Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
Supper was over, and her grandma sat napping on the couch.
Usually Nelly took a little nap herself, to get ready for meeting her Secret Saint partner, or she might correct papers in her chair, although she didn’t have anything to do today. She’d been going pretty light on the kids since Christmas was so close.
She felt torn though. She was definitely attracted to her Secret Saint partner. He was generous and kind and thoughtful and very much loved the Lord, and he was concerned about bringing glory to God and not about making himself look good.
And then the more time she spent with Roland McBride, the more she felt a definite attraction to him as well. And now that she knew the Secret Saint was Roland…the feelings had multiplied. She had no idea how he felt about her, but…the confusion and uncertainty in her own heart was real.
She pulled out her phone and dialed the number of the one person who had always given her fabulous advice, her old college roommate, Kate Woolbert.
She hadn’t talked to Kate for a month at least, since both of them were teachers, and this time of year was crazy busy for any teacher.
Kate was probably working on programs at her school, if not at her church as well, and there were always extra activities in the classroom this time of year.
It wouldn’t have shocked her if Kate hadn’t answered, but the phone only rang three times before she heard her friend’s voice.
“Nelly! It’s so good for you to call me!”
“It’s nice to hear your voice. It’s been a long time.”
“I know. Considering that when we first started teaching, we were talking every day.”
“Twice a day, morning and evening. I think we needed the moral support. It’s not for the faint of heart.”
“No. I was scared to death I was gonna ruin an entire classroom full of kids when I first started.”
“Me too. And it was nice to know that I wasn’t the only person in the world who felt like that.”
They had had many shared conversations that first year especially, and then as they slowly became almost veteran teachers, their conversations became more about their lives and less about their students, although they still enjoyed exchanging stories.
“What’s going on?” Kate asked, and Nelly gave her a few updates on her life and then asked about hers.
After they were done getting each other up to speed on the various things that were going on, Nelly finally waited for a break in the conversation, and then she said, “I’ve got a little bit of a problem, and I wanted your perspective on it.”
“It’s about a man, isn’t it?” Kate said immediately, laughing.
“How’d you guess?” she said with a chuckle.
“Woman’s intuition, right?”
They shared another moment of laughter, and then Nelly said, “So I told you that I’m doing some Secret Saint work.”
“Right, and that’s just basically like a Secret Santa, only townwide.”
“Yes. And no one knows my identity. What I didn’t mention is that I have a partner.”
“Oh? Tall, dark, and handsome?”
“I’m not sure. He is tall, taller than me anyway, but I have no idea what he looks like.”
“Intriguing.”
“Right?” Nelly took in a deep breath and blew it out, trying to figure out where to start. “Anyway, we work well together, and…I’ve already found out that he’s about my age and he’s not married.”
“Those are important details to know.”
“Right, and then he was telling me about some issues that he had, and…when he gave me the details of his family, I was able to piece a few things together and figure out who he was.”
“Okay.”
“Do you remember the guy I told you about that I was always in competition with in high school and elementary school?”
“The one who got the valentine that you accidentally gave to the wrong person, and he made fun of you?”
“Yeah. That one.”
“Oh my goodness, he’s the Secret Saint that you’ve been working with?”
“Yes. We’re doing the Christmas program together too. Through our own volunteering, we kind of got pushed into it. So it’s not like he’s secretly trying to be with me.”
“Okay. And does he know your identity as a Secret Saint?”
“No. He doesn’t, at least—I’ve been very careful to try to make sure that he doesn’t. So unless he recognizes my voice, he hasn’t seen me or anything of me, except my hands.”
“Okay. Are you wearing jewelry?”
“No.”
“All right.”
“So… I don’t know whether to tell him that I know who he is or not.
And this feeling that I have, this… I work better with him than I’ve ever worked with anyone, and I just feel—I don’t know, protective of him somehow, and attracted to him for sure, but I don’t know how he feels about me.
And I don’t know what to do about it. Should I tell him I know who he is?
