Chapter 25
When I prise open my eyes the following morning the first thing to greet me is the joyfully over-the-top Christmas décor.
‘Morning,’ I croak, turning over to see Matteo fluttering his eyelids open.
He yawns and stretches in what I’d say was a sleepy yet very attractive manner. ‘Is it? It feels like we slept for five minutes.’ He rubs his head.
Last night was one of the best nights of my life.
The Bridgerton ball was a success from start to finish.
It went on and on, long into the night. Even my dad was up, twirling Madge around the dance floor until way after midnight.
He took my news about moving to LA very well and was delighted when I told him that he and Madge could have a seat each on the private jet back to Newcastle tomorrow.
Today, they’re going into Nice to a posh restaurant for Christmas dinner, seeing as it’s technically their first jaunt abroad together.
And I think, now that Madge has confessed to being more than a bit wealthy, it may not be their last. Apparently, she and her late husband also invested in timeshares all over the Canaries and the south of Spain, so they are looking forward to a year of travelling.
It’s made me feel even more confident of my decision.
‘Coffee?’ I suggest.
Matteo yawns sleepily. ‘Shouldn’t it be me getting coffee for you?’
I lean over to kiss him. ‘Your turn next Christmas. Plus, I forgot to get you a gift. I’m so sorry. What with the wedding and everything, it just went clean out of my mind.’ I wince at him. ‘Don’t divorce me.’
He chuckles. ‘That’s a terrible way to start married life. Good job I didn’t forget then, isn’t it?’
‘No,’ I say, mortified. ‘Please do not give me anything. I’m a terrible wife. I don’t deserve it.’
‘Bring me a coffee. That’ll do.’
‘What is it, my Christmas gift?’
‘I’m not telling you. Coffee first.’
I’m out of bed and flinging on the first clothes I can find and padding down the corridor when Louis comes running towards me, yipping with glee. Liam is tearing after him. ‘Grab him.’
I scoop him up. He’s in a striped peach and cream onesie with a matching dummy and a twinkle in his eye. I snuggle him in. ‘Who’s a cutie pie, eh?’
Liam pads wearily towards us, shattered.
‘Did you have a great night?’
‘The best wedding ever,’ he croaks, kissing me on the cheek.
I get a whiff of stale tequila. ‘It was a very late one and now my eyes are so dry, I can’t open this one at all.
It’s completely stuck.’ He points to his left eye, clamped shut.
His hair is sticking up at right angles.
‘I’m never doing shots ever again. I’m too old.
That’s why this one took advantage. Must be going through the terrible twos. ’
I snuggle my nose into Louis’s innocent little face.
‘It’s nearly lunchtime,’ Liam declares with bewilderment. ‘We’ve all slept through breakfast.’
‘I know. I’m doing a coffee run. Want some?’
‘Oh God, yes please. And one for Ged. He was so hammered that Louis slept draped across his face all night. I think he likes his moustache. It’s comforting.’
As we’re talking, a door creaks open and a barefoot Liberty slips out of Nacho’s bedroom. She jumps, startled, when Liam sings out, ‘Morning!’
She’s still wearing her ball gown, open down the back. Her wig is tucked under her arm and her shoes are dangling from her hand.
‘Coffee?’ I ask, smirking.
She grins. ‘Yes please. I think I missed breakfast.’
‘We all have, love,’ says Liam. ‘Connie’s going to find the butler and bring us all some coffee, aren’t you, babe?’
‘I didn’t say anything of the sort but if he’s around I will. And I’m taking Louis with me. He wants to spend some alone time with his favourite aunty.’
I skip down the stairs in search of coffee.
The butler is only too pleased to see me. Apparently, there have been several conflicting requests as to what to serve with the turkey for Christmas dinner today.
‘The roast vegetables we can understand,’ he says, getting out a list and running his finger down it.
‘However, I need to check, what is bread sauce? And pigs in blankets? And Yorkshire puddings? Is that a dessert with the main course? And what is this stuffing? And cauliflower with cheese? Together with meat and a cranberry jam sauce?’ He’s flabbergasted.
‘And why would you put everything on the same plate, at the same time and drown all the flavours with gravy? I don’t understand. ’
Ah, I am so looking forward to a massive Christmas dinner with all the trimmings. I snuggle Louis into my chest. ‘I’d be delighted to explain. Is there anyone around to help deliver coffee to—’
‘Oui, oui,’ he says, snapping his fingers at the waiters and speaking rapidly in French.
