Chapter 46
— Remmy —
“Dammit. Where is it…?” I hissed under my breath, riffling through my handbag for the third time. I’d shoved my phone in my bag as I entered the Uber but just realized that I didn’t have my wallet with me.
I emptied everything onto my lap to quadruple check and still came up short. We had to go back.
Cringing with embarrassment, I leaned forward to the driver. “I’m so sorry, but can you please turn around? It seems I’ve forgotten my wallet.”
My driver’s blue eyes met mine through the rear-view mirror. “There will be a change to the fare.”
“That’s okay.” Thank God I noticed before we got into the city.
On a huff, my driver did a U-turn and headed back to Scout’s house. When he pulled up at the curb again, barely five minutes later, I apologized profusely in between promising to be quick.
“Such an idiot,” I hissed under my breath, sliding Scout’s spare key into the front door.
I’d snatched up my handbag in such a haste that I hadn’t checked I had everything before I went out—like I normally did.
The front door silently swung inwards. Hastily shutting it behind me, conscious of the car idling at the curb, I kicked off my slides and sprinted up the stairs. I reached the landing and ran for Scout’s room where my belongings lay scattered in one corner when a long, low groan came from the master bedroom.
I froze. I knew that sound. That timbre tone.
My pulse hammered and blood thrummed in my ears as I cocked my head to listen.
When the noise came again, lower, more like a vibration, my mouth dried. Oh yeah, I definitely knew that sound. Scout was…
Rooted to the spot and unable to decide whether to move left or right, my reasons for returning to the house became forgotten.
Without thinking, my feet took me toward the suspicious grunts and groans, to the open doorway of the master bedroom.
My gasp tore Scout’s focus from the laptop screen.
Have you ever heard a man scream in a higher pitch than your own?
Neither had I, until that moment.
Said man threw both hands up in sync with his scream, leaving his rigid cock bouncing in mid-air, begging for more attention.
“Remmy! What the fuck?” Scout exclaimed, still shrill, grimacing and clutching his injured elbow instead of his swinging dick.
“Fuck!” he hissed, slamming the laptop shut to stop the video playing.
It wasn’t the video per se that shook me to my core. No. The reason for me being unable to respond, to voice my utter disbelief, was that I recognized the content. It was mine.
Those were my feet, sure. And it featured the sex machine and dildo I owned, yes. But this video wasn’t a historic one. It was a new one. One of the ones I’d just uploaded for my exclusive client.
My wide eyes met his. And my jaw, fuck, I couldn’t lift it from the floor. Scout was… Scout was…
“You…” I shakily whispered.
Being a deer in the headlights, he stammered, “What?”
“My client.” I shook my head, trying to clear the fog. “My exclusive client. The one paying me. You…”
I felt the blood drain from my face as Scout’s face paled further. He rushed to pull on his shorts one handed, sans underwear, frantically hopping on each foot as he fumbled.
“I can explain,” he urged.
“You stole from him, Scout. From me and from him. You’re breaking an NDA and—” I literally shook with red hot rage. It consumed me. Ate me alive from the depths of my soul. He’d betrayed my trust in a way that could never be repaired. “This is so wildly unacceptable—I’m so fucking furious at you! How dare you hack my account? How dare —”
“I didn’t hack your account, Remmy!” he shouted, now coming for me.
I held up both hands, ready to fend him into yesterday if he so much as dared to lay a finger on me. Luckily for him, he read the warning signs and stopped just out of reach.
“I trusted you,” I grit out around the ever-tightening squeeze in my throat.
Don’t cry . Don’t cry . Don’t fucking cry, I ordered myself, blinking away the first prickles of uncontrollable emotion.
I guess we weren’t making it past six nail cycles after all. But I wasn’t ready for the end. Wasn’t prepared in the least and didn’t see it coming, and fuck it hurt.
“You can still trust me,” Scout implored. “I swear, babe, I didn’t hack your account. And I didn’t steal from either of you. I swear with my entire soul. On my life.”
I lifted my trembling chin, steeling it as best I could. “I don’t believe you.”
“Fuck.” He ran a hand through his hair, tugging it roughly as his frustration boiled. “I can explain.”
“You’ve got one minute, then I walk.”
If he’d turned pale after I caught him jerking off to my client’s exclusive content, he all out blanched at my threat. It wasn’t a hollow threat either. I’d leave my shattered heart on the floor of his bedroom to stay true to myself. After all I’d been through, I owed myself that respect.
“Fuuuuuuck,” he hissed again, gripping the back of his neck and cursing again at the ceiling.
