Chapter 38
Scarlett
The girls and I sat out in the sun for hours, cracking jokes and drinking wine.
Eventually, when Kenzie fell off the last step of the porch we decided we needed food.
We brought the party inside, Andee, Lydia and I taking charge in the kitchen to whip up some personal size pizzas.
After the house smelled like dough and we all sat down to eat, I looked around soaking in the sight of my best friends.
Lydia with her strawberry blonde hair up in a bun and her glasses pushed up onto the top of her head.
It’s kind of her signature look, usually on top of her head is her headphones while she works.
She’s a professional gamer and a total homebody.
Mia to her right is a brunette beauty who’s somehow the mother of the group but also has the maturity level of a twelve year old boy.
She never fails to crack a joke or lift us up when we need it.
Our registered jokester is Andee, since she got engaged last year she’s been growing out her dark hair.
She’s told us we’re all bridesmaids but there’s been no other details.
To be honest, we wouldn’t be surprised if she asks us to come to Silverthorne one day and not tell us why.
Which I think is hilarious because Dennis seems so straight-laced at first glance, but there is something about how he is with Andee where he just sits back and lets her take the lead.
Kenzie finishes out the group with her crazy red curls and even crazier ideals about love.
She’s our resident hopeless romantic. She believes that everyone has a soul mate and she’s been on the search for hers for years.
I turn my focus back to my plate and bite the side of my cheek. It isn’t until this moment that I realize how much I’ve fucking missed them. I’ve been so busy getting settled and working towards making everything perfect that I haven’t let myself stop and acknowledge how lonely I feel without them.
“So what’s new with you, Lydia?” Kenzie asks around a mouthful of mushroom pizza. Thanks to the wine on the porch Lydia didn’t even get her panicked, deer in headlights look when asked that question. She simply shrugs her shoulders and says, “I’m still talking to that guy online.”
Andee almost drops her plate of pizza as she joins us at the table and we all stare in Lydia’s direction. “You had to be asked to share that information huh?” I ask, grabbing my wine glass.
“Well, I mean, we met through Thor’s Hammer. It isn’t like we’ve met in person yet. It’s still really new.” Another shrug of the shoulders is Lydia’s way of saying she has nothing else to say about it. “How are you and Jonathon, Mia?”
Mia lays her piece of pizza down on her plate, covering her mouth as she chews, and says, “We’re good.” She nods.
“Wow, you guys are just full of details,” Andee says.
“Where are your details Miss bride to be?” I ask knowing full well I’m being a smartass.
“Do you know how difficult it is to plan a second wedding with someone who has never been married? I mean, I did the white dress, church building, preacher man, flower girls, the whole works. I’ve been there, done that.
I don’t know if I want to do it again.” She takes a bite and collectively every other eyebrow in the room shoots up.
“No, I don’t mean I don’t want to marry him.
I mean I want the marriage, I just don’t know if I want the wedding. ”
“Have you asked Dennis if he wants one?” Mia asks.
“Not outright,” she admits. “But he’s so adorable showing me pictures of color schemes, and different locations.
He seems so excited about the wedding. And you guys are so excited to be bridesmaids.
How do I tell everyone that I’m not sure I can do it?
” She bites her lip as if there is a chance we could be mad about this confession.
“Oh, Andee,” Lydia says as she reaches over and touches her arm.
“Honey, we would never want you to do something you don’t want to do,” Mia says.
“Yeah, and I’m pretty positive that Dennis wouldn’t either,” Kenzie offers.
“I will be pissed,” I say and then take a bite of my pizza, “if we don’t get to throw you a bachelorette party.” I wink at Andee and she breathes a sigh of relief. “Andee, babe, you know we don’t care if you have a wedding. And you really should talk to Dennis about it.”
“Alright Kenz, your turn,” Lydia says.
“Well, I was ghosted once, canceled on twice and I have a date scheduled next Tuesday.”
“That’s certainly less traumatizing than your normal dating stories,” Lydia says.
“Tune in next Tuesday,” Kenzie says with a dry laugh.
Poor thing has been chasing dates on every app she can download on her phone.
The thing is, Kenzie is a catch. She’s gorgeous with her fair skin, voluptuous curves, and long red curly hair.
