Chapter 3 – Ainsleigh
three
AINSLEIGH
Alittle while into the drive, I pulled my phone out of my pocket to keep my hands and mind busy. I clicked on the email notification I’d been just about to read before my day had gotten upended.
Unfortunately, my day went from bad to worse. The formal email thanked me for my time, but the company had decided to go with another candidate.
Great. Just great.
I withheld the groan that threatened to escape because I didn’t need Gentry being nosy and asking questions.
Not that I’d answer him or owed him any explanation.
Now my plans had officially been derailed, and I needed another option.
One company I hadn’t heard back from yet.
Hopefully they would get back to me with better news than what I’d just received.
I typed a professional response and settled my head against the seat, hoping I could get through the rest of the drive with the same silence that consumed the cab of Gentry’s truck.
My phone vibrated in my hand, and I turned it over to see if Aspen or Dylan had messaged me, only it was Kyle again.
In the weeks since I’d walked in on him at his fraternity house, he’d messaged me relentlessly.
At first I read the messages. I was a masochist that way.
Then I just deleted the messages as they arrived. I had nothing to say to him.
I swiped to delete the text and turned my phone over.
I couldn’t handle seeing whatever it was he had to say along with being back home and in the truck with Gentry.
I also didn’t want Gentry or anyone else seeing the name on my phone and asking questions.
As far as anyone knew, I returned home because I hadn’t been able to find a job.
No one knew about the reason Kyle and I broke up, and I wanted to keep it that way.
Two hours passed quicker than I thought they would. Being stuck in a vehicle with the man whose heart I’d broke was awkward, but remaining quiet for the rest of the drive allowed me to conjure up so many situations of what I’d walk into once I entered my family home.
The wrought iron gate I knew so well came into view. The beautiful cursive C and R was the ranch’s signature and on every piece of merchandise we sold.
Courtright Ranch.
A place I’d proudly called my home.
The dude ranch had been in our family for generations and had grown exponentially over the years to a family resort lodge.
Our home was on one side of the property, separated by a beautiful picket fence; the other side housed cabins and the main lodge, which housed suites and common areas where guests could relax and enjoy movie nights and video game tournaments.
In the middle of the vast land was the clubhouse, where we hosted all the meals and encouraged guests to eat together in a family-style setting.
The clubhouse also housed a store where we sold our merchandise and delicious treats the locals made.
We had activities for children of all ages ranging from zip lining, guided hiking tours, scavenger hunts, horseback riding, hayrides, and a community pool for families to enjoy.
Horse stables flanked both sides of the property.
The metal of the gate creaked after Gentry entered the security code into the keypad.
“Wait,” I said as I reached out and grabbed his arm, instantly regretting the familiar spark as the warmth of his skin seeped into my hand.
He stopped the truck and turned toward me, his head cocking to the side as he waited for me to elaborate on my need for him to not drive through.
“I need a minute,” I choked out, barely withholding the sob that threatened to escape.
I couldn’t break down in front of him. I couldn’t let him see that I had so much trepidation about returning home.
Everyone thought I’d healed.
And in my own way I had.
But not to the point they were expecting.
I’d seen my parents just a couple of weeks ago at my graduation, and I’d put on a brave face so they wouldn’t see the pain I still harbored deep inside.
From the corner of my eye, I noticed him staring at me for a moment longer before he eased his foot off the brake.
“Please,” I begged and removed my hand from his arm I hadn’t realized was still there through my anxiety-filled racing heart.
“I don’t know why you’re so scared to go in there.” He stopped the truck again.
I turned to face him and watched as his eyes flared with worry and question as they quickly darted between mine before every emotion abruptly vanished. The tic of his eyebrow was his only prompting as he waited for me to explain.
But I couldn’t describe it. My head was too much of a jumbled mess, my body wracked with nervous energy.
“You wouldn’t understand,” I said, my eyes looking right into his as I inwardly pleaded for him to understand.
I was at his mercy for understanding that I needed this one moment to get myself prepared to see everyone again.
I didn’t know what I was walking into.
And I hated the unknown.
