”
An hour later the tree was twinkling at us like one million diamonds. It was filled with silver, red, and green ornaments and a big light up star sat at the very top.
We reached the stairs. “Well, good night. I guess I’ll be heading to my wing now. If you need me I’m the third room to the right.”
I popped my hands on my hips. “I will not be needing you.”
His chuckle was like a warm blanket. “I mean as a friend, you perv.”
“Whatever.”
“You have to admit I’ve been a pretty good friend today.”
My eyes locked with his emerald jewels. “Thank you.”
It came out a husky whisper. “Anything for you, Allie.”
His words socked me in the stomach as we both knew he’d spoken them to me the day we met at an outdoor concert. I’d told him I didn’t want him to walk so far to get me pizza. Anything for you, Allie.
He gave me a wave before walking off.
I pulled on my grey sweats and sat in the corner of the room digesting the day.
I took a few more pain meds as my head still had a little throb to it.
There was quiet music, I thought. I checked my phone but not that.
I opened the door and walked to the top of the stairs as the soft music was clearer and the organ in the center of my chest jumped.
Down the stairs and on the leather sofa was the hot man strumming the guitar while one foot rested on the coffee table and the other on the floor.
I stood out of sight as he looked down at the strings.
He’d gotten his guitar as a kid from his aunt for Christmas one year.
By the time I met him it was a well-worn instrument that displayed what a natural musician he was.
He’d taught himself and only played for me.
I’d lie on his bed while he sat next to me and strummed beautiful songs as he looked down wearing that sexy ass grin.
He’d only played in public once. My mother ran the Christmas Pageant at our church and the day of the program the acoustic guitar player came down with the flu.
I told her how amazing Levi played and after I begged him he caved.
Anything for you, Allie. The entire congregation gasped when Levi appeared and slayed it as I sat in the first row falling even more in love with him.
This might’ve been a turned corner when it came to Levi and my parents, but they happen to catch him in my room at midnight the following evening and the full-blown Kill Levi Era continued on.
His fingers danced on the strings while I attempted to beat the desire that swam through me into submission.
I despised the fact that I wanted to stand there forever looking down at him.
I forced my feet to return to my room and plopped into bed.
The music stopped and it was late, but I was not sleeping.
Thoughts of Toby holding me against the bathroom wall along with Levi who was doing hurdles in my mind was the equivalent of a child high on Jelly Bellies and Lemon Heads; sleep was not happening.
I disliked that my hate was wavering a bit. Yeah, him saving me twice in one day was messing with me. I’d just steer clear of him tomorrow. Yes, that was the ticket. I gave team Allie a quick pep talk.
So he helped me out of a sticky situation today, death, but by tomorrow the hatred I’d had for Mr. Satan would return.
He was still the scum of the earth, and if it wasn’t for the life threatening thing today, the loathing hate I had for him would be as strong as it’d always been.
Yup, a raging river of hate. So tomorrow I’d slip right back into my normal state of mind.
The one that gives zero fucks for a dumbass.
A positive thought? I was positive Levi sucked.
I tossed and turned for what felt like an hour, and I was trying everything to get to sleep. Basically one sheep, two sheep, raccoon, cow, turtle, Old McDonald had a farm, heeey Macarena! Had I developed adult ADHD?
Me: I can do this. I can sleep.
Brain: Pssst.
Me: Yeah?
Brain: What disease do you think you have?
Deep breathing and thinking of Emily’s wedding details that normally put me to sleep in a second, did nothing. I sang Silent Night and Little Drummer Boy, but still not sleepy.
Then there was a creak. What could be in a strange house in the Colorado mountains?
My eyes darted around the dark room wondering if it was a bear outside my window or a serial killer in the hall.
I thought I’d prefer a serial killer if I had to choose between the two, I guess.
But I would fight a bear, not well, but I’d sure as shit give it a go.
But not a grizzly bear, or a black bear. I’ll take a Care Bear, please?
Yes, I definitely have adult ADHD.
I slowly climbed out of bed and went to the door. I pressed my ear to it but heard nothing. I nearly jumped out of my skin when the noise happened again. It was from outside but I couldn’t make myself look.
What if I pulled open the curtain and a man was there staring at me? The thought sent a shiver up my arms.
Calm your ass down!
I went over and peeked out the window to see nothing but trees and snow. Whew. I got back into bed and after more tossing and turning, I finally grew tired.
My eyes opened and terror wrapped around me. I was back in the car again. I hung upside down with more blood appearing by the second. My gloves were soaked in it as hot tears streamed down my face.
The biting wind cut my skin like shards of glass as the cold seeped into my bones while I shivered uncontrollably.
My fingers were numb and stiff, unable to feel the cold anymore.
I knew it wouldn’t be long before it was over.
Before I was gone. The slow ache in my chest grew as my heart was turning to ice.
