Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Nelly pulled her hood a little tighter around her head and quickened her steps. The night air was cool, crisp, and it had the smell of snow in it.
Christmas lights twinkled on the gazebo ahead, and a shadow moved.
Roland.
She smiled to herself.
While Roland knew who she was, and she didn't need her disguise for him any longer, she continued to wear it because neither one of them wanted the entire town knowing who they were.
There was something about giving to people in secret that made it more fun.
And maybe even more of a blessing, because it definitely couldn't be about them seeking recognition or fame or accolades, if no one knew who they were.
But, there was something really nice about knowing that Roland was her partner. Maybe a few somethings, since her feelings had gotten all jumbled up.
She wanted to talk to him about them so badly, but she didn't want to ruin what they had. It would not just make the Secret Saint projects awkward, but they were working on the Christmas program together too. It had been coming along really, really well.
The shadow moved again, and she caught a glimpse of Roland, his broad shoulders, and even a flash of his smile. He apparently was holding his ski cap.
Her feet moved faster of their own accord, and she found herself a little breathless, as she made it to the gazebo, coming to a stop closer to him than she intended.
"In a rush to get this done before the snow arrives?" he asked, with a smile in his voice.
She nodded. That wasn't exactly what had happened, but it seemed like a good excuse. And, it was true that she didn't want to drive in the snow.
"I have my car parked around the corner.
Did you check to see if the house was empty?
" That had been their plan. He was coming in from the other direction and they figured that they would meet first, because neither one of them had heard conclusively that the family they were delivering the gifts to was not going to be home.
"I scouted out their house a little bit ago, and saw the car with the parents and kids in it driving away. I assume they're going out like you heard they were going to."
"Perfect. Do you want to come with me? We can drive over together."
She kept her voice low, and managed to keep from reaching out to touch him. Just being near him sent odd tingles of something warm and happy down her backbone.
"Sure," he said easily, and they fell into step together.
He seemed a little quiet as they walked along, and she thought back to the Christmas program, and Pastor and Mrs. Tucker. In particular, Mrs. Tucker and the disapproving frown the woman gave Roland. Was he bothered by that?
"Is everything okay?"
The muted clump of their feet struck the sidewalk four more times before he spoke.
"My mom hasn't been feeling well. I can't really share anything more than that, because she doesn't want my siblings to know. And I can hardly tell someone outside the family when they don't have the information. But... I guess it's weighing on me some."
"This is a terrible time of year to have news like that. And your mom is such a pillar in the community. I'm sure she's just as much the backbone of your family."
"Yeah. I mean, I guess our family won't fall apart if something happens to her, but it feels like it, you know?" He paused for a moment, and then he said, "Plus, I want my kids to know her. I want them to have the blessing of being around her, gleaning from her wisdom, I want that for myself too."
"This sounds pretty serious," Nelly said, thinking that he wasn't talking about any old disease. It sounded like he was talking about something that could kill his mother.
"I guess it has the potential to be." His words were soft. And then a short silence stretched between them. Finally he said, "I feel better just talking to you about it. I'm sorry I brought it up, but I can't share the details."
"No. Don't be sorry. I totally understand.
I wouldn't want your siblings to be upset that you shared something with me that they don't even know.
And, I get how talking with someone helps.
Or even just having someone with you. The day you helped me with my gram really shifted things for me. I... felt like I wasn't alone."
"Anytime you want help, just say so."
"I didn't even have to ask. You just walked in when you heard something was wrong.
That... made a difference." That was probably the turning point in her real life, where she started to see Roland as someone other than an antagonist, or her enemy.
She started to see him as a man with compassion, and faults, yes, but also a lot of good qualities as well.
"I'm glad I was able to help. Even if it was just a little."
"I feel the same." She was trying to say that it didn't matter to her that he couldn't tell her all the details. She could fill in enough to know that he was talking about something serious, what, exactly, didn't matter. It just mattered that she was there for him.
They had made it to her car, and to her surprise, he followed her to the driver's side, and opened her door for her.
"Thanks," she said, a little flustered as she sat down in her seat. She fumbled with the key before she got it in the ignition while he was walking around.
He had just opened her door for her.
There was definitely a part of her that was swooning inside. How sweet of him. Somehow it didn't shock her that Roland McBride was a gentleman. In fact, she supposed it was what she expected at this point.
"I'm not sure how I got the exact wrong impression of you," she said after he had settled in his seat and they started driving slowly down the street.
"What do you mean?"
"For so many years we were competitors. I thought of you as... Maybe not my enemy, but something close."
"And I was annoyed by you."
