Chapter 8
Eight
Chosyn Gravehart
Iparked a block away from Choyce's place, letting the smoke cloud my mind and dull the ill feelings sitting on my heart.
Coming to talk to my sister was a big step, one I thought I was cool with taking until I pulled up.
It wasn't lost on me that Choyce and I needed to have a conversation, but the why of it all floated in and out of focus.
Until Navy overstepped, I hadn't thought twice about sitting down with her.
I honestly didn't care to hear anything she had to say.
Just as her name implied, she had choices and chose the one that made me feel like I was nothing more than a missing piece she snapped into place when it suited her.
Shaking my head, I pushed the button and stepped on the brake simultaneously, bringing my engine to life.
Rolling down the window, I flicked what was left of my spliff onto the street and shifted from park to drive.
Just as I lifted my foot off the brake, my dash lit up with Wolfe's name.
I slipped back into park and answered for my love.
"Yesss Wolfie," I lazily cooed, thanks to the weed, as I tucked my feelings away.
"Don't leave," he rasped.
His voice slid through the haze, making my heart flutter and tears well in the corners of my eyes. I forced a giggle that was lighter than how I felt,
"How did you know?"
"Why wouldn't I know? You think I'm lying when I say you're my heart? I feel you, Chosyn, beating against my ribs."
"Still, how did you know?"
"'Cause depending on the rhythm, I can tell when something's wrong."
"Then tell me what's wrong," I challenged, trying to keep it playful.
Wolfe was one of the few people I felt safe breaking in front of without feeling embarrassed. He loves me at my best but loves me deeper at my worst. I just didn't want to break in this moment.
"You're scared. Choyce is the only family you have left and—"
"You are my family," I cut in. "Nix is my family. River, Crown, Lakelyn, Navy, Gigi, and Honor. All of you are my family, even if blood didn't make it that way."
"That's a fact, but this shit is different, and you know that.
You raised her, protected her, and loved her as a mother is supposed to love their daughter.
Then things changed, and now you're scared 'cause if you talk to her and she doesn't say what you need to hear, then you're gonna lose your baby girl. "
"I already lost her. She set me up," I huffed.
"You didn't, tho. You're holding on to your anger because as long as you don't talk to her, she still exists in your life even if it's from a distance.
" He paused, letting his words settle where they needed to.
"The truth is gonna change shit for you, but that's what it's supposed to do.
Forgiveness starts with clarity, and clarity only comes when you ask the hard questions and listen to the harder answers. "
"Ugh! I hate that you always say the right thing."
"You love that shit 'cause it lets you know you're not only heard, but you're understood. Now get your punk ass out of the car and go handle your business."
"Are you gonna wait up for me?"
"Of course. I'm hungry and got a taste for you."
"So nasty." I grinned as heat crept between my thighs.
"I'm whatever you need me to be when you need me to be it. Call me when you get back in your car, and I'll stay on the phone with you while you drive home."
"Okay. I love you, Wolfie."
"I love you more."
We ended the call, and I turned my car off and stepped out, zipping my coat and shoving my hands into my pockets before walking the short distance to Choyce's place. My hand shook as I knocked on the door.
Calm down. It's just a conversation.
I raised my hand to knock again, but before my knuckles could land, the door opened.
"Hey," Emersyn smiled, "I almost thought you weren't coming."
"I almost didn't," I admitted, stepping inside. "Where's Choyce?"
"Why weren't you gonna come?"
"I don't know, but I'm here, so where is my sister?"
"In the living room. You can leave your sneakers here. I'll grab you a glass. We're doing white tonight. Is that okay with you?"
My brows pulled together. As far as I knew, this was Choyce's house, yet Emersyn was greeting, directing, and hosting me.
"Umm, water is fine."
"Oh, okay. No biggie." She smiled. "Come, I'll bring you to Choyce."
I followed her down the hallway and to the living room, where Choyce sat staring blankly at a curtained window. I glanced at Emersyn, and she cleared her throat.
"Oh, sorry, I was in my head," Choyce nervously voiced.
"Uh, it's fine." I half smiled.
"Okay, then," Emersyn softly clapped, "I'm going to order food and give y'all a minute to work through this uncomfortable tension. Any preferences?"
"No," Choyce mumbled.
"Anything is fine," I added. "Just no onions or peppers. I hate them."