I had no way out. I was alone and there was no hope. Nobody was coming for me. I was gone.
I sat up in bed unable to breathe with tears blurring my vision. It was dream. I attempted calming breaths which didn’t do shit, as my mind swirled around my car going over a cliff. The crippling fear, blood on my face, and thinking of what could’ve happened. I was alone.
Before I could talk myself down, my feet were on the floor and out in the hall. The house was dark and quiet and scary. My lungs were tight and refused to let me draw in a breath while my skin was hot and cold at the same time. Could someone my age have a heart attack?
By the time I reached Levi’s hallway I was jogging, and after three empty rooms, I stumbled into his, ran into a table by the door, and something crashed to the floor. The moonlight shined in the window, and before I could do anything he’d flown out of bed and was standing in front of me.
“What happened? Are you okay?”
“I, uh, I had a dream.” My body was shaking as I took in shallow breaths. “I—”
He hit the switch on the wall and soft light from a lamp in the corner filled the room.
I’d almost forgotten how tall he was as he stood wearing sweats and a red T-shirt with messy hair.
I used my sleeve to wipe my eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry.
I was just a little freaked out and, well, I don’t know.
” My breathing was ragged and my pulse racing.
My heart squished when he pulled me to his chest and held me.
It was so strange yet familiar; still a spot I seemed to feel utterly protected in.
His arms around me made me soft as I melted into him.
The right side of my brain was screaming to leave, while the left side was floating on a cloud in his presence.
After a moment I pulled back and tried to get some air in. “I’m sorry, I can’t catch my breath.”
“You’re shaking. Breathe through your nose, okay? This is anxiety messing with you.”
He pushed a piece of hair from my face and it was intimate. Too intimate. I took another step back and crossed my arms over my braless chest feeling utterly exposed. My fear was shining through.
“You went through something traumatic today. Your mind isn’t shutting off, I get it.” He leaned in closer. “I know today rattled everything in you.”
I nodded while still unable to get a good gulp of air.
His hands went around my biceps. “Langley, breathe through your nose and out your mouth, okay?”
Why was this so hard? “I can’t.”
His deep voice rumbled through my bones. “Let’s breathe together.”
I looked into his eyes while he took a deep breath, and I followed. Again and again and after a several minutes everything regulated.
“Better?”
I nodded. “Uh, I guess I should go back to my room. Sorry to have woken you.”
I wanted my feet to move but they were stuck. After a few seconds his head tilted. “Why don’t you just chill in here for a while? Maybe if you’re not alone you can rest.”
I stared into his twinkling eyes not certain of what I was asking, but his warm grin answered. “So you can sleep. I don’t want you to be across this house if you have another bad dream. After all that’s happened this is normal.”
I didn’t know what was happening, but I knew I wasn’t going anywhere.
“Come on.” I followed him and he pointed. “You take the bed, and I’ll take the floor.”
“That sounds kinda sucky for you.”
“Langley, I spent half of my childhood in a sleeping bag when I didn’t have a bed.” He flashed me a smile. “It’ll be fine.”
“I don’t know.”
He walked to the closet and grabbed a blanket, pillow, and tossed it on the floor next to the bed. “I insist.”
I nodded, climbed in, and no sooner did my head hit the pillow, he reached down and pulled the comforter up to my chin. He walked over, turned the lamp off, and hit the floor.
My skin was prickly as the place I lay was still a little warm from his body that was there just moments ago. I sunk deeper into the mattress trying to feel it more. Did I inhale the pillow deeply searching for him? Of course not, I’m not a weird psyco. Come on.
Painful yet exhilarating memories of our last night together played on a loop that I wanted to stop.
Sort of.
Levi showing me what it was to belong to him. Hands everywhere while the things he made me feel, and the memory of it, caused an ache that filled me to the depths of my soul.
After a few minutes of silence his deep voice whispered, “You good up there?”
“Yes.” I let out a breath.
“Things in life happen and they twist us up. But once you get some rest you’ll feel like your old self.” He let out a little gasp. “Did you hear that? I sound like I really know my shit, huh?”
I giggled. “Mr. Wisdom over there.”
I stared at the ceiling almost afraid to close my eyes. Between Levi being next to me on the floor and the car debacle, my life was flying by at 15 WTF’s a minute.
“I believe I hear your eyeballs blinking one hundred miles an hour up there. You’re not going to have that dream again.”
“How are you so sure?”
His chuckle hit my ears. “Well, with all this testosterone next to you, your subconscious knows your safe as a kitten here in this bed.”
“OMG, did you really just say that?”
He nudged my arm and when I looked down he flexed. “Big guns don’t lie.”
“Barf.” Sigh.
Heavy silence hung in the air. The past, the fact that we were sleeping in the same room, and the invisible string I wanted to deny, was still there.
Silence.