Chapter 51
— Remmy —
I heard Scout pull in the driveway and the car turn off, but he still hadn’t appeared in the house.
Worry had me padding to the front window and peeking out of the sheer curtains.
It took a few seconds to process what I was seeing, then my heart dropped painfully. Consumed by panic, I sprinted to the front door and ran down the porch steps.
“Oh my fucking god, what happened?” I cried as I reached his car.
I tugged on the driver’s door handle, but it was still locked, and I started slapping the window when Scout still hadn’t acknowledged me.
“Scout? Scout! Open the door!” I pounded the windows with my palms, desperately glancing between the garden rocks and Scout sobbing his soul out into his hands.
“Fuck!” I shouted. “Scout, open the door— now !” My hands slammed onto the window again with force that made him flinch.
He glanced up, finally, and his expression broke me. Devastation lined his handsome face and filled his red eyes with a fresh sheen of tears. His chest heaved as he gulped rapid breaths, and fuck, I felt utterly helpless.
“Open the door, Scout,” I said again, voice only slightly raised yet shaking with fear.
After a visible gulp, he slowly, numbly, popped the door open from the inside. I tore it wide open before he had a chance to push, then hauled him from the driver’s seat.
“What happened? Has someone died?” So many more questions flooded my head as he looked at me with an unfocused gaze.
Without warning, he gathered me into his arms and hugged me so damn tight I couldn’t breathe. I clung back just as hard, not daring to utter another syllable, scared beyond belief, yet so relieved to physically hold him.
Silently, I laced my fingers with his and led him into the privacy of his home. It was a quiet cul-de-sac, but there were always prying eyes.
“I feel sick,” he groaned as soon as we were safely sealed inside.
I took his face in my hands and rubbed my thumbs over his high cheekbones. “Have you been sick?”
He shook his head. “No. I want to, but I’m trying to fight it. I don’t know if I can though…”
No way was I going to let his demons get the better of him.
“I got you,” I hissed, then urged him into the separate living room. I sat on the floor, folded my legs, shoved a pillow in the hollow, then slapped it. “Lie down on your back with your head resting here.”
On a dejected sigh, Scout complied. Slowly, he lowered himself to the plush gray carpet and positioned where I told him to.
Looking down from above, my heart broke again. He pressed both heels of his hands to his eyes for the longest time while his chest heaved in and out. I smoothed my hands up and down his arms until his breath settled again, then slowly guided them away from his face.
“It’s okay,” I murmured, massaging his temples with my thumbs before moving to his cheekbones. “Remember what Toni said: inhale through the nose for four seconds, then exhale through the mouth for four.” I paused speaking while he complied, then whispered, “That’s good. And again. Keep going.”
Over and over, he completed cycles of breath work with his eyes closed, while I soothingly rubbed various points on his face. We remained like this for minutes—long after my leg sparkled with pins and needles—saying absolutely nothing.
Then out of the silence, Scout’s thick voice broke the bubble. “The Bears’ GM was at the ballpark today. He and Bobby had a meeting with me.” Scout visibly fought back tears, and he faltered. “They, uhh, they suggested I take an early voluntary retirement.” His voice cracked on the last word, sending a splinter of devastation through my chest.
“Oh my god,” I whispered, pressing my hands to his shuddering chest. “I’m… I’m shocked .”
“You n’ me both,” came his gritty answer. “But that’s not all.”
My heart took another dive. “Oh no.”
“Yeah, oh no.” Scout scrubbed one hand over his face, then looked up and back at me. “It wasn’t just early retirement they offered. It was a transfer of sorts… To San Antonio as the pitching coach for a new Texas team reentering the league.”
“What the fuck?” I exclaimed. “They fire you in one breath, then offer a replacement job the next? What the fuck ?”
Scout’s gaze held mine. “Yeah.”
“So playing is definitely out of the question?” I simply couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want him to have to give up his career so easily, especially without warning. My gut churned with anger for how out of the blue this seemed. He was still healing, goddammit.
“’Fraid so, honey. Given my age—” He ignored my snort and continued “—and being a pitcher, it makes sense to retire me early with only a season left on my contract.”
“Still, it’s shit.”
He hummed but didn’t say anything more until I asked, “So what about this new team?”
I’d move across the world for him if he wanted me in his life. A part of me still believed us being together was too good to be true, even after all these months. But I was all in. No questions asked.
“San Antonio Sluggers,” Scout murmured, staring directly at the ceiling. “No longer the Lone Stars .” He scoffed as his eyes glazed over, and he fell silent, visibly sorting his thoughts before he snapped his focus back to me. “It’s probably still a year away, and as much as I don’t want to leave the Bears, I need to think long-term.”
I rubbed my thumbs over his jaw and smiled when he let out a sigh. “And what if the team is shit?”
“That’s one of the risks. There’s no guarantee this team will last the mile. They could be a one season wonder. They could be at the bottom of the table.”
I knew what that was like, and it gave me a surge of determination. “And if they are, you fight your way up. And you keep fighting until you prove everyone wrong, until you can point at those naysayers and say I fucking told you we could be great right to their faces.”
Scout studied me from where he lay in my lap. “Spoken by someone who’s been there.”
“I’ve lived it, Scout. It’s fucking horrible, but nothing is more satisfying than rising when no one thought you could.”
He nodded a little. “I like that you can put stuff into perspective for me. It makes the news seem a little less demoralizing.”
Despite smiling, my belly churned. “So, what did you say?” I whispered.
Scout shrugged against my bent knees. “I said I’d think about it. I’ve played forever. Pitchers in particular have a short expiry date, and mine’s come ’round sooner than what I wanted. Coaching in the MLB is the next best thing to playing.”
“Well, what’s stopping you from saying yes?”
Scout’s lips pressed together and worked back and forth. As his dark gaze moved from the ceiling back to me, another weight stacked on my chest.
He breathed out one word that cut deep. “Us.”
I wouldn’t be the one he gave up his dreams for. I wouldn’t stand in his way either. We’d overcome too much, loved too hard, to simply abandon the things that made us who we were.
I shook my head. “It’s not a factor.”
A crinkle pinched between his eyebrows, so I made it super clear for him. “Take me to Texas, Ace.”
His eyes widened like he wasn’t expecting that response, and he rolled onto his stomach, then rose to his knees before me.
Hell, I could go wherever and do what I did. I’d overcome the most terrifying situation and had risen from rock bottom. Moving four entire states away was nothing I couldn’t handle.
“Just like that?” he asked, running a thumb across my cheekbone. “No questions asked?”
I made a flippant gesture with one hand. “Yeah, why the hell not. I do have one condition, though.”
“Anything.”
I smirked and kissed his palm. “Take me to Gatlin Falls first.”
A wide grin split his face and erased some of his devastation. “Now that I can do.”