37. Its Not Small. Its Full of Character
If one ofthe players told me his heart was beating as fast as mine is right now while he was just standing in a kitchen, I would tell him he needs to see Dr. Martinez. But I”m standing in this kitchen. Just a few feet away from that counter. And with almost an entire team of hockey players in the backyard just twenty feet away. ”I should leave.” No one knows I”m here. If I go now, they”ll never know.
”You should come into the backyard with the rest of us and grab a beer. I”m just about to fire up the barbecue to cook the chicken breasts.” I guess Brant hosts the team every year to celebrate the finish of the first month of the season, and this year they really do have something to celebrate. The team is 8-3-1, and those seventeen points put them in first place in their division. There”s still a long season to go, but the guys are excited. The rest of us are too. I”m so excited, I stupidly said yes when Brant invited me to the cookout.
”You know there are parts of the U.S. where they would arrest you if they heard you call that a barbecue.”
Brant shrugs and pulls me into a hug. He hasn”t let go of me since he answered the door. Probably because he knows I might bolt if he does. I just wish I had been smart enough to not come. I could have pretended I forgot about it, even though he”s sent me at least a dozen reminder texts. And even though I know he would have just come to my house to get me. ”It”s going to be fine.”
”The chicken or the team?”
”The age-old question.” He kisses my forehead, and I wish it could be just the two of us. ”I was referring to the beer. But all of it. You”re nervous, but trust me.”
”I do trust you. It”s everyone else I”m worried about.”
”Well, I trust them, so you have nothing to worry about.”
I try to take a step back, but he doesn”t let go of me. If anything, he holds me tighter. ”Brant...” We”ve had this discussion before. It”s been three weeks since he told me the rest of the team knows about us. We both decided after that we needed to slow down. Way down. Sometimes I think it”s killing me, but it”s for the best.
”There she is.” Milo walks through the open backdoor and sets his beer on the counter beside us. ”This jerk wouldn”t start cooking until you got here. We”re all about to starve.”
Brant finally lets go of me so he can slap at Milo”s stomach. I take advantage of the break to take a couple of steps back. ”Yeah, you”re really wasting away there, aren”t you,” Brant says. I know from seeing a shirtless Milo in the training room that he”s nothing but muscle. I”d be surprised if he had more than six percent body fat.
”I still need two thousand more calories today, and I don”t want to get it all from beer.” He gives me a look that tells me he wouldn”t mind that at all. The team”s dietitian might, though. ”Come on, Lily. We saved you a seat. As far away from Branny as possible in his small backyard.” Milo motions me ahead of him toward the door.
”It”s not small. It”s full of character.”
”So that”s what you tell the girls?” Milo winks at me, and I laugh as I walk around him and toward the backyard. If he notices the nervous shiver that runs through me, he doesn”t say anything.
Brant, though, must have seen it. He stops me right before I get to the door. ”Lily?” I turn to look at him. ”It”s fine.”
I bite the inside of my cheek. I really hope so.
It takes some time, but after dinner—and too many beers—I finally believe him. It”s strange to see the players away from the ice. Mostly they”re still themselves, just more of it. Milo is still quiet and happy to let the others take all the attention. Sammy is still happy to take all the attention he can get. And Kayden is just Kayden. Every once in a while, I see him smiling at me as Brant takes my hand or slides his arm around my shoulders.
The first time Brant put his arm around me tonight, I stepped away. His arm dropped, and I felt horrible. But I was too scared of the others. When he tried again a little later, though, I forced myself to stand still even though every nerve inside me was sparking. Now, it just feels… It feels really good. And only partially because it”s starting to get cold out here.
”Anybody want more?” Brant motions to the grill, but he doesn”t get up from the loveseat where he”s sitting beside me. There are still three chicken breasts left. My head is spinning enough that I”m resting it against Brant”s shoulder to be safe.