"That's a first, but okay. I'll be back." Emersyn laughed.
Once she left, I walked further into the living room, and I sat on the opposite end of the couch. The space between us was necessary in my mind. Moments of unsettled movement passed as we both failed to find a starting point.
"You have a nice home," I complimented, even though I hadn't seen much of it.
Choyce turned to look at me, half smiling. "Thank you."
I didn't return a smile of my own. Instead, my eyes landed on the gauze going across the front of her neck.
"I… I didn't know Navy was gonna do that to you," I asserted. "She kept it from me probably because she knew I wouldn't have been okay with it."
"Is that your way of apologizing for your friend, or did you just say it to ease your guilt?"
"What?" I frowned.
"You heard me the same way I heard you."
I let out a low chuckle, shaking my head. "I didn't come here to deal with your attitude."
"Then why did you come?" Choyce fired back.
"What?"
"Emersyn set this up, not me. I've been practically begging you to talk to me, but the moment your friend does a little too much, now you wanna make amends," she criticized, making it clear she didn't want me here.
"Let me leave." I stood as my words slipped out more to myself than to Choyce. "I've never been the kind of bitch to overstay her welcome."
"Bye." Choyce smirked, fluttering her fingers dismissively.
"Sister or not," I snapped, stopping in front of her. "Disrespect me again and I'ma show you the difference between what Navy did and what I do to bitches who forget their manners."
"Respect is earned, not given, Chosyn. You should know that."
"I've earned it," I sneered. "I gave you a mother figure, that deserves your fucking respect."
She scoffed. "What, you want a cookie for doing what any big sister would've done? You don't get no wins for being great when things were easy. Respect is earned by stepping the fuck up when things get hard. I was twelve when they threw me in that van."
"I didn't know they were going to take you," I defended, my lungs suddenly forgetting how to work. "I didn't fucking know."
"Let's say I believe you," Choyce shot up from the couch, "you never came to look for me either. You left me with them and went on living your life like I didn't even exist."
I blinked, slowly taking in what she said. "Is that what you think?"
"That's what I know."
"You don't know shit," I growled, teeth clenched.
"I mourned you, Choyce. I didn't know where you were being taken, and I thought Chance was fucking dead.
I didn't know shit, but I fucking mourned you…
while living on the streets, while stealing out of stores, and while attaching myself to a man who didn't give a fuck about me.
Through every hardship I faced, I mourned you.
I mumbled your name in my sleep and cried tears I couldn't afford to shed.
I did all of it because I thought you were fucking dead! "
My voice cracked.
"I thought I killed Chance, and even though he didn't deserve it, I mourned him, too. Y'all were the only family I had, all I've ever known, and in one night, y'all were gone, and I was alone."
Dropping my gaze, I stepped closer to her, rage shaking through me. Choyce, being a few inches taller than me, didn't mean a thing as my eyes locked back on hers.
"But you… you knew I was alive. Maybe not right away, but at some point, when you stopped being the little girl I raised, you found me.
Not only did you find me, but you stalked me, learned who I was, and watched me from afar.
You fucking sent me text messages just to reel me in.
You played with my head while I was grieving and trying to make sense of my life. "
I laughed once, letting the cruel sound steady my breathing.
"Do you know one of the greatest times of my life is stained because of you? I met Wolfe, someone who allowed me to be my messy self without judgment, and you tainted it."
Choyce tilted her head, her eyes gleaming with hate knotted in love.
"Big bad Chosyn's mad because I used her to kill our father. Let me clear a few things up for you. I didn't find you on my own. Chance helped me because, once again, he wanted to use you as leverage in a deal. I saved you."
"That's what you don't get, Choyce," I said, my voice catching as I tried to steady it. "You think you don't deserve my anger because you saved me, but I never needed saving. Whatever Chance planned was never going to happen. Wolfe wouldn't have let it, and neither would Honor."
I exhaled, fighting to loosen the tightness in my chest.
"I didn't need saving, but you did. And instead of just asking me, you thought you'd manipulate me.
You tried using my guilt against me because let's be honest, I should be married to Talon, not you.
You played in my face, thinking I wouldn't see the play for what it was, and that's why you're mad and picking fights.
It's why you begged me to hear you out just for me to give you a chance, and you turn around and make me the bad guy for being pissed with you. "