Chapter 31 Emani
“You want the good news or the bad news?” Donnée questioned, roaming into the kitchen finding Sanaa coloring at the counter, and Aunt Violet and Emani peacefully working on Sunday dinner.
Jahlil and Andrew were watching game film, and while Jahlil watched, he made Andrew call out the plays and the areas of improvement.
That wasn’t anything new, this was the offseason for the two and nothing had changed in the years apart.
“When you walk into a room, Aunt D, you’re supposed to say hi muhfuckas, how are you,” Sanaa muttered, sticking her tongue out as she finished the drawing and moved to the other papers scattered over the counter.
“Sanaa,” Emani calmly spoke. “Let’s try that the nice way, homegirl.”
Sanaa huffed, stopped what she was doing and looked up and Donnée, who was as shocked as Aunt Violet that Sanaa was listening after only hours with Emani. “Aunt D, say hi everybody, how are you suckas?”
Donnée laughed. “Hi everybody, how are you suckas?”
“Mhmm, that’s some classy lady sh- stuff. Classy lady stuff,” Sanaa corrected, finding Emani’s eyes and giving her a wide smile. “I wasn’t going to say it.”
“Mm, I hear you,” Emani quipped. “Bad news because I can’t imagine that there is any actual good news happening surrounding me.”
Donnée placed her bag in an empty seat and climbed onto a barstool. “Bad news, in light of the pending charges of assault and the arrest, the record label wants you to be put on ice.”
“Oh, that can’t be any worse than being charged with a felony,” Emani huffed, stopping her dinner preparation to push her hands in her hair.
“How about,” Aunt Violet paused the mixing of the pot to motion toward a bottle of wine and then the sunroom. “Don’t want you angry cooking.”
Donnée snapped her fingers. “I like the way you think, Aunt Vi. Get her good and liquored up before I tell her any more bad news.”
Emani hummed lowly to herself, feeling all the peace and tranquility leaving her body.
Music was something she loved – something that kept her level and now, the idea of being shelved ushered in the feelings of being back in a deal she had to claw her way out of.
Pretty soon, age would be the highlight of the conversation.
Who was going to buy albums and play the music of a forty-year-old female rapper.
In rapper years, she was about to start aging out.
For men in this industry, they could rap forever and be timeless.
For women, the product was only as good as what the world viewed her as and she was sure once she logged back on to social media, she’d see exactly what they thought about her.
In the sunroom, Emani and all of her anxiety sat on the loveseat with her legs tucked underneath her. Donnée took up the space on the empty cushion and poured them each a glass.
“You’re overthinking this,” Donnée shared.
Emani took the heavy wine glass in thanks and drained the contents before holding it out for a refill. “I’m not overthinking it. Three record labels in how many years?”
“I didn’t say they were dropping you,” Donnée corrected, pouring her another glass.
“Putting me on ice is the same thing. Tyriq put me on ice remember?”
“But you got your shit back,” Donnée stated.
Emani swayed her head. “I got my shit back because Carson showed him a picture of my face after he beat my ass and threatened to put it out. That’s why. If not for that, I’d still be in that 360 deal because I was too stupid to see past the shiny shit. I keep fucking this up.”
Donnée’s mouth fell open. For everything she knew about her cousin, that detail about how things finally ended with her and Tyriq was kept from her. “E.”
Emani swayed her head. “Don’t do that. Shit happens. We both know this. I just got to figure out how to rebuild this. What’s the rest of the bad news? They’re putting me on ice and what? They’re keeping all of my masters.”
Donnée chewed her lip.
Emani looked at her and then clenched her eyes, feeling her heart shatter. She dropped her face in her hands, hoping to stop the tears before they dropped. No use. “That’s it. It’s fucking over. It’s over.”
She repeated it, rapidly each time trying to catch her breath. “It’s over. Everything I worked for. Everything I gave up and it’s…it’s.”
“Emani,” Donnée buzzed her name, moving the wine glass Emani dropped in the wake of the news. “You got to breathe.”
“Over. It’s over.”
Like Jahlil could feel her hyperventilating from the kitchen, he whisked out the kitchen, through the living room and out into the sunroom. Finding Emani’s hand pressed over her chest, tears flowing from her eyes hurt him.
“Jah, I-” Donnée started as Jahlil stepped over the shattered glass and squatted down in front of her.
“Rose,” his voice, rumbling in the most gentle way, flowed through her chaos and touched her spirit with a calmness. “Breathe, baby.”
