Chapter 30
thirty
Cameron
Zhuri has my mind running on overdrive with everything I want with her.
To hold her. Kiss her. Fuck her.
I want everything with her.
No one has ever tried to know me in the ways she has, and I know I’m falling so fucking hard for the one woman I can’t actually have.
I’m hoping tonight’s team dinner will help keep my mind off her, but even when she’s not here yet, she’s still all I’m thinking about.
It only gets worse when her familiar curls waltz through my front door, and I get a look at her in ripped jeans and a skin-tight black T-shirt.
Well, I’ll definitely be jacking myself off tonight with her on my mind.
“The party is here!” Isla shouts.
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Zhuri laughs. “Really, it’s just your other co-captain that’s here, so now everyone has to behave.”
“There is no behaving,” I chime, leaning back against the wall with my arms crossed in front of me. “Our teammates are feral.”
She smiles at me brightly before walking over, tray of her delicious chocolate chip cookies in hand. Nico swipes them from her as he walks by. “Thanks, Z. I’ll take these.”
Zhuri laughs and shakes her head. “Those cookies are as good as gone.”
“Probably.”
She looks me over now curiously. “What are you wearing, Cam?”
“Just threw on something from my closet earlier.”
From my closet, since that’s where I put it after I ripped it out of the package earlier this week when it arrived.
“Turn around.”
I smirk and comply. “Whatever you want, Zhuri baby.”
“Cameron,” she gasps.
I turn back around as Wes walks by. “Nice choice, Cam.” He gestures to the Mighty Ducks jersey I’m wearing. “Conway was my favorite, too.”
“Yeah, he was good,” I shrug, and Zhuri stares at me knowingly.
She knows damn well why I picked the Conway jersey.
Zhuri takes a deep breath and rights herself. “I like it, Cam.”
“Then it was worth it,” I wink, watching as she bites down the smile she desperately wants to show off.
Venda steals Zhuri away now, wanting her opinion on something, and I let out a breath and rest my head against the wall.
If I don’t get my shit together, this infatuation is going to be completely obvious to everyone around us.
“So Conway?” I hear a female voice next to me say, and I open my eyes to find Elisabet smirking at me.
“Yup, Conway.”
She cocks her eyebrow. “Any specific reason for that?”
“Nope.”
“Uh-huh,” she hums. “It’s funny, though. I’ve watched The Mighty Ducks countless times with Z, and she’s always had such a thing for Conway.”
“Interesting,” I mumble.
“I’m sure that’s just a coincidence.”
“Yeah.” I rub the back of my neck nervously. “Total coincidence.” I scan my eyes across the room, desperate to get out of this. I find Sid, Wes, and Nico now standing out on the balcony. “Nice talking to you, Bet, but I’m gonna go catch up with the guys.”
I hear her laugh as I practically sprint away.
I make it to the glass door and slide it open, stepping out into the humid night. Denver is usually cool over the summer, but tonight is a hot one.
“Hey, Cap,” Nico mumbles through a mouthful of chocolate chip cookie.
“Co-captain,” I sigh.
“What are you doing out here, Cam?” Sid asks. “I figured you’d be orbiting around Zhuri.”
“Fuck off,” I say, shoving him lightly.
Wes begins laughing. “I fucking knew you had a thing for her.”
“Wonderful,” I grumble. “Apparently, everyone knows. I just got grilled by Elisabet.”
Nico shrugs. “I honestly thought we were just fucking with you.”
Wes shakes his head. “You get by on your looks, don’t you, Bieri?”
“Shut up. I notice some things.”
“Like what?” Sidney cocks his eyebrow.
“Like that Cam could really use a therapist.”
“Way to be blunt, dick,” I chide with no actual malice. “I’ll have you know I am seeing a therapist now.”
Sid looks at me in surprise. “When did that start?”
“Last week,” I answer, rubbing the back of my neck. “I, uh, went to Zhuri’s the last time I talked to my dad, and she encouraged me to find one.”
“Have you told her about your issues with your dad?” Wes asks.
I nod. “Last month. I was in a dark place, and she listened when I opened up to her. She became someone I can lean on. That’s why I went to her place that day.
She helped me find a therapist. I started seeing her last week, and she seems to think I have…
depression. She referred me to a psychiatrist, and they started me on antidepressants. ”
I hate admitting that. I hate admitting that I can’t even manage my own mind, though my therapist tells me it doesn’t work like that.
“Shit,” Wes says. “I didn’t realize it was that bad.”
