Chapter 33
Jake
Scarlett walks me through every step of her biscuit recipe.
She makes it look so simple and I feel like such an idiot for it.
The smell of the dough rising to life in the oven is enough to make my stomach audibly grumble.
Scarlett has taken to her usual seat at the island while I’ve been watching the soup pot and it pains me how comfortable this all feels.
Is there something inside our brains that makes us like domestication?
I mean when I came in and got the fire going again I was so amazed that she started working on lunch that it made me want to come up behind her wrap my arms around her and plant a soft kiss on her temple.
I don’t think I’ve ever had that desire before.
Although again, maybe that’s what I’ve been missing with having one night stands over relationships.
I’m not sure that I’ve ever cooked with a girlfriend, not that Scarlett is a girlfriend.
“So what made you quit your job and move out here?” I ask.
Her face changes and I make a little note to myself that talking about work isn’t her favorite topic. “You’re going to think it’s dumb,” she says.
“Try me,” I retort.
“I don’t want to say that I couldn’t handle the pressure of my job because I absolutely could. I had been handling the pressure for close to a decade but I just didn’t want to anymore.”
“I get that, my job in Cali wasn’t exactly high pressure, but it was long hours with decent pay but when it’s all said and done, what is the point of extra money and a nice house when you spend more time at work making money for other people?
” I shrug, realizing that I’m not sure I’ve said that out loud before now.
“Yes,” her face lights up and I feel relieved that I made her feel better about this topic.
“That’s exactly it. I was making good money too but I had this tiny apartment in the city, granted it was a really nice apartment but how often I was there, didn’t make the price tag worth it.
I was able to buy my little cottage over there for less than my rent was.
Plus, I don’t know…” she hesitates and I want nothing more than to encourage her to continue.
I love to hear her talk. I want to hear everything she has to say.
“I have always had this little dream in the back of my mind of a simpler life. One year I went as Laura Ingalls for Halloween, but people made fun of me so the next few years I went as Barbara Walters instead. ”
“Who is Laura Ingalls?” I ask.
She rolls her eyes as if it’s unbelievable that I don’t know. “Come on, I thought someone your age would know who she is. Little House on the Prairie?”
“Ok, I might know about Little House on the Prairie but I have never, not once, watched it. I just know of its existence.” The timer goes off on the oven and I turn to remove the perfectly baked biscuits as Scarlett continues.
“I guess that’s fair but I was obsessed with it when I was a kid. Nothing seemed better than life on a farm. Learning the old ways, having the patience to cook from scratch, being surrounded by animals and knowing exactly where your food is coming from.” She looks wistful as she stares into space.
“Did you have any experience as a kid on a farm?”
“No, my parents are from the city too. They both had high powered jobs. Dad’s an accountant for some of the bigger businesses in Denver while Mom is an attorney.”
“Wow,” I say, truly impressed.
“Yeah, but we don’t talk much anymore.” She scoffs, “hell, we didn’t talk much then either.
Have you ever had some generational cycle you wanted to break?
” She stares up at me, her eyes hopeful that I’ll agree.
I’m not sure exactly what to say so I just nod my head yes.
She nods hers too, accepting my answer. “My parents gave me everything I needed in life except for themselves. I never wanted for anything and I learned from an early age where a good work ethic could take me. What I didn’t realize until recently was that I didn’t actually want to go there. ”
“You know, I resented my dad for years for this farm. He had dreams similar to yours, wanting to get back to the simple life and get back to his roots. His family owned farms for generations. His dad dreamed of him being the first one to go off to college. So he did. He got a degree, met my mom, had me and my sister, and then one day he realized that what he was missing most in life was his roots. He had a knack for farming. A love for it. More than I do, that’s for sure. ”
“Why would you resent him for that?” She looks puzzled.
“Because I thought it drove my mom away.” I look away, giving the soup a final stir before I turn the burner off.
“My mom fell in love with the business side of my dad. She fell in love with his ambition and with the life he always told her they’d have.
Growing up I blamed my Dad for her leaving.
Mom told me when she left that Dad bought the farm without asking her.
Just up and quit his job and uprooted all of our lives in what felt like a week.
She told me that was the reason she was leaving, because she couldn’t be with a man who didn’t include her in the decisions.
So, I resented him for years. And he let me.
