Chapter 19
Hollywood
Ruby made an excited squeak as soon as we arrived at the empty lot next door to Ghost’s trailer, where the guys were converging on our hangout spot.
Lawn chairs surrounded a firepit, which glowed orange in the dusky evening light. A barrier stood around it to keep Ruby and Knight’s dog, Biscuit, from getting too close.
Ghost scrubbed the grill, face set in grim lines, but then he always looked like that. Knight was kicked back, feet propped on a cooler, beer in his hands.
Ruby wiggled. “Puppy! Puppy!”
Knight’s gray-and-white Boston Terrier had her full attention. I put her down, and she ran straight for him. Biscuit yipped and bowed to her, as if they were at a formal gala. Ruby giggled and yanked on one of his perky ears.
Thankfully, Biscuit seemed delighted. He trotted around the chairs, letting Ruby chase and catch him.
Tex grinned. “Makes you miss the days when tag was the best game ever, huh?”
“I don’t know. I think a game of chase could still be fun with the right partner.” I gave him a cheeky wink.
He ducked his head, but I saw the smile he was hiding.
The storm clouds of the other night had cleared by morning.
Tex seemed back to his usual self. But I knew how good he was at exuding nonchalance while inside a storm brewed.
It concerned me that he wouldn’t open up and talk, but Tex wasn’t like me.
He didn’t spill his worries; he pushed them down deep inside.
“She looks like she’s feeling better,” Knight said as we sat down.
“Aiden’s advice was right on the money,” Tex said. “Where is he, anyway?”
“Running late, as usual. He’ll be here.” He chewed his cheek. “I just hope Joyride shows.”
Joy had skipped the Redemption Road meeting, claiming he didn’t feel well. Seeing Dakota had shaken him, but maybe that was good. Like Tex, he’d been shoving down the guilt and shame over what happened. He needed to face it.
Knight got a couple of beers from the cooler for us. I hadn’t had time to stop for the IPA I preferred, so I was stuck with his crappy Miller, but I wasn’t about to make a fuss and let the guys all shit-talk me for being a spoiled princess.
Biscuit and Ruby tired of their game, and Ruby climbed up onto Tex’s lap while he and Knight shot the shit about his new job. He seemed to be thriving there, which was a good change from his experience last year.
I pulled out my phone and texted Joyride.
Hollywood:
We won’t have anything to eat if you don’t show.
Joyride:
You’re all grown men. Go find something.
Hollywood:
Get your ass over here right now.
“You talking to Joyride?” Tex asked.
“Yeah. He needs to stop hiding away and wallowing.”
Tex nodded. “Guilt is a nasty business. It gets its hooks in you and it’s hard to get loose.”
Ghost sauntered over, still standing. Knight lifted his feet off the cooler and got out a beer for him. Ghost took it with a nod of thanks.
“Watch that boy carefully,” he said. “Guilt like that can kill a man.”
My chest tightened. That was grim. I didn’t doubt it was true, though.
I checked my phone, but he hadn’t replied since my last comment. I hoped he was driving here—and not just leaving me on Read.
“How’s the barbershop?” Knight asked. “I need to get in for a cut.”
“Just come by anytime. I’ll fit you in.”
“Thanks, man. Clint still a good boss?”
“Oh, he’s the best, except for how hard he works himself. The man keeps the shop open six days a week. I could cover Mondays alone, but he always wants to check in and ends up hanging around for hours.”
“Maybe he doesn’t have anything else he’d rather do.”
I tilted my head, thinking about that. Clint had told me he didn’t have anyone else to pass the shop onto. Maybe the barbershop customers were his family and friends. Not so different from us, in a way. Redemption Road was a family of sorts, too.
I had Ruby—and maybe I’d even have Carrie again, in some co-parenting role—but Tex and the other guys were my brothers. Except for the whole fucking Tex part. That was a little less brotherly.
“What’s got you snickering over there?” Tex asked.
Everyone looked at me. I shook my head. “You don’t want to know. Trust me.”
Tex gave me a long look, almost as if he knew my mind was dwelling on things better left unsaid. He turned to Ghost. “I was thinking about putting in a garden at our place, but you’ve got a lot of space out here. What do you think of me planting a crop or two?”
