Chapter 16
“Penny, please. Open the door.”
She’d slammed the door in his face just a few minutes before, but it felt to Zander like a year. He’d totally fucked up.
When she stormed away after laying into him outside his grandfather’s house, Zander’s feet were leaden, his eyes blurry. And he’d just stood there.
Then a bee buzzed past his face, and the world whooshed back, leaving Zander to see it clear as day: he’d been a serious asshole.
Which was why he was now pleading his case at her door.
“Give me five minutes. You know we need to talk.”
His next knock hit air as the door swung inward. Inside, Penny glared at him, cheeks bright pink. Her cutoff shorts were frayed just above the knees, and she was in a SUNY Buffalo shirt with the collar cut out so it hung over one shoulder, leaving a stripe of red bra strap visible.
It was so cute and sexy, and absolute torture.
Penny’s hands framed her hips. “We need to talk?”
“Yes. Please.”
“Would this be a real talk, or something we’re calling not really a talk? If it’s not really a talk, can I pretend later it didn’t happen?”
Zander closed his eyes for a breath. “I deserved that.”
“Or how about this?” Penny tapped a finger to her chin. “Maybe I can promise to help you with something, like maybe selling your house, something you’re desperate to do. And I’ll beg and you’ll agree. But be careful, because though I can be pretty convincing, I might end up ghosting you.”
Seeing the last two days through Penny’s eyes was brutal.
“I fucked up. I know that. Please give me a chance to explain.”
Penny scoffed and turned her back on him, but the door didn’t slam behind her, so he followed her inside.
“Listen—”
“For the record.” Penny faced him and pointed a finger at his face. “I’m not mad because of the kissing thing. For all I know, you kiss people like that all the time and it doesn’t mean anything.”
“Penny, it did—”
“I’m mad because you pushed all my buttons and told me about your stupid fifth-grade math test and then up and disappeared. And why? Because you were afraid it was going to be awkward? Afraid I’d cling to you after one kiss?”
“Two.”
“What?”
Zander closed the door behind him, stepping in cautiously.
“It was two kisses, technically. And I have been working on the festival. I got in touch with my buddy about the equipment rental and he’s going to give us a discount.
I also revised the vendor contract with new pricing and put together some ideas for the website, like a slideshow of pictures from past years. ”
Her glare faltered, but only for an instant. “And were you going to keep all of that to yourself?”
“I was figuring out how to talk to you. I was trying to develop some kind of plan to work with you on the festival while maintaining the space I thought we needed.”
“Because you regret what happened?”
“No.” He stepped closer, hands out. “No, not even in the slightest.” With a sigh, Zander ran a hand through his hair.
“I was a dick, okay? I know. I am so sorry. After the other night, with the lights and the kissing and… I was thinking about what to do, what to say to you, and then I had this very unexpected heart-to-heart with Mallory’s mom, and she told me about Henry. ”
Penny’s arms went across her chest. “What does Henry have to do with any of this?”
“Candace didn’t say much, but she told me how he would leave and come back, over and over. Until he left for good. And I kept thinking about your dad, and your mom’s dad, and then Henry and—”
“And what?”
“And how much I fucking like you, Penny. How I want to spend time around you and know more about you and—” He groaned, dragging a hand across his face.
“And how kissing you was like realizing I’d been in the middle of the desert for months, and then suddenly someone reminded me what water tasted like. ”
He paced across her small living space. Penny’s cabin was so her it hurt him to look—plants bathing in sunshine by the windows, a colorful throw on the couch, and a little sprig of wildflowers on her small wooden dining table.
“But I’m leaving,” he continued. “I’m leaving in two months. And whatever I could give you, it would end then. And I couldn’t bear to be another man who walks out of your life.”
Penny’s eyes narrowed. “So you decided the best course of action was to ignore my texts and leave me hanging? To what, protect my feelings?”
“It was stupid. I should have just talked to you.”
“Yes. You should have. And you know what I would have told you?” She stepped closer.
“That I know what everybody around here thinks about what happened. How Henry would promise me he was ready to be here, ready to be part of the farm, and then a few weeks later there’d be a workshop in New Haven or a friend with a project in the city and he’d take off for weeks.
And yes, I took him back every time, because I thought eventually he’d be ready to just stay, to really be my partner. And all of that is true.”
