Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
KIT
E verything happens all at once, but I guess that’s how waking up when you’ve been sleepwalking goes. That’s the only explanation for how I’m out here in the middle of the night with blood on my hands and soaking my dress. The last thing I remember is the woman that I followed out of the cabin and into the woods. I was dreaming, that’s the only explanation, but I don’t say a word when Holly screams at me, wanting to know what I did. I can’t tell her that I was asleep—that I followed a woman without a fucking face.
When it was happening, it felt real, so real. Then I saw her face. Real people don’t have shadows where their faces are supposed to be, but dream people do. I grab onto Rafe and he pulls me behind him, even though I want to meet Holly’s questions with the truth. I can’t, because that’s not what Rafe told me to do, so I don’t.
I raise a hand and shield my eyes from the dozen or so flashlight beams that shine into my eyes. The champagne I drank earlier makes my head feel like it’s stuffed with cotton and a wave of nausea hits me quick and hard. I don’t drink often. I don’t know what I was thinking when I put away a bottle and asked for more. God, my head hurts so bad.
I blink, trying to focus. “What’s happening? Where’s Jane?” I ask and it’s Grant that answers me.
“She’s missing, sweetheart. We’re looking for her. Did you see anything out here?” His voice is gentle. It makes me feel calmer. I trust him and Rafe to take care of this, even if I don’t know what’s going on or how I ended up out in the middle of the forest with blood on the ground. I swallow hard and do my best not to think about the blood on my hands or my nightgown. My hands shake when I see the red they’ve left on Rafe’s back. My fingers on his back have left streaks and I jerk my hand away from him.
Who’s blood is this and why is there so much of it?
“I’m going to be sick,” I whisper and double over, my hands on my knees as I take in a deep breath. The nightgown sticks to my palms and I wince at the sight of it. It was a gift from Grant, something expensive and silk that felt like it was made for my body. When I put it on to sleep that night I felt glamorous, like an old Hollywood starlet. It was one of my favorite pieces but now it is ruined. I never want to see it again.
“We have to get her back to the cabin,” Grant says and he wraps an arm round my waist, gently pulling me up against him. “Can you walk, sweetheart?”
I nod. “I can,” I say but all it takes is one shaky step for him to sigh and scoop me up into his arms. I know better than to say a word. Not right now. Now when they’re saying Jane is missing and I’m covered in blood.
“Why were you taking a walk?” Someone asks. I can’t see who it is from the dark but I answer automatically like Rafe told me to.
“Rafe and Grant were gone. I wanted some air.”
“You don’t have to explain anything to them,” Grant tells me quietly before he turns to glare at the crowd. “She was with us the entire fucking night, so back off with the mob behavior or you’ll have me to deal with.
The flashlights lower and no one follows us when Grant carries me out of the forest. I hear a footfall and when I raise my head to look I see Rafe a step behind Grant. “You’re safe,” he says when he meets my eyes. Calm settles over me because if he says it’s true then I know it is. Over his shoulders I see flashlight beams in the woods. They look frantic, all of them point in a different direction and I push on Grant’s shoulder. They need a leader. We have to help them.
“We have to go back.”
“The fuck we are.”
“But what happened to Jane? We have to help them find her.”
“We were doing that until Holly tried to pin that shit on you. Fuck that bitch.”
I bite my lip and lean back in his arms. “She didn’t mean it. I-I, she was just worried.”
Grant doesn’t say anything, he just keeps walking towards our cabin and it’s just another few minutes before we’re on the porch and Rafe is shoving the door open for us. The second we’re inside, Grant carries me to the bathroom and Rafe disappears.
“Where is he going?” I ask Grant. I’m worried about what he might do.
Grant kisses my cheek and puts me on my feet beside the tub. “He’s just doing a sweep of the place. We left in a hurry to find you,” he says and bends down to start fiddling with the taps to fill the tub. “Come here, we have to get you out of that.”
I let him guide my hands and pull the bloody nightgown off of me. “What are you doing with it?” I ask when he folds it up and heads towards the bathroom door.
“Bagging it. The cops are gonna want it. Easiest way to get them off of us is to show we have nothing to hide.”
The easiest way.
He would know. He’s been through this before. I wrap my arms around myself and swallow hard. “I didn’t do anything.”
“I know, sweetheart. Stay right there, I’ll help you in the tub.”
I nod but don’t look up. My eyes are on my feet. I’m barefoot, I didn’t bother with shoes when I took off on my sleepwalking journey from the look of the blood and dirt that are caked to the bottoms and sides of my feet. The sight makes me sick. I dry heave once and then twice before I sprint for the toilet. I barely make it when I throw up the snack board Grant made me hours before.
“Fuck.” Grant’s there, hands gentle on me as he pulls my hair back and helps me steady myself until my stomach is empty and there isn’t a prayer of anything else coming up.