“As long as I don’t have to keep it alive,” Ghost said. “I’ve got enough work as the park groundskeeper.”
“How’s that going?”
“Nina likes to get her money’s worth,” he said dryly.
A loud motor cut through the night, and we all turned to watch Joyride’s yellow Hummer pull to a stop. He hopped out, a grocery bag swinging from his fingertips.
He crossed the weedy lot toward us and handed it to Ghost. “Here, you won’t starve now.”
Ghost looked into the bag. “Salmon patties?”
Joyride shrugged. “I grabbed the first thing I saw. My mom’s been doing some sort of seafood diet.”
“All right.” He turned for the grill. “We’ll see how this goes.”
“Joy!” Ruby exclaimed as she wiggled her way down Tex’s legs to the ground. “Joy! Joy!”
Everyone chuckled as she made a beeline for him. He scooped her up, his tense face relaxing into a genuine smile. “Hey, girlie. Did you miss me?”
“Park,” she said.
“Ah, you only love me for my park trips.” He nodded. “That tracks.”
“I was getting worried I was about to be replaced as the favorite,” Tex said.
Joyride smirked at me. “Yeah, not happening.”
Hopefully no one else noticed the subtext that Tex was my favorite, as well.
Joyride took a seat on the other side of the fire, holding Ruby in his lap. She played with his hair, which was long enough to brush his collar. Biscuit trotted over to investigate the newcomer with a few sniffs, then curled up on Knight’s toes.
“How are you doing, Joy?” Knight asked. “We heard you got a little surprise at the rehab center.”
He wasn’t one to beat around the bush.
Joy shrugged. “I’m fine. I’m the one who got to walk away from the accident, so…”
“Doesn’t mean you’re not hurting,” Knight said. “And if you are, we’re all here for you. Hollywood said you were pretty shaken up.”
Joyride scowled. “Holly shouldn’t be blabbing my business.”
“I’m sorry. When you didn’t show for the meeting yesterday, they were worried. We’re all here for you.”
“Yeah, well.”
He didn’t seem to have anything to say to that. He gazed at the fire, looking lost.
“Joey,” I said tentatively. “We just want to make sure you’re okay.”
“Stop worrying about me,” he said sharply enough that Ruby flinched. He rubbed her back, softening his tone. “Sorry, baby. I’m not mad at you. No, I never could be. You’re the best.”
He kissed the crown of her head. Ruby didn’t seem overly upset. But she climbed off his lap, anyway, maybe sensing the tension in him.
She stopped by Knight, who looked nervous, then plopped down next to Biscuit and laid her head against his side.
“Aw. Adorable.” Aiden’s voice came out of the dark. He must have left his car at his place and walked. He came across the lot, dressed casually in jeans and a T-shirt, hair looking freshly washed.
Knight brightened. “Hey, Angel. Come sit on me.”
“Whoa, there’s a child present,” Tex joked.
“Hilarious.” Aiden perched on Knight’s knee, leaning in for a quick kiss. “So, what did I miss?”
“We were just trying to talk to Joyride about what happened at the rehab center.”
“That must have been rough.” Aiden turned, voice soft. “How are you holding up?”
He groaned. “No one needs to worry about me, okay? I’m fine. I’m the one who fucked up. I don’t deserve pity.”
“If anyone’s throwing a pity party, it’s you,” Knight shot back.
He didn’t like anyone saying a word out of line to Aiden. But he wasn’t wrong. Joyride was wallowing in his pain.
Joy’s eyes gleamed in the firelight. “What should I do? I can’t change what happened.”
“You can’t hide from it,” I said quietly. “You have to face it.”
“Hollywood’s right,” Aiden said. “All this guilt serves no one. The more you try to push it down, the more it will eat you up. You’ve got to purge it.”
“How do I do that?” Joyride asked, voice flat and listless.
“Express it,” Ghost said, having drifted over from the grill. “Tell that woman how deeply sorry you are.”
“And what if she doesn’t want to see me?”
“Write a letter,” Knight suggested.
Joyride didn’t have an immediate rebuttal, which was progress.
“The important thing is to get your feelings out there,” Aiden said. “Even if you decide not to send it, you can write down your apology, your regret, and how you wish you’d handled it differently. You’d be surprised how healing it is to finally put those feelings into words.”