She laughed. She couldn't believe that he was just annoyed. She thought more like he probably hated her, but she didn't correct him. "And yet... The way I thought you were isn't the way you actually are."
"I suppose I could say the same," he said.
They glanced over the console at each other, and she had to remind herself to look back at the road.
There was something about him that drew her, something that made her want to tell him that she wanted there to be more between them, but this was probably not the time or the place.
Plus, it was like she thought earlier. She didn't want to ruin things between them or make them awkward.
And if it turned out that he didn't feel the same, it would definitely be awkward.
How long should she wait?
She was still toying with the question as they got out, and opened her trunk, pulling out the gifts that she had carefully wrapped over the last week, after she and Roland had gathered them up.
They walked quickly but quietly toward the house, each of them carrying as many gifts as they could.
They made three more trips, until all of the gifts that they had were sitting by the back door, under the porch roof.
"I think that's about it—" Roland started, and then he froze. Headlights flashed, and the low rumble of a car engine came across the chilly night air.
"Quick," he said, his arm coming around her waist, as he pulled her around the corner of the porch, to where a chimney came up against the house, and pressed her into the corner between the house and the chimney.
She had managed to swallow her squeak of surprise as he grabbed her, but now, as he pressed against her, only part of her was listening for the sound of crunching gravel as the car pulled into the unpaved drive.
A car door opened, and then slammed closed, and there were footsteps.
The other part of her felt the warm weight of his body against her, smelled the clean, manly scent, and tried to keep her hands from moving from where they were clenched at her side, to wrapping around Roland's waist, or sliding up his chest and around his neck.
What in the world was she thinking? They could get caught. She should be more concerned about staying still and quiet, and what in the world they would do if someone saw them, than she was in thinking about how good it felt to be pressed against Roland.
The front door opened, and then it closed again, and a light came on, spilling into the yard.
"I only heard one door," Roland said, his voice a soft growl next to her ear.
"Same," she said, thinking back to the car door slamming.
There seemed to be movement in the house as a shadow fell across the light, and then it went out.
Roland hadn't moved, other than his breathing, but she fancied she could feel his heart beating hard against hers.
The front door opened and closed, then footsteps retreated back to the car, and then the door opened and closed again.
Soon the car engine sounded a little louder, and the lights splashed again.
Not long after that, the car disappeared from sight and sound.
"That was close," Roland said, and there was relief in his voice, although he hadn't moved away from her at all.
"Maybe he forgot something."
"That's what I was thinking. Although, at first I thought the entire family was back."
"Yeah."
They didn't say anything for a bit, and still, Roland didn't move. Her head tilted up a bit, and she realized he was staring down at her. As she watched, his throat worked as though he were trying to swallow.
Finally, his voice sounded a little raspy as he said, "Sorry I grabbed you like that."
"You needed to. I hadn't quite figured out what was going on, and if you had tried to talk to me about it, I probably wouldn't have understood at first."
One side of his mouth kicked up a bit, and for some reason, her eyes were drawn to that. She had a feeling that it was his mouth, and the closeness of his body, far more than the near miss of being discovered, that was causing her heart to race and her breathing to be so shallow.
"Nelly," he said quietly, his hand trailing down her cheek.
When had he even raised it? She hadn't noticed. Her hands rested lightly on his waist. When had that happened? She remembered thinking about it, but didn't remember moving at all.
"Roland?" Her voice was soft, a whisper in the wind.
But loud enough to shake him from whatever trance he was in, because his breath hitched, and then he pulled in a deep one before he stepped back.
"I hope I wasn't crushing you," he said, and he seemed to be trying to inject some humor into his tone.
She didn't want humor. She wanted to be kissed. Maybe. Not maybe, for sure. That was what she was hoping would happen. But he seemed... embarrassed, determined to get away from her as soon as possible, if his three steps backward, and the hand adjusting his ski mask was any indication.
"Are you ready to go?" he asked, when she didn't move.
Disappointment spiraled through her. Whatever moment they had, was gone. It was probably for the best. Although, that didn't help her to be any less disappointed.
She was the one who was extra quiet as they walked back to her car, and she drove him to where he had his pickup parked.
They parted amicably, but she felt a little unsettled, even later as she lay in bed.
Was he just unattracted to her? Or was there something wrong with her? Why had he not taken a perfect opportunity to, if not kiss her, at least profess his feelings? Maybe that was because he had no feelings toward her. It was all in her head, what she wished could be, instead of what really was.
And, the fact of the matter was, she had a really, really good friend. Instead of moping around, wishing he could be more, she should appreciate the friendship he had offered, and not constantly wish that it was more. She was going to end up ruining a very good thing.