Chapter 46 I can get a composting toilet and embrace a simple life. #2
She chuckles dryly. “I mean, what did you expect? I was seventeen, and I’m an actress.
But I did feel bad. And Papi grounded me for a long time.
You weren’t there, so I was the only one around to punish.
” I recognize the sly glint in her eye from all the times we faced Juan Ernesto’s fatherly wrath together. “I suppose I deserved it.”
I can’t believe this is happening. “Are you… apologizing?”
She blows a plume of smoke at me. “Pues, sí. I guess so.”
“Well, I’m sorry, too. Really sorry.” This feels so weird, so anticlimactic. “By the way, I’m really happy for you with this Lost Star crossover thing and that award you were nominated for.”
“Actually, we won. La Patria’s Pick for best new sci-fi series.”
My heart stutters. That’s amazing news, but… “They gave it to you? Even after all this? Even after… me?”
Lupe scoffs. “Not everything’s about you, brat.”
I gasp with relief, with disbelief, with joy. “Congratulations!”
“I mean, don’t get me wrong, having all this come out again sucks.” She takes another drag and tosses a bored look to the press, who have crowded around Miguel. “But it is what it is.”
I have to ask her something. I can’t help myself. I lower my voice. “So, you and Miguel, huh? You used to say he was so pesado.”
She scrunches her nose. “He’s still annoying, and I think he likes boys more, but, you know…” She trails off.
I don’t know, and, frankly, I’m dying to. But before I can ask, a reporter peels off and comes toward us. “Savannah Bateman, where is Chuy? Are you going to tell us?”
“Who cares?” Lupe drops her cigarette and grinds it out with the platform sole of her boot. “It’s a stupid puppet from forever ago.” She turns to me. “Come on, let’s go inside.”
I motion to Emmy and Yesenia, and we start to make our way to the studio door, but something doesn’t feel right. I stop, and my companions halt along with me.
“What’s wrong?” Emmy asks.
Her hazel eyes search mine. Normally, this is where I’d give her some sarcastic remark to hide my real feelings, but she’s my best friend. It’s time to change that.
“It feels like running again,” I whisper.
She nods and looks pensive. “And you don’t want to run anymore?”
I ponder that. “Sean says I can’t run and hide every time things get hard. He says the only way to have meaningful relationships is to be honest.”
She smiles. “Sounds like good advice from the captain.”
Yes, it does. And even though my heart is pounding and my mouth is dry, I turn back to the throng and announce, “I have a statement to make.”
Microphones materialize around me. Cameras zoom in on me with their dreaded little movements. I try to ignore the writhing snake nest in my stomach as the crowd falls silent.
I’m terrified beyond belief, not gonna lie. But I’m going to be honest with the world right now. And then, when I see him again, I’m going to be honest with the man I love. No more games, no more running, no more excuses.
In my mind’s eye, I see Sean giving me that encouraging captainly nod. I open my mouth.
Here we go.
“I’m Josie Days, or Savannah Bateman, as some of you know me.
I’m the girl from Club Bilingüe who called my sister a bitch on live TV, burned up Chuy the Puppet, and then hid his body.
Remains. Whatever. I still haven’t figured out what to call it.
I know this has been a long time coming, but someone recently told me that it’s never too late to apologize, so I’d like to do that now. ”
I sweep my gaze over the sea of cameras.
“To the fans of Club Bilingüe and Chuy lovers everywhere, I’m sorry I lost my temper and destroyed our mascot.
I didn’t mean for any of that to happen.
I was young, and Lupe and I were grumpy that night, and while I really did believe in what the show stood for, building bridges with my sister was easier some days than others.
” I take a breath. “I should’ve stuck around and faced the consequences, but I was embarrassed, and running away seemed easier.
I regret that choice, and I’m sorry for any pain I caused. ”
“I’m sorry, too.” Lupe appears at my shoulder, leaning into the mic. “I provoked her, and that wasn’t very nice of me.”
We exchange a smile, and my arm surprises me by wrapping around her shoulders.
Suddenly I’m side-hugging my stepsister, an act which is definitely on the top ten list of things I didn’t see happening today.
Our theme song, “Friends Para Siempre,” pops into my brain, and before I know what’s happening, I’m overcome with warm fuzzies and launch into the first line.
“Don’t do that.” Lupe cuts me off from the side of her mouth.
I stop singing. “Too soon?”
We exchange a clandestine grin, and the nostalgia threatens to overwhelm me, but in the best way.
“Do you think Papi will ever forgive me?” I ask her, ignoring the barrage of follow-up questions coming our way.
“Why don’t you ask him yourself? They flew in this morning to watch the taping.”
I track her gaze to stage left where, on the edge of the crowd, my mother and stepfather stand together, watching us. Once they see that I’ve noticed them, they make their way forward, and before I know it, I’m wrapped in my mother’s strong embrace.
