Chapter 45
Scarlett
Lydia: His sister woke you guys up on the couch?!
Me: Actually it was his niece that came in first.
Andee: Oooh, and how old is the niece?
Me: Fifteen.
Mia: She’s going to have fun with that I bet.
Me: Ugh. I guess that’s what I get for going over there for dinner.
Kenzie: You didn’t do anything wrong. I know it feels awkward now but go back to focusing on the date itself.
Me: You mean the dinner. It was just dinner, right? Between friends?
Andee: Well, I can’t remember the last time I fell asleep in my friend’s lap but yeah, sure.
Lydia: You fell asleep in my lap just last weekend.
Andee: You know damn well what I meant.
Lydia: Laughing emoji
Mia: I think what Kenzie’s trying to say is, did you have fun last night?
I stop and reflect on all that happened last night.
The conversation, the way he listened, never interrupting and of course the butterflies in my stomach every time we got close.
Did I have fun last night? Of course. More importantly though, I felt so…
comfortable. Obviously or I wouldn’t have fallen asleep on him.
Which is a little embarrassing if I’m honest.
Me: More fun than I’ve had in a long time.
Andee: Rude.
Me: With a man. Eye rolling emoji.
Andee: Fair.
When I got back to the little cottage, barefoot and wrapped in a blanket that totally belongs at Jake’s house I sat down on the couch and texted the girls. I told them everything and got the responses I probably could have predicted. They are all team Jake, which feels a little relieving.
Now I sit, still barefoot and wrapped in a blanket that smells like cedar and ash.
I snuggle further inside the blanket and lean into the warmth and what is now becoming a familiar scent.
I’m not sure if it’s because I left his house in such a rush without any closure or goodbye but I sort of miss Jake already.
I take the time to check in on the chicks.
They’re only a few months old but they’re already getting so big.
A few nights ago I turned off their red lamp, but I left it in place in case we get a cold snap.
Hens cluck behind the wooden door as I go to open it.
They ignore me at first as I sit down in the corner, used to me frequently hanging out in here with them.
But then, Pedro comes up and hops up into my lap the way he always has.
There is no debating he’s a rooster anymore.
His feathers now are an array of colors, shining in the sun peeking through the window and his little red comb on top of his head flops over to one side.
Almost like a cat, Pedro spins around in a circle and then plops down for a nap.
I stroke his silky feathers and before too long he is asleep.
The hens move freely around the coop and into the run and it’s in these simple moments that I remember why I moved out here.
Not only to be able to have these beauties running around with me but because this life is one of simplicity.
Why am I making things such a big deal with Jake?
Why am I looking so far down the road at how things will end up and how that will impact my life and living situation when all we’re really guaranteed is right now?
Life is short and if Jake and I both enjoy each other’s company then why would I resist that?
After a few more minutes with the ladies, and Pedro, I carefully place Pedro in a better napping spot than my lap and head over into the greenhouse.
It’s been up for a couple weeks but I still haven’t decided on the layout.
It’s smaller, much smaller, than Jake’s monstrosity next door but I love it.
The full sunshine outside has raised the temperature inside by a significant amount, making it feel much more like a summer day.
I’m itching to get some potting soil and plants in here but sometimes I get thought blocked by an empty slate.
For instance, back when Valerie was pressuring me to write stories faster than I ever had before I would stare for hours at a blank page.
A blank page is full of possibilities and not always in a good way.
It’s full of potential but only if I put it there.
And to me, that felt intimidating. I feel the same way about this empty greenhouse.
Even though logically I know that I can likely rearrange it between each planting season, I’m terrified that if I don’t do it right this time, I’ll fail and nothing will grow and I will give up.
I will march my butt all the way back to Denver with my proverbial tail between my legs and give up the idea that I could ever live like this.
There I am again, looking too far down the road.
“You’ll never make it a mile if you don’t take the first step.
” A memory of my old boss, Douglas, pops into my head.
He used to laugh at my blank page paralysis and tell me that.
“Words can be edited, stories can be polished, but you can’t just hand the editing department a blank page.
They don’t like it. I’ve tried.” Then he would wink at me and say, “Just start. It doesn’t have to be perfect right away. ”
I’m deep inside that memory when the fabric door on the greenhouse pops open. I let out a little yelp and jump slightly before I notice it’s Jake. The smile on his face is one of mischief as he lays a hand on my shoulder and says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“The words say you’re sorry but the face doesn’t match up,” I say with a matching grin.
When Jake smiles, his entire face brightens.
His dark brown eyes become molten chocolate, surrounded by the laugh lines that show he likely wasn’t always grumpy.
Seeing the way his face lights up is like a hit of dopamine. I just want more of it.
“I’m sorry,” he says again but somehow his smile is even wider. He wipes away the smile and says it again, “sorry.” But then he begins to chuckle and gives up on pretending. “The way you jumped though, you would have thought I was Michael Myers.”
“Well, who knows around here, you could have come in here with a chainsaw and hacked me up.”
Jake laughs harder. “No, that’s leatherface.”
“Leatherface?” I ask.
“Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” he responds.
“Oh, well that makes sense but honestly, I don’t watch scary movies.”
“Never?”
“I mean I’ve seen one or two so I guess not never but never by choice that’s for sure.”
“Maybe we should change that,” he says as he inches his body towards mine.
“Oh yeah? Why is that?” I ask. My pulse begins to quicken with each step he takes.
All this talk of scary movies isn’t what got my adrenaline pumping though.
It’s the smell of cedar and ash that is surrounding me, wrapping me up in all things Jake as he gets closer.
He locks eyes with me and I don’t look away until he’s so close there’s hardly any space between us.
When I do look away, Jake places his index finger underneath my chin and without any force at all he lifts my face up towards his.
“Because scary movies are the perfect excuse for snuggles and makeout sessions,” with each word he moves closer to my face until all that’s left is less than an inch between our lips.
“What are you? Fourteen?” I ask, trying to sound teasing but my voice is dripping with desire. I long to feel his lips on mine again. Jake laughs, his eyes even brighter this close and nods his head but doesn’t move closer.
“I’d like to kiss you now. I know I didn’t ask last time, but I don’t want to mess this up so I’m asking this time.”