“I’m okay,” I tell him and stand shakily. God, why are my knees shaking like this? It feels like my legs are made of jello and I’m angry at feeling so weak.
“Let’s rinse your mouth, brush that shit out, yeah?”
I put a hand to my head. “I think I’m still drunk.”
“Yeah, you smell like it. You okay to walk?”
“Yeah.” I nod and follow him to the bathroom sink. He hands me my toothbrush and fills a glass of water for me before he goes back to the tub. I start to brush my teeth and wince when I lift my eyes and look at myself in the mirror.
My eyes are bloodshot and there’s blood on my hands and neck. Little splatters from where I fell dot my arms and chest and there’s a smear of it on my leg that must have bled through my nightgown. I look like a horror movie extra and I’m glad that I got sick earlier and there’s nothing left to throw up. I brush my teeth and try to splash water on my face to wipe away the mud and blood but it just smears it around.
“Here, come here,” Grant stops my hands and pulls me to him.
Tears prick my eyes and I pull against his hands and reach for the running taps. “I have to get it off me. Please.”
“We’ll get you clean in the tub.”
I pull against his hold but it’s no use. Grant picks me up and carries me to the tub and a second later I’m in warm water. I stop fighting him. Oh god, why am I fighting him? I need him.
“Grant, I’m scared. I-I–what did I do?”
“I know, sweetheart, but there’s nothing to be scared of, I promise. You didn’t do anything, Kit. You had too much to drink and got lost in the woods. It happens.” He drops to his knees beside the tub and looks me in the eyes. He’s so beautiful, those gorgeous summer blue eyes that I used to dream of looking at. “I’ll keep you safe. Say it.”
He does keep me safe. He always has.
“You keep me safe,” I whisper back to him and he smiles bright like the sun.
“That’s right. Nothing will happen to you.” He holds out a loofah and body wash to me. “Let’s get clean and you’ll tell us what happened then, okay?”
I nod and as beautiful as the eyes on me are, I can’t help but look away to the water. It’s turning pink around me. My hands shake when I pour soap onto the loofah and I drop it twice in the water before Grant takes it and starts to clean me off. I grip the sides of the tub because the walls in the room feel like they’re bearing down on me.
Everything feels like it’s on repeat.
This has happened before.
It’s happening again.
A DECADE EARLIER…
“What did you do, Kit?!”
My mother’s voice is shrill in my ears. It’s like the sound of blade against flint, that kind of sharpness that makes you shiver and rub your arms because it sets you on edge. I wrap my arms around myself and try not to let her take me apart when she looks my way. It’s not easy and when she does look at me, I sway on my feet as easily as if she punched me. I can see the disgust there shining bright.
“Nothing. I promise.”
“Really? Because this doesn’t look like nothing. You really have me out here cleaning up your fucking mess.”
She turns and narrows her eyes at me, her beautiful face twisting with rage as she leans forward. “I should leave you here to clean this up. I should let them find out what you did with him.”
“Please no.” My heart races and I feel sick but I don’t let myself puke. I did that already when I realized…when I realized that there was no going back from what had happened.
“Please don’t leave me.”
We stare at each other for a moment and I hate that she looks perfect. Flawless makeup, impossibly perfect with her perfectly done hair and just pressed pantsuit. She looks like she always does to me, classy, impeccably put together and altogether ruthless. In comparison, I look half formed, childish even, with my sad prom dress ripped on the side. A strap dangles down my arm and my palms and knees are scraped. My bones ache and I wish I could get clean, that I could just take a hot shower and scrub this night off of me but I know that’s not going to happen for a long while yet. I’m stuck where I am, dirty and feeling smaller than a bug with my mom looking down her nose at me.
I don’t want to look in a mirror and see my makeup. I bet it’s smeared and sliding down my face from the tears. The way my mother tsk’s and looks me over tells me I’m right.
“You’re an embarrassment, Kit. You can’t even do this right. How hard is it for you to be fucking normal?” she asks and throws her hands at her sides. “I tried to stop you tonight but you wouldn’t listen. You just fucking had to be right.” She sneers and I know she’s loading up the killshot. I want to get away from her but I can’t, I need her help. So I stay right where I am, feet planted and let her take aim at me.
“How could a boy like him want someone like you? You’re trash. Worthless trash and nobody is ever going to love you.”
Direct hit as usual. It’s an old routine between us. I hate that it still hurts.
“Stop it.”
“You’re never going to have a family. There will never be a man that wants to come home to you because you’re not right. There’s something fucking wrong with you, Kit.”
“Stop it!” I scream at her and she goes silent with a smile on her face because this is the version of me she loves the most. Out of control, powerless, a wreck that she can manipulate and destroy at will.
It won’t stay this way. It can’t. I take in a deep breath and then another as my eyes go to the sliding door that leads out into the backyard of the house. I haven’t been out there because this isn’t my house but I know that’s where we have to go.
“Let’s get this over with,” I tell my mother and lift my head before I lead her out into the backyard.