27. Victoria
VICTORIA
It was a good thing Cambrie wasn’t recording this because there was no way I was going to be able to stay neutral. It was the middle of the second period, and I was losing my patience with the East.
They ended the first period with a fight, right in front of Josh, and either someone said something to him or he was hurt. He’d allowed three goals in the last ten minutes.
Okay, maybe it wasn’t the East I was mad at. It was the West’s defense.
“Come on!” I screamed. “Do something!”
I couldn’t take any credit, but DiFranco scored almost immediately.
“Did you see that?” I asked Cambrie.
“Witch,” she laughed. “You made that happen.”
“No, they’re just finally waking up from the haze.”
Then a fight broke out, and I nearly slammed my face against the glass.
“East started it,” she patted my shoulder. “We’ll get a power play.”
She was right, and we did score again.
Then again, finally tying the game.
“Let’s go!” I screamed again as the West players fought for control.
“Oh no,” Cambrie muttered, and I closed my eyes just as the buzzer sounded for yet another East goal.
“You have got to be kidding me,” I muttered and waited until the excruciating period came to an end.
Josh didn’t take off his helmet as he headed to the bench, but I could see the defeat in his shoulders.
“They’ll get it together,” Cambrie assured me as we stepped back from the glass. There were seats we could take, but I had too much adrenaline to sit.
“I know,” I nodded, pacing. One point wasn’t difficult to come back from, but I knew Josh was beating himself up.
“You know what I know?” Cambrie leaned against the wall, watching me.
“What?” I asked without pausing.
“That your feelings for him are real.”
I nearly tripped, but pulled myself together. “I never said they weren’t.”
“No, but you’re ignoring them.”
“Because there’s nothing I can do about any of this.” I glanced at her. “Sure, I decided to stop fighting the attraction between us, and I really do like him, but the root issues are still there.”
“But maybe you’ll give long-distance a try?”
The thought of ending things with Josh when this tournament was over, which it would be in thirty minutes, minus the gala and other festivities, was devastating.
Enough to make my legs go weak. I didn’t want to picture myself going home and falling back into the routine of my life.
I didn’t want to think about not being in the same city.
Of not seeing him every day. Of life alone.
Again.
If nothing else, this assignment forced me to recognize and admit that I’ve been lonely. I had friends, but they were actually coworkers. I was busy, but there was more to life than work.
I’ve been fighting to ignore that for years. I’ve thrown myself into my career to hide from the pain of losing my hockey dreams. I created a new obsession to dedicate all the hours I once spent on practice and games. I didn’t love journalism, not like I used to try to convince myself I did.
It was a link to keep me close to the sport I’d spent my whole life around. My universe had always orbited around hockey; I’d picked a career to make sure that didn’t change.
But did I love it like I proclaimed I did?
Parts of it, yes.
Most of it, no.
I loved the athletes. I loved the game.
But I loathed being told to cover other sports.
I hated being told what to report on; not the stories that interested me, but what would make my company money. I loathed being told to cover other sports.
I wanted to dig into the personal aspects, to get into the why for each player. I wanted to know what it was that kept them going. Why they dedicated their lives to their sport, like I once had.
Instead, I have to ask the same scripted questions to get the same scripted answers. Over and over.
I didn’t even get to interview the people I wanted.
Why was I doing this?
I turned to Cambrie. “Do you really like what you do?”
She didn’t answer immediately, taking time to consider. Maybe she could feel the weight of my need for her true answer.
“I told you, I do. Even the bad assignments are worth it.”
I leaned against the wall, feeling suddenly exhausted. “I don’t.”
“Not everyone does. Sometimes the unfortunate need to work to survive is our reality. Not everyone gets to do their dream job.”
I nodded.
“But that’s not you, Victoria. You have other people’s dream job. You’re in a position many people spend years fighting for, but never make it.”
I looked up from the cement floor to meet her eyes. “So I should be grateful for what I have?”
She shook her head. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. You have the unique opportunity to leverage what you have in order to get what you want.”
I didn’t understand, and she must have seen my confusion.
“What do you want?”
“I’m not sure. I do like writing, and I feel like I don’t get to do enough of that. Maybe I should be less of a reporter and more of an analyst? Maybe I can write articles instead.”