Should I tell him that I’m attracted to him?
I mean, that’s gonna be really embarrassing if he only likes me as a friend. ”
“Right, so that’s the con, but the pro of that is that he might like you for more, so you have a lot to gain if he does.”
“And you’re saying that that is better than the potential embarrassment if he doesn’t.”
“Right.”
“Or should I tell him that I’m his Secret Saint partner first?”
“Yeah. I would definitely do that, and I would do it as soon as possible.”
“Why? I keep telling myself that it’s better to keep our identities a secret.”
“It is, if neither one of you knows who the other is, but if you know something that he doesn’t, you’re hiding it from him and not the rest of the town. And…how would you feel if he knew who you were, and he didn’t tell you?”
Nelly sat and thought about that for a while. It was always good to try to put herself in someone else’s position and try to figure out how she would feel about it.
It didn’t take her long to figure out that she would want to know. And she would feel betrayed if Roland actually did have feelings for her, knew who she was, and didn’t tell her. After all, wasn’t that the bedrock of any relationship—that you were honest and open with each other?
“I would want to know,” she said simply.
“That’s what I thought.”
“So I need to tell him who I am, and then you think I need to admit that I’m attracted to him?”
“Now that, I don’t necessarily think you need to admit immediately.
I mean, you’ll get hints from him about whether he kind of feels the same.
Like, there’s no need to put yourself out there unless you have an inkling that you’re not going to be embarrassed.
You can kind of get an idea that you’re not going to, first.”
“Right.” She let out a breath. “Thanks for clarifying that for me. I don’t know why I struggled with it so much. To say or not to say, how long to keep the secret, all of that. You know?”
“Yeah. You know, the other thing that you could do is just ask him. If you guys talk as easily as you say you do, just say, ‘Hey, if I figure out who you are, do you want me to tell you that I know?’”
“Then he’ll pretty much know that I know.”
“Exactly. And then he’ll know whether he wants to know, and then he’ll be able to tell you whether he wants to know who you are. Make sense?”
“Yeah. Good point.” It was always good to just talk about things rather than make assumptions or act on partial information, when she could get everything she needed.
“So I was thinking about coming back home,” Kate said after they’d been silent for a bit and Nelly had been thinking about hanging up.
“For a visit?” Nelly said, immediately excited that her friend would be coming home.
“No… For good.”
“But you just said you were really happy there. You were involved in so many things! It’s all going really well, I thought.”
“Well, I’m making it work, but…I thought working in an inner-city school would be rewarding, and it is when I work with the students, but there are so many things they want me to teach that I don’t believe in, and the culture and attitude here is just…
It’s so much different than our beautiful small town, you know? ”
“You’re homesick,” Nelly said simply.
“Yeah. I’m definitely homesick.”
But it was more too. Nelly could tell from the tone of her voice that she was deeply unhappy with the direction things were going at the school district she worked at.
“Whoever’s in charge usually makes a big difference in the general atmosphere of the school.”
They were blessed enough in Mistletoe Meadows to have a really amazing school counselor, but…she thought that person might be leaving.
“You know what, you’ve been working on getting your credentials—do you have them?”
“I should finish up at the end of this year, if I can stand four more months of working and going to school as well. I’m tired.”
“It’s a lot. But the school counselor position might be opening up here in Mistletoe Meadows. I can keep an ear to the ground for you.”
“That’s awesome. Now that I know that, I can keep an eye out for it myself too. But do please let me know if you hear anything.”
“I absolutely will. I would love it if you came back in that position. That would be wonderful.”
“Wouldn’t it?” Kate said with a sigh.
“All right. I’ve kept you long enough.” She saw her grandmother stir and figured she probably ought to try to get her to bed and then take a little rest herself.
“Thanks for calling,” Kate said.
They hung up shortly afterward, and Nelly sat there for a moment, feeling so much better after having talked to someone. Of course, she needed to let Roland know she knew who he was. And then he could decide whether he wanted to know who she was. Maybe she should do that tonight.