Chapter 9 #2
‘No. No. Surely not. Anyway, if anyone can get a tough stain out of something it’s Cherry.
’ As a group, we have quite the shared history.
And it hasn’t always been a success story.
My mind flies briefly back to those permanent dark tan stains on our Barbie costumes, the scorch marks left behind by rogue hair straighteners, and I’ll not forget Tash’s cobalt-blue vomit all over my bathroom blinds in Benidorm in a hurry.
‘I’ll go see if they need a hand. I’ll meet you for breakfast.’
‘Do you think you could ask Ged and Liam whether they want changes to the menu or extra catering? Today is the twenty-second and the wedding is on Christmas Eve. It may be too short notice if we leave it any longer.’
‘Good thinking. I’ll give them a knock after I’ve seen Cherry. Their room is next door.’
I have to knock loudly on Cherry’s door to be heard over the bickering and tantrums inside. ‘It’s just me, Connie!’ I yell. ‘I’ve come to see if you need a hand clean—’
The quarrelling and children’s wailing crank up in volume. Cherry yells through the door that everything is fine and she’ll see me later.
I knock on Ged and Liam’s door expecting a warmer welcome. Instead, I hear bumping of furniture and muffled voices. ‘Who is it?’ Ged yells through.
‘It’s Connie.’
‘Hey, babe. We’re, uh, just a bit busy at the moment. Can we catch up with you later? At breakfast?’
This is so odd.
‘Is everything okay with you guys?’
‘Yes. We’re fine.’
‘Can I come in for a second?’
‘No!’ they yell in unison.
I try the door handle. ‘But this is really urgent. It’s about the wedding menus and the catering.’
‘Can’t it wait?’
What? Ged and Liam are two of the most micromanaging, nitpicking groomzillas that have ever lived. Something is off. Very off.
‘No. It can’t wait. Let me in, you guys.’ I pause. ‘I’m going to wait here until you open this door.’
After a lengthy pause the lock clicks and the door is slowly opened. Ged pops his head out, peering up and down the corridor. ‘Quick. Come in,’ he hisses, pulling me by the arm. ‘Before anyone sees you.’
The first thing I notice is Liam, dressed in a white frilly nightshirt and sitting up in bed, surrounded by plump pillows and quilts, as though he’s convalescing from an Edwardian fever, while soothing Christmas music plays in the background. It’s all very serene.
Then I need to do a double take.
He is cradling a newborn in his arms, gazing lovingly into its half-opened eyes. Well, apart from the dummy in its mouth and the shawl swaddled tightly around it, I’d say it was more of a fur baby really. A tiny fur baby.
I stand rooted to the spot, gaping.
A soft smile lights up Liam’s face as he bends to kiss the puppy’s nose. ‘Meet Louis. Our baby son.’
I have so many questions I barely know where to start. ‘Where did you find…?’
Thankfully Ged is more than prepared. ‘Hiding under our bed.’
‘But when…?’
‘The day we arrived and thought he was our ghost.’
‘Ah, hence the screaming?’
‘We woke to a vase being smashed. Louis must have knocked it clean off the dresser.’ Ged points to their litter bin full of broken pieces of porcelain. ‘It was quite the shock, wasn’t it? Even Louis weed in fright.’ He points to a huge wet patch on the carpet.
‘Poor little thing. He was shaking.’ Liam gazes adoringly at Louis’s wrinkled face. ‘I’ve had to steal a replacement vase from downstairs to replace ours.’
My mind is racing to justify all their odd behaviour. ‘So, that’s why you were acting strangely and stockpiling meat… and leaving dinner early.’
‘He loves turkey. And scrambled eggs. And company. He hates being alone. Don’t you? Don’t you?’ Liam snuggles his cheek against the soft fur.
‘So, you’re not turning vegan then?’
‘Vegan? Good God no. What gave you that idea?’
‘Well, you were kind of pushing the meat around on your plates. Matteo and I thought you might want to change the menu to accommodate. I guess at least he’ll be relieved.’
Liam gasps. ‘No. You can’t tell him about Louis or the vase! We uploaded a photo to ChatGPT and now we’re frightened it might be Ming Dynasty or something. You know, one of the posh ones.’
I frown. Is he suggesting that I start married life hiding things from my new, gorgeous husband? Yes, I know I’m not being entirely honest with him about my doubts around moving to LA, but…
Liam hugs the pooch even closer as though I’m from the social services and about to rip a mother and child apart.
‘You’re kidding, right? Everyone is going to notice at some point that you have a baby bulldog attached to you.’