“Savannah!” She pushes my hair back from my face and then steps back to toggle a smile between Lupe and me, the same way she used to do when we’d track her down in the courtyard of our house, begging for a snack.
From behind her, Juan Ernesto takes a hesitant step forward and stops. I don’t move, either. The years of guilt and fear and dread are like cement in my veins. But this time, I don’t let that stop me.
“Papi, I’m really sorry,” I say.
At the same time, he says, “Savannah, lo siento tanto, hija.”
We wind up in an awkward hug. When it ends, we all stand around looking at one another. A familiar sickening feeling washes over me. I’ve just reunited with my family, so why do I still feel like crap? Then I remember Sean’s reaction to the video of my parents’ interview.
Where’s the part where they stick up for you? Where’s the part where they say your safety is the most important thing? Where’s the part where they tell you how much they want you to come home?
“I have something hard to tell you,” I say, and I see Lupe’s eyebrows jump.
I step backward, giving myself space, and take a deep breath.
“I know I screwed up, and I understand that the business was important. But it really hurt that you two, as my parents, didn’t stick up for me.
” I’m shaking, my whole body—but on the inside.
“I was eighteen years old. I’d made a huge mistake.
I was embarrassed and scared and overwhelmed, and I needed someone to be on my side.
To make me feel like I wasn’t a total screw-up.
To at least try to understand where I was coming from and to help me come back from it. ”
My gaze flicks to Lupe, who looks like she might like to have a big bag of popcorn to stuff in her face right about now as I confront our parents. That’s okay. I’m doing this for her, too.
“You went to your father,” Mom argues. “I thought that’s what you wanted. You were an adult.”
“I was an adult on paper,” I concede. “But I was still a teenager. And I don’t regret the time I spent with Dad, but it would have been nice for it to have felt like a choice rather than a necessity.”
Mom starts to reply, but Juan Ernesto touches her arm, stopping her. “Let her speak, Lydia.”
“All these years I’ve blamed myself. And, yes, I bear a lot of the responsibility. But I can’t help but think that you could have found a way to manage the studio’s reputation while still being there for me. Instead, you just… let me go.”
As scary as that was, I feel a sense of relief. Whatever happens next, at least I was honest.
“You’re right, Savannah,” Juan Ernesto says in his gruff voice.
“I prioritized the studio. There were a lot of people counting on me, and I took my responsibilities to them seriously. But it was wrong of me to let you take the fall. At the same time, I knew that you were struggling in Mexico. When you went to live with your father, I didn’t feel it was my place to get in between the two of you. ”
“We didn’t know you had changed your name,” my mom adds, tearing up. “We didn’t know you felt you had to go into hiding over it.”
“I should have reached out,” Juan Ernesto continues. “I chose to let sleeping dogs lie, and clearly that was the wrong choice.”
It makes sense, now that I think about it, that Juan Ernesto didn’t want to overstep when it came to my dad and me. I’d never thought about that. But…
“What about after my dad died?” I ask. “Why didn’t you reach out then?”
He gives me a sad look. “So much time had passed. I didn’t know what to do.”
Wow. He was struggling in the same way I was.
“Sean is the fixer in his family,” I tell my parents with a smile. “We don’t have one in ours. That means we all have to do our part to fix things when they get broken.”
There’s a long pause, and the familiar anxiety grips me. Did I go too far? Will they reject me again?
Finally, Lupe steps up beside me. “I’m in.”
Mom wipes her eyes and smiles. “Me, too.”
Juan Ernesto opens his arms wide. “Yo también.”
And before I realize it, we’re in a four-way hug, and it feels really nice, even though I’ve never been that big of a hugger.
“Savannah Bateman!” the same reporter from before interrupts, “Where’s Chuy the Puppet? Can you tell us?”
I stiffen. I promised Hugo the exclusive, and he should have found Chuy by now. Maybe his charred wooden body broke down in the soil. Maybe erosion got him, and he was washed away. Or maybe that one psychic was right and what’s left of him somehow made its way to a flat in England.
“He’s gone,” I tell her sadly. “Chuy the Puppet is gone.”
Just then, the door behind us thunks open, and my heart leaps.
Sean struts out in his Captain Footwork costume.
His green eyes are as serious as a leprechaun’s heart attack.
His pompadour is pristine. His lock of yellow hair catches the sun, glowing like spun gold.
He’s the captain, the main character, safe and sound, always escaping peril.
He’s carrying something in his arms. It looks like—
No.
It can’t be.
My breath catches in my lungs. My knees buckle.
My brain starts to short circuit because what I’m seeing isn’t possible, physically speaking.
I buried that thing twelve years ago in a graveyard, burned to a crisp.
But Sean’s holding it in his hands like none of that ever happened.
Like my starship captain boyfriend went back in time and changed history.
Like he’s rescued Chuy from the jaws of ruin, perfectly intact, ugly as sin, and… wearing a space suit.