Until I was graduating and mom couldn’t even be bothered to show up.
When I asked Dad where she was he explained that she was in every bit of the decision to move out here.
That she agreed with everything he asked for and then simply changed her mind once they were doing it.
I guess she just didn’t think she’d be that involved or something?
I don’t know, but I had been carrying this deep seeded anger for so long that I didn’t know how to let it go.
It wasn’t until I came back to help him before he died that I realized I was no better than her.
” I focus on filling bowls of soup while I talk and cautiously make eye contact with Scarlett when I set hers in front of her.
“I can’t imagine how hard that was for you guys,” Scarlett says.
It’s clear that she empathises with me and my teenage angst. I still don’t talk to my mom, it was clear to me that she didn’t just leave my dad, she left me and Amelia too.
I decided not to forgive her for that. “But coming back here was the right decision?” Scarlett asks as she blows gently on a spoonful of soup.
I think for a minute about how nice it is to live near Amelia again, getting to be here for her and for Cami, who is now emerging from her room.
Growing food, feeling exhausted at the end of most days, feeling a sense of purpose greater than I had in Cali.
“It damn sure isn’t the life I pictured for myself when I graduated but, yeah, it was the right decision for sure. ”
“Isn’t it funny how when we’re young we think we know everything. Who we are, where we want to go in life, what we want to spend the next fifty years doing as a career. Turns out we don’t know jack shit yet.”
Cami looks back and forth between me and Scarlett. “Well that seems terrifying,” she says.
“Yeah, but the thing is you can always change your mind. Which is something our generation wasn’t taught.” Scarlett says. I nod in confirmation when Cami looks my way.
“So when does this talk stop being a boomer ted talk?” Cami asks, a shit eating grin on her face.
Scarlett guffaws. “Ouch, again, I thought we were friends.”
“We were until I realized how old you both are.” She tries to keep a straight face but she ends up laughing and telling us she’s just joking. Conversation continues to be more jovial while we finish our soup. “Want to play some more games?” Cami asks.
There are times when Cami is your typical teenager, sullen, moody, exasperated.
But these past few days stuck here with Scarlett and me in the snowstorm, she reminds me a lot of how she was when she was little.
She always wanted to play games and be in everyone’s business and well, she just wanted to be around everyone all the time. I had forgotten how much I loved it.
Several games of Sorry later, Cami and Scarlett are laughing like hyenas when Cami stands up from the table and rushes to the bathroom.
I shake my head and let out a small chuckle at the hilarity myself.
When Cami opens the bathroom door she says, “Hey the lights are on over at Scarlett’s.
” Suddenly, the hilarity stops. The smile vanishes from my face and I can see Scarlett sort of stiffen.
We’ve been using the generator for the last few hours so the main breaker has been off. Without Cami seeing Scarlett’s lights, we wouldn’t have known the power was back on until tomorrow. Oh how I wish Cami hadn’t seen those lights.
“Well that’s awesome,” Scarlett says with what feels like fake enthusiasm.
Or at least I’m hoping it’s fake. Things have gotten comfortable, I forgot what it felt like to have people around me, people I enjoy being around.
“I’ll just get out of your hair.” She looks back and forth between me and Cami and before I can say anything Cami says, “Oh no… please don’t go. ”
Scarlett takes Cami’s hands into hers, “Thank you for letting me stay with you guys,” except that was my idea, “but I don’t want to overstay my welcome.
At some point I’ll have to go home and make sure everything is alright over there and we all need to get back to our regular programming,” she huffs out a small laugh and I swear I’m not imagining the emotion there.
“You both are lifesavers though, thanks for letting me stay.”
“What if it goes off again?” Cami asks. She looks to me for back up. Typically, that is unlikely. Usually once the town has the power back on it’s good but her eyes are pleading for me to disagree.
“Uh, yeah, it could happen,” I stutter unconvincingly. I’m at war with myself. Of course I’ve been enjoying Scarlett’s company but seeing her so anxious to go makes me not want to try and trick her into staying. “But, it’s unlikely.” It’s not right to keep her here if she wants to go home.
Scarlett turns back to Cami with a smile on her face. “See, I’m all good, girl. Thank you for letting me crash your party.” She gives Cami a big hug and then walks away to my bedroom to pack her things.