They both gasp loudly. ‘How dare you!’ Liam turns the puppy to face me. It has wrinkly, short-muzzled features, and its huge, sad brown eyes that take up half its face blink slowly at me as though I’ve insulted it. It sucks loudly on the dummy. ‘He’s clearly a French pug.’
‘And he’s thoroughbred, obviously.’
I take a beat. Liam and Ged really are acting like new parents. ‘You guys aren’t thinking of keeping it, are you? It has to belong to someone in the chateau, surely? The staff maybe? What if it’s Birdie’s?’
They exchange shifty glances and remain tight-lipped.
‘Come on, guys. Be realistic. Someone will come and claim it. Maybe it has been left behind by accident, and its owners are worried sick. Plus, you’ll need to explain why you have a broken vase in your bin.’
Liam’s face falls. Ged immediately collapses onto the bed to comfort him.
‘Our theory is that because he has no collar and the staff haven’t mentioned anything…
we think that maybe the last guests had a pug, smuggled her in because pets aren’t allowed, and didn’t know she was with child…
I mean pregnant and so… Louis’s mother gave birth under the bed without the owners realising…
Maybe they’d had a skinful one night and slept through it,’ Ged is saying, almost as though to convince himself.
‘Or they were bad parents,’ Liam chimes in, nodding. ‘Maybe Louis was deliberately abandoned.’
‘So, yeah. Maybe this is all meant to be. Our Christmas miracle baby.’
I stare at my two best friends gazing lovingly down at their newborn and my heart instantly melts, but there is no way that they can keep this puppy. It clearly belongs to someone else.
‘Maybe if I ask—’
‘NO!’ shrieks Liam. ‘’No, you can’t!’ He hugs the puppy to his chest.
OH. MY. GOD.
I cannot possibly be the one to ruin this for them.
They are getting married in two days. All our friends and families will arrive the morning of the wedding.
We still have a whole Bridgerton-themed ballroom to set up, dance routines to practise and costumes to get ready, caterers to confirm final numbers with, a photographer, the officiator, the chapel to deck out with flowers…
The list is long. So long. Incredibly, mind-bogglingly and undoably long.
I simply cannot add ‘rescue kidnapped puppy’ to the list.
‘Fine. Keep him for now. But I’m telling Matteo.’
Ged leaps from the bed, causing an avalanche of pillows to fall to the plush carpet.
‘No, Connie. If you tell him then he’ll tell the staff or…
or Birdie and then we’ll get asked to leave and the wedding will be cancelled or they’ll ring the…
’ His voice breaks. ‘They’ll ring the dogs’ home and have Louis taken into care. ’
Liam’s eyes pool with tears. ‘Ged’s right, hun. Louis already has enough attachment trauma as it is.’
My friends are behaving like emotional wrecks. ‘None of that will happen,’ I say gently. ‘I promise.’
‘You don’t know that for sure.’ Ged grabs the welcome letter from a nearby console table. ‘Read the T & Cs.’
I scan the document as Ged points to the list of prohibited activities.
‘It says very clearly. No vaping in the rooms. No children under sixteen. No pets allowed, not even emotional support animals.’ He continues in a pleading tone.
‘And look. Here.’ He waves the piece of paper like a courtroom barrister.
‘All breakages, any damage to property, must be declared and paid for. Otherwise, guests will be asked to leave immediately. We’re already taking a huge risk with Cherry and the girls.
And don’t get me started on fag-ash Tash and her constant vaping indoors.
Connie, we can’t take another risk. Not this close to the wedding.
Please, hun. We only have to make it to Christmas Day and we’re in the clear. ’
‘And after that?’
‘We’ll adopt him. We’ll get him a passport and take him home with us.’ Ged pauses. ‘That’s if he doesn’t officially belong to anyone else, of course.’
‘Wow. You’ve really thought this through, haven’t you?’
They nod in unison.
I let out a resigned sigh. ‘Okay then. Hand him over,’ I say, smiling. ‘Let me meet my new godson. He’s a cutie, isn’t he?’
Liam, beaming, hands me the precious bundle. ‘And as godmother, you’ll obviously be involved in the gender reveal, the baby shower, the babymoon, the baby-naming ceremony, the…’
I roll my eyes jokingly.
‘Please, guys, can we just get you married first?’
Ged and Liam stand over me, gazing down at Louis like proud parents.
‘Yes, of course. By the way, we need you to hide the evidence.’ Liam flicks his eyes to the bin. ‘In case the vase is worth millions of pounds.’