Chapter Sixteen #2
She managed a smile for Celia’s sake, even as she tried not to panic. Everyone was coming to mean so much to her. Celia and Mick, Ellie, Noah, Flo, Marge and Tom. And the more space a person took up in your heart, the more it would hurt when you had to say goodbye.
Pushing the thought away, Beth tried to remain calm as she watched more gifts get opened until, eventually, there was only one left under the tree. And it had her name on it.
‘Who’s it fwom?’ Ollie wanted to know.
Beth checked the gift tag but the only name on it was hers. ‘I’m not sure.’
‘Ooh.’ Ellie shuffled to the edge of her seat. ‘I love a good mystery.’
‘Must be from Santa,’ Charlotte mused as she played with one of her new toys.
‘You’re right, sweetie. It could be.’ Ethan smiled down at his daughter.
‘Well, what’re you waiting for?’ Sarah said. ‘Open it.’
Beth peeled the wrapping paper from a small box, removed the lid and—
‘Oh …’
A gold pendant shaped like a bird hung on a simple chain and, on the inside of the lid, a card explained the bird’s significance.
When you find yourself at a crossroads, do not let anxious thoughts or fear of the unknown keep you from choosing the path that most excites you. Like the phoenix that rises from the ashes, rejoice in the pleasure of each new start—what comes next might be the most incredible period of your life.
Trembling, she touched the pendant, its symbolism magical and beautiful and alarmingly confronting. Because what if she stayed?
What if she officially quit her job at Dream Home Builders, withdrew her expression of interest on the cottage and stayed here in Karlup? For good?
Squeezing her eyes closed, she pressed her fingers to her lips.
She couldn’t. She’d built a life for herself in Townsville.
How could she risk it all for fledgling friendships and the ghosts of a family that no longer walked the earth?
Plus, if she stayed, she’d only grow closer to these people, and she didn’t think she could bear the pain when she inevitably lost them.
‘I think it’s time for a swim,’ Mick suggested.
Ollie cheered, but Charlotte complained—she wanted to see the gift Beth had received.
‘Later, honey.’ Sarah ushered her daughter from the room and everyone filed out.
Until only Noah remained.
He knelt before her. His ugly sweater vest, no longer flashing, lay discarded on the other couch, and he wore his dark-grey T-shirt once more. ‘Beth? Are you okay?’
She shook her head, feeling suddenly exhausted. ‘Just stop, Noah.’
‘I don’t …’ He ducked his head, trying to catch her eye when she refused to look at him. ‘Did I do something to upset you?’
‘For god’s sake!’ She launched from her seat and turned on him. ‘Just stop being so perfect!’
He stood, shoving his hands in his pockets, and eyed her warily. ‘No one’s perfect. Least of all me.’
‘But you are!’ She knew she was being unfair, but her emotions had been building since that kiss and they’d finally reached boiling point. ‘You’re always looking out for me, asking me if I’m okay, giving me what I need. No one ever does that, Noah. At least, they didn’t before I came here.’
His jaw hardened. ‘I’m not going to apologise for looking out for you.’
She glared at him, wanting to both throttle him and throw herself at him at the same time. Wanting to feel his hands on her and taste him. Press her body to his.
But she stood her ground.
‘And this?’ She held up the box containing the phoenix pendant. ‘Do you care to explain this?’
Sighing, he ruffled his hair. ‘It’s my way of saying that I think you should stay, but I realise now that I probably should’ve had the conversation with you in private.’
The fight left her and she dropped her hand. ‘I can’t stay, Noah.’
He sank onto the couch. ‘I don’t get it. What’s stopping you?’
Of course he wouldn’t get it. He’d lived his entire life in one place, always surrounded by the people who loved him.
She dropped into the armchair. ‘I’ve built a life for myself in Queensland. I have a stable job and a home I love.’
‘You have a job here,’ he argued. ‘Or you could easily get another one if that’s what you’d prefer. And, don’t forget, you have a house here, too. I promise, Beth, I can turn it into the home of your dreams. All you need to do is choose to stay.’ His blue eyes burned with determination, with need.
Which made her all the more resolute.
‘I can’t.’ Pulling her feet up, she hugged her knees to her chest, hoping to protect her heart from the only man who’d ever had the power to break it.
Noah stood, his frustration evident in the way he paced the room and in the angry set of his jaw when he turned to face her. ‘Why not?’
She clamped her mouth shut, though it wasn’t because she was unwilling to answer. She just didn’t know how to bare her soul.
‘Don’t I deserve an answer?’
Her chin trembled, because, yes, he did deserve an answer. He deserved everything.
The next thing she knew, the truth was spilling from her. ‘Because the people I love always leave. My dad, Mum. They’re both gone, Noah! They’re gone, and I have no one in this world who belongs to me.’
