14. Bertie
BERTIE
Luke’s side of the bed is cold when I wake up, as it has been every morning since I moved in here.
I might be convinced he’s sneaking out and going to sleep on the couch if it weren’t for the fact that I’m getting up anywhere from two to three times in the night to go pee.
I don’t even want to think about how many times I’ll go to the bathroom once I’m the size of a watermelon.
I stretch my arms above my head before digging my closed fists into the center of my back.
I desperately need a prenatal massage, but I haven’t scheduled one because I’m not sure how closely my parents might be monitoring my account.
I’ve had access to my own account for as long as I can remember.
Every month a sizable sum is scheduled to go into it, but my father’s name is also on the account.
They’ve never cared in the past what I spent the money on, but after how things went down with them, I’m hesitant to dip into it.
At least I’ll soon have access to my trust fund that my grandparents had set up for me.
I wasn’t allowed access to it until I was twenty-five or if I graduated college I would gain access then.
That wasn’t my motivation for completing a four-year degree, but it didn’t hurt.
After a quick shower, I change into a workout set. “Holy hell,” I mutter, catching my reflection in the mirror. “My boobs are huge.”
I had a decent C cup before, but already these bad boys must be almost a double D. If they get even bigger after this little one is here, I’m going to be in trouble.
Turning to the side, I smooth my hand over my stomach. For the past few weeks, there’s no longer been any denying that I’m pregnant. Not even my over-sized sweaters have been able to hide it. Though, now that we graduated, I haven’t felt like I need to cover up.
I know I have nothing to be ashamed of, but I didn’t want to deal with lingering stares, and questioning looks from people I knew.
“Baby.” I poke my stomach. “How are you doing in there?”
There’s a small nudge in response. I’m still mildly terrified of motherhood, but now that I’m past the constant exhaustion and all-day sickness, it’s starting to feel like maybe I can do this thing.
“I hope you let your daddy feel you soon.”
Luke’s been gone a lot between being on the ice as much as he can and picking up a few odd jobs here and there.
Some might think it’s strange that he’s working when he’s going to be playing in the NHL in just a few short months, but that’s just Luke.
Honestly, I’d be more surprised if he wasn’t working.
It hasn’t taken me long to figure out that he likes to stay busy.
If he’s at home, he’s always doing something.
Whether it’s mowing the grass or fixing a crooked shutter.
Padding out to the kitchen for breakfast, I’m shocked when I find a foiled wrapped sandwich waiting on the counter along with a lime green Post-it note.
Thought you might want one of these when you woke up.
There’s an ESS in the fridge.
—Luke
“ESS,” I mutter in question and then it dons on me.
Emotional Support Sprite.
I open the fridge and sure enough, sitting inside with a sleeve around it to help keep it cold, is my beloved Sprite.
I shake my head. I don’t think in my whole life, except for my nanny, have I ever had someone to see me the way he does.
He takes care of me without me even asking.
Maybe he knows that I would feel too guilty to ask for anything, so he just does it, but I think it’s just who Luke is.
Acts of service are how he shows he cares.
I scarf down my sandwich and about half of the soda.
The baby kicks at my ribs and I take that to mean they approve of my choice of sustenance.
I rest my hand beneath the swell as I wipe down the counters.
I’m starting to get the itch to know if they’re a boy or girl.
Now that I’ve settled more into my pregnancy and accepted that this baby is coming, it doesn’t seem as scary now.
After I’ve finished cleaning the kitchen I lace up my tennis shoes and head out on a walk.
I’ve only been gone about ten minutes when my phone rings.
Rosie.
I accept her call and her voice echoes through my earbuds. “How’s my best friend and my favorite future niece or nephew?”
“We’re doing good. I’m on a walk.”
“It’s just Sammy and me today so I wanted to see if you were up for getting out for a while. Maybe take him to the park’s playground?”
Spending time around a baby, granted he’s already a year old, would probably be a good idea to help me gain some experience.
“Yeah, that would be great.”
“I’ll swing by and pick you up in an hour if that works for you?”
“That’s perfect.”
I end the call and my music starts up again.
By the time I finish up my walk, I have just enough time to freshen up in the bathroom and grab a bottle of water before Rosie pulls into the driveway in Daire’s minivan. That guy loves his minivan. I won’t be surprised if he isn’t trying to convince Luke to get one.