I let out a breath. “I tried hard to keep the extent of it to myself. I think before Zhuri, Sid was the only one who really knew how bad it was.”
“How long has it been going on?” Nico questions.
“Since long before I was traded to the Lizards. I’ve just been able to fool almost everyone into thinking I’m normal.”
Sidney crosses his arms. “You are normal, Cam. Plenty of people suffer from depression, but that doesn’t make them wrong. It just means they have a harder fight than everyone else.”
“I’m working on believing that. I just started medication, and I’m hoping that helps.”
“So do we,” Wes states. “But if it doesn’t, don’t forget that we’re here for you, man.”
Nico nods in agreement. “You don’t have to suffer alone, Cameron.”
I swallow down the emotion threatening to claw its way up my throat. “Thanks, guys.”
It’s been a long time coming, but all the closest people to me now know about my struggles.
I should’ve done it years ago.
I feel a weight lifted from my shoulders knowing that I don’t have to carry my burdens alone; my friends will be beside me every step of the way.
I’ve never felt luckier than I do right now.
My jersey is lying on one of my wicker chairs now as I wipe sweat from my brow. Cleaning up after my rowdy teammates is exhausting, but I’m happy to not be alone.
“I think that’s everything,” Zhuri says, sliding in beside me as I peer over the balcony railing. I spent most of the night right here for fear of making a fool of myself in front of everyone. I’m clearly doing a shit job at hiding my feelings for Zhuri.
“Thank fuck,” I sigh. “I’m ready to relax for the night.”
She bites her bottom lip. “Want some company?”
Hell yes.
“Yeah,” I smile. “I’d enjoy some company.”
“The city looks so pretty from up here,” Zhuri says.
“I love coming out here,” I reply. “It’s one of the only places I can get out of my head. It doesn’t always work, but it does occasionally.”
“Therapy still going well?” she asks gently, resting her palm against my arm, and the feel of her skin on mine is enough to send my heart into a tailspin.
“Yeah,” I breathe. “I just started Zoloft a few days ago.”
“That’s great.” Zhuri smiles at me, and all my unease washes away.
God, she affects me like nobody else does.
“I’m trying to get better,” I admit.
“I’m really proud of you, Cameron.”
That admission threatens to overwhelm me. My dad has always led me to believe that admitting to inadequacies shows weakness, but Zhuri has been helping me see that I’m only human.
That it’s okay not to be okay.
Between her and my therapist, I hope I can truly believe the words one day.
“You know,” I say, “the view looks better from up on the pool deck.”
Her tone is fully playful now. “You’re not going to throw me over the edge, are you?”
I can’t help but laugh. “I could do that here if I really wanted to.” I smile at her. “I don’t, by the way. I like having you around, Zhuri.”
“I like being around.” Her grin is almost shy, and it’s completely adorable.
“Come on,” I say, walking over to the staircase. “Let’s go up.”
Zhuri follows me up, but instead of coming up to the railing with me, she stares at the crystal blue water.
“View’s over here, Z.”
She looks back at me with a look of mischief. “I think I changed my mind.”
“Oh?” I step closer to her, my curiosity fully piqued.
“Yeah. I think we should go for a swim.”
“You don’t have a swimsuit…”
“I don’t,” she breathes. “But I’m tired of always being careful, and it’s time I let loose.”
Zhuri doesn’t hesitate and immediately grabs her shirt by the hem and pulls it over her head, throwing it on a nearby lounge chair.
“Fuck…” I mutter, staring at her in complete shock.
She shucks her jeans next, letting them join her shirt on the chair.
Goddamn, I’m half hard just looking at her.
Black lace bra hugging her tits with matching panties. She looks fucking divine right now.
Zhuri steps closer to the pool before turning back to me. “You gonna join me, Cammy?”
I don’t waste time. I rip off my own T-shirt and jeans, setting them next to her things.
I’m grateful for the dark night and my black boxer briefs right now, so she can’t see the way she’s already affecting me.
I walk over to join her, and I’m suddenly aware of just how much skin we have exposed. I’ve seen women in less, but they don’t have anything on the way my Zhuri baby looks.
“Race you to the other side.”
I don’t even have a chance to reply before she’s diving in, speeding off to the other end of the pool. I laugh and jump in after her, but with her head start, I don’t catch up. She reaches the other side before I do.
I pop out of the water beside her and start tickling her side. “You’re a dirty fucking cheater, Hart.”
“Should’ve been quicker, Kovacic,” she smirks, and my dick twitches.
As I catch my breath after our impromptu swimming sprint, I can feel lust taking over me, charging the air around us. Zhuri’s breath catches in her throat, so I know she feels it, too.
