Chapter 16 #2
“So then we change it!” There’s a tiny tear beaded just under my right eye.
I use my fingertips to brush it away. “If the world won’t change for us, then we make it change.
You’ve got so many people with you now. And nearly all the locals are on your side, and they’d come to help if you ask.
If it’s the militia that’s keeping us apart, then why don’t we push the militia out? ”
“Oh, angel,” he says on a hoarse exhale. He rubs at his beard with both hands. “I’ve thought about that. I really have. So many times. But how can I risk so many lives on a… on a dream?”
“You’re the leader. And that’s what every leader who’s ever done something worthwhile does. They risk lives to fight for a dream.”
Cade is silent for a minute except for his heavy breathing. He stares down at the floor.
And I wait like I’ve always waited—for this world not to hurt me.
Then he says, “I can’t, Jill. I’m so sorry, but I can’t. Maybe someday. Maybe soon. Not right now.”
So that’s that then.
The world is what it’s always been. And I’m still nothing more than a fragile female duck, clenching down around the one small defense she possesses against the assault.
Like her, I might have to accept it, but I do not have to submit all the way.
“Okay,” I manage to choke out. “I understand.”
“Do you?”
“I do. Please leave.”
“What? No! I’m not gonna leave you like this. Not when you look almost… broken.”
I stand up. I’m still completely naked but I don’t care anymore. “I’m not broken. And I’d like you to leave.”
He grabs his clothes and throws them on. Then he stands up and gazes down at my face. “What are you saying, angel? Are you…?”
“I’d like you to leave. I’m not going to accept scraps anymore. I’m not going to do it. I love you too, Cade. You know I do. You heard me last month when I said it, didn’t you? But this is over.”
He makes an anguished sound in his throat and reaches out for me, but I step back before he can touch me. “You can’t really—”
“Leave. I’m not going to ask you again.”
He stands, trembling visibly as emotion wracks him. But he’s always been a good man at heart. He’s never once forced anything on me, and he doesn’t force this either.
“I’ll leave now,” he says, reaching down for his pack on the floor. “But it took me a lifetime to find you, so I’m not giving up now that I have.”
I can’t answer, and he’s walking out the door anyway.
I stand with my arms wrapped around my chest, trying to hold in helpless sobs for a few minutes.
Cade is gone.
For good, as far as I know.
He and his crew are making a strike against a gang at dawn.
Every strike he makes puts him in danger.
There’s a chance he won’t make it through the morning.
That thought is too much for me. I’d like to be strong, but I simply can’t allow these to be our final words to each other.
Pulling on my dress and slipping on a pair of slides, I run out of the room and down the stairs and out the back entrance of the building, which is the way Cade always exits from my room.
I burst out the back door and run past the outhouses to look down the street, hoping Cade is still in sight.
What I see, instead of his broad back and long legs, is a Jeep and at least eight guys huddled around someone on the ground.
I jerk to a stop and duck back around the corner of the last outhouse, since it’s impossible to fight the instinct to hide from any group of unknown men outside the safety of the Pub.
But I peer around to see what’s happening and hopefully catch a glimpse of Cade.
I find him.
I do.
He’s the figure on the ground.
And the group of men are clearly militia. They’re making loud, rough exclamations, and I can pick up some words. Got him. Not so tough now, are you? Silver Wolf.
Did you think no one would ever rat you out?
The surge of panic nearly cripples me. I fight the impulse to rush out and help Cade.
But I can’t. There’s no way. Even if I called Rick or Trevor, they’re only two against eight or nine militiamen.
And Nell and the rest of the staff have always had to play nice with the militia. It’s the only way we’ve been able to survive. They’re not going to physically fight back to save one customer.
I watch from out of sight, shaking violently as one of the men kicks Cade in the face and then a couple more of them haul him up and dump him in the back of the Jeep.
I listen, trying to hear what they’re saying. It’s mostly a lot of nasty digs, but it sounds like they’re taking him back to their main compound.
They’ll probably torture him for information about the rest of his crew.
Then they’ll kill him for sure. Probably make a show of it so no one ever dares to defy them again.
I’ve lost him.
Even more completely than I lost him back up in the room just now.
He’s gone.
The Jeep drives off, and I straighten up, walking slowly, heavily, back into the Pub.
Life always does this.
Anything good it offers is only teased and then snatched away.
You accept it.
You move on.
You continue staying alive.
I’ve been doing it all my life, so I know the drill by now.
But by the time I get inside to the main barroom, I’ve changed my mind.
“What’s the matter, Jill?” Pete asks, straightening up from where he was replacing bottles of liquor. “What happened?”
“I…” I gulp. “I need to somehow get a message to the Silver Wolf’s crew. And then another one to anyone around who supports him.”
Pete hears this ludicrous request with his unflappable nonchalance. Then nods. “I can help with that.”
He leans back under the bar and moves a couple of boxes and what appears to be a built-in panel in the structure. When he stands up again, he’s holding an old-fashioned radio with a handheld mouthpiece.
He starts turning a knob on the radio. “What do you want the message to say?”