I don’t know why I felt so upset by the idea of him getting rid of his truck. I know it’s old and not in good shape, but I love it. It’s so quintessentially him. Sturdy and reliable.
“I’m sorry about the mess,” Rosie says when I open the passenger door. “You’d think there were four kids in here.” She tosses an empty sippy cup into the back along with an unused diaper and a bag of snacks.
“You don’t have to apologize to me.”
She smiles. “You’ll know all about it soon enough. Tell me, how are you feeling—and be honest, you can’t bullshit me.”
“Much better.” She gives me a disbelieving look and I laugh. “I’m serious. I’m past the constant sick feeling and my energy is returning. I’m not waking up in the morning and feeling like I need a nap by the afternoon anymore.”
“And how are things going with baby daddy?” She waggles her brows at me.
She backs out of the driveway, giving me time to think up my response. “Good.” I know that won’t be enough for her, so I add, “I’m not seeing him much right now.”
She nods like she knows. “Daire has been complaining that Luke is exhausting him at the rink. It’s good for him to be humbled every now and then, though.
” She glances in the rearview mirror where another mirror is positioned and allows her to see the baby.
“Isn’t that right, Sammy? Your daddy is cocky as hell and needs to be knocked down a few pegs. Yes, he does.”
Sammy giggles like he knows exactly what she’s saying. “Dada silly.”
“That’s right. Dada is so silly.”
I watch my friend in awe. Her path to motherhood was unconventional to say the least, but she’s embraced it wholeheartedly and she’s rocking at it.
“Do you really think I can do this?” I ask softly, ashamed to voice the insecurity out loud.
She eases the van to a stop at the light and gives me a soft smile.
“Yes, Bertie, you can. Is being a parent easy? God, no. Is it for everyone? Definitely not and that’s fine.
My best advice is to stop worrying so much about being good at it.
Good is objective. Just be a mom and figure out what works for you as you go. You have a supportive partner—”
“Luke and I aren’t together,” I remind her.
She sighs, rolling her eyes. The light changes and she pulls forward.
“Just because you’re not boning doesn’t discount that he’s your partner in all this.
He’s the other parent in this equation and he’s present.
You’re not going to be doing all this alone.
Do your best to rely on him when you need help.
And I’ll be here to help you whenever you need it.
Just because you’re moving doesn’t mean I’m going to stop being your best friend.
Call me in the middle of the night for all I care.
I know your parents’ reaction was horrible, but I want you to remember you’re not alone in this.
You have Luke and you have me. Heck, you even have Daire.
And even though you’re going to be in Nashville I’m going to visit as much as I can, okay? ”
I haven’t allowed myself to think too much on what it’s going to feel like to leave my best friend this summer. I’m not going to have anyone but Luke once we relocate to Nashville and he’ll be busy with practices and traveling on top of it.
“I’m gonna miss you,” my voice cracks.
She reaches over and gives my knee a quick squeeze.
“I’m going to miss you, too. But seriously, prepare to be sick of me because I’m going to make sure you don’t have a chance to miss me.
” She flicks on her blinker and changes lanes.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I have to stop for coffee before we get there. ”
“Coffee sounds amazing, actually.” I’ve been limiting my coffee intake, especially with my current addiction to Sprite, but today seems like a good day to indulge.
A few minutes later Rosie parks outside a local coffee shop on the street. “Text me what you want. I’ll run and get it if you don’t mind staying with Sammy.”
“I’m good here.”
She scoops up her purse and scurries inside the building. I quickly text her my order.
Turning in my seat, I smile back at Sammy’s reflection in the mirror. “Hi, Sammy. Are you having a good day?” I probably sound ridiculous, but I don’t care. He laughs like I’m funny. “Dada?”
“I’m not sure where your dada is.”
“Mama bye bye?”
“Yeah, she went inside to get coffee. She’ll be right back.”
He nods like he understands and claps his chubby fists. His shirt is soaked with drool. Rosie mentioned a week or so ago that he was teething again and had been keeping them up all night.
“Mama, mama, mama,” he chants, kicking at the back of the seat in front of him.
“She’s coming. We’re going to go to the park. Do you like the park?”
He waves his hands in answer.
“I’m back,” Rosie sing-songs as she hops back inside.
“Mama!” Sammy cries out in happiness.
“That’s right, baby. Mama is back.”