40. “Nama”
40
“NAMA”
DAKOTA
O ne lazy Sunday morning, a tiny squeal stirs me awake.
I roll over to face Wyatt, who’s snoring peacefully in my ear with his heavy arm draped around my chest. He doesn’t stir, so he must be exhausted after the four rounds of sex last night.
This man can go all night.
All I want to do is have sex with him in every position imaginable. I’ve never had a hard time having an orgasm, but normally if I don’t have one, it’s because I’m too lazy to tell the guy what I want in bed since I’m not into whatever’s happening.
One of the best things about sleeping with a man I’ve known for years is I don’t have to pretend with him. If something isn’t working, we talk it out, which means every time keeps getting better and better.
My phone buzzes on my nightstand, and irritation flares in my chest when I see the message on the screen.
Boone
I still need my jacket. I’m going to have to show up at your place if you don’t text me back (;
Me
Don’t even think about it. I’ll give it to you at the Granite Falls rodeo.
Boone
Okay… I miss you Kodie
I grind my teeth together, clicking off my phone. Everything about that text is pissing me off, but Boone would never have the audacity to show up here, and I don’t want to deal with him. It’s not that I avoid confrontation, it’s just that I only choose battles worth fighting, and Boone’s not worth my energy.
“Ma! Fah!” Vi says.
Fah means fan. There’s another giggle-squeal, and I turn to see Vi slapping the bars on her crib, staring at the bedroom ceiling fan and pointing. She loves her ceiling fans.
I carefully shift out of Wyatt’s sleeping grasp and tiptoe to her crib, still feeling a little shaken after everything that happened with the babysitter.
I’m surprised by how long this rage is lasting, but every time I think about the party and how it could’ve been so much worse, I get furious all over again. Sure, I’m angry that I missed my opportunity with the scout, really pissed, but it’s nothing compared to the potent, gut-wrenching worry I felt when I stormed into that party.
This little girl is worth missing my shot.
I scoop her up, and she clings to me like a little koala instead of a little devil. I nuzzle my head right back into her, giving her some extra snuggles this morning.
“We match, rodeo girl,” I say, looking at her clothes.
Wyatt put her in her Rodeo Girl shirt with the little lassos, and I’ve got on my Rodeo Queen shirt that I bought to match, so we look darn cute together. “You hungry, little devil?”
“No!”
I’ve learned no is her word for yes . Actually, it’s her word for everything. I kiss her cheek. “That’s a yes. Let’s get you some food. How does oatmeal sound this morning?”
She claps her baby hands. “Mo, Mah!”
She burrows into me as I head to the kitchen, and I love having her here, tucked against my chest. Luna lifts her head from Wyatt’s feet, ears perking up. She stumbles off the bed, her tail wagging, and trots after me into the kitchen.
I heat some wet dog food in the microwave for her because my fur baby deserves a gourmet breakfast just like my real baby. Then, I place Vi in her highchair, and pull out some of the cinnamon overnight oats I made for everyone.
I set a bowl on her highchair and plop spoonfuls between her tiny pink lips, wiping up the dribbles with a napkin. “Here you go. You’ll like this. I put some peanut butter in too, now that you’re all done with your allergy tests. I know it’s your favorite, so it’s extra yummy. Open up.”
Her tiny lips pop open, and I scoop some oatmeal into her mouth. She gets the most surprised happy grin on her little face as she chews. When she swallows, she screams, “Mo!”
I chuckle at her, scooping up another bite. “Yeah, I’m glad you like my oatmeal because it’s one of the few things I know how to cook.”
“Ma, mo. Wah,” she demands, flailing her cute baby fists.
As I feed her spoonfuls, I try really hard not to think about how much I’m going to miss my little devil when she goes back to Tennessee. Wyatt and I are used to doing long-distance, and I can talk to him on the phone, but it won’t be the same without Vienna. The barn’s going to feel so much emptier without all her toys I keep stepping on. Without her little laugh-squeal. Without those baby snuggles.
I never knew one tiny human could take up so much space in my heart.
I blow out a breath to combat the burning in my eyes. “I’m a little sad you’re leaving, girl,” I admit, kissing her head while she chomps on her oatmeal, making an absolute mess. “I’m gonna miss you and your daddy too, but we’ll be okay, won’t we? You won’t forget me? And you’ll be back next summer, right?”
“Ma.” She jerks her little head up and stares right into my eyes. “Nama.”
I freeze, my breath catching in my throat. It sounds like she’s combining the words Nanna and Mama. That one word drowns out all the other sounds in the world. “What did you just say?”
“Nama,” she repeats, all proud of herself as she slaps her highchair.
“No, I'm Dee-dee,” I correct gently, my heart pounding. “Can you say Dee-dee? Dee-dee. And that’s Luna, but we like to call her Tuna. Can you say Tuna?”
“Mama,” she shrieks happily. “Mo!”
She said it. She said Mama this time.
