DIO PRESS PLAY
DIO
PRESS PLAY
I sat by the lake, trying my best to get my shit in order.
I’d gone from crying to being angry to crying again.
Sleep hadn’t found me, and I wasn’t chasing his ass either.
My argument with Samara stirred something in me I’d never felt before.
Murder was on my mind, and nobody could change it.
I put my phone on Silent so no one would reach out to me.
I wanted to be alone because at least then, I didn’t have to be blamed for being a menace.
I didn’t have to be the kid from the wrong side of the tracks, nor did I have to be pointed out as the bad boyfriend.
Now everything started to make sense about why Thick Neck treated me the way he did. Not only did the nigga want Mars, but he wanted me to fold, to break like fragile glass and never be put back together. He wanted to come in like a knight in dusty-ass armor to save the day.
“Fuck nigga!” I shouted.
Then Mars. Mars, my fucking star, the girl who made my heart beat as calm as this lake I was sitting in front of.
I couldn’t understand how she thought I was treating her like I was some dog owner all while I thought I was being her hero.
Her perception of what we were was all fucked up, and I began to question whether she really loved me as she said.
“Fuck!”
Every single regret hit me at once. The regret of joining the fraternity. The regret of not doing the OLS. The regret of opening my heart so wide to her that I wasn’t willing to accept anyone else.
I looked out over the open lake, speaking to it. Damn, at least I knew it was listening. As my voice drifted across the peaceful water, small waves began to form. Nature was listening and understood. I understood why Chev loved his plants so much.
“Mars, a nigga is sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t open, sorry I was trying to be a better man, one I thought could handle shit like this. Sorry being protective turned into possession. I’m—”
“Dionysus!” Zeus’ voice made me stand up.
I quickly wiped the falling tears from my eyes. Zeus’ face was weary, concerned, and confused. “Are you okay?”
Since that day at Zaria’s, I knew he would always keep in mind what I attempted to do to myself.
Even when he was sitting beside my lifeless body, Zeus still feared the inevitable.
Mentally, I felt strong because there was too much I needed to live for, including Samara.
But now, she was no longer even at the end of the tunnel.
I wiped my eyes again. “I’m good. You know, heart hurts like shit, but I’m here.”
Zeus pulled at my sweater and brought me in for a hug. I didn’t want to be a bitch, but I broke in my brother’s arms.
“I thought she loved me, Zeus. My girl doesn’t love me anymore.” I sobbed.
He tightened his grip around my head. “Love can hurt, but it can also be a beautiful thing. Dio, Black men can hurt too. I don’t doubt she is feeling the same way you are, but you’re strong, and this too shall pass.”
I lifted my head. “How did you and Sasha get through it?”
He pulled away from me and wiped my eyes. “Don’t compare us to what you have. Sasha and I went through the motions, and it wasn’t easy, but we love each other. I couldn’t see myself without her, so I did what I had to do to keep her.”
Being able to open up to my brother felt good, considering our past. I knew he and I didn’t have the perfect example of what love looked like, and maybe that was why things were so confusing for me. My brother was still learning just as I was.
“How did you find me? I know Chev called yo ass,” I tried laughing.
“Beans showed me where you were. He’s back at the car.”
I nodded. “Makes sense. Did they tell you? You know about the—”
“I don’t know anything about anything. All I know is I have a brother who goes to an HBCU, and he’s killing shit.”
I slowly nodded. “I’ll play the game. However, I need you to know I’m catching a fucking body.”
Zeus gave a partial nod because he knew there was nothing he could say to change how I felt about being on demon time. The sound of Z’s voice made me look over his shoulder.
“Dio!” she yelled as she rushed through the woods, brushing past trees and bushes, nearly falling on her face.
Zaria, the queen. The one woman in my life who loved me and my flaws. My angel, my protector, another part of my peace. Seeing her coming to make sure I was okay felt good. When she reached us, she was slightly out of breath. She didn’t say anything but hugged me tightly.
“I love you, Dionysus. Are you okay?”
“I’m okay, Z.”
She let me go and turned to Zeus. “Can I talk to him alone for a second?”
Zeus nodded and walked away. As soon as he was out of earshot, she snapped.
“What the fuck was that? Huh? You and Samara sit up here and play fucking house, something neither of you can handle. You're screwing each other, probably not using protection, and the moment shit gets heavy, you get into a yelling match? Dio, I expect more from you. I love both of you, but what did y’all think would happen when you came to college? That shit was going to stay the same, huh?”
I couldn’t believe Z was digging in my ass. I had never seen her like this. Even when I knew she and Chev were getting into it, she had always presented herself so calm.
“Z, I—”
She tossed one hand on her hip and the other on her head.
“Look, I didn’t come here to chew you out, but you and Samara need to figure it out.
I will never be the one to say you two need to be together because if the stars don’t align, then they don’t.
But what I’m saying is you two need to figure out whatever the problem is.
If this thing between the two of you doesn’t work out, she isn’t going anywhere; she will be around.
She will date other men and move on. Is that something you can handle?
Is your brain equipped to deal with that?
Do you have the closure you need to move on? ”
I waved her off because now I was getting angry again.
She was poking the fucking bear. “I don’t know where Samara and I are going from here, Z.
I don’t. I cannot be with a woman who thinks me not liking her shaking her ass on another nigga is being possessive.
I cannot be with a woman who doesn’t trust me enough to allow me to be the man she needs me to be.
You know, when I was dying, all I thought about was her.
” I choked up. “A nigga was literally dying, Z, and it was Samara who got me through.”
A tear fell from Zaria’s eye, then mine. “I told her something deep, shit none of you guys know about, and now my heart and my secret is with the girl who has my soul.”
“Oh, Dio.”
I sniffled and wiped my face. “It’s cool, though. I’ll be good. Let’s get out of here. We need to go support Alyse.”
She looked at me, worried, as she should have been, but now that Samara and I were done, I had one goal, and that was to make it to probate, because after that, I could lock away the demon again.