Chapter 7
Chapter Seven
JENSEN
Iwalk out of the rink and into the hot midmorning sun. It’s that rare pocket of time when Vermont gets heat, and I hate it. When I was a teenager, I used to love the height of summer when we’d swim at the lake and I’d get to see the girls I liked half-naked in their swimsuits.
It was also where, during the second-last summer of high school, I’d realized I liked the way guys looked shirtless too.
And not just guys—my best friend.
Standing opposite him, feeling all that betrayal fresh as though it hasn’t been ten years, the anger I’ve been holding on to for so long just … fizzled away.
I want to hate him for ruining what we had. I want to hate him for making my rookie year so bad I had to have some tough conversations with my coach. I want to hate him for not trusting me to always have his back.
But I saw years of regret in his eyes, and I felt it too.
It wasn’t all on him.
I got angry, and instead of coming home and confronting him about it, I took it as a sign to cut him out of my life. Maybe I didn’t have his back the way I always thought I did.
Maybe our strong friendship was all in my head.
Maybes don’t change what happened.
The motherfucker is right.
All these maybes and what-ifs I’ve been clinging to don’t change the fact that I’m in this position. I have a kid, and I have an ex-best friend.
And now it’s my turn to make the choices.
Am I going to keep sulking, or am I going to accept that everything shitty that happened has happened, and now it’s time for me to make the choices I want to make? The ones I should have been able to make the first time around.
I want to know Kasen.
And I want to fucking fix things with Barrett.
Part of me wonders if he deserves it after he dropped me, but I can’t pretend to understand what he went through.
Ben’s stroke would have been scary as shit, and I think Barrett giving up his professional hockey career is more than enough sacrifice.
My doubt is trying to tell me that he ditched our friendship because I wasn’t important enough to him, but I know that’s a lie.
I believe every word he said, and now that I know what really happened …
I wish I’d done more.
I wish I’d come home more.
I wish I’d looked up from hockey and checked in with the people in my life.
Now’s the chance to change all of that.
I jump in my rental and head straight to Gigi’s place. Thankfully, it’s the weekend she’s not working, and when I lean on the horn, she immediately stomps outside.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Kidnapping you.” I grin so she knows I’m joking.
She glares so I know she is. “You’re a pain in the ass.”
“I have to go to Burlington, and I need you to come with me.”
“Why?”
“Don’t ask why, just get in.”
She glances down at what she’s wearing, and for the first time, I notice the stained, baby pink Care Bear shirt and matching shorts. “Can I at least get out of my pajamas first?”
“The fact that you’re still in them is a worry.”
“It’s my day off, sue me.” She plants her hands on her hips. “And I need you to know that you’re interrupting my plans.”
“What plans?”
“Binging the newest season of Love is Blind.”
I can’t think of anything more boring. “Well, we’re going on a Kasen-shaped adventure, so—”
“Give me five.”
She disappears inside the house and is back exactly five minutes later, dressed, and, by the smell of her, heavily covered in perfume with freshly brushed teeth. “So, are we kidnapping him instead?”
“No, but we only have a few hours to get to Burlington, pick up some … stuff, and then get back here.”
“I have a lot of questions, but I’m invested. Let’s do this.”
Ignoring the headache that’s creeping back in, I pull away from her place and get us on the road. Kasen’s booked for training at three, so if I’m going to pull this off, I need as much time as possible.
As we drive, I have Gigi look up where I can get everything, and once she’s plugged an address into the car’s GPS, she side-eyes me.
“Does this mean we’re not ignoring Kasen’s existence?”
I frown. “Why the hell would we do that?”
“Because you’ve been so weird about it.” Gigi throws her hands up. “I’m trying to be a good sister here, but I have a fucking nephew. That’s huge.”
“I thought you said it was nothing?”
“Of course I said it was nothing. You looked like you were about to vomit all over me. I was trying to avoid that.”
“I wasn’t going to vomit all over you. I was having a panic attack. A minor one. Easily managed.”
She snorts, and I don’t blame her. Yesterday was not my finest moment. Neither was last night. Or this morning.
