Chapter 3
Chapter Three
JENSEN
I’ve lost track of where all my limbs are when Amelia and the kid approach. Obviously, I knew he was fourteen, but I don’t think I knew what fourteen actually looked like. I don’t spend much time around kids.
When Lachie moved in with me, he was nineteen, and he’d been playing hockey his whole life, so he looked every bit an adult. How he acted was debatable sometimes, but there are some days I barely act like an adult either.
I was expecting fourteen to be all pimply and tiny, but as he approaches, he’d only be a head shorter than me. He’s got the form of someone who’s grown a lot in a short period of time, and he moves like his broad, wire-thin shoulders are carrying him.
“Thank you for inviting us over,” Amelia says to my parents as Gigi digs her elbow into my side.
I bat her away, focused on keeping the smile plastered to my face, but I’m losing track of that as well.
I have a fucking son.
Other than the once-over he gave me when he climbed out of the car, he hasn’t looked my way, but I can’t stop drinking in his features.
My nose, my hair, my eyes. The way one of his ears sticks out further than the other, which, thankfully, I know is something he’ll grow into.
But here and there is a peek at Carly—her bowed lips, the sharp chin, the way he’s standing with his arms crossed, fingers digging imprints into his biceps, the same way she did when she got upset.
I know that I’m probably the one who’s supposed to say something, but my mind is completely blank.
Amelia’s dark blue eyes meet mine. “You must be Jensen.”
I met her a handful of times as a kid, but she clearly doesn’t remember me. Or she’s giving us a fresh start. Whatever it is, I’ll play along. “It’s nice to meet you.”
She doesn’t return it. There’s a deep pinch in the corners of her lips as she steps to the side. “And this is Kasen.”
Kasen. Fuck.
I wait to see if he says something, but his gaze is still locked on the ground.
“It’s …” My words falter. “It’s nice to meet you too.”
“Yeah.” He barely breathes the word, but the sound of his voice is jarring.
“Let’s go inside,” Mom says as Dad pulls open the door behind me.
I don’t want to turn my back on them, but since I’m blocking the door, I have to go first. They follow me into the living room, where the blinds have been left open and the cozy space feels welcoming.
It’s hard to work out how I feel about any of this when I’m under a microscope, and I keep going back to the safety net reminder that this visit means nothing. I have no obligation. Amelia wants him. Everything will turn out okay.
Mom disappears to grab the food she prepared while Dad takes his armchair, Gigi sits on the floor, and I drag an ottoman closer to the table to free up the couch for Amelia and Kasen. Technically, I could have fit on it too, but I’m not ready for that yet.
Once everyone’s settled, it’s like a standoff to see who will talk first. It’s not that I don’t want to; it’s that I have too many questions to know where to start.
Gigi’s the one who breaks the silence. “We’re really sorry,” she says. “For your loss. I can’t imagine …”
Amelia drags in a shaky inhale, while Kasen goes on staring at the floor.
“This is obviously awkward for all of us, but we have to start somewhere, right?”
“Right,” I agree, trying to sound like I’m not at all shitting myself.
“This is the … weirdest situation I’ve ever found myself in.
” Weird is probably not the most accurate word, but I’m not sure I can say “complete and total mindfuck” in front of a kid.
“I’m usually a lot more talkative than this, but I’m still trying to process, well, you know.
” I pathetically wave a hand Kasen’s way.
I’m pretty sure I’m fucking this whole thing up, but I’ve lost control of myself.
“The resemblance is uncanny,” Gigi mutters. “Don’t you think?”
I take a breath, wondering if Kasen will look at me again. He doesn’t. “Yeah, it’s …” Like the reality has finally sunk in, I say, “He’s definitely my son.”
I’m not sure if there’s a hint of disappointment or defeat there, but it doesn’t sound the way it did in my head.
Kasen snorts.
“That’s enough,” Amelia murmurs.
He falls back onto the couch, arms crossed tight over his chest.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“He’s having a rough time right now.”
“Can’t imagine why,” Kasen grumbles, and like before, it’s hard to wrap my head around. It’s deeper than I was expecting, but obviously hasn’t broken yet, leaving him with an uneven rasp.
“He’s allowed to be angry,” I say without thinking.
“I know that.” Her gentle reprimand puts me back in my place. He might be my son because of genetics, but I’m a complete stranger.
And if Amelia gets her way, that’s how it will stay.
Which should be a good thing. I think. She’s been there for him through his whole life, and what kind of care can I give when I’m on the road for eight months out of the year?
My life is fucking awesome, and I don’t think I’m ready for that to change, but being here, seeing him, something isn’t sitting right.
I have so many questions bottled up, but I’m not comfortable enough around Amelia to ask them.
She goes to say something again, but I cut her off.
“Look, I appreciate that we have everyone’s support, but I’m going to be honest, I don’t think this is something that should have an audience.”
“What?” Amelia asks, confused. “We’re here to figure out the custody logistics.”
Right. Yes. That. But also … Kasen still won’t look at me, and I don’t think his attitude comes completely from losing his mom. I’m pretty sure a lot of it is directed at me, and the least I can do before willingly handing him over is make sure the air is clear between us.
“I was hoping to talk to Kasen first though.”