It feels like I’m being bucked off a bull and dipped into a Texas sunset all at once, but I try to stay calm. With a trembling hand, I scoop another spoonful of oatmeal into her mouth. She chews happily, completely oblivious to the avalanche of emotions she just unleashed on me.
I’m melting—completely melting. The world seems to slow down, as if it wants me to remember this moment. Here’s this adorable, chubby, smiling little girl calling me Mama, or Nama, whatever, and… Tears blur my vision.
I’ve been chasing this Pbr dream for so long that I forgot what it felt like to have someone rely on me. To feel needed. There’s no better feeling than being needed by the people you can’t live without.
A door creaks.
“Hey, look at that. We’re all matching,” Wyatt says, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He steps into the living room in his Rodeo Daddy shirt and boxers, with his dirty blond hair sleep-mussed around his shoulders. “How’re my girls doing this morning? All three of them,” he adds, scratching Luna-Tuna’s ear .
A smile starts to form, but it pops when he sees my face. “What’s wrong?”
I sniffle, unable to find the words for a moment. “She, uh, she just called me, um, Mama, or Nama. I’m not sure, but she probably didn’t mean it. We don’t have to make a big deal about it.”
“What? Really? She said that?” His eyes widen in disbelief, swinging between me and her, and then he gets this nostalgic, knowing grin on his face, as if he can feel the emotions pounding through me.
“Yeah,” I confirm in a trembling voice, swiping a corner of my eye.
I don’t cry in front of many people, but Wyatt’s one of the few. He crosses the room in four quick strides and wraps me up in his solid arms. “Are you okay? How do you feel?”
I clutch him fiercely. I thought I’d feel scared, nervous, worried about her calling me that, but the only thing I feel is this gut-wrenching ache when I think of them leaving, and now my throat’s tightening for an entirely different reason. “I’m feeling like I don’t want you to go, and I want you and Vi to stay right here with me.”
He searches my face, and so very slowly, the biggest smile I’ve ever seen starts to spread across his mouth. “What if I came back? Transferred to Austin? They’re getting a new NHL team, and I want to be close to you too.”
There’s that dipped in a Texas sunset feeling again. “You’d do that for me?”
He kisses the tip of my nose. “Honey, you should know by now that I’d do anything for you.”
I smile into the morning light, and looking at him and Vienna, I think I’d do anything for them too. His dry gaze bounces between my damp one, and he adds, “I love seeing you like this.”
The way he says the word love has those butterflies flying.
“Like what?”
“Soft for the people who matter.” He squeezes me. “You might be this badass bull rider, Dakota Cutler, but I know you ordered that Rodeo Queen T-shirt online because you wanted to match us.”
“Yeah, I did.” I bite my bottom lip to trap my smile and shift my focus to Vienna, who’s now using her hands for spoons to eat the oatmeal.
“Do you… Do you think she meant it?” I whisper. “Calling me Mama?”
I hope she meant it.
He kisses my temple. “Would it make you feel better if I told you she calls my parents Mama too?”
I choke out a laugh. “No, actually, it wouldn’t. I wanted to be someone special to her.”
“Good. Because she doesn’t.” He lifts my chin with one finger and looks at me with such adoration that I can’t help but grin back at him. He dips his thumb into my cheek. “There are those dimples. You should flash those around more often, Mama .”
I giggle, actually giggle, the sound bright and airy.
His eyes bounce between mine, seeing something, before he kisses the tip of my nose. “Careful with that look, honey.”
I tangle my fingers through his loose hair. “What look?”
“That look in your eyes.”
“How am I looking at you?” I ask.
He flashes me a casual smirk. “You look like you might be fallin’ for me, and it’s giving me all kinds of hope.”
His positivity is contagious, so I press a gentle kiss to his lips.
“I think you might be right,” I say.
There’s a difference between falling for a stranger and falling for someone you’ve known forever. When you fall for your best friend, you’re falling for their secrets, their backstory, and every skeleton in their closet. It’s a heavier kind of love, but it’s the kind forevers are made of.
He gets serious as he strokes a hand down my waist, resting his forehead against mine. “Do you want to know why I named her Vienna?”
I tilt my head. “Why?”
He walks over to the vintage record player we bought at an estate sale and digs through the records. He finds the one he’s looking for and places it on the spinning wheel. “Vienna” by Billy Joel fills the living room.
“That’s my favorite song,” I murmur, my heart glimmering.
He winks at me. “I know it is.”
He starts dancing with me then, leading me around the kitchen in a slow two-step. “You love this song, and it always makes me think of you. Always rushing ahead, never taking the time to slow down, and I always knew that I could be so good for you, if you’d just let me be that man, because…” He dips me low, brushing his nose against my neck. “I slow you down.”
Suddenly, he picks me up by my waist and spins me around, the kitchen blurring. I can feel his breath warm against my ear as he leans in, whispering softly as he sets me back on the floor. “This song always reminds me of you, and I wanted my little girl to have a piece of the strongest woman I know. Dakota and Vienna. Two people that have my heart.”