Emani whimpered and pulled in a shallow breath. “I-”
“Breathe,” he said again.
This time Emani pulled in a deeper breath.
Her eyes trained on him, tears still falling.
He removed her hands from her chest and wrapped his around them.
Emani kept breathing until her heart returned to a normal rate.
Jahlil didn’t ask anything else of her, just pulled her to her feet and turned so she could hop on his back.
Roaming out the side door, he walked them down the side of the house, past the pool house, guest house and gym.
When they reached the edge of the gated property where suspended porch swings hung underneath a thick glass roof, he placed her down on the large cushion and positioned himself next to her.
“Come lay on me,” he urged, spreading his arms for her to find solace in.
Emani sniffled and rested herself in his hold.
He offered her silence. Emani stared aimlessly at the manicured lawn and listened to his heart beat against her ear.
She loved the sound of that, ever since she’d first heard it.
Powerful and steady, making her want to crawl into his skin and stay there so she could feel it and hear it every second of the day.
Jahlil’s hand roamed up and down her back, gently signaling her body that it was safe to relax.
The realization that she hadn’t been safe to relax made the tears start again. And then she gave him her voice.
“My label is putting me on ice. And they’re keeping my masters. I’m trapped,” Emani softly sniffled. “I feel like I keep fuckin’ my shit up and always behind some bullshit. Whose going to take me seriously at this point? I’m a joke.”
“Nah, you ain’t never been a joke, E. Never.
And not for nothing, we all fuck up. It’s a part of growing.
You’re about to take off for real. It doesn’t matter about the time or the age or what some punk ass record label says.
You cannot be put in a box. I know it, you know it, they know it,” Jahlil shared.
“You gotta look at all this from a different lens, Rose. You said you weren’t made to fit in a box and you think shit ain’t going to happen to test you?
You were made for this, you’re going to win. You didn’t survive everything to lose.”
She chewed her lip. Her doubts and fears were safe with him because he would never hold it against her. Or judge her for it. Safety and softness were expected and respected here. “What if it takes me from you?”
Jahlil’s being rumbled in a confident laugh.
“Nothing is keeping me from you again. If we have to go from junior varsity games, to road games to concerts that’ll just be our life.
If I got to miss out on sleep to show up and support you, that’s what it’s going to be.
You get I’ve been planning this moment since I woke the fuck up?
I will build my life around you to make sure you can live in your light.
I’m not going to try to put it in a jar so I can covet it.
I know who you are and I’m aware of the gift you were given.
That’s not for me to possess, E. That’s for the world, baby.
But know one thing, this home, this peace, this safety is for you and it’ll never change. ”
Emani crooned. “You love me.”
“With every fiber of my being. And I won’t let some bad news send you into a spiral,” Jahlil stated. “So what’s the plan?”
She shrugged. “I guess I need a real criminal lawyer and figure out what’s what. It’s crazy, all the shit I’ve done and this is what got me caught up.”
Jahlil chuckled. “Yeah, your ass should’ve been locked up.”
She nudged him.
“I’m playin’, I’m playin’. You know I would’ve broke your ass out.”
“You better had, I was committing crimes for you,” Emani softly laughed and then sighed.
“Don’t live in your head. I’ve seen you make something from nothing and always end up on top. You’re built for this, baby. But right now, breathe. Carson and Donnée are going to handle the lawyer and the charges. Let your team do what they need to, you just rest here and let me love on you.”
Softly, she replied, sinking deeper into his arms. “Okay.”
Jahlil kissed the top of her head. “I got E. Rose in my bed. She be living in my head.”
Emani laughed. “Not your first and only rap.”
“I got bars. Don’t be no hater, baby. You know I got it.”
She sat up slightly to look down at him with her puffy eyes and big hair. “You absolutely do not, but you got me.”
“Damn, right.” Jahlil cupped her face. “Don’t worry about the bullshit, stay focused, E. Hear me? Or I need to make you listen?”
“I hear you. I’m not in the mood to be forced to listen,” she muttered, falling back into his arms after kissing his face. “I need to help Aunt Vi.”
“Nah, D got it. You need to relax, the last twenty-four hours have been wild.”
Emani nodded and yawned. “You not lyin’. My body feels like I fought a gang of niggas.”
“You did,” Jahlil snickered. “Yo, why would you throw plates?”
“I would’ve thrown the kitchen sink if I could’ve. Ol’ bitch.”