Chapter 7
Scarlett
Somehow a month has gone by and it is now my last day working at the magazine.
After I gave my notice to Valerie she avoided me the rest of that day but the next day it was like nothing happened.
She doubled down on her annoying habit of shortening deadlines and asking for nonexisting articles that were past due.
It got to the point where she was almost hostile towards me but I held my tongue, knowing that I had an escape.
On the day I put my notice in I posted a video on social media explaining my plan.
I expected to lose a few followers because I was inevitably changing my content.
And I did lose a few but somehow I gained even more.
It feels like I’m not the only one craving a simpler life.
So since then, I’ve been posting more videos on how I plan to start this life, what information I’m looking for and how I plan to use my beautiful five acres as a sustainable way of living.
I’ve explained that the goal isn’t to make money off the farm right away but to get setup, learn the things I don’t know yet and make it so that the farm can sustain me and then go from there.
Which brings me to today. It’s my last day in the office and Amber has already cried twice.
Although to be fair, so have I. I’m going to miss her and a select few others in the office.
But I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a huge feeling of relief and excitement swirling around in my gut.
Change is scary but it’s also invigorating.
I feel a sense of lightness in my chest like this change is going to be for the better.
The clock ticks so slowly all day while I button up all the things I need to do before I clock out for the very last time.
My desk is visited by coworkers who share well wishes but Valerie is gone all day.
And honestly, thank God. I don’t want anything to put a damper on this day and this hope that I feel.
When the clock finally strikes five I shut my computer down, clear my desk of any personal items and join Amber in the elevator, one last time. She sniffles next to me.
“It’s not like I’m dying,” I say with a chuckle, even though my eyes are welling up too.
“You might as well be,” Amber says with a slight sob. “I just know I’ll never make it down to Valentine.”
I know she probably isn’t wrong. After I put my notice in she debated on doing the same but once she looked at other potential jobs out there she didn’t want to lose her tenure here.
So now, she’ll be Valerie’s right hand man so to speak and she’ll be running herself ragged the way I have been for the last several years.
We both accept that what she said is likely the truth and continue the ride down the elevator in silence.
Once my feet hit the concrete outside the door something in my chest flutters.
A mixture of emotions tumble inside of me from sadness of leaving a career I once loved, excitement to see what lies ahead, fear that I won’t be able to handle it, terror that I’ve made a mistake, and glee that my life is finally and completely my own.
I open up the group chat I have with Andee, Mia, Lydia and Kenzie and in all caps type: I’m free! The responses come one after the other.
Mia: Time to party!
Lydia: Speaking of which, what time are we starting tonight?
Andee: Will we have time for midnight margaritas?
Kenzie: We’re so happy for you!
The girls are coming over tonight to help me pack up my apartment. When Mia first suggested it I told her they didn’t have to worry about helping, I should be able to handle it. She responded with, “Well maybe it’s more for us than it is for you.”
It’s not like I’m moving that far away but it is true that I’ll be the farthest away from my friends that I’ve ever been.
Andee lives in Silverthorne now with Dennis, Lydia and Kenzie are in Denver, and Mia and Jonathan are in Blackwater.
They’ll all be within an hour or so of each other while I’ll be about two hours from Lydia and Kenzie.
I like to believe we’re strong enough to stay connected with that but there’s always that underlying fear.
Me: Party starts at 7.
The buzzer to my apartment building rings at 6:45 that night. I’ve already picked up pizza and wine and am itching to see everybody.
“Come on up!”
The girls file in and the anxiety that’s been beating in my chest since I got home starts to slow. Andee brings in margarita mix and puts a blender on the counter. I chuckle a little, “I have a blender.”
“Yeah, but I figured yours is already packed,” she looks around the kitchen that I have yet to begin packing, “or will be shortly!” Without missing a beat she gets to work whipping up margaritas.
Midnight margaritas is really just a code for having margaritas.
We decided a long time ago there was no need to wait until midnight.
Mia loads the counter with bags of chips, guac, and some sort of dip inside a crockpot that smells like heaven. My stomach growls and I try and fail to think of when I last ate today.
Kenzie comes inside and her face is full of determination. She’s holding trash bags and packing tape and the biggest permanent marker I’ve ever seen. All business, she’s ready to help.
Lydia comes in last and gives me a hug. She’s always been able to spot my anxiety and she holds on just a little bit longer than usual.
When she pulls back she takes a deep inhale, holds it and lets it go.
