Chapter 18 – Ainsleigh #2
I laughed at her antics. She'd never cared for Kyle, and neither did Dylan. But he kept my mind off home and the man I’d left behind. It was a crappy reason to be with someone, but it was the truth.
“How long are you going to keep Dylan waiting before you tell him how you feel?”
I’d wanted them together for our whole time at college, but Dylan was too scared to tell her how he felt, and I had to respect his wishes.
“I’m scared. What if everything changes, and we don’t work out? I don’t want to lose him in my life. That’s what I’m most scared of,” she admitted.
I knew all too well what that felt like. I was so scared when Gentry and I became official. I didn’t want to lose our friendship.
We had it all.
Until we didn’t.
I shook those thoughts away and focused on my friend. She needed me most right now.
“But you could also miss out on that one great love you always talk about wanting every time you finish reading a romance novel. You’ll never know if that’s Dylan if you don’t give him a shot. I think y’all are perfect for each other. But it’s your choice.”
I hoped she didn’t let fear stop her from letting Dylan love her. Aspen deserved to be loved by a man as kind and compassionate as Dylan.
“I’ll talk to him tomorrow.” She stood and gave me a wink.
“Last one in is a rotten egg,” she screamed as she took off for the pool.
Shaking my head, I got up and ran after her, both of us cannonballing into the pool at the same time, and splashing the guys.
A couple of hours passed by, and I couldn’t remember a time when I’d laughed this hard in my life.
The boys finally stopped picking on me and tossing me in the water, only to turn their antics on Aspen after our cannonball stunt.
It was priceless to see her trying to get away from them only to be tossed back in.
Aspen and I were laying on the lounge chairs while the guys were over by the outdoor kitchen cooking some burgers and hot dogs.
As I sat there enjoying the time with my siblings, I looked over to find my parents standing on the back porch.
My mother leaned against the railing, my father stood proudly behind her, his head rested on my mom’s shoulder as they watched Leo, Holden, Brooks, and Gentry cook while Dylan observed.
I loved seeing the love my mom and dad shared.
They were always affectionate in front of us kids, and when I was a teenager I always pretended it grossed me out, but in reality, it made me always want a love like they shared.
As busy as the ranch was, my dad always made sure he was home for dinner every night, and they always had their “date nights” even if it was enjoying a night out by the fire or watching a sappy movie my mom made him watch dozens of times.
I never even saw them fight now that I thought about it.
When I used to picture my future, I always saw a love like they shared.
A husband who adored me and a house full of kids like I had growing up.
The thought of children made my heart hurt, so I shook my head and cleared my thoughts, focusing on the scene before me.
Leo shook a water bottle in the direction of Dylan as he tried and almost failed to soak him with the contents.
He was always the jokester of the family.
The one you thought didn’t have a serious bone in his body, but I knew different.
When his ex, the name we weren’t allowed to mention around him, left, he went from that carefree boy, to this hardened man.
Before I'd left, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen him smile.
Seeing him back to his happy-go-lucky self, made me happy.
Holden stood next to Brooks while Brooks flipped the burgers, and they both started laughing at God only knew what.
Seeing them so carefree made my heart happy, but also a little sad.
It was my choice to leave, but I’d missed so much of their lives.
Cutting them all out of my life hurt them, but I just couldn’t take the pain in their voices when we’d speak.
I couldn’t deal with the pity every time they asked how I was doing.
I did what I had to do to keep the pain at bay.
“Why do you look so serious?” Aspen asked from beside me, breaking me out of my thoughts.
“I’m just taking it all in. I missed them all so much, and I’m happy to see them so happy,” I replied, trying not to tear up at my confession.
“Alright, Miss Sappy. Let’s go check on the boys and grab the side dishes from inside before you turn into a blubbering mess,” she said as she stood, holding her hand out to help me up.
I took her hand and wrapped my arm around her shoulder as we walked across the back deck.
