Chapter 21 #2
‘Hi there, I’m Baron von Goodlay. He/they.
Are you excited to be getting married today?
’ They are positively sparkling. Quite literally: they have shimmering lights woven into the large lapels of their stunning cerise tailored jacket and down the sides of the narrow-fitted trousers.
A bright pea-green fine-knit tank top adds a sophisticated contrast and matches their green handlebar moustache.
A bold and dramatic cerise top hat with vertical black curls and feathers that wouldn’t be out of place in a Louisiana steampunk convention completes the ensemble.
All of Ged and Liam’s friends and family are settled into their seats.
Likewise, the Dollz. I gently squeeze Ged’s hand.
Life will never be the same after today.
He takes in a deep breath to calm his nerves.
When the orchestra starts playing ‘I Think They Call This Love’, it’s time for me to step aside and raise the hidden microphone to my lips as we wait for the doors to open. This is Liam’s surprise to Ged.
Ged’s jaw drops as I sing the romantic lyrics in a soft, ethereal voice. His eyes pool with happy tears that almost set me off.
There’s a visible swooning as the gentle fifties-style music bathes the room with a wonderful uplifting energy.
The celebrant gives me a wink. His heavy lashes would give Tash a run for her money.
Soon it’s like the melody has cast a magic spell over the room; every single person is swaying in their seats.
They have a faint smile on their lips and a faraway look in their eyes.
I risk skimming the crowd, searching until I find Matteo.
And there he is.
Sandwiched between Birdie and Eddie.
I meet his intense gaze, his intelligent dark eyes full of feeling.
When he blinks slowly at me, I unravel. What if we can’t work things out?
Why does he keep all of these important things from me?
Aren’t we supposed to be a team? The tone of my voice changes, my chest rising as emotion drives the song out of me.
I can’t help staring back at him, aching with a desire to connect with him. For us to make things right.
A clicking sound snaps my attention from him.
The doors open and Liam and his dad walk down the aisle behind Clementine, who was drafted in at the last minute as a flower girl.
The sun aims its rays perfectly, illuminating Liam like a spotlight as he walks down the aisle radiating happiness.
Clementine is carrying a basket of petals and loving the attention.
She is the image of her mother, her curls bouncing as she sways perfectly in time to the music.
She begins twirling her many petticoats (her much-worn Elsa from Frozen costume, in case you’re wondering) and tossing the petals dramatically in the air.
Fling.
Fling.
Twirl.
All of a sudden she’s making a routine of it. Fling, fling, twirl. It’s so cute that there are oohs and aaahs… as she makes it all about her.
Fling.
Fling.
Twirl.
She skips to the end of the aisle and, just as she embarks on the whole routine for a fifth time, Dom scoops her onto his lap.
Liam and I have practised the timing to within a microsecond.
He arrives at the altar just as I finish the last of the heart-melting lyrics.
The orchestra carries on for a few beats, giving Liam and Ged the chance to take each other’s hands and gaze lovingly into one another’s eyes.
It’s all I can do to hold back my own happy tears.
They are my best friends. They’ve seen me through the worst and the best of times.
My soul is connected to them in ways that no one will ever understand.
Even the celebrant takes a moment to compose himself.
‘Welcome, everyone, to what is arguably the most romantic entrance I’ve ever had the pleasure to witness.’
You can hear a pin drop.
‘Do you, Liam Nicholson, take Ged Roberts to be your greatest love of all? Your loving friend and partner throughout this marriage?’
Liam, overcome with emotion, clears his throat. ‘I do.’
‘To talk and to listen? To trust and appreciate? To respect and cherish all at once? Do you promise to support and comfort him throughout all of life’s joys and sorrows?’
‘I do.’
‘In this one moment in time, do you promise to always love him, to save all your love for him and to share your hopes and dreams as you build your lives together?’
Liam sniffs. ‘I really do.’
‘And you, Ged, do you promise to keep encouraging Liam’s love of bingeing obscure TV dramas?’
