55. Im Ready
Even a day later,I still can”t believe it. The Lightning traded a few players when I was with the team, but they were backup outfielders and relief pitchers. Not major parts of the team the way Milo is. Was. Of course, I wasn”t as close to that team as I am to this one. This team feels like family.
I suppose Brant and I should be happy about the trade. All season long, even before that, Brant has been out to prove that he”s just as good as he was before he tore his ACL. Yesterday morning, the team just put a huge job-well-done gold star on that effort. By rights, we should have celebrated last night. Dinner, drinks, maybe finally being with each other afterward. But we barely even spoke. When I finished my work after practice, Brant was waiting for me, leaning against the side of his car. I asked him about the trade, and he just shrugged. ”Part of the job,” he told me. The same thing every Sting player had said about it all morning. Just like them, he had that same shell-shocked look on his face as he said it.
They”re still sluggish at practice the next day. Ideally, I”d wait for a better day, but Bridges can”t wait. After practice, I walk into the dressing room. Everyone quiets as I stand in the center. ”I have a huge favor to ask from all of you.” I wring my hands. I really hate asking people for anything.
”What did Branny do, and what do you want us to do to him?” Nikita stands and looks around for Brant who, thankfully, is still on the ice working with the goaltending coach for an extended practice.
I fight back my smile. Definitely family. ”You might not know, but there”s a homeless shelter for teens here in Salt Lake.” I don”t tell them it”s for LGBTQ teens. I”m lucky that I started hormones early, so no one would really guess that I”m trans, but I”m still afraid to put myself too close to the LGBTQ world in case it might make someone suspicious about me. It”s silly with these guys. I know they wouldn”t care, and I wouldn”t mind if they knew the truth. But it”s a habit at this point. And it”s not just my secret now. ”Brant and I have been there a couple of times and seen it firsthand. They do really good work, but they”re in trouble and need money. I thought it would be nice if some of you could donate things for them to auction off? Just small things. Maybe like gloves you don”t wear anymore? I already cleared it with the front office.”
”Here.” Sammy slides his skates over to me. ”My favorite pair.”
”Sammy, you can”t give?—”
”What about jerseys?” Nikita peels off his sweat-stained practice jersey and tosses it on Sammy”s skates. ”We”ll all do our game jerseys from tomorrow”s game too, yes?” He looks around the room, and everyone nods.
Even Neumann, the new guy, tosses his stick in. ”Someone put double-sided tape on the grip this morning, so be careful when you pick it up.” Based on the snickering behind me, that someone was Sammy.
”You don”t have to ask me twice. I”m in.” Kayden stands and moves toward the center of the room. ”I should be worth at least thirty-thousand for them.” I”m so glad Brant warned me in advance about this one.
”They will use American dollars. Not Japanese yen, Mr. Dragon Heart.” Nikita says as he throws an empty roll of tape at Kayden.
”I swear that”s really what the sign says. It”s not my fault your translation app was wrong.”
”Guys, thank you so much.” I step between Kayden and Nikita, like a kindergarten teacher stepping between students arguing over who can drink the most chocolate milk. ”I really didn”t expect this. This will be so helpful. You don”t even know what it means to me.”
Kayden finally stops making rude gestures at Nikita. ”Anything you need, we”re there, right boys?” Everyone nods. ”And I”m totally worth thirty-thousand American dollars,” he says, apparently unable to drop it before getting the last word. ”Now, let”s help you get this stuff out to your car.”
I don”t call Michael to tell him about my haul because I want to see the look on his face when he finds out. Even as generous as the guys were, I know it”s not nearly enough, but it is good news. I”m sure Michael needs lots of that right now.
”Lily!” Michael throws his arms around me as soon as he opens the office door. I go still. This is not at all the reaction I expected, at least not before I tell him about the donations and my idea for an auction. ”Isn”t it such a beautiful day?”
When he lets me go, the tops of my arms ache from where he had them pinned in his bear hug, and I look over my shoulder behind me to make sure nothing changed. No, it”s grey, and flurries are just beginning to fall. ”Um, sure?” I start a mental list of all the drugs that can induce a euphoric state. Is it possible one of the kids slipped him something to help him out? Could he have taken something on his own? It”s not ketamine. He”s talking too fast for that. Ecstasy? I examine his eyes as he sits behind his desk, looking for the telltale dilated pupils and rapid eye movements, but everything seems normal. ”Are you okay?”