Sammy hops up so fast it makes me dizzy. The girl he brought doesn”t seem too excited about suddenly being left alone, but I don”t feel sorry for her. I”ve been around athletes long enough to know the type of women most of them go for. Blonde, skinny, and perfect. That”s her. But the real ones who stick around and become the wives and girlfriends are so much more than that. They care about their players, and they have personalities. And fuck society for not seeing that. This woman, though, is not like them. I tried to introduce myself, but she somehow looked down her nose at me even though I”m taller than she is. Thankfully, Sammy doesn”t seem too interested in her. If he were, I might have to have a talk with him.
”How can you still eat?” I ask him as I unthinkingly rest my hand on my extremely full stomach.
He winks as he plops two of the breasts onto his plate. ”I”m a growing boy.” His date is still sitting on the arm of his Adirondack chair when he sits down. She tries to get his attention by running a finger up his chest, but she quits with a huff when it”s clear that the food is the only thing on his mind right now. I want to stand and shout ”haha” at her, but I settle for lightly raising my middle finger from my lap. At least, that”s what I”m trying to do. I”m not sure my finger is cooperating.
”That means you don”t want the last piece of chicken?” Brant whispers. His breath feels so amazingly warm on my neck.
I shake my head. Too much. That”s a mistake.
”Me either. That”s not the breast I”m craving.” He nibbles my earlobe just beside my earring. I try to tell him he”s a dork, but I can”t form the words with his mouth on me. I can barely even keep my eyes open. It feels so damn good.
”Come here,” he tells me.
”I”m right here.” I try to find his hand, but I just end up pawing his leg over and over.
”That”s not close enough. I want you here.” He pats the top of his thigh.
My cheeks flare, and I take a quick glance around. No one is watching. Kayden is talking to his date. Sammy is still devouring the chicken while his date glares at him. Milo is holding his beer and looking up at the stars while his head rocks back and forth. And Nikita”s husband is sitting on his lap. They”re so nice. Everyone here is. I can”t believe I was scared of them. When I turn back to Brant, his eyebrow is raised.
”Promise me you”ll never let your eyebrow use its power for evil.” I stand and everything goes spinsies. I want to hold my arms out so I can go spinsies too, but Brant grabs my hands just before I get the chance. I stare at him. The right side of his mouth quirks up like he finds something funny but doesn”t want to laugh. ”You”re so incredible,” I tell him. ”How did I get so lucky?”
He holds me steady as I straddle his legs. Our faces are inches apart now that I”m on his lap, and even though the Earth won”t hold still, I lean forward to kiss him. I”ll never understand why every kiss feels so dramatic with him. Even a quick touch of our lips feels like our first kiss. But this isn”t that. He opens his mouth, and I slip my tongue inside. My nerves all fire at once. Their energy pools between my legs, and I shift my hips to relieve some of the mounting pressure. When I do, I feel how hard he is. I rock my hips, now desperate for the friction, and I wonder again what it would feel like to have him inside me.
Sex with Tyler was more stressful than pleasurable. For him, it was only about sticking his dick into something. There were so many times during sex with him that I could have swapped someone else into my place, and Tyler would never notice. If he did, I don”t think he would have cared. It”s no wonder I never orgasmed with him. I didn”t say anything for the longest time because I didn”t want to hurt his ego. When I finally did, he told me it was probably because of my surgery. Never mind the fact that I orgasmed just fine with my toys. The truth was, he didn”t care. If I couldn”t come, it wasn”t his problem. I thought maybe all men were like that.
”Hey.” Brant”s word snaps my eyes open, and I realize we”re not kissing anymore. ”You disappeared. Are you okay?”
I look down at his legs between mine and nod. ”I”m good. I”m so good. Are you good?”
”You”re drunk.”
”I”m not drunk.” I shake my head. Too fast. I have to put my hands on his chest to hold myself still. But I like the way my hands look on his chest anyway. I like the way his chest feels under my palms. ”Your chest is drunk.”
