Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
TAI
All day, Hawke’s been acting bigger and louder than usual. He shows off to the kids we’re coaching, never stops smiling, and keeps throwing jabs my way that make me smile too.
“You’ve gotten slow in your old age,” he says, skating backward past me.
I shoot a glance to where the kids are funneling off the ice and joining their parents. Elise is handling the goodbyes while I set up for the next session.
“I like to conserve my stamina for when it counts.”
“Hmm … I’m gonna need some examples.”
“Oh, really?” I move closer, feeling lighter than I have in days. “Well, I need stamina for …” I drop my voice seductively. “Running. Working long days. Dealing with annoying, stubborn best friends.”
He laughs and pushes me away, leaving me to drift slowly over the ice. “I guess when you come so quickly, you don’t really need stamina for sex.”
Oh, he’s going there, is he? I wasn’t sure if he would. “We both know that’s a lie.”
“Do we? My memories are kind of hazy.”
“It’s not your fault. That’s the result of a good orgasm.”
“You know, you’re supposed to let other people tell you that it’s good.”
I know he’s trying to insult me, but my gut is swimming in happy nerves.
“Don’t need to. Not when you moan the way you do.
” I skate further back from him, and he skates after me.
Beat for beat, he follows. Like we’re pulled together by a universal force.
Hawke’s ears have reddened at the tops, and he has no idea what a dead giveaway that is.
“And how do I moan?” he asks.
“Like you’ve been dying for my touch all your life.”
He palms his face, like he’s trying to hide his thoughts from me, but his happiness hasn’t dimmed once. “Technically, we didn’t meet until peewees.” That wasn’t the part I thought he was going to focus on.
“So … just two-thirds of your life, then.” I’m pushing it, but I might be onto something here. Sure, he was attracted to me in high school, but at that point, it took nothing—literally nothing—to get my dick hard.
He closes some of the gap between us. “And I wouldn’t say I was dying.”
“But you wanted me?”
His ears get redder. “Don’t make me remind you of the nipple incident.”
“Trust me, that’s not something I’ll ever forget.” I close some of the distance too. “I thought that was just a horny teenage moment?”
“It was,” he insists, then tilts his head side to side. “That happened almost every day.”
“Me? Or guys in general?”
“Most guys, if I’m honest.”
Damn. I almost wish he weren’t honest.
“But if I’m even more honest, while I found them hot, you were the one I kept thinking of.”
“And in college?”
He chuckles. “In college, there was never a shortage of women interested, so it was easy enough to distract myself and pretend that you getting my dick hard had been a fluke.” Hawke shrugs, and damn, I love his big shoulders. “Women are hot. Tits are hot. It really wasn’t a hardship.”
I can’t relate. “But it wasn’t a fluke.”
For the first time all day, his expression sobers, and he takes his time running his gaze from the top of my head, down my body, and along my legs. “Definitely not a fluke.”
“Okay,” I say, like this is totally a normal conversation I’d have with my best friend and not one that’s turning me inside out. Not one that’s making my heart drum with anticipation. “Then we do it again.”
Hawke’s face goes blank. “What?”
“Do you need me to draw it out for you?”
“You might need to. Because no way are you talking about having sex again.” His voice pitches higher, and his neck starts to join his ears in imitating a lobster.
“Why not?”
“Well, because …”
I wait him out, and it takes him longer than me to realize no more words are coming.
So he finishes with, “You know.”
“All I know is that I had fun with you. Twice, as you pointed out. You’re sexy as hell—seriously, getting your nose pierced was overkill, by the way, because you didn’t need to be any hotter—and we like being around each other.
So the way I see it is that we can pretend to ignore it until we’re both horned up and it inevitably happens again, or we keep on hanging out, and if we want to hook up, we just do it. ”
It’s like my words have taken away all of his. “Whenever we want?”
“Well, it’s not like we’re going to start banging in front of other people, but …” I shrug, playing it off like I don’t think about this fact way too often. “You have to go back to St. Louis soon enough. I don’t see the point in not enjoying ourselves, in whatever way we want, while you’re here.”
“That’s … not a horrible point.”
“It’s a fantastic point.”
Finally, life comes back into his expression. “So …” He chokes back a laugh. “We keep hanging out. If we get horny, we fuck. Just like that?”
“Just like that.” At this point, I need whatever I can to get out of my head, and being with Hawke feels good.
Hanging out, coaching, talking about random shit, and, yes, the fucking.