She’s funny and quick-witted, even if sometimes she can be a little bit naive.
She deserves to find happiness. Out of all of us, she might deserve it the most just based on how hard she believes in it.
“So Scar,” Kenzie starts. “When are you going to climb that neighbor like a tree?” And after all the nice things I said about her.
“Guys, we’ve been over this. I love it here.
I’ve got this little cottage,” I gesture around the room with my hands out wide.
“This is more square footage than I’ve ever had.
I have my chickens, I’ve almost finished building the greenhouse.
I’ve got plans, and a life. A new life that I can’t risk for just a roll in the hay with the farmer next door. ”
“A roll in the hay, how old are you?” Lydia snorts.
“You know damn well what I mean. I just moved in. I don’t know anyone in this town other than Jake and Cami and they were really nice to me by letting me stay with them during the power outage. I can’t risk that all because he kissed me.” I close my eyes, realizing what I let slip out.
A gasp runs through the group and everyone starts talking at once. “He kissed you?” “And you’re just now saying something?” “You bitch, when were you going to tell us?” “Wait, was it bad?”
Sighing I lay it all out, “he kissed me after he walked me back home when the power came back on. I was standing on my porch step and he leaned in and he kissed me and then he pulled away, said goodnight, and left.”
“Hold on. Let me see if I get this straight,” Lydia says.
“That beautiful hunk of man meat that we saw earlier not only invited you over to stay with him so you wouldn’t freeze to death but he cooked you food, gave you his bed, showed you his greenhouse, went sled riding with you, walked you home in the dark, and then kissed you on your porch,” she ticks off every point on a different finger.
“And then doesn’t force himself on you or even ask to come inside. ”
“Right?” I ask, as if she just proved my point.
“Oh yeah, he’s a real asshole.” Andee dead pans.
“Sounds awful,” Mia agrees.
“Listen, there’s obvious hesitation there on his part. Like if we have some sort of fling or relationship that ends badly, I have to see this guy every single day unless I move. And we all know I’m too stubborn for that.”
“I totally understand your hesitation and how there is a chance that it ends in a way that makes you guys uncomfortable to be next door neighbors, but isn’t there an equal chance that it doesn’t end that way?” Andee asks.
“If you start talking shit about soul mates, I’m leaving.”
“There are relationships that end amicably,” Lydia offers.
“I haven’t had any but yeah, I’ve heard of a few of those,” Mia says, laying her hand on mine.
“You’re allowed to be scared. Relationships can be scary.
And sometimes things get uncomfortable, even if they are right.
A good relationship is not all butterflies and rainbows.
There’s always going to be arguments and disagreements, uncomfortable silences, and sadness.
But what makes it right is when all the great moments outweigh the bad ones. ”
“What if he’s the one?” Kenzie asks and I want to hug her and smack her in equal parts.
“You know I don’t believe in that Kenz.”
“What if he’s just a really nice guy that you could enjoy time with for now?” Andee asks. “What if we don’t think about what two months, six months, one year could bring?”
The girls around her nod and I find myself searching for the middle ground.
Sure, things could end badly, there’s always that chance.
But there is always a chance that it doesn’t.
It doesn’t have to mean forever, and it doesn’t have to mean never either.
Maybe it could just mean right now. And maybe it could end in a way that wouldn’t require me moving.
Although, what good can come of anything if you fast forward to thinking about when it ends?
After dinner Lydia cracks open another bottle of wine and we have a little impromptu book club.
We discuss all of our recent reads, half of which I download on my kindle while we are talking.
Then we all crash in various places in the living room.
I hear Kenzie’s little snores before I fall asleep and take one more look at this beautiful group of women who came here just to show me they care.
I didn't invite them here. I wanted to wait until everything was perfect. Maybe spring or summer when the greenhouse and garden would be in full swing. The chicks would be older, close to laying. I’d have the cottage all fixed up and just the way I want it.
That’s how I imagined it. But now, as I see them all here and my heart feels more full than it has in months, I see that this was in fact perfect.
These ladies don’t need to see me perfect.
We’ve known each other since college. They know every flaw I have and they love me anyway.
Maybe sometimes the way we imagine it, isn’t the way it needs to be.