There is something between us, and we’re both feeling it.
I take a step closer to her, trying not to focus on the water droplets clinging to her skin. “Show me your tattoo, Z.”
“You still want to see that?”
I nod. “Been dying to see it since you first told me about it. I want to see what you have inked on your body.”
Zhuri pushes herself up to sit on the side of the pool, and I move to stand in front of her.
“Here,” she says softly, pulling down the band of her panties on her hip.
I look closely. It’s hard to make out in the lighting, but once I do, I smile. “Dragon?”
“Yeah. I got it right after I was drafted.” She pulls the band back up and slides back into the pool. I take a step back so she can stand in front of me. “Now you can stop wondering about my mystery tattoo.”
I rub my thumb over my bottom lip, and I watch her track the movement. “I won’t stop thinking about it, though.”
“Cameron…” she says breathlessly, and that rasp is entirely too sexy.
“Would you rather only be able to listen to music or podcasts?”
“Music. Podcasts are fine, but I love listening to music.”
“I’d probably pick music, too,” I shrug. “After all, that is what you and I bonded over when we were hiding from Goosifer.”
Zhuri throws her head back and laughs, and I shamelessly watch the way her tits bounce as she does. “You and that goddamn goose.”
“I think you mean demon.”
She shakes her head before biting her lip, just like she did earlier. Only this time, we’re in far less clothing, and she’s going to feel how hard I’m getting if she keeps it up.
Her voice is lower now, and I’m addicted to the sound. “Would you rather be a great kisser or great in bed?”
Ohhh, Zhuri baby wants to get a little dirty tonight.
“Great in bed,” I answer. “But I’ve never had a complaint about either.”
“Good to, um… know.”
I smirk at her. “You like hearing that, ljepota?”
“Just… making conversation,” she shrugs.
I chuckle, but let her move past that. “Would you rather take control in the bedroom or be submissive?”
“Be submissive,” she answers, eyes locked on mine, and those pools of brown are practically black with lust right now. “I prefer to submit in bed.”
I fucking knew it.
Zhuri doesn’t take her eyes from me as I take a step closer to her.
“Would you rather always have sex in the dark or with the lights on?” she asks breathlessly.
“Lights on,” I assert. “I like watching a woman fall apart beneath my touch.” A shiver runs down her body, and I know this is turning her on as much as it is me. “Would you rather have sex with a dirty talker or someone completely silent?”
“Dirty talker.” She takes a hard swallow. “I don’t like silence.”
My tongue darts out to wet my bottom lip. “Neither do I, Zhuri baby.”
“Would you rather a woman wear heels or nothing on her feet during sex?”
“Heels,” I reply, voice husky and low. “It’s so fucking sexy when a woman wears heels in the bedroom.”
Zhuri takes a step closer to me as she asks, “What about a tall woman?”
“Hypothetically?” I cock my eyebrow in amusement.
“Of course. Hypothetically.”
“She can leave her heels on, too. I don’t fucking care how tall she is.” We’re practically chest to chest now, close enough that I can feel the heat radiating off her body. “Would you rather seduce a man with a strip tease or a lap dance?”
“Strip tease,” she answers, “but I’ve done both before.”
Fuck.
The thought has me rock-fucking-hard right now, my dick covered only by my now-tented, soaking wet boxer briefs.
I want Zhuri so fucking badly.
She steps closer to me again and gasps when she accidentally brushes against my cock, but it doesn’t seem to make her want to pull away.
No, she actually looks at my lips before glancing back at my eyes, and I do the same.
Goddamn, I want to kiss her.
Is it a terrible idea? Yeah, but I couldn’t care less right now.
Unfortunately, though, Zhuri seems to come to her senses, looking at me with wide eyes.
“Cameron…”
I take a few steps back and rake a hand through my drenched hair. “Sorry,” I mutter.
“I… should probably head home.” She pulls herself out of the pool and walks over to pick up her clothing.
“I can, uh, give you something else to wear for now. Something dry.”
“It’s fine,” Zhuri dismisses me. “I don’t live far, so I’ll be fine.” She pulls her dry clothing on over her wet underwear before saying, “I can let myself out. Have a good night, Cam.”
“Yeah,” I reply thickly. “You too, Z.”
She practically runs down the stairs and away from me, and even though nothing should happen between us, I still feel a slight sting at how badly she wanted to get away.
I almost kissed her tonight. She could feel how hard I was when she brushed against me.
I don’t think we can go back to normal after this.
So what the hell do we do from here?