Chapter 19 Emani
“You killed that shit!” Derrick cheered the moment Emani floated off of the stage toward her trailer on the back side of the stage. “Did you hear that crowd?”
She heard it, felt it, and saw every face.
But it was the pride on Jahlil’s that made her feel like she was soaring.
Performances for the last six years, regardless of who she found herself with at the time never garnished that expression.
There was always some critique waiting on her.
Malik never liked her outfits or the dance moves.
Or even the lyrics. He’d make sly comments like – when you’re my wife, you don’t have to do this anymore.
As if doing this was something to be ashamed of.
As if this was something she was doing to make ends meet – or some sick obsession with fame.
This was Emani’s dream. The very thing she whispered to the stars for. The thing that saved her.
She couldn’t answer Derrick. Her spirit was full of emotion. Half regret for even letting the idea of all of this go to appease a man who was proving day in and day out that giving up a part – giving up her whole self for him wasn’t ever worth it.
“Baby, you are back. Now it’s up from here,” Derrick continued to cheer as she took the few steps into her trailer.
Emani found the chair and sat down and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Had she had her phone with her, she would have followed her instincts and ended it all right now. Instead, she cleared her mind of all the things that could ruin this feeling. Floating. She felt like she was floating.
“This feels…” Emani finally spoke, her voice hoarse from her live performance. Her mic was always on. She trained like an athlete to have breath control and a body strong enough to endure her schedule and soft enough to be envied by men and women alike. “So damn good.”
“Like that wet dream you had about big daddy?” Derrick questioned.
Emani cut him a look before laughing softly and removing the OSU black and blue letterman jacket she wore. “No. And stop calling him that.”
Derrick threw his hands up. “I’m just saying. He just oozes put you through the mattress and nail you to the floor.”
Emani rolled her eyes and laughed. “While the memory of that is…nice. This feeling nothing compares to it. Don’t ever let me talk about walking away from this again.”
Derrick took the jacket and pulled another outfit off of the rack.
“I told you when you were trying to plan out all the things you could do without rap that rap will always be the center. The lingerie line, the makeup, the fashion, all of that is all a byproduct. Never let another nigga make you feel like you’re not her.
You are. You been. You will be. Only a special type can hold that. ”
Emani chewed her lip and hummed. “Pressure, not a problem.”
“Make it an affirmation,” Derrick stated, seeing Emani’s creativity kicking into overdrive. He didn’t ask any questions just handed her a notepad he kept on hand for times like these. Sandia couldn’t remember to keep pens and paper readily available.
Emani took the items and began scribbling the lyrics dancing in her mind.
“E, you got a group of students-” Donnée started as she walked in but was stopped by the look on Derrick’s face and his pointed expression. “Ohh, she’s writing. Should I call the label and tell them they can get off your dick?”
“Mm mm,” Emani buzzed, finishing her scribbling. “Don’t tell them anything yet. I’m on my way. I’m changing.”
With a pep in her step, Emani changed into her afterparty outfit and strolled out.
She took the pictures, signed the autographs and hugged all the young men and women with big dreams like hers.
Although she made this decision to be petty and show Malik that she could do whatever she wanted to, being here was feeding her spirit.
It was showing her that she was living in an answered prayer and staring another in the face.
When she reached the VIP section, she couldn’t ignore the pride on Jahlil’s face. It was similar to the one her face held earlier when his team won the pick-up game championship.
“So any notes?” she sassed, looking up at him without an obstructed view of her commitments. Heat flooded through her body as she watched his pearly white teeth nip his supple bottom lip, taking her in.
“Nah. You looked me dead in my eyes and talked your shit. You know I like that.”
A smirk formed over her lips. “I know. Had to give you a show since this was your first one.”
“I’m not missing another one believe that.”
Emani rolled her eyes and strolled past him, making her way to the private bar. Jahlil was right on her trail, enticed by the scent that floated around her.
“Why you rollin’ them pretty ass eyes at me?” Jahlil questioned, leaning down slightly to ask in her ear.
Emani hummed softly, missing this closeness. Needing this closeness. “In a perfect world where you could manage your responsibilities and commitments, I’d believe that. But you know I’ve never been the girl to believe in a perfect world.”
“If you could just for a second, what does a perfect world for you look like right now? I knew what it was then.”
Emani licked her lips, pouring herself a shot of his liquor that managed to make it to every event on every table. She started to answer but Ashton’s shout interrupted her.
“E! I forgot you had it like that.” Ashton bumped Jahlil out the way. Jahlil didn’t realize Ashton was wearing a fan t-shirt from Emani’s last album release. “Why is it every time I pop up for some Emani-time your big ass is lingering around? Would you move?”
Emani looked at Ashton and snickered. “What is wrong with you? Did your mother do drugs or something?”
Ashton shrugged as he reached up to place his hands on her shoulders. “I don’t know, and if she did, the damage is done. But listen to me. You did that shit. Don’t ever let no one tell you that you aren’t someone. I could kiss you.”
