Chapter 45
FORTY-FIVE
ALLIE
THE UNRAVELING?
We made our way to Clint’s room in silence. Yes, I’d never mentioned I’d been married, and yes it was clearly a bad decision. When it comes to terrible life choices, I’m pretty sure if I make one more I’ll own the whole set.
We reached the door.
“I knew about the accident, but you left out the part about you and Levi being married?”
“It’s just a painful memory I never wanted to think of again.”
He was slurring slightly. “You didn’t feel like you could talk to me about it?”
“It wasn’t that. I moved on after everything with Levi. It was a long time ago. I didn’t know he’d be here or knew Evan.”
I crossed my fingers behind my back. Technically closure wasn’t a relationship, so when I said it was a long time ago, that was basically true.
He stepped closer and took my hand in his. “So you and Levi?”
It was a good question I didn’t have a solid answer for. But there was nothing after Colorado. We both agreed. “There’s nothing with Levi.”
Why did those words put a restless ache in my tummy?
His face was red and hair everywhere. “You should sleep this off.”
I pulled down the comforter and when I turned around, he was right in front of me and pulled me into his chest. “Stay with me?”
“I really need to touch base with Emily on some wedding stuff. There’s so much to do as a bridesmaid. But I’ll see you at breakfast, okay?”
His lids were heavy. “I love you.”
I froze and flashed the strongest smile I could muster. “Is that the liquor talking?”
“No. I believe in you, and us.”
Heat went to my face. “I, uh, believe in you, too.” Awkward silence and a giggle from me. “But I also believe in Bigfoot, so not sure what to do with any of this.”
His blinking was slow. “You rest and I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”
I went downstairs to find the living room empty except for Kristina, and I plopped down next to her on the couch. The space was lit only by the white twinkling lights of the Christmas tree shining a warm glow. She took my hand in hers. “How are you doing? Lots of surprising stuff in one day, huh?”
“Yeah. My brain hurts. I’m 500% done with today, and like 72% done with tomorrow already.”
“What can I do?”
“Well, if you can make it so vodka could come out of my shower head that would be a great first step.”
She giggled. “I’ll work on that.” She turned to me. “I didn’t know you back when you were with Levi, but I’d be blind if I didn’t notice how he looks at you.”
“You have a wild imagination. And maybe you’re crazy.”
“I’m not crazy. I prefer the term mentally hilarious.”
I put my head on her shoulder. “Then make me laugh. Do it now.”
“Ooh, a joke. What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?”
“What?”
“Hold onto your nuts, this isn’t any ordinary blow job.”
“That’s awful. You are not the jokester of our crew.”
She gasped. “I take offence to that statement. I’m the chaos coordinator, mischief manager, and supervisor of shenanigans in our group. I wear many hats, you know.”
“So you’re the brains of our gang?”
“Hell, yes.” She reached to the bowl of Skittles on the coffee table and popped one in her mouth “Did you know the phrase “never odd or even” spelled backward is still “never odd or even”? I’m super-duper smart like that, Allison.”
“You took learning some new shit off of my to-do list today. Thanks Kristina.”
She tossed a red candy into her mouth. “Let’s cut through the crap. I’m not telling Lexi or Rachel anything. Let me be here for you.”
“Honestly, I don’t even know if I’m playing an active role in my life right now. Shit happens and I’m like “oh, so this is what I’m doing now?”
“It’ll be okay.” She nudged me with her shoulder. “I promise.”
“Yeah, next week I’ll totally get my shit together, right?”
“My lips are sealed, but I have to ask as your friend. Is something going down with Mr. Levi?”
Going down…giggle.
“Not really.”
“So that’s a yes.” She inhaled sharply. “I’m not going to say a word but be careful. Sparks can fly when people are trapped in a vacation house together outside of the real world. You both have a lot of history. But it’s been dead for how long?”
“Seven years.”
“So neither of you had contacted the other in all that time? If you hadn’t ended up in Colorado for a wedding, you likely would’ve never seen each other again. Do I have this correct?”
I nodded. “You do. The fact that things went down how they did, and he just left me there was unforgiveable. No letter or text? His phone number was disconnected and he just cut me out of his life. He wasn’t the person I thought he was.
” Sigh. “It took me a long time to find the yee to my haw after him.”
“So you two have talked about it since you’ve been here?”
I looked down and nodded.
She pushed my hair off my face. “And held hands?”
I nodded.
She whispered, “Maybe he kissed you?”
Heat hit my face as I nodded again feeling like a child being busted for stealing gum from the gas station after shoving it down my pants. Not only did I do it, but I was well aware it was the wrongest of all wrongs.
Kristina lifted my chin. “So it’s just a casual thing?”
“Yeah. We kind of said we could hang out in Colorado but then it’s done. It’s like closure.”
“And both of you want nothing after that?”
“Yes.” I spoke as quietly as I could. “But I think it was all a mistake. And now Clint is here and everything is messed up.”
“You took that job because Clint wanted something a little more with you.”
“Yeah, but if I acted like a grown up instead of being afraid maybe there would be something there with him. I don’t know.”
She sighed. “Since we’ve been friends, I’ve seen you bolt the second a guy seems like he might be a good one.”
“Maybe. But I think I’m just better on my own, you know?”
Lexi and Rachel bounced into the room.
Rachel sat on the coffee table in front of me. “Emily texted and said we have to meet her at the caterers place at nine tomorrow morning.”
Lexi sat in the chair next to me and scrolled through her phone. “The caterer is a friend of hers and she’s just started her business and doesn’t have a van. We’ll have to drive all the food to the reception ballroom.”
