Chapter 35 Honor Gravehart #2
She inhaled slowly, steadily, and controlled. I tried to follow, but the air scraped down my throat.
"Again," she calmly urged.
I pulled in another breath. Slower this time, and the pressure in my chest eased enough for that invisible rope to loosen.
"I understand you want to discuss your father," she gently stated. "But right now might not be the time. We can go back to taking it slow. The story about your father teaching you how to ride a bike can be your one fact about him for the day."
She leaned back in her chair.
"Therapy isn't a sprint. Your mind wants to rush you there because you want to free yourself of that trauma, but that takes time. Therapy is a process. It's consistency at a slow rate, and that's okay.
I frowned, still catching my breath because I didn't have time for a slow process.
"That day isn't just the day your father died," she continued. "It's also the day he spent time with you." Her gaze softened. "Hold on to that part of it and live in that memory for a while."
I nodded.
"Since this was an impromptu session, I'm going to give you an assignment to work on for next week. I want you to write your father a letter."
"A letter?"
"Yes. Tell him everything you have going on right now. Tell him whatever it is you never got to say. He died when you were a child. You're in your thirties now, so there's a lot for you to say. The anger, the confusion, the love… put all of it in a letter."
"What am I supposed to do with it after?"
"That part is entirely up to you. You can burn it, keep it, or mail it to a random address just so someone else can read it. The important part is getting the words out of you."
Before I could respond, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw Killian's name across the screen. I sighed and stood up.
"Sorry. I gotta take this."
Dr. Lockhart glanced toward the clock on the wall.
"That's perfectly fine. My first client should be arriving soon."
"Enjoy the rest of your day. Dr. Lockhart."
"You too, Honor. I'll see you at your next session."
I nodded, knowing the chances of her seeing me next week were slim to none. I stepped into the hallway, answering the phone as the door closed behind me.
"Kind of early for this phone call, don't you think?"
"Not when you went against a direct order," Killian solemnly replied. "They're requesting your presence."
"What time and where?"
"Brooklyn. As soon as you can get there. They're already on their way."
The day I sat in a room with three muthafuckas and two of 'em had guns aimed at me, and I didn't feel the itch to kill 'em both was a day I never imagined.
But as fate would have it, today was that muthafuckin' day.
Solace and Righteous stood across from me, Berettas in each hand, fingers resting lazily against the trigger.
I stood with my hands cupped in front of me, stoned face.
Killian was to the left of me with Ghost and Grim at his side, waiting for the command to attack.
"We gon' talk, shoot this shit out, or continue to stand here in silence?" I asked, ready to get whatever this was about to be over with.
"Nigga, you say it like you calling the shots in this bitch," Righteous scoffed.
"Calling the shots ain't really my thing. I never cared to have niggas follow me. I protect those I love and deal with whatever consequences follow."
"This is your consequence," Solace announced.
"Maybe." I shrugged.
"Have you young men learned nothing during your time on earth?" Killian asked, eyes sweeping over us. "We're all made men, yet you three continue to walk in here with egos bigger than the balls you carry between your legs."
"Ayo." Solace frowned.
"Pause, nigga," I added.
"Fuck a pause," Righteous grunted. "Chill on the balls talk. Grim and Ghost are looking anxious as fuck to play fetch."
He wasn't lying. Their eyes were sharp, heads bowed low, ready to attack whenever Killian gave the word.
"I'll be turning forty soon. That pause game does not apply to me," Killian replied.
"As I was saying, egos have no place in this room.
Outside of age, nothing ranks us higher than the next.
We each enter this room carrying the weight of our families.
What happens here affects the generations that come after us. "
He paused, letting his words settle.
"White men in power don't move with chips on their shoulders, or snarls in their tone because their last name already carries their strength and threatens anyone who dares to jeopardize it."
His gaze shifted.
"My last name already does that. Solace, you speak for the Lavigne family. That family has governed Crimson Falls for years. Don't let a dislike of another man be the reason your position is given to someone else."
Solace's jaw twitched, but his only response was a nod.