She cocked her head. “No Victoria. I don’t mean what job do you want. What do you want from life?”
I wasn’t sure I knew that answer any better than the first.
“Do you want a relationship?”
I nodded.
“Do you want to get married?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want children?”
“Maybe?”
“Okay, do you want to live in the city or slow down?”
“I want a dog,” I blurted.
She laughed. “That’s something.”
“I want a backyard and a dog.”
“So no city.”
I let out a heavy sigh. I hadn’t realized that was something I desperately wanted, but now that the words were out in the universe, it felt so right.
“I still want to travel, but not as much.”
She nodded. “Keep going.”
“I want to be involved with hockey—men’s and women’s.” She motioned for me to continue. “I like the videos.” I admitted. “Asking the fans’ questions, the silly things, the predictions. It’s fun.”
“It makes you happy.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yeah.”
“And so does Josh.”
“Yup.”
“Well, it sounds like you do have a pretty good idea of what you want, personally and professionally.”
“I guess, but I have no idea how to get any of it.”
She grinned. “It’s a good thing there’s no time limit. You can start taking steps toward what you want little by little.”
That felt far less intimidating than blowing up my life and searching the rubble for the pieces I want to keep when I rebuild.
“I can do that.”
“I know you can.”
The buzzer sounded again, signaling the end of the second intermission. “Come on, let’s go cheer on your man.”
I smiled and resumed my position against the glass.
East scored again, but we recovered another point, limiting them to a one-goal lead that lasted until there were only five minutes left in the game. Then, the energy shifted, and we scored again, tying the score.
“We’re going to go into overtime,” I told her, my gut tightening.
“They’ve got this.”
I held my breath as East took possession, and Taz charged toward Josh. He had the breakaway, with no defense to slow him down.
But Josh did it.
It was an impossible save, but he got it in his glove, and the final buzzer sounded.
I let out an enormous sigh, feeling like I’d been holding my breath for hours. I wasn’t sure my heart could handle this.
Cambrie took my hand in hers as overtime started; three on three and the tension in the arena soared to an all-time high. It was a battle of the best. Neither team was willing to concede. Then it happened.
A penalty. East on the power play, and I squeezed Cambrie’s hand. This was it. I couldn’t watch.
I lifted our hands to my face, and Cambrie hugged me as Reeves got the puck, turned, and shot.
Josh blocked again!
I screamed and cheered, but there wasn’t time to celebrate since DiFranco recovered the puck and was down the ice toward the East’s zone. He aimed, didn’t have the shot, and turned around the net, shoving it in the corner and scoring.
The crowd erupted.
Cambrie and I hugged, jumping up and down and screaming.
I turned toward the ice as Josh left his net and came right up to us. He lifted his helmet enough to smile, then turned to congratulate his teammates.
“That was amazing!” Cambrie squealed.
“Did you see that save? I don’t even know how he did it.”
She shook her head, smiling. “I meant him coming and seeing you before going to his teammates.”
I paused and let that information sink in.
He came to me first.
“I think he likes you, babe.”
I was in a daze as a carpet was rolled onto the ice and the Stars and Stripes Cup was walked out. Tyson lifted the trophy, and the crowd went wild once again, but I couldn’t take my eyes off Josh.
When it was his turn, as the first star of the game, he thrust the cup into the air, then looked right at me. I clapped, and Cambrie cheered next to me.
This was the greatest feeling in the world.
Even though I wasn’t the one on the ice, and my life was sort of an undecided mess, as I stared at Josh, I couldn’t help but feel hopeful.
The wait nearly drove me mad, but finally, hours later after all his obligations were fulfilled, Josh found me outside. He ran up to me, lifted me off my feet, and spun until my stomach hurt from laughing.
“Congratulations!” I held onto his shoulders as I waited for the dizziness to subside.
“Thank you.” He bent forward and kissed me. “I’ve been waiting all day to do that.”
I smiled up at him. “You were absolutely amazing.”
“That was an intense match. I’m glad we pulled through.”
I squeezed his shoulders and lowered my hands. “This isn’t an interview. You don’t have to give me the media-trained answer.”