Without focusing on that negative, overwhelmed mindset, after everything I’ve been through, I think I deserve some time to feel good. To not think and just do.
We only have whatever time he’s here for to do it, so why not indulge in this break from my life?
The added bonus is that if I’m focused on Hawke, I can’t be obsessively worrying about Dad.
“Quick question,” he says, pulling me from my thoughts. “Does this mean if I want to tell you that your ass has been begging me to sink my teeth into it all day that I should say it?”
“Definitely. Like, when I tell you all I’ve been able to think about is how you said you want to fuck me and that maybe I jerked off to that after you left.”
“Ah. Interesting.” His voice sounds strangled. “So I guess it’s an appropriate time to tell you that I still haven’t looked at your pictures on my phone because I’m terrified of how much they’ll turn me on?”
“If you’re scared of a couple of photos, how will you handle the real thing?” And before he can respond, I slap him on the ass and skate away. Kasen’s just arrived, and the last thing Hawke needs right now is the son he’s trying to win over seeing him flirt with me.
And I feel pretty fucking good leaving things there.
“Coach,” Kasen says, stepping onto the ice.
“Hey, how’s your day been?”
“Good. Caught up with a couple of guys from the team. Played soccer and then went for a swim.”
“That sounds awesome.”
“It was.”
And before I can remind myself not to interfere, the words are coming out. “You know, I think the team would be beside themselves if you took Hawke with you one day.”
Kasen pauses, and there’s a definite tone when he responds. “Why?”
“Do I need to remind you that he’s a professional hockey player?”
“Well, no, but …”
“But what?”
Kasen scowls. “He won’t want to come.”
“We both know you don’t believe that.”
Considering Hawke is still on the other side of the ice, setting up, I’m assuming he’s trying to figure out how to win Kasen over today. The guy needs help.
Kasen sighs, glancing toward his dad. “Why is he here again?”
“I think he assumes this is the only time he gets to see you.”
“Why?”
“Well, when else do you hang out?”
He scowls and pulls on his helmet. “It’s not like he’s ever asked.”
Then Kasen skates away, and it clicks. It’s obvious that Kasen is scared of letting Hawke in and then losing him like Carly, but he wants Hawke to push his way in anyway.
And Hawke is too busy trying to give Kasen space to come around.
Imagine the issues that could be solved by talking?
That thought smacks me in the face, too, because it hits a bit close to home. This is exactly what Hawke has been trying to tell me.
Okay, okay, universe, I get it.
I give in.
I’ll go to my appointments like a big boy.
Until then, it’s time to interfere.
We set up, and as Kasen leaves on his warm-up lap, I take the place beside Hawke. “Offer to drive him home.”
“But—”
“And maybe stop somewhere on the way.”
Hawke stares at me like I’ve suggested he strip off naked. “So he can tell me to fuck off? Again?”
It’s really hard not to sigh. “When have you offered to do something with him?”
“Never. Why would I do that when he can barely stand to be around me? He needs to actually like me first.”
“From where I’m standing, Kasen has been the one to initiate everything. The lifts home? Come on, Hawke, that’s him saying he wants to spend time with you.”
“He just doesn’t want to walk.”
“Don’t make me shoot a puck at you. It will hurt you, then I’ll feel bad, and you might be too injured later to suck my dick.”
He throws his head back on a bark of laughter. “I’d never be too injured for that.”
I pin him with a look. “Ask him.”
“Looks like my stubbornness is rubbing off on you.”
“I’ve always been stubborn. Unlike you, I know when to use it.”
“And when Kasen tells me that he’d rather launch himself into a pit of rabid dogs than be seen with me?”
I tap my stick on the ice. “I’ll kiss it all better.”
He throws me a dry look before turning to where Kasen is skating toward us.
“Need a lift home?” Hawke asks.
“Sure.” There’s zero enthusiasm in his voice.
“Want to stop in at the cafe on the way?”
Kasen’s face scrunches up. ‘‘Why?”
“I dunno. Grab coffee. Or … food.”
Kasen’s gaze bores into Hawke’s face for so long that even I’m uncomfortable. Eventually, he says, “I like ice cream.”
“Okay.” Hawke’s voice is too enthusiastic, but the hope behind his tone gets me in the chest. “We’ll stop and grab some.”
“Fine. Can we train now?”
I jump in before the conversation goes any further, and it’s like I can feel Hawke’s excitement. Not from him, but for him. Like I’m so in tune that his own emotions are building in my chest. I smile more than I normally do during training, but I can’t make myself stop.
I can try harder tomorrow.