‘They will take a trolley of pastries, tea and coffee around each room. You follow me to the kitchen to explain this absurdity to the chef. He is having a heart attack. You have brought a Christmas pudding to boil in a pan of water? And then we set it on fire and serve with hot custard and ice cream and clotted cream? And what is clotted cream?’
After hurriedly explaining things to the chef, it’s almost an hour later when I escape from the kitchen and return my godson.
A gong sounds to announce lunch is being served just as I arrive back to see my husband prowling around the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, wet hair and his damp skin glistening in the winter sun shining through the windows.
‘That’s all the Christmas present I need,’ I say jokingly. ‘Did you get your coffee?’
‘Yes, thanks. But I was kind of hoping you’d be delivering it yourself. What with it being my Christmas present.’
Good point.
‘And why is this rug so wet?’ he asks.
His question makes me laugh. The sleepover, the sprinkler, the vomit. ‘Oh, um, no idea. No idea at all.’ It’s best I spare him the truth.
He raises a brow.
‘Okay, fine. It started with a bottle of prune juice and went downhill from there.’
He holds up his palm, chuckling. ‘No, sorry. I can’t do it. I thought I could, but I can’t. Why don’t you jump in the shower, and we’ll go downstairs to eat instead? I’m sure the rug story can wait.’
He’s not wrong there. He might need to remortgage his house in LA.
Christmas dinner, when it is served, is magnificent. The chef has outdone himself. We are all sitting around the table with huge, satisfied grins on our faces and not a Greggs sausage roll in sight.
‘Your mashed potato without any lumps, madame,’ the waiter says to Cherry as he reveals a mound of smooth, creamy mash.
‘Your roast sprouts with extra crispy bacon bits, monsieur.’ He thrusts a bowl under Ged’s nose.
‘Your sauce of bread, monsieur.’ He places a jug of thick white sauce down beside Liam.
‘And finally, Dinde de Noel for monsieur.’ He places a bowl of dog food on the high chair in front of Louis before bowing gracefully. ‘Bon appetit.’
As soon as he exits, we launch ourselves at the food like a pack of starved wolves. Big Mand seems back to her normal self, and it is great to see her tucking into the meal with gusto. ‘Me and Sue have some news we’d like to share after we’ve eaten,’ she manages between mouthfuls.
Big Sue nods, colour rising in her cheeks as she squeezes Big Mand’s hand affectionately.
Ah. They’re so cute.
Liberty is sitting next to Nacho, both with goofy expressions on their faces. They have giggled and whispered into each other’s ears non-stop throughout the entire meal. They are positively glowing with the first blooms of love, and it suits them.
Nacho tilts his head, the corners of his eyes crinkling. ‘She is coming to your second wedding. As my guest. Okay?’
‘Of course,’ says Matteo.
‘Technically, it’ll be her third,’ scoffs Liberty. ‘Connie, you’re like the Imelda Marcos of weddings.’
Nacho frowns.
‘She’s like J-Lo? Addicted to white dresses?’ Liberty chuckles. ‘Lots of quickie, ten-a-penny weddings?’ This causes a ripple of laughter around the table.
‘Well, don’t expect us there, hun, because…’ Tash sweeps her gaze around the room. ‘Me and Kev have an announcem—’
At that moment the door creaks open and the waiter brings in a silver platter.
His arms are wobbling under the weight of it.
It’s the Christmas pudding that Liberty jetted in with from Harrods and next to it the one from Aldi that Cherry brought with her and next to that the mid-range one from Tesco that Tash and Sister Kevin brought with them because it was voted best pudding on Loose Women.
We watch as he sets them down in the centre of the table and sets fire to all three at once, jumping when the puddings blaze instantly.
The children squeal with delight at the bonfire inches in front of them, dangerously close to the twist of fir cones and holly and berries running the length of the tablescape.
Matteo leaps up and grabs the nearby jug and a clean napkin, soaks it in water and flaps it over the platter, damping down the flames before the whole chateau is burnt to a crisp.
‘Thank you,’ he says to the waiter once the flames have gone out. ‘Very nice, thank you.’
The other waiter enters with jugs of cream, hot custard and bowls of ice cream, unsure of how to serve any of it.
‘We’ll take it from here, love,’ says Tash, standing up to lean over the puddings. ‘It’s best when it’s piping hot. So that the ice cream melts all over it.’ While she gets busy serving the Christmas pudding into our bowls, Cherry also stands up.
‘I’d like to make a toast to Ged and Liam.
This has been the best wedding I’ve ever been to.
’ We all stop to let her words sink in. Surely her own wedding was the best wedding she’s ever been to?