”I am so many forms of okay right now.” He doesn”t so much say the words as vibrate them. Meth? Surely he wouldn”t do meth, would he? ”We got it.”
”We got it?”
”We got it!” I flinch as he pounds the desk to emphasize his words. I”m not sure how it”s possible, but his grin is even bigger now.
I hold my palms up. ”What did we get?”
”This!” he booms and raises his hands over his head. Shrooms? Now that I think about it, he does seem like the type who might enjoy a rosé followed by a hallucinogen. ”The building, Lily. We have enough to buy it.” He takes my hands and pulls me into another embrace. This time with his desk between us.
My heart flutters. He has to be hallucinating. Just a couple of days ago, he was sure they would have to move. If they could even find somewhere to go. ”How?” Maybe the landlord decided he didn”t want to sell after all.
”An anonymous donor. Can you believe it?” He drops back into his chair. ”Someone from a law firm dropped off a cashier”s check yesterday afternoon. One of the big law firms. I called them to make sure it was real. And it is! I”d never even seen a cashier”s check before, let alone a check for that much money. It was just paper. After a certain number of zeroes, don”t you think checks should be lined with gold leaf?”
”A donation?”
”I called our lawyer right away, and she called someone she knows at that firm just to verify my verification. The funds went into our account this morning. They aren”t available yet, obviously. I”m sure the bank wants to make sure this is real, but it”s real!” He beams at me. ”I called the landlord last night, and he”s agreed to sell to us. Isn”t this great?”
A tremble starts in my hands but spreads quickly through my entire body. ”You can stay?”
”We can stay!”
”Right here?”
”Right here!”
I leap around to his side of the desk, catching my hip on the corner as I do, but I”m not feeling any pain right now. I throw my arms around him. The office chair rocks backward and rotates with my momentum, but I barely notice. If Michael does, he doesn”t say anything. ”This is amazing!” The back of my throat is tight, and I hear the tears in my words.
”Girl, don”t you even get me started. I cried so much, my boyfriend threatened to sleep outside last night just to get away from me. When it was below freezing. And there”s a reason our neighborhood is called Coyote Run.”
”Sorry.” I sniffle. ”So the kids?”
”Have a home here for as long as they need.”
I fall to my knees and rock back on my heels and smile up at him. ”I can”t believe it.”
”Me either. Someone heard my prayers and saved these children. In a way I never could have dreamed of.”
A thought snags at the back of my mind. But there”s no way. Is there? ”You said they”re anonymous? So you don”t even know who gave the money?”
”I wish I did. They literally saved lives, Lily. They need to be recognized for what they”ve done.”
It”s only been two days since we found out about the shelter”s troubles. Would that have been enough time? And could he have even done it? He”s casually mentioned before that he”s rich, but does he have that much money? ”What law firm did the check come from?”
”Ellory, Loveland, and Smith. Why? Do you want to confirm with them to make sure it”s real too?” He teases.
I don”t answer. I just slip my phone from my back pocket.
Me: Something came up with Dad”s estate, and I might need a lawyer. Do you know any here in town?
The three dots flash on the screen almost instantly.
Brant: Gabriela Loveland. She”s my attorney, and she”s a badass. Is something wrong?
That asshole. That kind, generous, amazing asshole who I love more than I ever thought was possible.
I”m in such a hurry to get home that I forget to tell Michael about the equipment that”s still in the back of my car.
It”s not until I pull into the driveway and the garage opens as it senses my phone—something Brant set up for me weeks ago—that I realize I thought of this as home. My head falls back and hits the headrest. Gravity is three times stronger than it was just seconds ago. What does that mean? For now and for the future?
When I get inside, Brant is leaning against the kitchen counter like he”s waiting for me. ”You gave the shelter that money and didn”t tell me? You”re a fucking jerk,” I tell him as I stomp over to him.
”I am.”
”The worst person in the world.” I push on his chest, and he grabs me by the wrist. His hand completely covers the snake inked there, as he holds my hand against his heart and his tattoo.
”Absolutely. Worst person in history.”
I tilt my head back and fall into him. Kiss him. The instant our lips touch, everything breaks. The world I”ve spent years constructing. My education, my jobs, my career. I built everything so I wouldn”t need anyone else. They ripped sports away from me when I transitioned, but I never stopped loving them. So I took what they told me I couldn”t have, and I centered my life around that. I might not have been good enough to even make the girls’ soccer team in high school if they would have let me try out, but now, I”m working for my second professional team. I”m on the way to being named head trainer by the time I”m thirty-five. My goal. And I did it without them. I did it around them. Through them. Fuck them for ever thinking they could stop me. But all that is shattering now.