Jahlil grabbed him by the back of his shirt and moved him out of the way. “If you don’t get your drunk ass on.”
Ashton huffed and straightened his shirt. “You know what, I will. I got the house to myself too. Naked twister is going down again.”
Emani watched his little legs quicken away and she shook her head in laughter. “Why are we friends with him again?”
“Because when he isn’t being ridiculous, he’s smart as fuck and a good laugh,” Jahlil stated. “He’s going to stop putting his hands on you though. I’m not having too much more of that shit.”
Emani shook her head again and finished making her drink. “Watch out, Jah. You talking like you want to be my man again.”
He frowned. “Again? Been your man.”
“Nigga, please with all that shit,” Emani shot back. “Don’t get on your shit too much.”
“Come on, E.”
“Where are we going?”
“Our spot,” Jahlil stated, grabbing the bottle and a couple bags of snacks before leading her out of the VIP through the back.
They walked through the dark in silence before reaching the amphitheater. Jahlil removed his sweatshirt and placed it on the cement slab so Emani could sit on it. After she sat down, she nudged him. “I raised you right.”
Jahlil laughed softly. “A joke but you’re right. Set the bar high as hell too.”
Emani shrugged and opened a bag of popcorn. “What can I say.”
“You can answer my question.”
Emani pulled in a deep breath, threw a handful of caramel and cheddar popcorn into her mouth and groaned.
“Hungry?”
“Starving. I don’t eat before a show. Nerves are always too high. I haven’t ate since that fruit you sent this morning. Thanks, by the way.”
“It’s nothing,” he replied, his gaze still on her.
“To answer your question, if this were a perfect world…now, then, whatever. I probably would’ve told you how frightened I was of watching you leave me when you got to the league.
So I figured the safest way for my heart to handle it was to end it before then.
I don’t regret stealing, dealing, lying or none of that.
I regret that though. Daily. So this isn’t all on you. ”
“I can admit we fucked up some good shit. Before it even got started for real. Watching you do that shit like a fan at home gutted me.”
“Same,” Emani replied quietly. “So, in a perfect world?”
Jahlil shrugged. “My daughter would be yours too. Don’t get me wrong, I love her cursin’ ass with all of me. But we would’ve done it together.”
Emani looked up at him. “I hate that you make me want to talk nice and shit.”
Jahlil smirked. “It’s not soft, it’s just in a different tone. Not right now at least. I can make you soft again.”
“With what, your dick?”
Jahlil laughed. “Dick makes you listen, action makes you soft. For me at least. I don’t give a damn about these other niggas.”
Emani rolled her eyes again and nudged him. “What I was going to say was that it’s not too late. You know in a perfect world, if you were mine again. I’d accept all that came along with you. That perfect world is bullshit, though.”
“Why?” he mused.
“Because our world has never been perfect. We just made the best with the shit we were handed. It was real, raw, and unrelenting. It didn’t glimmer like it does now. There wasn’t bright lights magnifying everything we did. It was just us. I miss us.”
Jahlil hooked her chin. “I miss you. Like a muhfucka. I need that back, E. Not tomorrow, not when homecoming is over. Not when you tell that nigga he’s done. Right now.”
“I-”
“Don’t talk to me about that nigga,” Jahlil muttered against her lips. “His time is up. If he wanted to do some shit, he would’ve locked you down before I got back. He knew I was coming.”
Emani chuckled against his lips. “I shouldn’t kiss you, considering your announcement turned my house upside down.”
“But you like that shit, though.”
“Love it actually,” Emani grumbled as Jahlil caught her lips in his. “I’m famous now, I can’t sit on your lap and ride you out here.”
She pulled away and looked at him, desire in her eyes.
“You’ve always been a bad influence on me,” Jahlil joked. “Had me out here balls out.”
Emani snorted in laughter. “Does that orange couch ring a bell?”
“I still have it,” Jahlil admitted. “Couldn’t make myself ditch it. It’s in my mancave.”
“You took the couch you had me spread all over with you to Ocean City?” Emani asked with a squint.
“Sure as hell did. She hated it. Tried to throw it out at one point.”
Emani laughed and shook her head. “That’s why you’re divorced. What sane man keeps a couch he fucked his ex on and puts it in the house with his wife?”
“To be fair, I’m not all the way sane. I’m sure I got some residuals from my momma.”
Emani winced. “Just a little bit. Enough to make you come back and ruin a happy home.”
She stood to her feet, and Jahlil roared in laughter. “If it ain’t us in that muhfucka, it’s not happy.”
“Ohh, you toxic. Feed me, this popcorn isn’t going to cut it.”
Jahlil picked up his sweatshirt and draped his arm over her shoulder.
Back to the party, a plate of food and a round of drinks later, Emani had thrown all of her troubles to the wind.
Jahlil was no longer in the background while she danced, he was right behind her.
A public display that Malik had indeed lost his girl and daddy was home.