“Try me, butterfly. It’s not like you don’t know the people inside. Who cares if they might still be mad at you for leaving? You’re home now. That’s all they will care about.”
How could he be so sure?
I shivered at that nickname. The tears I withheld finally fell, and I quickly brushed them away.
“I just don’t know what to expect. I missed everyone so much, but…” I managed to choke out, but I didn’t know how to voice my racing thoughts.
I wasn’t sure of anything at this moment except that I might pass out if I didn't calm down.
Inhale for four seconds. Hold for seven. Exhale for eight.
I repeated the mantra I’d learned in therapy over and over. The repetition of those words along with the breathing technique helped ease the anxiety.
You’ve got this, Ainsleigh.
I looked over to him and nodded.
It was now or never.
“Everything is going to be fine. You’ll see,” he assured me.
Slowly, he drove the truck forward.
My palms grew sweaty, and my heart began to race.
My knee shook so fast the closer we came to the place I’d left behind.
I was nervous to see my family again. I shouldn’t have been.
They all said they supported my decision to stay away, but I felt uneasy the closer his truck came to reaching the house I used to call home.
Dirt flew around us as he drove a little faster down the driveway.
My parents talked about paving it but never had.
It remained the same dusty driveway I used to speed down on the four-wheeler as a child.
It was crazy; the things that seemed so unimportant were the memories that you remembered the most.
The vast front yard of the home I’d left behind was still neatly manicured, and images of my brothers and me running around playing tag entered my mind.
My mother and father used to sit on the front porch and just watch all four of us chase each other about.
I swear I could still hear our laughter echoing into the evening sky as they all would manage to end up ganging up on me since I was the youngest with the shortest legs and could never outrun them.
Gentry slowed to a stop when we reached the front of the house. He placed the truck in park but remained seated behind the wheel. Looking over, I noticed how his hand clenched and unclenched the steering wheel.
I wanted to ask what he was thinking. Why he seemed so worried about me going inside. But it wasn’t my right to know anymore. The most important question I wanted to know the answer to was why he remained so close with my parents. So much had apparently changed while I’d been gone.
“You ready to get this show on the road?” he asked as he turned toward me.
Was I?
No I wasn’t, but I couldn’t stay out here forever. They’d surely heard us arrive, and any moment now they’d come out to greet me.
“Who all is in there?” I choked out, my gaze stuck on the house that built me.
I had to get better prepared before I could make myself leave the confines of the truck I didn’t even want to enter in the first place.
“I’m not sure.”
Dang him for being so elusive.
Why couldn’t he just tell me so I could better prepare myself?
I didn’t see any vehicles aside from my dad’s truck and my mom’s SUV parked in front of the house. That meant nothing, though. There was more parking behind the house.
I took in the front of the farmhouse style home in front of me.
Two stories, a wraparound porch that donned several rocking chairs, a welcome wreath with the Courtright Ranch symbol in the center of the greenery.
Memories of my mom and me sitting on the porch gossiping and talking about plans of my future flooded my mind.
“Let’s go before they all flock out here,” I said with a shaky breath. Once I entered that house, the memories would return. The ones I’d tried to but failed to suppress over the years.
Reaching for the door handle, his hand touched mine and stopped me in my tracks.
I didn’t turn to face him. My emotions were on high alert with having to go inside as it was. Looking at him would cause me to break down. An option that I didn’t have right now.
“You don’t have to be nervous,” he whispered.
Where did the man with the chip on his shoulder go?
I was sure his words were meant to be reassuring, but they were anything but. I loved my parents and brothers. I’d missed them terribly while I was gone. They weren’t what I was afraid of.
The memories of everything I’d lost that fateful day were.
I pulled the metal handle that was cold to the touch and opened the door, stepping out onto the ground.
Turning back, I went to grab my bags, but Gentry had already grabbed my suitcase and backpack. Ever the gentleman.
He walked around the truck and came to my side. Standing in front of me, he looked at me like he had so much to say, yet he remained silent.
Those eyes. The green depths were my downfall, even now. He showed so much emotion within them.
“Come on,” he said as he touched the small of my back and guided me toward the door.