Chapter 21
Chapter
Twenty-One
Everything hurt.
From her feet all the way up to her head, her body was just one great big throbbing mess.
Ashlyn knew she was lucky, though, knew things could have been so much worse if Grant hadn't shown up when he did.
She had a concussion, three cracked ribs, some internal swelling and bruising, but thankfully, nothing that needed surgery.
There was also a hairline fracture in her left arm.
While she didn't remember it, she must have thrown up her arms to protect herself at some point, and Everett’s kicks had broken it.
Waking up in the back of an ambulance, confused about where she was and what had happened, was not an experience she ever wanted to have repeated.
At least Grant had been with her.
His soothing words, even when her brain felt too muddled to make them all out, had calmed her, and the feel of his hand holding hers had grounded her when pain and fear felt like they were going to sweep her up and carry her away.
Most of the emergency room visit and subsequent scans and tests were a blur, and while she’d given a statement she hoped was mostly coherent to the cops that came to speak with her, and she’d spoken with Grant, she knew the details of what had happened, all she’d really done these last almost twenty-four hours was sleep.
Yet no matter how much she got, it never seemed like enough.
In fact, she was close to drifting off again when the door to her private hospital room opened.
Grant had been by her side as much as he could be, and her mom and stepdad, and Donovan and Jessica, had taken turns keeping her company, but this was the first time she’d set eyes on Lindsay since they were in the family room with Everett.
Unsure what to expect, Ashlyn felt her body tense, sending a fresh wave of pain cascading through her. That set off the machines still attached to her to monitor her vitals, and Grant hurried to the bed. Lindsay remained hovering near the door.
“Shh, honey, you don’t have to do this if you're not up to it,” Grant soothed, taking her hand and bringing it to his lips to touch a kiss to it. “Lindsay asked if she could see you, and I said it would be up to you. If you want to wait, we both understand.”
It wasn't that she was afraid of Lindsay, but there had been so much one-sided animosity that it was hard to be in the same room as the teen when she was so vulnerable.
Still, Lindsay was Grant’s daughter, and she loved him with her entire being. That meant she had to find a way to make peace with his child if they wanted to have a future.
“She can stay,” Ashlyn rasped, her voice still weak.
“Are you sure?” Grant’s fingers were so gentle as they smoothed a lock of hair off her forehead and tucked it behind her ear.
“Yes.” Better to get this over and done with. At least for once, Lindsay wasn't looking at her with hatred. The opposite almost. There was guilt, and sadness, and respect in the teenager’s eyes.
“I’ll wait just outside the door. If you need me, call for me.” Grant leaned down and touched a kiss to her forehead, then crossed the room to the door. He paused, studied his daughter for a moment, then dropped a kiss to her forehead as well before leaving them alone.
For several seconds, they just stared at one another. Ashlyn didn't know what to say because she wasn't sure why Lindsay was there.
After a solid minute, Lindsay slowly crept toward the bed and stopped when she was beside it, wringing her hands together.
“I talked to Everett about how desperate I was to do anything to get rid of you, but I never meant I wanted him to kill you or even hurt you. My dad said I have to do therapy, and that just sitting there and refusing to engage isn’t going to cut it.
He also said he and I have to go together, and then me, my brother, and him are also going to go together.
He wants you to join us for some of those sessions. ”
Was therapy enough to fix this problem?
As much as Ashlyn would like to think it was, she wasn't ready to put her hope in anything yet.
“I told him yesterday, when he saved us, that I never really hated you, not really, it was just easier to transfer the hatred I was feeling for myself onto you,” Lindsay admitted. “I didn't tell him why I hate myself, though.”
Sensing the girl wanted to open up but was scared of being rejected, Ashlyn didn't speak, merely lifted her good hand and placed it over Lindsay’s, which were still twisting together.
Tears rolled down the teenager’s cheeks.
“I can't remember her properly anymore. My mom. I don’t remember the sound of her voice, or the smell of her perfume. I can’t remember what her hugs felt like, and I can't picture her clearly in my mind anymore. I know those things because there are pictures of her and videos, and there’s a bottle of her perfume I keep in a drawer in my dresser.
But I can't remember them. It feels like losing her all over again.”
“Even when those things get fuzzy, there’s one thing you can't ever forget about your mom.”
“What?” Lindsay asked, a hint of desperation in her voice.
“Her love. That love will always be inside of you. Nothing can take it away, not even time. Time can dull your memories, but when it does that all you have to do is remind yourself that your mom loved you with everything that she had to give. I don’t ever want to take her place, Lindsay, I never did.
I just want to love you in my own way, build our own relationship. ”
“I'm sorry.” Lindsay wept. “I was so mean to you. I said terrible things, and some of them you never even told my dad about.”
“He loves you,” she said simply.
“I know. I know my mom loved me, too. I was just … having trouble loving myself. I felt like a bad daughter, a failure, for not being able to remember my mom as clearly as I used to be able to. I took it all out on you. I wish I could go back, do things over. I wish I had listened when you told me you didn't want to take mom’s place. I wish I had listened when Dad told me he loved you. I wish I had listened when Kevin said you were cool, and I should give you a chance. And I wish I had walked away the first time Everett put his hands on me.”
Squeezing the teenager’s hands, Ashlyn waited until Lindsay was looking directly at her.
“You want to know something awesome?” When Lindsay nodded, she offered the girl a smile.
“It’s not too late to do all of those things.
Everett is in jail, he can't hurt you again, and your dad, your brother, and I are all still here.”
Ever so slowly, a smile curled up Lindsay’s lips. “Not too late,” she whispered.
“Not too late,” Ashlyn echoed. Looked like maybe she was getting her Christmas miracle after all.