“Time’s ticking, Scout. I suggest you hurry up and get this over with.”
“Fuck, okay!” he yelled. “I’m your client, okay? I’m him. Mr. S.J. Deaton. It’s me,” he cried, pressing the side of his hand to the center of his chest.
I searched his imploring gaze. “You’re lying.”
The subtle shake of his head made my heart plummet. “I’m not. I created a pseudonym and had Leif draw up the contract. It’s all legal, but if I’d made it under my legal name, you wouldn’t have accepted. I wouldn’t have been able to protect you.”
“I don’t need protecting,” I yelled in his face. “I don’t need a knight in shining armor assuming that I need his help. I can fend for myself!”
“I know you can,” he roared back, face reddening and shoulders set. “If anyone can look after themselves, it’s you. What I didn’t want is someone taking advantage of you. Exposing you. An ironclad NDA doesn’t mean shit to someone whose intentions are to expose you regardless of legalities. Just look at what happened to Holly and Isaiah. I couldn’t bear for there to be even the slightest chance of that happening, so, I lied to you, knowing that you’d still have a decent income even if we didn’t make it. Knowing that you’d never be taken advantage of by another client.”
I folded my arms and bit back, “And who’s to say you wouldn’t break the contract if we broke up, then tell the world?”
He pressed his hand flat to his chest then, and his voice grew gritty. “Because no matter what happens between us, I respect the fuck out of you, Remmy. You’re tenacious, strong, accomplished, and passionate.” Scout took a small step closer. “You’re an icy breeze in the middle of the desert: welcomed and full of promise, and enough to turn a man delirious with longing.” He erased another half-pace between us. “A mirage he can see and feel but can’t touch.” Then another. “A craving, an addiction that can never be satisfied.” And another. “Ever,” came his last whisper directly against my lips. “For as long as a man can live.”
My eyes fluttered closed at the whispering pass of his mouth. Not a kiss. Barely even contact but brimming with truth and promises that ached in my chest. One traitorous tear slid free, only for its short life to vanish on the end of Scout’s thumb.
“That, honey, is the wholehearted, uncensored, ugly truth. And if you still don’t believe me, you can ask Leif.”
With my heart breaking further by the second, I whispered, “I’m sorry.”
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for,” came his gruff reply.
I shook my head, forcing my eyes to open and lock with his. “I do. I’m sorry I assumed… I assumed the worst. I can’t believe you went behind my back though. Why didn’t you just tell me?”
His bright brown eyes seared into mine. “Would you have signed the contract?”
“No,” I answered straight away.
He gave a single, knowing nod. “And that’s why I kept it secret.”
A deep breath rushed out of me. Neither of us moved. No further words filled the close space between us, only silent apologies and prayers for forgiveness.
I forced down a swallow though it did nothing to ease the lump in my throat. “I understand why you did it. I would have done the same for someone I wanted to protect.”
Scout’s reciprocated swallow sounded as painful as mine was. “I’d do it again if I had to.”
Nodding, because I believed him, I murmured, “I know.”
The warmth of his palm pressed to my cheek, and I closed my eyes as I leaned into it.
“I love you, honey. With everything that I am.”
“I l—”
An incessant honking horn filled the background. And another burst of adrenaline cut through my chest, snapping me from the weight of our confessions.
“Fuck! The Uber! He’s still waiting for me. I forgot my wallet and—” I stopped short as Scout stepped back, hand falling to his side.
He looked so lost, so dejected that my mind once again went blank.
It took a small smile from Scout and him whispering, “Go,” to spur me into action.
I dug through my strewn clothes until I found my wallet. When I stood and whirled around, Scout hadn’t moved an inch.
He dashed his head to the side, just as the Uber honked again. “Go, babe.”
“Okay.”
Body numb and mind running so fast I couldn’t see, let alone think straight, I hurried down the stairs, tripped while rushing to step into my slides, then ran to the awaiting car. I threw myself into the backseat amidst apologizing profusely for keeping the driver waiting and promised to give him a huge tip.
Despite his grumbles, he obliged in resuming our journey across town. With each block we drove, my stomach hollowed further. I second-guessed my actions. Questioned my rush to flee. And the farther we got across town, the louder the voice in my head got: You’re making a mistake .
The nagging became persistent. Constant. As unrelenting as the twisted knot in my stomach. It began to make me nauseous and created a sense of panic I wasn’t used to feeling.
Unable to stand it a minute longer, I leaned forward in my seat to talk to the driver.
“Sorry to be a pain in the ass, but can you please turn around one last time? I need to go home.”