His demeanour changed at her outburst, sympathy rolling off him in waves, his face falling as if he could feel her pain. And then he was kneeling before her once more.
‘Don’t you see, Beth?’ He reached for her hand and his eyes searched hers, imploring, even as he wiped her tears away. ‘That’s all the more reason to stay.’
She wanted to, so badly. Had realised it ages ago but had been unwilling to admit it. And Noah made it sound so easy.
‘We all need connection, Beth. You have that here.’
Closing her eyes, she relished his touch and vowed to remember this moment. When she went back to her lonely existence in Townsville, she’d draw on it and maybe it would help her to not feel so alone.
‘Beth, look at me, please.’
She knew she shouldn’t, but some instinct deep within her made her do as he asked. She regretted it instantly—it was as if he could see straight into her soul.
‘You belong here.’ His tone brooked no argument, as if those words were the most profound truth he’d ever spoken.
‘You belong here with people who love you. With people who knew your family and can help you find your roots. And you said it yourself, if things had been different, you might’ve grown up here.
Don’t you deserve the chance to explore what might’ve been? ’
The question made her think of Pru. Hadn’t her aunt given her that very chance by putting conditions on the gifts she’d left?
Perhaps sensing that he hadn’t quite convinced her, Noah stood and stalked across the room. Scrubbing his hands over his face, he looked back at her. ‘You can’t keep hiding from life, Beth. What happened to taking risks?’
His words cut deep, because somehow he’d figured it out, figured her out.
Hiding from people and experiences was how she lived her life.
Determined to avoid any situation that might make her feel vulnerable.
Because putting herself out there and facing possible rejection, dealing with the aftermath of failure—they weren’t risks she’d ever been willing to take.
Scowling, she clambered to her feet and glared up at him. If he wanted to throw around accusations and make her face the truth, then he needed to be willing to do the same.
‘I’m not the only one who hides, Noah.’
He shook his head. ‘I’m not the one hiding from whatever this is between us.’
He was right, of course. But she wasn’t done yet.
‘Have you told your parents how you feel about working on the farm?’
His face paled.
‘I might hide from life, Noah, but you’re hiding from the truth. You were born to renovate. You know it and I know it. You’re overwhelmingly passionate and incredibly skilled, but you’re living a lie. All because you don’t want to risk hurting your family.’
His expression darkened and he inched forward. ‘Well, at least I’m protecting the people I love. The only person you’re protecting is yourself.’
It was as if he’d struck her. Slapped her in the face and called her selfish.
‘That’s rich,’ she hissed, ‘coming from someone who has people to love. If I don’t protect myself, who will? I have no one.’
‘Oh, for god’s sake, that’s what I’m trying to tell you!
’ He strode across the room, eliminating the space between them, and gripped her by the shoulders.
‘We’re here, Beth. We’re all here, ready to love you.
I’m here, ready to love you.’ He cupped her face in his hands and pressed his forehead to hers, his chest heaving with every breath he took.
And his words hung in the air between them. He’d stolen her ability to speak, to think, yet every ounce of her awareness was on him. The boy next door. The only person she’d ever let get close enough to kiss her. The only man who’d ever made her feel seen.
And yet, she still couldn’t give him what he wanted.
He looked down at her, his thumbs stroking her skin, his gaze heated yet sad. ‘Maybe I’m being selfish by asking you to stay. And you’re right, I have been hiding from the truth.
Which is why I’m going to speak to my parents about what I want to do with my life.’
She shook her head. ‘Noah, I—’
Lifting her chin, he pressed his lips to hers. Softly, so softly. Her hands fisted in the fabric of his shirt—a reflex, nothing more—but he pulled away and looked down at her. Ran his thumb over her moistened lips.
‘If there’s one thing you’ve taught me,’ he told her, his voice husky, ‘it’s that the best things in life require us to take risks. To do what’s hard. So that’s what I’m going to do.’
Releasing her, he turned to leave.
‘Noah …’
He stopped at the door, turned back, waited.
She didn’t want him to go, but she also couldn’t find the words to express how much she needed him.
‘I’m sorry.’ He smiled sadly. ‘I never meant to put this much pressure on you. Just … do me a favour, okay? Give yourself time to make the decision that’s right for you, not one that’s based on fear.’
She hesitated but eventually nodded, realising that she owed it to herself to do exactly that.
When Noah left, she looked down at the phoenix pendant. Was that really how he saw her? Did he truly believe she was strong enough to rise from the ashes?
Pressing her hand to her chest, she felt the pounding beat of her heart. He made her feel things she never thought she’d have the opportunity to feel. He made her want things she’d never had the courage to go after.
But was she brave enough to do either?