It’s her little signal that she’s done the last few years to help remind me to breathe. I love her for it.
“Where do you want us to start?” Kenzie yells over the sound of the blender running.
I look around, not knowing where to start myself.
I think back to how I told Mia I didn’t need help and just how glad I am that she didn’t listen to me.
If I were to do this by myself, I would likely break down in tears somewhere along the way.
“Right here,” Andee says as she hands Kenz a red solo cup full of strawberry margarita.
Kenzie looks like someone took the wind out of her sails.
“I know we’re here to help but I’m not going to spend this whole night rushing to pack up my best friend.
” She hands everyone else a cup and then sips from her own.
Lydia holds up a drawing of my apartment that would have been very creepy if it weren’t being held by one of my best friends.
“I have the whole night mapped out and I think we can pack all this up in record time with my plan. Which means we definitely have time for pizza and margaritas.” She clinks her solo cup with Andee’s and we all take turns digging into the pizza boxes and sit down for our last dinner together for a while.
“Well, how are you feeling?” Mia asks.
“Honestly?” I ask, giving myself time to decipher my feelings. “Half the time I’m so excited I could throw up and the other half the time I’m so terrified I could throw up.”
“That feels reasonable,” Kenzie says. The other girls nod their heads in agreement.
“Do you have a plan for the farm once you get there?” Lydia asks.
“Well, since I made this bright decision in winter there won’t be a whole lot I can do right away.
The property already has a chicken coop so I’ll begin there with chicks.
Once spring comes I’ll have to figure out how to till a garden.
I can either do a bunch of raised beds or maybe I can buy a tractor and learn to till the ground myself.
” I shrug as if this isn’t a big deal even though I know damn well it is a very big deal.
“Once I have chickens and a garden under way I’d like to look into goats or maybe even a small cow or two. ”
“Chickens, huh?” Mia asks, her face has her classic sideways smirk before she continues, “Are you going to get a cock?” She asks, no longer containing her entertainment.
I laugh but answer her seriously, “I will likely get a rooster, yes.” Mia gives me a half hearted look of disappointment that I didn’t take the bait. Kenzie however, does.
“That’s all good and well but I’d like to get back to the cock conversation,” Kenzie says.
“Kenzie,” Lydia looks surprised at Kenzie for being so brash and using the word cock.
Kenzie doesn’t use it often. She’s the innocent, hopeless romantic out of all of us.
She believes in love being tender and soft just like in all the rom-coms she watches.
Lately though, she’s been feeling discouraged and acting a little different towards the subject of love.
“No, well I don’t mean it exactly like that but over the last few years you’ve said you’re too busy to find love. So what’s the plan now? This new life, it’s going to be a slower life, right?” Kenzie looks so hopeful that I almost don’t want to answer her question honestly.
“Kenz, being busy isn’t the only reason. Besides, yes I am looking to slow life down but I will still be busy with responsibilities, animals, a garden, keeping up with social media. Love is absolutely the farthest thing from my mind.”
“OK, but what about cock? That doesn’t have to do with love if you don’t want it to,” Andee offers.
Laughter bubbles out of me and I take the pillow next to me and throw it at her. Since she’s a few margaritas deep she attempts to dodge but it’s too late. The pillow comes in full contact with her face. The girls all laugh while I ponder Kenzie’s question a little more.
I’ve been dreaming about this for so long that in reality I have a solid five year plan and a man is nowhere to be seen in it.
I'm trying to start slow and remind myself that the life I’m leaving full of deadlines and appointments is not to the vibe I’m trying to bring into this new life.
I’ve been a go-getter for years now, even before college, but now I feel the need to slow things down.
It’s just a matter of whether my brain will let me.
“All jokes aside, I think this is amazing and I can’t wait to come visit,” Mia says.
“The house is a little rough. I got it so cheap because the man who owned it has been in poor health for a few years and is now in a nursing home. The kids didn’t want the nursing home to take his house as payment so they sold it for less than it was worth in order to get it out of his name.
So, on top of everything else I’ll be DIYing my house repairs. ”
Kenzie looks at me wide eyed. “You are a bad bitch. Do you know that?”
“Of course she does,” Mia answers before I can. “Or else she wouldn’t be doing this.”
Is that why I’m doing this? Because I know I can? Because I have confidence in myself? Or is it because I’m so strung out with the life I’d already created that the only thing left to do is blow it up?