"And Righteous—"
"No need to bring up my family," he cut in. "I understand the importance of my last name. I also know better than to answer disrespect with respect."
His eyes moved to me.
"We denied your request to kill Lucian, and yet you took it upon yourself to do it anyway."
"He didn't deserve to live." I shrugged.
"Under whose judgment?"
I laughed coldly, letting my eyes fall before lifting them just enough to sit beneath my lashes. "Mine."
"You gotta do better than that," Solace asserted.
"Nah, I don't. An explanation isn't needed on my end because it doesn't change the facts. Lucian is dead. Burnt the fuck up, and he's not coming back."
"You're right," Righteous nodded. "You killed Lucian after we denied your request. That makes this simple."
His gaze sharpened.
"The Sovereign Circle cannot exist if men start thinking their will outranks its judgment. Defiance is answered with death."
"I understand," I confirmed, lifting my chin. "Every decision I've ever made had a body attached to it. If death is the price I gotta pay for making sure my loved ones live in peace, then it is what it is."
"You have twenty-four hours to get your affairs in order," Righteous said. "Killian will send you the location and time. Show up. If we have to come looking for you, your body won't be the only one arriving at the morgue."
He paused before adding, "I wish things could've been different."
I let out a quiet huff.
"You don't," I countered, "but that shit sounds good."
"I don't say things I don't mean. Killian spoke highly of you, and despite our disagreements, I can appreciate the kind of man you are. I even respect your decision to get revenge on Lucian after we voted no."
"It wasn't about revenge for me," I affirmed. "I did it to protect someone who deserves happiness. As long as Lucian was breathing, happiness would never be hers."
Solace scoffed. "I hope she's worth your life.
My jaw tightened.
"A hundred times over, nigga," I gritted. "And if that muthafucka had nine lives I would've taken every last one of 'em."
Solace huffed. His jaw worked back and forth before he finally looked away.
"Waste of power," he muttered under his breath.
He turned and walked toward the door. Righteous didn't move.
His eyes stayed on me. After a moment, he nodded once and then followed Solace out.
The door shut behind them with a heavy click.
For a moment, the room was quiet except for the low rumbling of Ghost and Grim breathing.
Killian folded his hands on top of the table, eyeing me as if he were weighing his words.
"Under normal circumstances, I would've walked out with Solace and Righteous and whatever happens in the next twenty-four hours would be none of my concern because I told you the consequences beforehand and you agreed to them. But I like you, Honor, and I admire what you stand for."
"What are you getting at, Killian?"
He glanced toward the door like the walls were listening.
"At the docks in wee hours of the morning there will be a boat heading to my land in Cape Verde."
I stared at him.
"I'm not taking the easy way out. I knew the consequences when I went against the vote."
Killian gave a small nod.
"A man of honor," he quietly noted, "that's why I'm sharing this information with you. The boat arrives at three o’clock tomorrow morning. Whether or not you’re on the boat is your decision."
He stood and turned toward the door.
"If I get on that boat," I said, stopping him, "what happens to my family?"
Killian looked back at me.
"You know the answer. Just like I know you've trained Wolfe and Crown well enough to survive what comes with you getting on that boat. Talk to them and decide as a family."
Killian whistled softly, and Ghost and Grim lifted their heads.
"Three in the morning Honor," he emphasized, then walked out.
The door closed behind him, as I weighed my options.
Die or have my brothers go to war with niggas we knew nothing about.
Truth was the decision had been made long before I killed Lucian. I wasn't 'bout to switch up now. Shaking off the shit trying to rise in my chest, I pulled my phone out to text Navy.
Me
I need to see you. Pull up to the crib.
Navy
Why should I after what you did last night?
Me
I apologize for that.
Navy
It's not enough, Honor.
Me
Navy, please. I need to talk to you about something important.
The three dots popped up… then disappeared.
I waited five minutes for a response before getting up and leaving.
Navy had until I got back to Gravehart Grove to respond.
Otherwise, I was pulling up to get my response in person.
Death was knocking on my door, and I couldn't leave this world without Navy knowing how much I loved her.