She stared out the window. “They don’t know that I’m the one who told him to stay away the final time.
I finally realized he wouldn’t change, and worse—that the times he was away were actually easier for me, because he was a shitty, selfish partner when he was actually around.
And I was embarrassed I’d accepted it so long, and I asked him to leave.
” She pointed at Zander. “And he stood right there where you are and cried, and he begged, and he made promises. And I told him to go.”
Penny shook her head. “So no, I don’t have the best history with men. But I’m not some damsel in distress who needs you to protect me from myself. I have that covered. I’m a big girl.”
Zander heated with embarrassment, horrified at how he’d decided what was best for Penny when she was clearly good at figuring that out herself.
“I understand, and I’m sorry.”
She blinked, like maybe he’d surprised her. “Fine.”
“But while we’re setting the record straight.” He stepped closer, and she didn’t retreat. “I don’t kiss people like that all the time. Not even close. I’ve basically been a monk for years, and now I can’t get you out of my head.”
She stepped toward him, her cheeks still pink and her breath coming fast. The lightning in her eyes didn’t look angry anymore. It looked far more dangerous. Especially when she licked her bottom lip. “And that’s my fault?”
“Yes!” His fists were so tight at his sides Zander knew there’d be half-moons all over his palms. “It’s your fault for being so fucking irresistible, your fault I can’t stop thinking about kissing you again.
” Electricity zipped up Zander’s spine. “But it’s my fault for wanting things I can’t have, for lying awake at night fucking my own fist just thinking about how you smile or how your mouth tastes or what it would be like to slip my hand inside your T-shirt. ”
And that was maybe saying too much, but instead of throwing him out of her house, Penny stepped into him and stared up, lips wet and plush, defiance flashing in her eyes. “Who says you can’t have those things?”
Before he could answer, Penny grabbed his hand as she lifted the hem of her shirt. She guided him beneath the fabric and flattened his palm on her warm stomach, then guided him across her soft skin, over the ridges of her ribs.
“Penny.” He barely choked out the word. “This is a bad idea.”
She wet her lips and nodded. “Probably.”
The tip of his middle finger brushed the underside of her breast. She was so soft, so close. “I’m not that guy who runs toward a bad idea anymore.”
“Come on,” she dared. “I thought it was once a bad boy, always a bad boy?”
And who was he kidding? He had the chance to get his hands on Penny, and he wasn’t passing it up.
“Fuck it, you’re right.”
He captured her mouth in his, took the kiss deep and hard as her hand drew his up to cup her full breast. Zander moaned into her mouth as he worked her over, kneading her through the soft cotton of her bra and rubbing at her hard nipple with his palm.
“Need to feel you,” he managed to mutter against her mouth.
“Yes.” She nodded, scraping her teeth along his lip. “Yes.”
Zander tugged at the fabric of the bra, yanking it down until Penny’s breast fell into his open palm. “Fuck, you’re perfect.”
He thrummed his thumb across her nipple as her hands gripped his waist, pulling him with her.
Zander had to trust Penny knew where she was going, because he was fully consumed by her—the fresh taste of her lips and tongue, the hard peak between his thumb and forefinger.
It was all he could do to remember to breathe.
He was pushed down to the couch, where he watched in awe as Penny swung a leg over to straddle him. Without preamble, she moved on him, grinding against the aching ridge of his erection.
Above him, she whimpered and drove into him harder as they struggled to kiss in the midst of their frantic movements.
“I can’t believe it,” he gasped.
“Believe what?” She nipped at his ear, licked the side of his neck, still moving her hips.
“I think you might be as desperate for this as I am.”
She pulled her face back to smirk at him. “Nah. I’m totally fine.”
“Are you?” Zander released her breast and gripped her waist, pushing her back so there was space between them.
Penny whined and tried to slide back across his thighs.
“You’re totally fine? You don’t want to be grinding down on me right now?
Don’t want to feel my cock pressing against you right where you need it? ”
Penny’s eyes grew even wider. “Zander!”
“Don’t pretend to be shocked, Penny.” He squeezed her ass, just barely resisting yanking her back against him. He wanted to hear her say she needed it this much, too. “You wanted me to be bad. And I think you might like my dirty words.”