Chapter 10 #2
We are treated to a brief explanation. Apparently, Ged and Liam decided that even though everyone is stressed to bits with the last-minuteness of it all, it would be a great idea to capture the big day and the behind-the-scenes chaos, by inviting a production company into the chateau to film a ‘no-holds-barred, getting-ready-to-wed’ documentary worthy of a Netflix pilot.
Ged has named the documentary Hashtag Regency Era so at least we were spared a whole committee about it.
‘And of course,’ Ged is explaining to us, ‘I’ve given them all-access authority.’
‘What does that mean?’ Matteo is quick to ascertain whether our privacy is about to be violated.
‘They’re allowed to go anywhere,’ Liam says. ‘We’re trying to capture the whole vibe. The mood. The run-up. The gossip. You’ll barely notice they’re here. Just forget about them. Relax and have fun.’
I feel Matteo tense. ‘And when are they arriving?’
Ged wipes the sides of his mouth before gently putting his napkin down on the table. ‘They set up early yesterday.’
The room falls silent. ‘Yesterday?’ Liberty echoes, glancing at Nacho. ‘They’ve already started filming?’
Ged and Liam nod enthusiastically. ‘They’re very stealthy. Told you, you wouldn’t notice. Liam, love, have they said when they’ll show us the highlight reels?’
Liam shakes his head. ‘Not until afterwards. They need to send the rushes back to their main office in Paris, but the guys are on holiday obviously. So,’ he says, craning his neck, ‘they’ll just capture everything they can and then edit it all after the wedding.
Isn’t that right, Jean-Marc?’ Liam waves to a point at the far end of the room.
Fuck me. We all swivel our eyes in the direction of the large picture window. A young man’s head emerges from behind the floor-to-ceiling curtain, revealing a tripod with a camera fixed on top. He waves back. ‘Bonjour.’
‘And where is Jules?’ Ged asks.
‘He is, erm, outside, fixing the last of the cameras and microphones around the garden and the chapel.’
Shit a brick – the broken vase! We wave weakly back, murmuring our surprise.
I imagine everyone is wondering what we’ve said, what we’ve discussed while we thought they weren’t there.
Matteo and I exchange worried glances. He does not seem happy.
I know for a fact he’s taken many confidential calls while we’ve been here.
‘And you didn’t think to inform us of this intrusion to our privacy?’ he says, a strained tone in his voice. He is a fiercely private being. I shake my head forlornly. This is the last thing we need.
Ged smiles awkwardly. He knows they should have warned us. ‘Yes. Yes, we should have but we got so distracted with…’ Kidnapping a puppy? Hiding evidence? Ged smooths his moustache as he thinks of what to say. ‘…With settling in. The ghost thing. And the stress of the wedding.’ He peters out.
‘Ghost?’ Sister Kevin asks. ‘So this place is haunted?’
‘No,’ Ged says quickly. ‘It’s not haunted. We just thought it was because of the noises and the moving objects and the missing… Well, anyway, it’s not a ghost. It’s all fine.’ I follow his gaze over to Jean-Marc, whose face is hidden as he bends down behind the camera, filming us.
‘Did the camera crew catch any ghosts on camera?’ Sister Kevin asks animatedly, following his gaze. ‘I am addicted to those spooky podcasts. I totally believe in the spirit world. Because of my nan. Like I said.’
‘Did you, babes?’ Tash says, grabbing his arm excitedly as though he’s just announced that his nan also left him four billion in used notes under the mattress. ‘You’ve not mentioned that before.’
They have literally been going out for ten minutes.
She never listens to a word he says. And yet she wants to have children with him?
Mind, she did start going out with him at the same time I met Matteo and look at us, married already.
I give myself a mental slap and vow to be nicer to Sister Kevin.
It’s not his fault Tash is conscious of her biological clock ticking and wants to act quickly whereas he clearly doesn’t because of the age gap and the fact that he’s just out of nappies himself.
And maybe the fact Tash can also be batshit crazy at times too.
Tash is openly playing to camera, twisting her body into a flattering position, flicking her hair and smiling while she drapes herself seductively over Sister Kevin, who is trying to eat.
I subtly flick my eyes at Matteo, who indicates that we should leave, in order to discuss this issue of the filming privately.
‘I’m going to give Dom a hand finding the kids.
This place is like a maze.’ Cherry scrapes back her chair and smiles at the camera.
‘We’re such a happy family. I love being a full-time mother.
I’m so blessed.’ Then, swivelling around, she begs quietly, ‘Lord knows where Peaches has put her dummy. She’ll scream the place down tonight without it.
If any of you spot it lying around anywhere, please, please let me know, okay? ’
I instinctively raise an eyebrow at Ged and Liam. I know exactly where the dummy is. It’s in the mouth of Louis, their new furry baby. They both choose to strategically ignore me while they assure Cherry that they are certain it will turn up eventually.
‘Matteo and I will see you all later,’ I say, rising from the table after Cherry has left.
‘We’ve got some work to do and…’ I run out of things to lie about.
I simply want to spend some uninterrupted time with my husband.
I’m hoping that we are going to re-enact our wedding night because I have packed my Las Vegas underwear and it is rather special.
‘No worries,’ Liam says. ‘Why don’t I put in the group chat that we’ll all meet in the ballroom before lunch to practise the Bridgerton dancing? We can try on our costumes and wigs. They’re all in bags labelled with our names so just pick them up when you’re done eating breakfast.’
Perfect idea.