46. Hell No
46
HELL NO
DAKOTA
“ I told you I don’t want to talk, Boone,” I shout, my voice echoing off the metal grates of the animal stalls at the rodeo.
Ever since I found out I’d be riding Diablo, I’ve been a nervous wreck. It’s making me more jittery than normal, and I need to settle down. My cuticles are bleeding I’ve been picking at them so much, and I just need my summer boy.
“All I’m asking for is dinner. I just want to explain.” Boone’s voice is pleading, but I can see the stubborn set of his jaw.
“I wouldn’t even go through a drive-thru with you,” I snap back, folding my arms across my leather vest. The words come out sharp and satisfying.
Hell yeah. That was a decent comeback.
His ocean eyes narrow, a rogue black curl tumbling across his forehead. He doesn’t brush it out of the way, almost like he knows it makes him look a tad dangerous. “Can we please just talk?”
There’s a desperate edge to his voice that has me curiously nibbling my bottom lip, debating. Arguing is only going to draw this out longer, and I need to prepare for my ride, so with a huff, I lean against a hay bale. “Fine. Whatever you want to say, just say it.”
Boone’s eyes flash with something like regret. “Damn,” he mutters, that muscle twitching in his cheek again. “You sure know how to kick a man when he’s down, Cowboy Killer.”
Irritation burns in my cheeks, and my fuse snaps. Boone and I used to argue all the time, and it seems like we’re falling right back into that old habit. He made me question everything about myself, and now he has the audacity to put this back on me?
“Did those words actually come out of your mouth?” I demand. “ You’re the one who kicked me when I was down when you said I couldn’t do this. You’re the one who made me question everything about myself. I’ve spent the better part of this whole year trying to pick myself back up, and it wasn’t until Wyatt came back that I started believing in myself again.”
I expect him to bite back like always, but instead, he looks down at his boots, avoiding my gaze. He seems a little guilty for once, and that has my shoulders slumping, regret prickling.
He pulls out a toothpick from his jean pocket and sticks it between his lips before sucking in a deep breath. “I know. I never should’ve said what I said in the interview or treated you that way. It kills me, and I’m so damn sorry. And I miss you. Miss us. That’s all I wanted to say.”
I rear back in absolute shock.
He did it. He actually apologized, but I’m not letting him off the hook just yet. “Then why did you do it?”
Boone scrapes a hand through his black hair, a gesture I’ve seen a thousand times and don’t want to see again. “I was in love with you, and you broke my heart, Kodie. I was so angry after that. I wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me, so I said something that I knew would hit you hard, but it was a mistake. You’ve got everything it takes to make it, and all I wanted to say was that I’m sorry.”
“That’s not a good reason,” I say. “You don’t just spew bullshit about people ’cause you’re angry. You come to me, and we talk it out.”
He seems to sink in on himself. “I know, and I’m sorry. I really am. I think you can do anything you set your mind to, Kodie. You’ve got this.”
His nice words do nothing for me, even though they’re kind. For so long, I placed my self-worth on the validation of other people, like Boone. We were one in the same, and I wanted to impress him, but now I know that if I try to please everyone, I’ll never be good enough for anyone.
I blow out a heavy sigh, wanting to put all of this behind me. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. It’s just that we never would’ve worked. You asked me to give up my entire dream for you. To pick up my life and move to Vegas. What’d you expect?”
“I guess…” His throat bobs, and he stares at the animal trailers in the distance. “I guess I thought you loved me more than you loved bull riding. I thought you’d pick me.”
“If you really loved me, you wouldn’t have asked me to choose,” I say, softening my words. “You would’ve supported my dreams no matter what. Like Wyatt.”
Wyatt could come up with a million reasons for us not to be together, but instead, he’s looking at the one reason he wants to make this work.
Boone gives me a sad look, his eyes searching mine. “So, it’s him, then?”
I might be standing here with Boone, but my mind is back with Wyatt and Vi, snuggled on our leather couch with Luna-Tuna at my feet. With Wyatt, I can have everything: my dream, a family. Sure, there are things standing in our way, but I want to be the type of person who believes in the goodness of the world, just like him.
I always thought love meant finding someone who makes you stronger, but for me, I think love is finding someone who makes me softer, and that’s Wyatt. It took me too long to see it because no one gets that lucky. No one meets the love of their life at ten years old, but I did.
I met the love of my life so young that I didn’t realize he’d be the love of my life.
I nod, a smile cracking across my face like a sunrise. “Yeah, it is. He’s so good for me. Too good, really, but that’s how I know he’s the one.”
Life dealt me a royal flush with Wyatt Patterson. He’s soft where I’m hard. Calm where I’m intense. Caring where I’m focused. He was crafted so perfectly for me, slid so effortlessly into my life, that I never realized he was meant to be there all along.
“I think it’s always been him,” I murmur to cushion the blow. “I just didn’t see it before, but I do now.”
His fists ball up at his sides, and I can’t tell if he’s angry, hurt, determined, or all of the above.
“You know he’s going back to Nashville, and what about his kid?” Boone’s question is laced with concern, whether it’s fake or not, I can’t tell, and I don’t care—it doesn’t shake my resolve.
“We’ll figure it out. I’m not worried, and I love that little girl,” I reply, surprising myself with the ferocity in my tone.
I’m normally the overthinker, but all I feel right now is this resolute certainty, so maybe Wyatt’s chronic positivity is rubbing off on me.
“You?” He arches a brow, his expression settling into disbelief. “Not worried? That’s shocking.”
I lift a casual shoulder. “What can I say? He brings out the best in me.”
Boone meets my gaze, and then gives me this sad little smile that reminds me we did have some good things, but we didn’t have enough of them to last.
“You know,” he eventually says, his eyes locking onto mine before dropping to my lips. “I think you’ll always be the one who got away from me, Kodie Cutler. ”
He’ll eventually realize we were all wrong for each other, so I shrug. “You’ll find someone else. You’re a looker, Bowman. I’m not worried.” And then, because I want to put this behind me once and for all, I add, “You’re not a bad man, Boone. You’re just not the man for me.”
That seems to ignite something within him, and his eyes spark with intensity.
I start to pull away, but in an instant, his hands meet my waist. He pulls me into his chest and goes in for a kiss like he’s landing a plane on my face. Shock surges through me, and without thinking, I lift my hand to slap his cheek.
He stumbles back.
“What the hell?” I say, wiping my mouth off with the back of my hand, even though he didn’t even kiss me. I don’t want any of his breath particles on my lips. “Why would you even kiss me? That’s disrespectful as hell, and I told you we’re done. It’s always going to be Wyatt for me.”
“I’m sorry, sorry,” he mumbles, rubbing his cheek. “Shit. I just thought I could change your mind and remind you what we had.”
Slow, heavy footsteps thump behind me.
“You should listen to her, Bowman,” a familiar voice grits out, and I feel the heat of his body at my back. “Every gentleman knows you never disrespect a lady unless she’s begging for it in the bedroom.”