CHAPTER ONE
“Remember, you are the prettiest girl in the world,” my auntie said as I took one last look in the mirror before grabbing my bags.
I turned to see her standing there, looking like a bag of money.
My aunt Nyomi let me stay with her during my school breaks so I wouldn’t have to fly back home.
I had admired her since I was young. She carried herself so well, lived in luxury, drove the most expensive cars, and never got involved in any broke-bitch shit. She was everything I aspired to be.
While growing up, I started living as if I were already wealthy.
In high school, I wore cheap clothes, but no one could tell because I styled them so well.
The girls at school constantly asked where I bought my clothes.
Instead of replying, I let them search for similar outfits in expensive stores.
I transformed from an awkward, dark-skinned girl into a confident, admired chocolate princess.
I led the cheer squad and was valedictorian.
I aimed to excel in everything because others perceived me as someone who should’ve been at the bottom.
Before my aunt Nyomi moved from Texas to come here, she and my mother had been close, but after she left, it was as if they drifted apart.
My family held decent Southern values, and the main one was family.
I used that against them so many times when they tried to talk me out of going to school out of state.
Eventually, they gave in. My parents weren’t broke, but they weren’t rich either.
They were hardworking people who knew how to prepare for things like me going to college.
Luckily for them, there was space between my other siblings and me, so they had time to save for the next round.
I had purposely chosen Toussaint State University not only to be close to my aunt Nyomi but also to experience what the historically Black college had to offer.
I heard many good things about the different universities, so it was only right that I found out firsthand.
My freshman year was a little tough because no one knew me, but that changed over time.
I remained on campus until summer, then stayed with my aunt in Lake Hill and worked at Café Lane, which she owned.
I was fully embracing my aunt’s life, absorbing every moment and living as I had always dreamed.
Now I was in my junior year, a proud member of the Gray and Gold, and crowned Miss Toussaint State, and in her eyes, I was perfect.
The world was in my hands, but the only thing I wasn’t sure about was where I was going from here.
She looked at me proudly. “Spring Semester. You’re almost at the end. Are you excited?” she asked.
I gave her a tight-lipped smile. “Yeah,” I lied.
Carrying the weight of being perfect was starting to take a toll on me because, although that was what I seemed to be, I was far from it.
My grades were okay, but my major became uninteresting.
I wanted to shift everything, but I knew changing my major now would add more work to my current load and more time to my sentence at school.
Getting a bachelor’s degree in criminal justice seemed ideal, but it wasn’t where I saw myself in the future.
However, it wasn’t my aunt’s issue to worry about, but mine, so I kept it from her.
She hugged me before letting me go. “Let me know if you need anything. I’m just a call away.”
I nodded. I wanted to ask her if the lady who had locked her in the café had been back.
I wasn’t sure what it was about, but I often wondered if Aunt Nyomi had been after someone else’s man.
For the most part, I knew she could handle her own, but I’d wonder if she ever got lonely when I was away.
Maybe my aunt and I were both putting on a facade.
I tossed my bag in the car, got in, and drove off, headed to Covana. I called up my friend Reagan to see if she had made it to campus. We decided to leave for school a little early because there was an event at Hoodoo’s.
Hoodoo’s was a little ghetto for my taste, but it was where everyone on the East End went. With Toussaint State smack dead in the middle of it all, it only made sense that most of the students went there to have fun.
It took a minute or two for Reagan to answer, but she did. “Hey, girl,” she called out.
“Hey, I’m heading back to the campus now. How far are you?”
Honk! “Bitch, get the fuck out of my way! Damn!” Reagan spat. “God knows I need to get there fast because these people on this road don’t know how to drive.”
A laugh fell from my lips. “You’re crazy.”
Reagan and I had been close since freshman year. We were dormmates who turned into best friends. She was the captain of Blue Reign, but also my sister of the Gray and Gold.
“I should be there in the next hour. Are we linking up to go to Hoodoo’s? I heard Jesaiah will be there. What’s up with you two?”
Jesasiah August was fine but also equally cocky.
We had been seeing each other since our sophomore year but never made it official.
I didn’t want to be the girl who pressured someone into a relationship.
I preferred to let things unfold naturally, but I was starting to get tired of waiting.
I was ready for a relationship, and if he wasn’t ready by now, I doubted he ever would be.
It did suck knowing that our mutual friends were happy couples while he and I were playing a game of “who’s going to fall first,” so naturally, when my friends brought him up, I often tried to change the subject.
I knew I couldn’t run from it this time, though.
“We’re cooling. We’re just having fun,” I told her.
She smacked her lips. “Girl, you’re better than me. More than a year playing cat and mouse? Nigga, you got to go.”
“Well, he doesn’t have to worry about that this year. I’m not worried about him, so he can do whatever he wants.”
She laughed loudly on the phone. “I know that’s right, Miss Toussaint State. Call me when you get close. I need to focus on this road.”
Once Reagan hung up, she left me in my thoughts.
I liked Jesaiah a lot, and I didn’t want him to move on or be with someone else.
I wanted him to choose me, but I knew that with each year at this school and the arrival of new girls, the chances of him feeling the way he did when we first met were slimming.
I knew it was time to spread my wings and add another guy to my roster before it was my feelings that were getting hurt.
These were the growing pains of college life.
Things always looked sweet on the outside, with people devoted to going to an HBCU, but beneath it all, we had the same Black problems, just on campus.
It was the one place where every Black student was faced with their fears, challenged by the unknown, tested by their demons, lured by lust, starved for perfection, and at the end of the race, we were all still viewed the same: Just another Black soul searching for excellence.