Amelia stiffens, eyes darting toward the kid, but it’s not like she can say no. “You can talk.”
“Alone.”
“I don’t think—”
“Fine,” Kasen mutters. Then he stands and crosses the room, and it takes me a second to realize I’m supposed to follow him. I scramble from my chair like a sack of uncoordinated limbs.
“Don’t go too far,” Amelia calls after us as the front screen slams behind him, and I push through it too.
Kasen’s already started walking along the street before I catch up with him, and it’s only once we’re alone and the silence is suffocating us that I realize this isn’t much better.
“Ah, hi.”
He snorts again.
“Sorry, I … I really don’t know what to say.”
“Right.” The word stretches out with all the emphasis of him calling me an idiot.
I almost snark back at him and have to remind myself that I’m the adult. He’s obviously hurt, and it’s on me to somehow make it better. With all that experience I have with pubescent kids.
Fuck me, this is doomed.
“I’m trying here,” I point out.
“Not hard.”
“This isn’t exactly easy for me either.”
“Shit, I’m sorry.” Kasen lets out a dry laugh. “I forgot the part where your mom died in a fucked-up car crash, and now you’re being ordered to play nice with the parent who never wanted you so he’ll actually pay child support for the first time in his fucking life.”
I stare at Kasen and the glare he’s finally sending my way, not sure where the fuck to start with any of that, but at least I know swearing is apparently fine. “Amelia wants me to pay child support?”
“Duh. Hockey gear is expensive, and all she got from Mom was debt and me. Not exactly the prizes of the year.”
“Don’t say that. She loves you.”
“Of course she does, but she’s my grandma. Not my mom. You really telling me that when you’re her age, you’d want to raise another kid when you couldn’t even be bothered with your own?”
“I’m here, aren’t I?” My tone is more snappish than I’d like, but what the hell did he expect me to do? “I got a call yesterday to say I supposedly have a fourteen-year-old kid and got on the first plane home. Do you think that was easy?”
He sneers and rolls his eyes. “Don’t pretend like you didn’t know about me.”
“I didn’t.”
“Whatever.” He’s dismissive and is brushing me off again. “Just tell Grandma you’ll do it, give us some money, and then you can go away again.”
With how casually he talks, I’d definitely assume this was a scam if it wasn’t for the evidence standing in front of me. “So that’s all you want? My money?”
His lips twist downward. “Well, we’re not going to hug and cry and have some great big family reunion, are we?”
“I thought we could at least …” What? What did I think? That he’d be all excited to find out about me? Because I was so excited to find out about him?
“Exactly.” He turns on his heel to head back for the house.
“Dammit, Kasen. You can’t hold a grudge against me when I didn’t know you existed, and I’m here trying to do the right thing.”
“And what is the right thing?”
“That … I …”
When he turns back around, his eyes are red, and the anger is winning.
“You’re a fucking liar. Mom used to tell me you didn’t know about me too.
She used to say that you weren’t the father type and didn’t want kids, and that I only deserved a parent who loved me.
But I didn’t believe her because we’d see you in town sometimes, and she’d run the other fucking way.
So two years ago, I messaged you. We were fighting about something, and I thought that maybe she was keeping you away, so I messaged you and told you that you have a son and I’m him and that I wanted to meet you.
And you never replied. So fuck you and the right thing.
The right thing was making an effort while she was alive instead of pretending like you’re making an effort now that you don’t have a choice! ”
All I can do is stare at him. His voice has gotten so loud that we’ve caught the attention of the neighbors, but I’m clawing at my brain, trying to find the memory of a message. “I never got it.”
Something about that answer only makes him madder. “Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it?”
“Of course it matters. You said you wanted to meet, and we’re doing that.
You reached out for a reason, and I’m sorry I didn’t see it then, but I’m here now.
Tell me what you want from me, and you can have it.
” Because honestly, if I’d thought my dad had known about me my whole life and not reached out, I’d probably be mad too.
“Let me prove I didn’t know. I’m an open book. Ask me anything.”
He crosses his arms. “How much money do you have in the bank?”
The brazen question stumps me. “What?”
“I asked how much money … do you have in the bank?”
“A … a lot.”
“Cool. If I can have anything, I want brand-new equipment. New pads, new skates, new helmet and stick.” He counts the items off on his fingers.
“Oh, and I’ll be driving in a few years, so feel free to drop them off in my new car.
Something cool that will impress my friends. A Beemer, maybe. Newest model.”
“You want … a car?”
“And hockey equipment, yeah. You’d know what a goalie needs, right? Being a big, important professional player?”
“Kasen—”
“You said anything.”
“I’m not buying you a fucking car. I meant you can ask me anything you want to know. You can tell me what you need from me. I’m only new at this. I don’t know what I’m doing or where to start, and I think I’d actually like to get to know you better.”
“You think, huh?” He laughs again, but it’s even drier than the last time. “I told you what I need. Everything else you’re offering … I don’t want it.”
I could tell him that he doesn’t have a choice, but what’s the point? He doesn’t want a relationship with me, and up until I saw him, I didn’t think I wanted one either. So why fight it?
“Will child support make you happy?” I ask, feeling defeated.
“No,” Kasen answers. “But it will make me rich. So that’s close enough.”