Ged smirks. ‘I do.’
‘And to support his obsession with A-list celebrities?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘And will you continue to slowly nod your head, indicating mild-to-moderate interest, when he shows you reels of fathers and daughters lip-synching on his socials?’
‘I will.’
‘Will you continue to listen to him moaning on about how much marking he has and how badly run the school is? Agreeing blindly with everything he says?’
‘If I must.’
‘Will you be open and honest? Will you live, laugh and love together until your very last breath?’
Tears spring to Ged’s eyes as he holds Liam’s gaze, lost in their own world. ‘I will.’
There’s a beat of silence as we witness a new life, a new commitment, a new bonding taking place. Ged and Liam’s mothers have proud tears streaming down their cheeks.
‘You may exchange rings as a symbol of your everlasting promise to one another.’
The orchestra begins playing as the door opens and in toddles Louis. He makes quite the entrance and has the wedding rings tied to his dickie bow tie. They make a cute clinking sound as he waddles down the aisle, ushered by Cherry, who slipped out without anyone spotting her.
Louis is adorable in his little doggie waistcoat, his eyes huge in his tiny, wrinkled face, his stubby tail wagging and his ears bobbing from side to side. He’s halfway down the aisle when he suddenly sits down.
Ahh. With his tiny legs he must be exhausted.
He has almost everyone swooning at how cute he is.
Then Louis begins to wriggle, rubbing his tiny bum on the floor.
Cherry bends down to scoop him up and sets him back on his paws like a toy dog. But he sits right back down again.
Rub.
Rub.
Rub.
‘Come on, darling. Come to Daddy,’ says Liam. Louis’s ears prick up and he lets out a soft yowl as though to say, I’m coming. Wait for me!
Cherry’s mouth falls slightly open, stunned, as Louis begins bum-shuffling towards the altar. As he swipes his rear end along the floor, he leaves a clear trail through the petals. The orchestra draws its musical piece to a close, making the shuffle seem even slower than it probably is.
Louis’s procession begins to feel like it is going on forever. Ged and Liam frown as they watch their darling baby scrape his backside slowly along the tiles.
‘Itchy bum!’ yells Peaches into the awkward silence.
Cherry tries her best to not smirk. She has an ‘I told you so’ look in her eye as she stands patiently behind the pooch.
Oh. My. God. Louis must have worms.
All eyes are glued to this tiny puppy and his potentially disease-ridden backside rubbing against the cool floor tiles without a care in the world.
Scrape, scrape, scrape down the aisle to his new daddies.
I indicate for the orchestra to play the piece of music again while Louis shuffles towards us.
I daren’t even look at Birdie. I’m just relieved she hasn’t caused a fuss.
Once one guest starts sniggering, the whole congregation start and soon we are creased up laughing.
Louis appears to lap up the attention and eventually, once he has scratched the itch sufficiently, gets back onto his tiny paws to waddle the rest of the way.
‘Well done, darling.’ Baron von Goodlay leans down to untie the rings. He straightens back up and hands the gleaming rings to Ged and Liam. ‘We’ve all been there, am I right?’
We collapse into peals of laughter as Ged scoops Louis up into his arms.
‘Now, back to business. Let’s get you two lovebirds married.’
And all too soon, it is the end of the ceremony. ‘With this ring, I bind my soul to yours,’ repeat Ged and Liam to one another.
‘By the powers invested in me by the internet, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may now kiss like I do on my OnlyFans… or in other words, my darlings, like no one is watching.’
We all erupt into applause as Ged hands me Louis while he takes Liam’s face in his hands and kisses him gently on the lips. As he breaks free, he whispers, ‘I love you so much.’ To which Liam immediately crumbles. Ged pulls him in for a hug.
Tears spring from my eyes. I can’t believe it. My best friends have married each other. Holding Louis slightly away from me, I follow Ged and Liam down the aisle. I glance towards Matteo, but he appears to be deep in conversation with Birdie.