Cool air hit me as soon as Aspen opened the door of my childhood home, causing goosebumps to cover my arms. I shook off the chill as I walked into the house and went over to where my parents stood at the counter mixing the ingredients of the pasta salad.
“That smells delicious, Mom.” My stomach growled loudly, causing Aspen and my mom both to laugh.
“It’s ready. Gotta feed you before you wither away,” she joked as she handed me the bowl with her delicious pasta salad. I could remember just the way it tasted and couldn’t wait to dig in. Everyone would be lucky if I shared.
Mom handed Aspen a covered dish with the baked beans before she grabbed the pitcher of sweet tea. Aspen made good sweet tea, but it was nothing compared to my mom’s.
We walked outside, my dad following behind us girls and we walked over to the large table my dad had made for lunches and dinners just like this one.
During the summer months, we often ate dinner later in the day when the Texas heat wasn’t at its hottest just so we could sit out here and enjoy the scenery.
Of course, the only seat left was beside Gentry.
Before I sat at the table, I looked over to my brothers who all had sly grins on their faces.
They thought they were so hilarious. I schooled my facial expressions and took the seat beside him.
If I let on how affected I was, it would only make it worse for me in the long run.
I tried not to let the closeness of him bother me, but I could feel the heat radiating off him due to our proximity. I picked up the glass of sweet tea my mother had poured and took long gulps to try to cool down my libido and get my mind off anything but Gentry.
I had to keep reminding myself that we weren’t the Gentry and Ainsleigh from before.
I also had to remind myself that our night together couldn’t keep happening.
I couldn’t jump back into old habits. I’d broken both of our hearts by leaving before, and I wasn’t willing to risk those feelings occurring again.
For either of us. I loved him too much to put him through that.
Everyone dug in and made their plates, my mother making sure my brothers left some for everyone else. I chuckled to myself at the memory of her always making sure I got to make my plate first because as growing boys, they were like vultures.
“How are you enjoying Texas so far?” my mom asked Aspen and Dylan.
“So far it’s been amazing. You have a beautiful home, Lillian,” Aspen replied.
I looked over at Dylan, who couldn’t take his eyes off Aspen.
I was glad that the secret was out, but he’d yet to make his move on her.
He just sat there hanging on to her every word.
Just as he always had when we were at college.
She hung the moon in his eyes, and I hoped she gave him the chance he deserved.
Dylan finished the bite of food he had in his mouth and replied, “Aspen’s right. It’s beautiful here. It makes me never want to leave.” He laughed as he dug back into his food.
“What are your plans? Do y’all have any jobs lined up?” my dad asked.
I loved that they took an interest in the two people that I couldn’t imagine not being in my life.
“While I’m here, I plan on driving over to see my cousins that live in Sunset River. I didn’t get the internship I applied for so my plans are still up in the air,” Aspen replied.
She often talked of her cousins and video chatted with them when she had the time. I’d caught glimpses of the Davenport brothers and if I wasn’t still so in love with Gentry, I’d have been interested in at least one of them.
I took another bite of my food, happy to just listen to the conversation going on around me, when I felt his finger graze the outer part of my thigh. Goosebumps covered my flesh as I held back a moan.
One touch, and every thought disappeared. When I didn’t pull away, he continued to softly touch my leg with the tip of his finger. I snuck a glance over at him, hoping he wasn’t looking at me, thankful that when I turned my head, he was still focused on the conversation taking place around us.
Why did he still have to affect me this way? I never felt this way when Kyle touched me. Quite the opposite actually, which is why I never put myself in the position where he could even try to affect me.
Why did he have to get more handsome with time?
Why couldn’t I just stay away from him?
With each stroke of his finger, the reasons to steer clear dissipated more and more. Need and want filled my mind as I recalled the night before.
But I couldn’t let myself act on it.
I had to stay away.
Because if I didn’t, I wasn’t sure both of our hearts would make it out unscathed.