‘I know what you’re thinking but Dom and I…
’ She pauses to gaze lovingly at him. ‘We had a quick registry do on account of…’ She flicks her eyes to Clementine.
‘Well, it doesn’t matter why because, as of yesterday, we’ve decided to renew—’
‘Hang on, hold your horses, pet,’ Tash interrupts. ‘Me and Kev were just about to announce some good news.’
‘And you can,’ says Cherry soothingly. ‘This won’t take long. We just need everyone to save the date for our—’
‘You can do it after me.’ Tash puts down the bowl she’s halfway through spooning pudding into with a loud clack. ‘These are already getting cold.’ She resumes manhandling pudding into bowls very vigorously.
Ged stands up. ‘Thank you, Cherry, and thank you everyone for coming. We couldn’t have done it without you.
I’d like to toast my new husband, Liam, and our new son, Louis, for making my happiness so complete.
’ As though listening in, Louis lets out a tiny yowl of approval from his high chair.
He is now wearing a red onesie with reindeer on and a matching set of antlers on his head. Very cute.
Liam stands up next to Ged, putting an arm around his shoulder. ‘We have some big news to share. Big, big news. We’ve decided to—’
‘I think you’ll find I was first in the queue for announcements,’ booms Big Mand, getting to her feet.
‘True,’ agrees Big Sue. ‘We did literally just say we’d announce after dinner.’
‘Trust me,’ says Ged, beaming. ‘You’re all gonna want to hear this. It’s big.’ His face will split in two if he smiles any harder.
‘If it’s just a christening for Louis then I can guarantee our news is bigger,’ says Big Mand, who is also beaming.
Liam lets out a high-pitched shriek. ‘Everyone! We’ve decided to move down und—’
Clatter.
‘But we haven’t finished dinner yet. I’m still serving the pudding. Which is getting friggin’ cold,’ Tash snaps. ‘And FYI, our news is pretty friggin’ BIG too!’
Oh God. What is happening? Is this announcement wars? I feel Matteo’s shoulders shaking with mirth. He’s trying desperately not to laugh. Half the people around the table are now standing.
Liberty is creased up laughing. ‘For fuck’s sake, you lot. Sit down and eat your Christmas pudding. Then we’ll pull names out of the hat for who makes their BIG announcement first. Okay?’
Gosh. This seems very reasonable. I’m even more surprised to note that this suggestion lands very well.
Very well indeed. With smug smiles, like none of us will guess what the others are about to reveal, they all take their seats and resume chatting and eating as though the squabbling had not even occurred.
‘You have very weird friends,’ Matteo whispers in my ears.
‘I know. I have told you that many times.’ He should really get used to that. It’s becoming a strong feature of hanging out with my lot. I sit back, placing my hands on my stomach which is about to burst. ‘Now, what did you get me for Christmas? You never had the chance to say.’
Matteo glimpses out of the window. ‘It’s more of a Christmas surprise for all of you, really.’
I follow his gaze. I hear tinkling bells outside. I frown quizzically at him. ‘What is it?’
‘Go and see.’
I get up and walk over to the window before gasping loudly.
‘Oh my God!’ Trotting up to the fountain are six massive white beautiful shire horses.
Each has reindeer antlers on and a strip down their nose harnesses with a big red nose ball on the end.
They are pulling a large carriage, the wheels disguised by a magnificent sleigh.
And holding the reins is a jolly Santa. He is dressed in the full authentic costume of dark red velvet suit, big black belt and boots, white curling hair and full beard to match his gloves. I blink the tears away.
‘I thought we could create our own Christmas memories,’ he says, coming up behind me. ‘As well as honour some of the past.’
I take a beat to let his words land. He’s referring to my favourite Christmas memory: the Central Park carriage ride with my mother.
So thoughtful.
So kind.
My heart is full to bursting. He knows me. He listens to me. He loves me. ‘Thank you. This means so much to me. I promise I’ll get you something amazing in return.’
‘Don’t bother,’ he murmurs in my ear, holding me tightly. ‘I have everything I need right here.’
I. Have. Never. Loved. Him. More.
We all race outside, squealing with excitement. The sleigh is big enough for all of us to pile in. It has Cap Ferrat Christmas Miracle Tours written on the side.
Liam’s head whips round. ‘See, Connie. I told you. Miracles do happen at Christmas.’
I grin back at him as I snuggle into Matteo. He’s right. I look around at all the excited, happy faces. We all have so much to look forward to. Who knows what the future will bring?
‘Ho, ho, ho,’ Santa yells. ‘All aboard for the ride of a lifetime!’
Merry Christmas!