Joyride gnawed on his lip. “I guess I could try. It won’t heal Dakota, though.”
“There are some mistakes you can’t take back,” I said gently. “But it was an accident. You didn’t set out to hurt Dakota. Try to hold on to that.”
He shook his head. “It just doesn’t seem like enough.”
“Maybe it isn’t,” Knight said. “But you’ve got to start somewhere. If you let it, this kind of guilt will poison you.”
I glanced at Tex, thinking of him brooding over his father and holding it all inside. He looked thoughtful, like he was turning over what Knight said. Maybe Joyride wouldn’t be the only one taking some advice tonight.
“Okay, these salmon patties are done,” Ghost said. “I’ve got some side items in the house.”
Joyride jumped up. “I’ll get them.”
Aiden followed him. I hoped he’d give Joyride some of that comforting bedside manner he was mastering as a doctor. The kid could use a hug, if nothing else.
We spent the next few minutes loading paper plates with salmon patties, barbecue chips, and coleslaw. I took Ruby onto my lap and let her have bites of my food. The girl was developing quite an appetite, and Tex had to get me seconds because she ate so much of the salmon.
“Not bad,” Knight said.
Ghost nodded. “Better than I expected.”
“I miss the steak,” Tex said.
I kicked his ankle. Joyride was having a rough enough time without his complaints.
Joy laughed, looking happy that we’d moved on from talking about his situation with Dakota. Maybe Tex had the right idea after all.
“What would you fuckers do without me?” Joy demanded.
“Get your rich-ass parents to adopt us, obviously,” Tex quipped.
“You can have them,” Joy said. “They can hover over you all day and lecture you about life plans.”
“Sure, but you have to take my dad,” Tex said. “He’ll ask you to run a business with him. Hell, maybe you’d do a better job than me. I was never very good at doing things his way.”
Joyride cringed. “Working with my dad is what I’m trying to avoid.”
“You’re smarter than me,” Tex said.
Tex sounded casual enough, like they were just exchanging war stories, but I locked in. “Is your dad pressuring you to go back into business with him?”
His gaze shot to mine. “No.”
“But something’s going on with him.”
He shook his head. “Same old shit, Hendrix. He likes to remind me of my failures.”
“Are you sure that’s all this is?” I couldn’t help but think there was something more to the story.
“I told you I was staying here.” His eyes met mine, fierce and almost angry. “Don’t you believe that?”
“Of course I do.”
“Okay, then.”
Everyone around us had gone silent. There was a strange tension in the air. I put Ruby down, stood, and walked off to throw my plate away in the trash bin behind Ghost’s camper.
Tex was a couple of steps behind me as I lifted the lid and tossed my trash.
“Darlin’, wait—”
I turned sharply toward him. “What was that?”
“I don’t know.”
“If you think I’m making you choose me—”
“No, it’s not like that.”
“Go to your dad if that’s what you want. I’m not holding you against your will.”
“Hendrix, shut up.” He took my face in his hands and kissed me. No one would see us back here, but it still shocked the anger right out of me. “I don’t want to go anywhere. I choose you because I want to, not because you’re making me choose.”
“I’m sorry. I thought…”
I didn’t even know what I thought. The old fear that he didn’t want to be here had risen up. I’d been insecure. Maybe he’d been right to get angry. He’d told me he was staying, and my heart kept doubting.
“Just hear me. Please,” he said. “I want to be here with you.”
“I do. I hear you, Tex. I’m sorry.”
He kissed me again, more gently. “I have to go to work.”
I sighed. “I know.”
“Are we okay? I don’t want to leave things…”
“We’re okay,” I promised. “Just talk to me about how you’re feeling. If your dad is giving you a hard time, I want to help.”
“There’s nothing you can do, and I don’t want to drag you into the abyss with me, Holls. You’ve got enough to worry about.”
“A lot less because of you, though. You share my burden. Let me share yours.”
“I’ll try,” he promised.
It was going to have to be good enough. A guy like Tex didn’t change overnight. I’d learned that the hard way when I kissed him back in June. But eventually, he found his way back to me. I had to hope this would be the same.
He’d find a way to lean on me. He just had to learn how.