The life I created in Denver. Alone. I told myself I left behind all the baggage I didn”t need to carry. Trimmed away any weaknesses I had. I didn”t need anyone. I had Em for as long as she would be there for me, but I was always ready for her to leave too. And I told myself I would be fine when she did. That I was strong enough to handle life without her or anyone else. And I could have. I would have if Dad didn”t die. If I didn”t have to come back to Salt Lake. If I didn”t make that stupid promise to him after he died that I would live in his house for a year. I needed him to know that I tried. I needed to know that I tried. I did. Even when I knew I was failing, I still tried. And when I knew it was hopeless, I doubled down.
”I love you.” I don”t move away from Brant to say it. I don”t take my lips off his. I don”t want to ever take my lips off his. I don”t want to ever not feel him against me.
He squeezes my arms and spins us around so it”s my back against the counter, and I think maybe he”s going to lift me onto it like he did almost two months ago. I hope he will. His mouth practically attacks mine. He sucks and pulls my tongue into his mouth, and I feel myself rebuilding around him. I swore I would never let myself depend on anyone else. I would never go through the pain of letting anyone get too close to me. But I would do it for Brant. I am doing it for him. I”m opening myself right down the middle for him.
”I”m ready.”
I lift a leg and hook it around the back of his thigh, and Brant moans into my mouth. The deep sound vibrates everything inside me. He thrusts his hips, and I feel just how much he wants this. I will him to slip his hands under me. Just a little boost, and I can wrap myself around him. He can take me to the bedroom, the couch, the middle of the front yard so all the neighbors can watch. I don”t care. I just need to feel him inside me right now. I need him to drive this longing from me.
He leans his head back, and I attack his neck, biting and pulling his flesh into my mouth, wanting to leave my marks all over him. I want everyone on the team—everyone in the arena, everyone who watches on television—to know that he”s mine. I claim him again and again. ”Fucking Christ, Lily.” He blows out a long breath, and I lunge for his mouth again. I need my lips to bear down on his, but he rolls away from me. ”If I knew all it would take was two million dollars, I would have done this a long time ago.”
The amount freezes me. ”Two million?” I”m not sure if the words come out or if I just mouth them. The number is so incomprehensible that I”m not sure about anything.
His hand slips between my legs, and every muscle in my core tries to clench around him. I rock my hips from front to back, trying to ride his hand. It”s not going to take much for me. I whimper. I want to stop. I don”t want to come until he”s inside me, but something primal is in control of my body right now. ”Say it,” he growls. With his free hand, he turns my head away from him and he bites my neck. Marking me the same way I was marking him. ”I want to hear you say it again.”
”Two million,” I moan.
”Smart ass.” He taps me on the cheek. ”You know what I want to hear.”
And I want to say it. So many more times than just once or twice. I want a lifetime of saying it. ”I love you.”
”Fuck.” His voice rumbles into my neck. The sound fills my carotid and goes right into my brain. ”It”s been so hard to hold back.”
I rock my hips backward far enough to fit a hand between us and squeeze his dick. ”It does feel pretty hard.” It throbs in my palm, and I do my best to stroke him through the joggers he has on. Joggers that feel incredibly tight over his crotch right now.
”You know I love you too.” Brant”s mouth moves down the side of my neck to my collarbone. ”You know that. You know I wanted this for so goddamn long.”
Fuck waiting on him. I clasp my hands around his neck and jump so I can throw my other leg around him. A new rush of heat rolls into my cheeks as I start to slip. My eyes go wide as I imagine myself slipping right down to the floor, where I would have no choice but to stay because there”s no graceful way to come back from accidentally sliding down your boyfriend like he”s a fire pole.
”Eager?” He slaps his hands under my ass—even through my jeans, it makes a clapping sound—and he lifts me up.
”It”s about time.”
His mouth is back to the crook of my neck and when he shakes his head, his nose tickles along my supercharged skin. ”Careful, Jams. Maybe I”ll make you wait like you”ve been doing to me.” I grind myself against his dick. It”s so hard it has to hurt. ”On second thought, upstairs?”
I nod.