23. Luke
LUKE
I’ve visited the hockey arena in Nashville before, but this time feels different as I follow Tanner into the building. I hadn’t planned on coming to the arena, but when he asked if I wanted to come it felt wrong to say no.
My nerves feel at an all-time high and it’s not like I’m even here for a practice or game. Hopefully this feeling goes away before the preseason gets underway. The last thing I want is to be the rookie who chokes.
“You’ve been here before, right?” Tanner glances over his shoulder at me where I trail behind him. I might be a few inches taller than him, but I’m lagging because I keep gawking at everything.
“Once,” I reply.
“Do you remember where things are or do you want a tour?”
“A tour would be great,” I answer, probably too quickly.
Tanner leads me around showing me the locker room, gym, medical and physical therapy area, and finally he takes me out to the arena and we sit, staring down at the ice.
“Listen,” he says. “I still remember how nervous I was going pro and I just want to say that it’s okay to feel that way.
It’s normal. I think it’s worse if you’re a cocky asshole who acts like nothing bothers you.
We had a guy like that a few years ago and he didn’t mesh with the team.
It made for a rough season. He ended up getting traded because of it.
He wasn’t a bad player, but he wasn’t the fit for us.
I know I don’t know you well yet, but you seem like the kind of guy who’s meant to be on our team for a long time.
Take those nerves and use them to power you on the ice, okay?
” He claps me on the shoulder. “And I’m here for you, anytime.
I mean, you’re almost living in my house.
” He laughs, shaking my shoulder before he lets his hand drop.
“I want you to know I’m rooting for you, and I’m here for you any time you have any questions or need someone to talk to who gets it, okay?
And we’ll be assigned to the same room on the road, so you’re not getting rid of me any time soon. ”
I take a deep breath, absorbing his words. “Does it ever get to the point where any of this feels real? I feel like I don’t deserve this. There are a lot of talented players out there.”
“We all work hard,” he says, adjusting his purple Nashville Reign baseball cap.
“And you have to be talented to get here, that tells me you deserve to be here. Sure, there are plenty of talented players, but everyone that makes it to the NHL has a quality that edges them out over someone else. Don’t get in your head about it.
It won’t be good for you or the team. As for it feeling real, yeah, eventually it becomes your normal and I think that’s both a good thing and a bad thing.
The nerves go away and it becomes your job, something you show up and do, but the bad part of that is I’ve seen some guys lose their passion because it is a job.
If you don’t keep some sort of love for the sport, it’s not good. ”
We sit there in silence for a while before Tanner stands and says, “You want to get on the ice?”
“I don’t have any gear.”
“Not to practice, just to shoot a few goals.”
Excitement races through my veins. “Yeah.” It’s hard to tamp down on my smile.
Twenty minutes later we’ve both laced up a pair of skates and stand on the ice.
I can’t help but stand in the center of the ice and look around at the empty arena.
It’s not like it’s really any different than the ice I played on at Aldridge but knowing that this is the big leagues makes it feel infinitely more vast.
As if reading my thoughts, Tanner says, “It feels different, doesn’t it?”
I chuckle. “It really does.”
“Being here now should help rid you of some nerves ahead of preseason.”
He gives me another minute to take it all in before we skate around and take turns shooting pucks into the empty goal net.
An hour or so passes and I’m tired and covered in sweat by the time we get off the ice. Neither of us has a change of clothes, so we don’t shower in the locker room.
Tanner drives us back to his home and the closer we get, the harder it is to contain my smile.
“What’s the deal with you and Bertie?” he asks. “I’m assuming you’re a couple, but I also sense an awkwardness there.”
I stiffen. Is it that obvious to other people?
“We’re figuring it out,” I reply. I debate momentarily on how much to tell him and decide to just be honest. “We met freshman year and I had a crush on her, but she ended up with someone else.”
“Fuck,” he curses. “That sucks.”
“They ended up breaking up for good our senior year and we reconnected. We were in the middle of taking things slow when she got pregnant.”
Tanner snorts and glances over at me. “Sounds like you weren’t exactly taking things slow then?”
I laugh. “She’s hard for me to resist. But yeah, obviously the baby wasn’t planned and since we hadn’t established what we were yet, she’s been hesitant. She doesn’t want me to choose her just because she’s pregnant.”
“Ah.” He turns into the long driveway. “Makes sense.”
“So, yeah, I want her to be my girlfriend but she’s hesitant so I’m respecting that, but I think she wants me too.”
“You’ll get it figured out. Everything always works out as it’s meant to.”
When the house comes into view, I can’t stop my smile when I spot Bertie outside in the front yard with Kayla, Lola, and Oliver.
“You know,” Tanner says, his voice serious. “At the end of the day, hockey is great and being pro is an incredible thing but this—” he gestures to his family “—is the most important thing. Family is going to be there long after you play your last game.”
He parks the SUV in the garage and gets out.
Choruses of, “Daddy!” ring out and his two kids come sprinting toward him.
Little Oliver nearly faceplants in the grass, and Bertie slaps a hand over her mouth, her eyes widened with panic, but he catches himself and continues running like nothing happened.
I watch the two kids crash into Tanner’s open arms where he’s crouched down to welcome them.
My eyes then go to Bertie and find her watching me.
One day, that’s going to be our kid running to me screaming, “Daddy,” and I can’t wait.
I walk over to where she sits in the grass and plop down beside her. She’s always beautiful, but she looks extra pretty today with her hair down and curled around her shoulders and wearing a pastel blue dress with flowers.
My hand goes to her belly, and she puts hers overtop mine.
“Did you have a good time with Tanner?”
“I did.” The baby moves and then gives a solid kick at my hand. “Hey, bud.”
“He’s extra active today,” she sighs, leaning back. The sun halos her in a golden glow.
“We need to get you set up with a new doctor here.”
“Ugh.” She squeezes her eyes shut. “Don’t remind me.”
Kayla, overhearing us, says, “My doctor was fantastic. I’ll get you their information.”
Bertie sends a small smile in her direction. “Thank you.”
Tanner joins us in the grass with Oliver hanging off one arm and Lola dangling from around his neck.
“Kids,” Kayla sighs. “You’re going to break your dad’s back.”
“I’m fine.” Tanner lowers Oliver down and then extracts Lola from her koala hold. The kids take off running across the yard and he looks our way. “Are y’all ready for this?”
Bertie laughs and the baby kicks again. “I don’t think we have a choice.”
She looks over at me, and I can’t help it when I lean in and kiss her. She stiffens with surprise for the barest of seconds before she kisses me back.
“I like the way our future looks.” I brush my nose over hers.
“Yeah?” There’s a fear there in her eyes, like somehow, she’s still not sure this is what I want.
“Yeah.”