I looked over to see Rachel examining my face. “What?”
“You look stressed.”
“I’m fine.”
“Clint being here is a lot. I can’t believe he came. How do you feel?”
“If you could look inside my brain, it would appear as if I’m losing a game of Jumanji.”
Lexi wore a grin that was a little too happy for me at the moment. “Royce said he’s been missing you so much. I hope you guys will give it another go. He’s so hot.”
“Time will tell.”
“Time? But you were bummed when you guys split.”
“I was. But once I moved away, I was good. I mean I missed him, but maybe not as much as I should’ve if he was the one for me. I just don’t think—”
“You run every time you get into a relationship that’s good for you.” Lexi’s head shook. “That fucking Levi screwed you up.”
“I was my dream job. I was given a great opportunity and wanted to take it.”
Rachel’s eyes narrowed and my arm pits were suddenly sticky. “That’s a load of garbage, Allison. Instead of discussing the options or ways to make it work, you got scared and ran the first place you could.”
“Don’t judge me. I said it didn’t feel right, get off my ass.”
Kristina’s jumped in. “Girls, relax. Rachel and Lexi, we know you just care about Allie, but you have to calm down. Just because Clint showed up doesn’t mean Allie has to jump into his arms. This is her life. Maybe we should realize that she might be feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment?”
I kissed Kristina’s cheek. “Thank you.”
Rachel took a breath. “You’re right. I just wish stupid Levi wasn’t here. He’s history, but I know this is hard for you.”
“It’s been okay. We’re existing together here, and I’m not plotting his murder, so it’s really a win/win situation.”
Kristina giggled. “Levi’s smoking hot. Yup, every part of him.”
Rach and Lexi shot her dead with their eyes.
“We don’t talk about him, Kristina. Ever. He was responsible for almost killing Allie.”
Kristina’s smile was warm. “I get it. But sometimes you can’t just cut people out forever.”
Lexi kicked her feet up on the coffee table. “Can’t cut people out? Snippidy, snip mother fucker. He was bad for Allison from day one. It just took all hell breaking loose for her to see it.”
Kristina grabbed Lexi’s hand, squeezed it hard, and she yelped. “Let’s focus on expanding our vocabulary to include encouraging words.”
“I actually have a really big vocabulary for someone who says fuck so often.”
Kristina continued. “You’re acting—”
Lexi flipped her hair. “Yes, I know I’m insane. We all know that, Kristina. But my intentions are gold and my heart pure. I love all you witches, and I just want Allie to open her mind to how amazing Clint is.”
Kristina took a breath. “I’m just saying it’s okay if Allie has doubts—”
Lexi stood up. “Allie, you need to be done with doubts and insecurities. You’re fucking amazing and that’s just what it is.”
Rachel leaned forward. “We love you, Allie. How are you feeling?”
“Right now, I’m feeling that feeling when you don’t know what the hell you’re feeling.”
“That’s okay. You need to not think for a while.” Rachel stretched her arms over her head. “I’m going to bed. Let’s meet down here at eight thirty, okay? Everything will feel better in the morning. I’m sure the whole food thing won’t take too long and then we can all chill.”
Once in my bedroom I called Emily.
“Allie.”
“How are you doing? You’re last text was unclear.”
She let out a sigh. “It’s nothing.” Sigh. “I’m just maybe having wedding jitters or something.”
I plopped onto my pillow. “I think that’s normal. I mean you’ve been planning this and now it’s almost time. Just take a breath. You have hearts in your eyes whenever you speak of your soon to be husband.”
We sat in silence for a minute. “Speaking of hearts, how are you feeling with Levi there? And Clint?”
“Well, it’s totally cool. Really.”
Her giggle hit my ear. “You lying bitch.”
“Shut up.”
“I’ve never met him, but after the descriptive words of Lexi, I kinda can’t wait.”
“Enough about the shit show over here, you focus on you and relax.
“Thanks, Allie.”
I disconnected the call, pulled on my jammies, and when I turned around, I jumped at Levi’s face that was pressed against the window. I slid it open, and he climbed inside.
“It was not cool what you did with the drinking earlier.”
He nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Maybe a little cool?”
“I just think it’d be best to end closure now. I mean we’re all leaving in a few days and, well, we just should.”
“You don’t want to do that.”
“Everything is weird.”
“Well, the way I see it Clint came here but you guys aren’t back together. We’re doing nothing wrong by finishing closure.”
All I wanted to do was be in the state of closure forever and ever and ever, but I wanted to pry.
“And for all I know you have some Brazilian chick waiting for you.”
His head shook.
“So no lady for you?”
“There’s been some here and there, but nothing special. I’m just not interested in a relationship. It’s not my thing.” He reached out and took my hand.
“So, you mess around with women but want nothing? Like fun and done?”
He nodded and my brain had a quick reality check that felt as good as a swift punch to the boob. He meant what he had said. So what he’d been telling me all along was completely true; he wanted closure with me, sex with me, and steaming up the windows good times with me. But he didn’t want me.
He laced his fingers through mine. “I know you want to hang out a little more. And you don’t have to worry about me after this is over. I just want to be close to you while we’re here and then we go our separate ways.”
I should totally be relieved, right? It was a reminder that he’s lived seven years without me and wanted to live all the rest of his years without me.
There was a knock at the door, and his eyes went wide.
“Allie, let me in.” Lexi knocked again. “Royce has pissed me off so I’m sleeping with you tonight.”
I pushed him to the window and whispered, “Go!”