He chuckled. “It was ruthless, and I’m mad I let them score so many times, but I did impress myself with those last two saves.”
“Much better,” I teased.
“We’re going to a karaoke bar,” he said.
“We are?”
“Yes, Kendall made reservations last week. She figured we’d need an outlet either way and chose this.”
I raised my brows. “Are you guys frequent karaokers?”
He bobbed his head. “Some of us enjoy it more than others, but it is generally a good time, and Kendall was right that it’s a fun release after stressful games.”
“Well, then, lead the way.” I held out my hand, and he slid his fingers between mine.
“Would Cambrie want to come?” he offered.
“It wouldn’t surprise me if this were her favorite pastime, but she had plans to meet up with some friends who are here for only a few days.”
“She’s going to miss out,” he grinned, and we walked a few blocks before meeting up with the others.
“Are you guys ready?” Wyatt rubbed his hands together.
“Yes, come on,” Erik waved us inside, and a host guided us back to a private room where food was waiting for us, along with a small stage in front of a white screen.
“Nice,” Derrek nodded as he scoped out the microphone and speakers. “‘Benny and the Jets’?” He asked Amelia.
“Of course,” she eyed him. “You better hit the note this time.”
“Oh, boy,” Josh slipped his arm over my shoulders. “Those two take it very seriously. I have a theory that they practice at home.”
“The things retirement does to people,” I tsked.
“Everyone make a plate, then we’ll get the playlist sorted.” Madi waved everyone to the back of the room where a small buffet had been set up with buffalo wings, sliders, tater tots, onion rings, and cupcakes.
“Wow, our season is finally over, and time to let loose,” Erik grinned as he added three sliders to his plate before picking up a chocolate cupcake and licking the frosting. “I haven’t had sugar in so long,” he moaned.
“Yes, this is the reward for winning,” Kendall teased. “If you lost, I would have called and had them change it to chicken, rice, and broccoli.”
Wyatt gagged. “Don’t say those words again until September."
Josh handed me a plate, and I went through the line, not quite as greedily as the guys, then found a seat.
“What’s your go-to?” Josh asked as he sat next to me.
“I don’t have one,” I admitted. “This is really not my thing.”
“You don’t have to sing if you don’t want to,” he assured me. “They might pressure you, but if you tell them no, it just means more time for them to perform.”
I laughed. “I’ll do one duet with you, then call it good.”
He grinned. “Disney or classic?”
I grimaced. “I don’t have a Disney princess voice.”
He leaned over and pulled a booklet from the stack near the stage and flipped it open. It was full of song titles by genre, then by duets and groups. “What about ‘Islands in the Stream’?”
“I can’t do Dolly justice,” I put a hand over my heart. “She’s sacred.”
He chuckled. “Okay, ‘You’re the One That I Want’?”
“Maybe.” That felt more realistic for my level of talent.
“Or ‘Don’t Go Breaking My Heart’?”
“I couldn’t if I tried,” I immediately sang back as if my body had slipped into autopilot.
“I think we have a winner!” he grinned and tossed the book back.
“Who’s first?” Madi asked. She was holding a tablet and looking out at us.
“We are!” Amelia shouted.
“‘Benny and the Jets’,” Madi whispered as she typed. “Unless you’re going to shock us all with a new one?”
Derek shook his head. “That’s for later. Got to keep traditions alive.”
“Do we?” Wyatt deadpanned.
“Next?” Madi asked.
Kendall added hers, then Josh announced our song, and the rest of them alternated between claiming spots.
Amelia and Derek were great. They even had very simple choreography that really added to the overall performance.
There was no judgment or laughter when Kendall sang an entire Celine Dion song off-key. Just cheers and clapping.
I was nervous to get in front of them, but as soon as the music started, Josh started shimmying, and I was too busy holding back laughter to worry about making a fool of myself.
It was the most fun I’d had in months. If not longer.
These people were so loving and supportive of one another. A family by choice, not by blood. I was honored to be included, even if only for a short time.
Josh leaned back, putting his arm around me and pulling me in before he kissed my temple.
It was effortless. Natural.
It was belonging.
It was all I wanted.