Chapter 9 #2
"There was a guy named Desmond. He was from PEI and he talked in his sleep—full conversations, both sides, like he was running a radio show for an audience of no one. I'd lie there at two in the morning listening to him negotiate the price of a used truck with someone who didn't exist."
Zadie’s lips parted and her eyes went wide. "That’s wild. Where is he now?"
"He finished his service, and I believe he went back east." Gideon shrugged. "I didn't stay in touch."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm good at building systems and terrible at maintaining connections.
" When he met her gaze, a million of their late-night gaming conversations flew through his mind. How they’d connected, how she understood his need to disconnect from the real world and walk into the fantasy world created in video games.
"When Darwin helped get me the job at Hyperon, one condition of the job was sticking with a project. It wasn’t about creating a functional structure and then having the software developers figure out how to maintain it.
I needed to see it all the way through and keep it going.
I committed to that with ETHER, but in doing so, it forced me to make deeper connections.
That was hard. Probably why I dove so deep into our online world sometimes. "
She shifted, turning more toward him, and rested her hand on his knee.
"I’ve always walked through life with a smile on my face.
It’s something my dad taught me." She tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. "Everyone thinks it’s easy for me to make friends because I’m always so bubbly.
But that’s my way of keeping a piece of my dad with me. "
"I don’t believe for one second it would be very easy for you to walk away from this team.
Not like I walked out of my life." Gideon held up his hand when she opened her mouth. "I understand the world believes you’re dead. But you’re not hiding.
You’re fighting to get your life back. To give Darwin his, and you haven’t known him very long.
You suck people in without even trying. And I mean that in a good way. "
"In part, I went into my position in the military because I’m good at what I do.
I have a passion for it, and I’d heard about you and that inspired me.
But you know as well as I do that my position is "attached" and therefore not permanent placements to any team. For me, that was by design. And until this team and Neve fought for me, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. "
He ran his finger across the back of her hand.
"I’ll never forget my first deployment," she continued.
"My desk was in a windowless room in Petawawa. I had four monitors, two keyboards, a coffee machine that belonged to my CO which I wasn’t allowed to touch, and a chair that squeaked every time I breathed.
Eleven months monitoring encrypted comms and writing reports that no one read. "
"You said you hated coffee."
"I do. But I hated being told I couldn't have it more."
He laughed.
"Thing was, I kind of loved that little dark office where all I had to do was chase data.
I was petrified of where I was going to be sent next.
The orders arrived, and I boarded a transport plane headed overseas.
The location was hotter than hell, the food was criminal, and I shared a tent with three women who I became friends with.
Real ones." She pulled at a thread on the cushion.
"That was six years ago, and I haven’t talked to them since.
" She turned her hand and threaded her fingers through his.
"We’re individuals with a history of weak relationships, who used fake online identities, and now, one of us is deceased, and the other might be a criminal. That's a hell of a foundation."
"I’m sure there are worse ones out there." Gideon ran his finger across her skin. "Or how about the ones who refuse to acknowledge it?"
"Wynn and Darwin." Her smile grew, and her eyes sparkled under the dim lighting. "It’s so obvious they’re into each other. I don’t get it."
"In all the years I’ve known him, I’ve never seen him with a woman," Gideon said.
"You never met his ex-wife?"
Gideon shook his head. "I’ve heard about her, but they divorced years before I ever met him.
Years before he even moved over to Hyperion.
" He lifted his hand, palming her cheek. Leaning in, he kissed her softly. It wasn’t a big, romantic kiss.
Or even a passionate one. Just one that told her he was there, that he cared, and whatever this was, he wanted more.
"It’s getting late, and Darwin wants me to work more on that device and the patches you found."
"And he’s an early riser." She stood. He followed. She took her glass and washed it in the sink while he waited to rinse out his bottle before tossing it in the recycling bin.
They walked down the corridor toward the bedrooms. The bunker was quiet, and he liked the stillness. It surprised him that he didn’t feel trapped by the idea that he was a couple of stories underground. It was actually comforting in a weird way.
Or maybe it was the people.
Zadie stopped and leaned against the frame. "Well, this is me."
He stepped forward and kissed her again, because how could he not? She was one of the most amazing women he’d ever met. Kind, smart, beautiful. She’d touched his heart long before he’d ever laid eyes on her.
Her fingers curled into his shirt, and she pulled him a half step closer, deepening the kiss, just to the edge of danger before she pulled back. Blinking wildly, her lips slightly parted, she stood in his arms instead of moving into her room.
The hallway stretched empty in both directions. His door was three steps behind him. Hers was right there, the edge of her bed just visible in the low light.
She let go of his shirt. Slowly. One finger at a time.
He could ask. The question was right there. But Gideon had learned a long time ago that the things worth having were the things worth being patient for.
"Good night." He turned, took three strides toward his room, and closed the door, without glancing over his shoulder.
He stood in his room with his heart at his feet. He’d always had timing issues when it came to women. And he certainly didn’t understand them.
But Zadie was different. He didn’t just want her. He wanted to be with her.
She’d been sending the same signals, and he was the asshole who’d left her standing in the hallway because he was too afraid to get too close.
He reached for the door and curled his fingers around the knob. He was done letting fear stand in the way. The worst thing that could happen was that she’d turn him down.