Brant chuckles and kisses my forehead. ”You just said the word drunk two times without pronouncing the N or the K either time. And I wanted you to sit on my lap,” he looks down, ”not straddle me and try to fuck me right here in front of everyone. Not that I”m complaining.” He kisses me again, on the lips this time, before I have a chance to be embarrassed. ”I think I need to get you to bed.”
”I think so too.” I throw my arms around his neck and tilt my hips against him.
”Not like that.” He slips his hands under my thighs and stands. My stomach wrenches from the movement, and I”m pretty sure his backyard flips over because somehow I can now see Kayden and he”s upside down. Or maybe my head rolled back too far. I’m not sure. ”Hey guys, Lily”s had a little too much for the evening, so I”m taking her inside,” Brant announces to the others.
”We”re going to bed,” I shout and try to whirl one of my hands above my head like I”m twirling a lasso, but I just end up losing my balance and my head falls against Brant. My nose presses to his cheek. Even when he”s drunk like this, he smells so wonderful.
”Not like that,” he says again, louder this time so everyone else can hear. ”I”ll get her tucked in and then come right back down.”
”You could stay with me.” I tease my lips along the side of his face. Somehow, his stubble tickles my tongue as I do it.
”No, he can”t,” someone says. It takes me a few seconds to realize it”s Kayden. ”Consent is important, Lily. If he tries anything, you let me know, and I”ll cut off his balls.”
The other players all murmur the various things they would do to Brant if he tried anything. Even Silver wakes up just long enough to growl before he closes his eyes again. ”Aww, seriously guys?” I slur. Maybe I have had a little too much. ”You”d chop off his balls for me?”
”Whoa!” Brant backs us toward the house. ”Let”s not get too excited about this. Nothing”s going to happen. Not tonight. There”s no need to pull out any knives. Besides, you guys know me better than that.”
”Damn right we would, Lily,” Milo says. ”And we know you wouldn”t, Branny. But if you did?” I look up at him just in time to see him make a snipping motion with his fingers. ”Now, take your girl to bed. And make sure she has plenty of water, or she”ll feel like shit in the morning.”
I wave goodnight to all the guys as Brant carries me into the house. He doesn”t stop until he”s at the top of the stairs. ”Those guys are the sweetest people in all of Utah,” I proclaim.
”Easy to say when they”re not threatening to chop off your body parts.”
”It”s not that bad. I had a surgery where?—”
”You”re way too drunk to make that joke. Now, let go of my neck and swing your feet up for me.”
I let go, half expecting to fall, but then I realize I”m already on the bed. ”I think I might be a little drunk.”
”Just a little. I”ll get a couple bottles of water for you. I want you to drink most of one now. And then drink every time you wake up during the night.”
When he takes a step back, I realize this isn”t his bedroom. ”You”re not sleeping with me?” I whimper.
Brant shakes his head. ”I”ll be right back with your waters.”
”Please?” I bite my lower lip and hope it looks seductive and not like I have the world”s worst overbite. ”Pretty please with an enormous pile of jelly beans on it?”
He stares at me for a minute before muttering ”fuck” under his breath. ”Okay. But I still need to grab your waters. I”ll tell the guys to lock up when they leave. But we”re only sleeping tonight, okay? Nothing more until you”re sober.”
”You”re. No. Fun.” I thrust a finger at him with each word to emphasize how extremely unfun he is, but not even what I hope is a scolding look on my face sways him. He just stares at me with that one annoying eyebrow raised. I try to hold his stare, but this bed is too comfortable. And the pillow has to be one of those fancy pillows that”s handcrafted by workers who are paid an actual living wage and given health insurance better than mine, because it is the most comfortable thing I”ve ever put my head on. It”s impossible to keep my eyes open with all this fair pay fluffiness, and the look on Brant”s face as I finally give in and close my eyes tells me that he knows just how unfair this is.