But I’m starting to feel more like myself and less like the helpless mess I was unraveling into. By the time I head home, no one can say I didn’t try.
My flight back to St. Louis is supposed to be on Wednesday, but I surprisingly thought ahead when I bought my ticket and made sure it could be exchanged.
Almost like in the back of my mind, I knew it wasn’t going to be the easy trade-off Amelia wanted.
If everything goes to shit, I still have the option to jump on that plane out of here.
If it doesn’t … I might get to see more of Watesburg than I have in years.
Our first stop in Burlington is a hockey supply store. I’ll have to guess his sizes, and while I’m confident in my guess, I make sure that everything can be exchanged in case I’ve gotten it wrong.
I still remember coming to places like this as a kid.
Seeing the lines after lines of sticks, the impressive goalie helmets, the team jerseys, the padding, the racks of skates.
You don’t walk out of a place like this without spending an arm and a leg, but every time we visited to pick up something else we needed, I always knew this was where I belonged.
I could feel it.
A small part of me hopes that Kasen feels the same. He might not have grown up with me in his life, but it’d be nice to know I had some small influence on who he is.
With all the gear in the back of the rental, I drive us to the next place.
We pull up in the parking lot of the dealership, and Gigi turns to me.
“What are we doing here?”
“Getting Kasen the second thing he asked for.”
She stares at me. “A fucking car? For a kid?”
I unclick my seat belt and climb out. I’m not wasting time today, so as soon as we’re in the lot, I find the closest salesman.
“What do you have in stock?”
He hitches his bright smile a bit higher. “Ah, I can check for you?”
“Yes, please. Nothing too big, but with good trunk space.”
He disappears as Gigi reaches me.
“Have you hit your head?”
I laugh. “No, why?”
“Because we’re standing in a BMW dealership, and you seem to think you’re buying one for a fourteen-year-old.”
“No, I am buying one for a fourteen-year-old.”
“You’ve lost it.”
“Shut up and be supportive.”
“You can’t buy his love, Jensen.”
That turns my good mood sour. “I’m not trying to. Kasen was being an asshole, and he asked for something he thought was ridiculous and would never happen. I’m making it happen. And hopefully, once he sees that I’ve called his bluff, we can have a real conversation.”
She sighs, running her hand over the closest car. “I don’t think it works like that. But if I yell at you and ask for a car, will you call my bluff and buy me one too?”
“No fucking way.”
“You are actually the worst brother in the world. I hope you know that.”
“Right back at you.” I hold up the keys to the rental. “You don’t have to wait around for this part if you don’t want to. I’ll drive the new one back.”
She knocks my hand away. “Oh no, if you’re doing this, I’m going to make sure you don’t go overboard. Apparently, you need adult supervision today.”
If that’s what it takes for her support, I’ll take it.
The salesman doesn’t take long to get back to me, and he walks us through three options.
“Get the 1 Series,” Gigi says almost as soon as he’s finished going over the features.
“It’s ugly.”
“Again. He’s fourteen.”
I turn back to the salesman. “I want it to impress his friends. And be safe.”
“Ah, well, I wouldn’t suggest the M-range for a kid. Maybe the X5? It’s pricier, but if he’s planning to drive his teammates once he’s old enough, the extra room is a bonus.”
He walks us over to the line of X5s, and while it’s more than I was planning to spend, he’s got a point.
This looks like the type of car the captain of the high school hockey team would drive, and it’s a good thing it looks good, because in a few years, that thing is going to stink from all the trips he makes with his teammates.
But the next question: do I choose the showy, metallic green that I would have killed to have as a kid or stick to black?
I can still feel Gigi giving me the stink eye. “What if I let you pick the color?”
She thinks about it for a second. “Fine. The black.”
Of course she went the boring color. “You don’t think he’d like the green?”
“I don’t know him well enough to make that call. Neither do you. You can’t go wrong with black.”
I guess she has a point. I reluctantly let the idea of the green one go and turn to the salesman.
“I want to drive out of here in an hour with that one. How do we make it happen?”